Dolomeet 3
A voice beckoned gently now its time to go
A Requiem played as we begged for forgiveness
Don't touch me I said, I've got unfinished business.
- Unfinished Business
I don't own Homestuck
"Blast," the elderly gentleman yelled. He stood, watching his body, slumped over on a table bleeding out.
Grandpa Harley had just been shot through a combination of his granddaughter and supernatural dog.
Judging from the way she was holding the pistol, he concluded that she almost shot herself and that Bec had teleported the bullet away.
"Well dammit Bec couldn't you have teleported it somewhere that didn't end with me dead?" he said.
"Grandpa?" Jade asked, going to her grandpa.
His arm hung limply over the side of the table, and Jade grabbed and shook it.
"Grandpa?" she asked again more urgently.
"I'm here Jade," he said, trying to grab her, but she could not feel his touch.
Harley tried ceaselessly to make Jade notice him, as she began to cry trying to get his lifeless body to move.
"Sir, you're dead, you can no longer interact with her," said a voice.
He turned around, and saw a woman approach him from across the fields. She wore a green dress, and had grey skin. There were two protrusions on her head which were yellow and orange.
"And who exactly are you?" he asked, trying to grab a gun that he surely had on him
"No such luck," he thought.
"I am to be your guide of sorts," she said.
"Well, it was nice meeting a pretty thing like you, but I really must get back to my granddaughter," he turned back to her and began trying to move her again.
"Sir, your time on earth has ended I'm afraid," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Harley gripped her wrist, spun, and flipped her over, she landed in the field on her back, stunned.
"By Gum, my granddaughter is trapped on an island in the middle of nowhere, with a corpse for a guardian and no one to care for her, the hell if I'm just going to ascend out of here,"
He grabbed his corpse, and tried to jump into it.
"Come on, I can do this, Frankenstein style,"
When that failed, he looked to his blunderbuss.
"Okay, screw Frankenstein style, we're doing this Herbie the love bug style," he grabbed his gun and stared intently at it, unable to move it.
He shoved his head into the barrel, trying to enter it.
His companion stood up, and smoothed her dress
"May I ask what you're trying to do?"
"I'm trying to force my spirit to enter and possess this weapon, so I may give her guidance and wisdom from beyond the grave! I'll be her Grandpa Gun," he declared, trying to get his head into the barrel.
He tried this for several more seconds, before giving up and declaring it stupid.
"Wait, her dream robot, of course!" He declared, slamming his fist into the palm of his hand.
"I'll be a robotic version of her, and then give her wisdom and guidance from beyond the grave!" With this, he absconded to his home.
His companion turned toward him and said, "Sir you cannot interact with the living, period, while there are circumstances where this could work, you cannot-"
"I'm on my way to become a girl ghost robot and you can't stop me," he shouted over his shoulder.
She sighed, and shifted the scene. They now were in Jade's room, Harley looked confused as to how this happened, but never the less, he grabbed at Jade's dreambot and tried to possess it. After trying this for five minutes, he gave up his goal of haunting technology and slumped onto her bed.
"God Dammit!" he shouted.
His guide stood patiently to the side, and said, "Sir a period of transition is upon you. You need to shed your old life to move on."
"Lady, I've fought monsters, and ogres, and creatures scarier than you. I have the most confirmed butterfly kills of any man on this planet. One time I got drunk and fought beasts with my imagination, there is no way in hell I'm going to give up now," he said.
With that Harley began to think and pace he must find a course of action, at once.
"You've lived an impressive life, but like all lives it comes to an end, " she said, "you need to accept it."
Harley ignored her, so she caused the area around them to shift, and suddenly they were in a different place, in a yard in fact.
The woman gestured to two children playing in the grass with a dog, and Harley turned to them.
The dog, Halley, or Harley as he was mistakenly called, tackled the girl and began licking her face. She laughed as her brother pulled him off her.
"This is you and your 'sister,' happier times it seems," the woman said.
"Now there Harley, get offa her," the boy said.
The dog barked in response.
The girl laughed, "Oh come on, it's fine."
The girl picked up a stick and tossed it, Halley sped after it.
Grandpa stopped his musings and turned to his younger self, smiling as Halley brought the stick back to her and she tossed it to him. They tossed it back and forth, having Halley run between them, in a vain attempt to tire him out.
Harley looked at the child that was his sister but his smile soured when they were called in by their "mother."
Betty Crocker ordered her children to come inside, and they sulked in. Harley's companion looked at their guardian with wide eyes.
"That's your mother?" she said.
"Of course," Harley looked at the woman, she was young looking, and had a powder white face, no doubt from an excess of makeup. She always had her head covered, for reasons that Harley never cared about, but his sister would find out why later.
The scene dissolves, and reforms.
