Chapter 2: Alesha

Part of you had thought this day would never come. But on the other hand, part of you had always known it would. You had always been in love with Matt. From the very first time you saw him, the new kid on the block, trotting along in Ronnie's shadow, you had felt something for him. At the time, of course, it hadn't been anything more than puppy love. He was pretty, sure, but maybe just a little too pretty. And he definitely flirted too much. But the more you got to know him, the more you came to realize that the playboy face and attitude hid a heart of gold. He could do so much more than flirt. He was funny and clever and sweet, and in no time at all, his courage and his loyalty to the people he cared about had cemented his place in your heart.

And now, finally, you were going to marry him.

The day was perfect: warm, but not too warm; bright and sunny; just a faint nip of fall in the air as the earliest of the leaves began to change color. You and Matt had decided to forgo many of the aspects of a traditional wedding. Neither of you were particularly close to most of your families, so you had opted for a small ceremony: just your cousin and Matt's younger sister, and Ronnie, James, Natalie, George, and some of your other friends from the CPS and CID. You've altered the usual wedding fashions as well. Your dress is a pale blue, and Matt's bowtie and cummerbund are a brighter blue, somehow managing to match both your dress and his gorgeous eyes.

Not that you'd seen him yet. That particular tradition was one you'd chosen to keep. You wanted that moment, the one where you saw each other in your wedding clothes for the first time and the sight took your breath away.

The moment doesn't disappoint. When you see him, every image of your wedding that you ever fantasized about as a little girl vanishes instantly, because Matt Devlin easily tops them all. And when he sees you, his face is the cutest you've ever seen, adoration shining from his eyes as he watches you walk slowly toward him. You know this is the most perfect moment of your life.

The two of you had a lot to talk about before you got married. You knew Matt had baggage. Hell, so did you. But neither of you were willing to let it stop you, so it all came out. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

You had always suspected that Matt had been abused as a child. Now you knew you were right. As it turned out, his father had been a heavy drinker, and Matt, as the smallest, youngest, and most introverted of all the boys in the family had been the one to bear the brunt of his father's violent behavior. That was probably why he was so careful to keep Ronnie from falling off the wagon, you realized. He had a real father figure now, and he was terrified of losing that. It was heartbreaking to listen to him talk so matter-of-factly about everything, and even worse when it suddenly hit you that the personable, outgoing Matt Devlin that you thought you knew so well was the direct result of what his father had done to him when he was young. And you could see in Matt's eyes that he knew it, too. You know you'll never forget the words he said in that moment.

"I always thought that maybe if I could be like everyone else, he'd like me more. So I tried to – to make myself like them, and now… now I guess it's just who I am. Only sometimes, I get so tired, and I feel like I just can't do it anymore. I have to go home and make some tea or read a book and just… be alone." And then he looked up at you with so much vulnerability in those honest baby blues that it made you want to cry. "I made myself what I thought he wanted me to be, but it never helped. He still got drunk and he still – still beat me. And now what scares me the most is where I'd be if he hadn't. The thing is, it –" He paused for a long moment, struggling either to come up with the right words or to regain control of his emotions. "It just hurts," he said finally, his eyes again begging you to understand. "It's terrifying and it hurts, knowing that if he hadn't done what he did to me, I probably wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have you, or – or any of this. I want to hate him, but I can't. He spent so many years abusing me, and I'm still stuck feeling like I – like I owe him something!" His anguish and frustration were obvious by the time he finished. You could tell he'd never told anyone else about this before, not even Ronnie, his best friend and practically his dad. It was overwhelming to realize that he trusted you so absolutely, more than anyone else he knew, and you didn't know what to say, so you settled for holding him. The two of you laid there on your couch, your arms around him and his head on your shoulder while you played with his hair, feeling him slowly relax against you. And after a long time, it was Matt who finally broke the silence.

"You know, because of what he did to me, I never… I never feel safe with people. Once I get to know someone, I can be comfortable, maybe, but safe is so different. Until I came to the CID, I didn't even know what it was. But then I met Ronnie, and – well, to be honest I think I annoyed him at first," he laughed quietly, "but after that, once he got used to having me around… one day he just started treating me like I was his own kid. It was the first time I had any idea of what it was like to have a proper dad. And the first time I ever felt safe." He looked up at you again, brushing a hand over your cheek. "You were the second. The first time I met you, I knew there was something different about you, because you made me feel safe." That had been the end of most coherent conversation for that particular night.