Harley is a young man in Africa, hunting a tiger. The beast stalks him, little knowing of what the young man is thinking, unaware that he knows the beasts location.
It lunges, and Harley spins to confront it, holding up two pistols.
Cawing and gunfire ensues, and a cut and bloody Harley emerges triumphant.
"Is there some symbolic meaning behind this?" the man asks, looking at his younger self.
"Perhaps," she states.
"I want to see Jade again," he states.
Jade is a little girl smiling and sitting up in bed, Harley sits next to her, stroking her hair.
"please grandpa?" she asks, smiling
"Alright, one more story," the old man says.
Bec is lying in the corner, loyal dog he is.
Grandpa Harley tells her her favorite story, Little Red Riding Hood, and he tells his version, the one she likes.
"Once Upon a time there was a girl with long dark hair who always wore a red hoodie. She was a nice little girl, going off to her Grandfather's house with assorted baked goods."
Jade smiled at this.
"She skipped through the forest, but ran into a wolf. The Wolf smelled her Assorted Baked Goods, and schemed to take them from her. When he found out where she was going, he pointed her in a different and longer route, and she went down it. With this done, he ran to her grandfather's house, knowing to eat him, and then ambush the little girl."
Jade gasped.
"So then the wolf got to the grandfather's house and snuck inside, hoping to catch the old man by surprise. But no sooner did he enter, then the old man Ambushed him!
"Hiyah said the old man as he brought a karate chop down on the Wolf's head," he mimicked the movement to Jade's delight "The old man knew to aim at the soft spot of the Wolf's skull for maximum damage."
"The wolf was wounded, and he rounded on the old man angrily. But the wolf didn't know that the grandpa was trained in deadly hand to hand combat, and several different martial arts. The Wolf pounced, and the old man countered with a ribs shattering punch, beating it down. The wolf charged again, but the man's loyal dog emerged, and bit down on the wolf's thigh!"
Jade's smiling and clapping her hands.
"With this distraction, the man lunged, and went to town on the evil wolf, beating it up. He had the creature in a head lock when little red riding hood showed up."
"The old man is distracted by his granddaughter, so the wolf wiggles out of his old and throws him to the ground."
Jade gasps again.
"But luckily, the little girl keeps a loaded double barreled shot-gun in her bag of Assorted Baked Goods, and she blows the wolf away!"
"Yay," Jade says, clapping her hands again.
He tucks her into bed and wishes her sweet dreams as she goes to sleep, he kisses her forehead, and she laughs at the feel of his mustache. Her robot emerges from the closet. He reiterates his wish for her to have sweet dreams, and not to fly in the house, as he doesn't want the curtains to go on fire again.
Harley sighs at the memory and asks,
"Can I see how she's doing now?"
She changes the scene again, now it draws from Jade's memories rather than his own.
She is currently hunting for frogs in a black/green evening dress.
Grandpa Harley smiles at this Jade's doing well without him, and the scene changes again, to a nightmare she had. A beast with many eyes, mouths and tentacles stares at her, Grandpa Harley stares back, in awe.
Jade wakes up, but he and his guest still stare at it.
"The hell is this?" he asked.
As if in response, the eyes focus on them.
"This isn't good, it's noticed us," the guide said, nervously, "We need to leave now, before-"
The beast tires of their presence, and uses its power to send them tumbling through space time.
He is separated from his guide, and thrown about the narrative.
His guide is blasted back, her own memories over taking her.
Grandpa Harley lands in a city. A portly Ace Detective, lifts up his shirt and jiggles his fat, pulling off a dangerous truffle shuffle attack. However, the old man has dealt with this move before, and counters by kicking the Ace Detective in the face.
Thus he realizes that he can interact with things again, and steals the KEYS that Ace Dick is holding.
He must find a way to get to Jade before –
A blinding flash takes him away from this odd universe.
His guide finds herself in a memory she'd many times hoped to forget. She's in a dark room, a prisoner here.
She struggles to the door, and begins banging on it, begging the memory to end, before her captor enters. The door opens, and the face that appears is one she's come to detest and fear.
She screams then, her composure shattered, and her encounter continues as it did.
Grandpa Harley finds himself on an island, it's very similar to his own, except there are massive alien beasts on it.
He turns to see a boy running through it, firing dual handguns at some crab like monstrosity.
"Boy, you there boy, stop this scurrying about at once and tell me where I am," he says to the boy.
The boy doesn't listen, and when Harley goes to touch him, he realizes that the boy can't feel him. Grandpa Harley is still a ghost here.
The boy pulls of a conventional Youth Roll to evade the corpse of the crab monster he's slain.
"Those are some impressive moves boy, even more impressive is your interest in wearing shorts that short," Grandpa Harley says to the boy, noticing his pants.