Not too long after that, though, you had discovered that another consequence of his father's mistreatment was that he was afraid of becoming a father himself. He was convinced that he couldn't do it, afraid that he'd mistreat his own children in the same way that his father had abused him. But you knew very well that he wouldn't. Matt was the kindest man you'd ever known, and you'd never seen him drink nearly as heavily as his father apparently had, so matter how stressed he was. Matt would be a wonderful father, and you were quick to assure him of that. You couldn't be sure that he had entirely believed you, but at least he was open to the possibility of children now, and that was all you really wanted. When the time came, he'd find out that you were right.

As for you, your biggest issue for a few years now had been the continuing aftereffects of your rape. That had come up fairly early in your relationship, the first time you had been with Matt. By now, you know you'll never forget it, but it no longer has any hold over you. Matt is just so different from Merrick. Everything he does when you're with him is so gentle, so passionate. He never stops being concerned about you, about whether you're happy and comfortable and enjoying yourself. And with him, you always are. With Merrick, you'd seen nothing but malice in his eyes; with Matt there was nothing but pure love. This amazing young man had claimed you, body and soul, and you knew you would always be safe with him.

And now here you are, your hands held tightly in his as the two of you recite your vows, as you slip the wedding bands you picked out onto each other's fingers, as you share your first kiss as husband and wife.

After the ceremony, when you finally manage to get a moment to yourselves at your reception, the first thing Matt does is kiss you soundly, pulling you against his chest and smiling as you snuggle into his arms. You never tire of the way he feels when he holds you, those strong arms a warm, loving barrier between you and the unlucky rest of the world.

"So what do you think, then?" you ask quietly, smiling up at him. "Alesha Devlin? Alesha Phillips-Devlin?"

"I think you should do whatever you want, love," Matt answers, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of your head. "As long as you're my 'Lesh, it doesn't matter so much what comes after."

"You know I'll be your 'Lesh as long as you're my Matty," you tease.

He laughs. "Forever, then."

You hum contentedly, pressing closer against his chest. "Phillips-Devlin is a little long, don't you think? I never wanted a last name that was too long."

"No?"

"No. I think I'll be Alesha Devlin."

Matt hugs you tightly, sounding thrilled. "Matt and Alesha Devlin. Sounds amazing, doesn't it?"

You sigh contentedly. You're almost positive you've never been so comfortable in your entire life. "Sure does."

You remember the night Matt proposed so clearly it's as if it happened yesterday. He had invited you, Ronnie, and James out for dinner at your favorite restaurant, as the four of you had just completed a particularly difficult case, Matt and Ronnie finding the evidence that enabled you and James to secure a conviction at the last minute. The four of you were in a celebratory mood as you arrived at the restaurant.

"Hope you made reservations, Sunshine," Ronnie remarked, eyeing the queue ahead of you.

"Course I did!" Matt answered cheerfully. "They're under 'Phillips-Devlin-Brooks family." Then he frowned. "Or was it Brooks-Philips-Devlin? Or maybe Devlin-Phillips-Brooks-Steel –"

You socked him playfully on the arm. "Matt!"

He grinned. "My bad, it was just Devlin."

You, Ronnie, and James just had to laugh at his innocently teasing face. You knew Matt Devlin would always have a special place in all of your hearts – a cheerful, joking, eternally sunny place. And he was all yours… soon to be even more so.

The overall impression you remember from most of that night was just plain fun. Ronnie and Matt were always an entertaining pair, and the two of them had managed to keep you and James – as well as each other – in stitches for the entire meal. Looking back, it was probably a miracle that any of you had managed not to choke. And then afterwards, while you were all waiting on dessert, the mood had suddenly shifted, becoming quieter, almost expectant, although you had no idea why. But then Matt had pulled a small box out of his pocket and gotten down on one knee, and before you knew it, the four words you'd waited most of your adult life to hear the right man say had come out of his mouth.

You didn't even need to think about your answer. Matt Devlin was definitely the right man.

"Yes!"

Matt's smile was gorgeous as he slipped the beautiful engagement ring onto your finger, while Ronnie and even James had cheered raucously, resulting in a round of applause from the rest of the establishment as well. You rather thought the applause was well-deserved. After all, you and Matt made a very cute couple, even if you did say so yourself.