Harley sighed, he'd hope that his meeting with the fat detective had shown that the monster made him live again, but no such luck.
"Darn and blast," he swore, before the energy accumulated and teleported him away.
He appeared in front of the guide and another woman. He recognized her, as he'd given her and another gentleman a ride on his battleship. Both turned to him, surprise evident, and he was teleported away before he could say anything.
= Teleport back to the guide.
Grandpa Harley had a sudden urge to return to his guide, and the next teleportation returned him to her.
She shook her head to clear it of the memories she'd just re-experienced.
"Look sir, your efforts to reunite with your daughter are admirable, but you must accept that you are dead," she said to him.
"Never, I am not letting Jade die again," he said defiantly.
= Decide to stay dead
Grandpa Harley decided to stay dead,
"Wait, what?" Harley said.
"What is it?" the guide asked.
"There's a voice in my head that told me to stay dead," he said, confused.
"Perhaps you should listen to it," she said.
= Do a silly dance
Grandpa Harley successfully resisted the urge to do a silly dance.
"I think it's an after effect of what that horrorterror did, you need only ignore it and I'm sure it will go away," she said.
"How come it could see us?" he asked.
"They have power beyond any I've seen, they occupy a reality where space and time fluctuate erratically, they do as they please," she said.
= Use KEYS to convince Guide to make you come back to life.
Grandpa Harley took out the CHAINGUN and pointed it at the guide, demanding she return him to life. She tells him that she cannot, and shooting her does not seem to work.
"Damnation," he yelled throwing down the now useless gun.
"Sir, Please," the guide shouted, "Sir, I know it's hard, I know you're trying, and I know you want to see your grandchild again, but you simply cannot. You are dead, your life has come to its end, and you have to let go. Sir, I've met dozens of people going on trips to the afterlife, and even at their most difficult, they all accepted the loss in the end. Please understand, I am not trying to keep you here. I have no control over your demise, but I am here to help you make your peace.
Harley just glared at her as the scene changed.
Suddenly, three gentlemen approach them, one large Red and meaty, one rotted and grey, and the final one the man Harley kicked in the face.
All three lift up their shirts.
"Oh no," Grandpa Harley whispered, knowing full well what they were about to do.
All three initiated a highly dangerous TRIPLE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE SCUFFLE.
Their attack inflicts devastating damaged on Harley and his guest. Harley dropped the KEYS and they were blasted away.
They tumbled through an ever shifting and blurring scene until the guide righted herself and shifted put everything into focus.
The devastating assault stopped whatever it was the Horrorterror did to them.
The guide shifts the scene to Jade, now a young teenager, slowly looking for frogs on a planet in a far off world.
The guide gestures to Jade, happily looking for frogs, as a friend in some shades goes about assisting her.
"Your daughter is alright, her dog got her to maturity safe and sound," she said.
"So Bec came through," Harley said.
Jade was chatting to her friend as they gathered frogs for some machine.
Harley watched as some black dog headed monstrosity descended on them and attacked, it would not attack her for some reason, as she shot at him.
Harley nodded in approval at Jade's choice of weapon. He was mildly disturbed when the monster directed her bullets into her friend, and even more disturbed when she kissed his corpse, though his guide informed him of the purpose.
After that, she seemed to regard the monster less, treating him like a dog. Harley would have bitten his nails if it wasn't the gentlemanly thing to do, but she seemed at ease with the creature.
It wouldn't attack her for some reason, almost as if it-
"Oh my god, that's not Bec is it?" he asked the guide.
"It's complicated how he came to be, but I can assure you that is not your dog, in fact your dog is the reason why he won't attack her," she said.
"And where is Bec now?" he asked.
"That is complicated to explain as well," she said.
Before he could say anything else, the scene shifts to the two of them on top a tower, with Jade examining some object falling towards them.
Grandpa Harley gasped, not only was it a bomb, but it was rigged to… shaving cream.
Any self respecting man with a moustache as fine as his knew the dangers of shaving cream, it was too flammable to be left to small children.
"Jade move!" He shouts.
She continues to stare at it, questioning what she sees.
"Jade, move dammit, run away, Jade!" He continues to shout and tries, once again, to grab her and yank her out of the way.
"Jade, please," he said, quieter now, as the package makes its final descent and explodes.
Harley stands there, looking at his granddaughter's corpse, once again.
Harley simply stares at the body at his feet.
"She's dead, again," he said in a monotone, "Take me somewhere else, not a memory, just somewhere without death."
The scene shifts again.
They stand in a room, a desk stands between three chairs where three men are currently about to play Hungry-hungry hippos. Harley can only recognize one, a gentleman with a distinct nose who he once gave a lift to in the Medium. The other is a very large thuggish looking man, and the final one is a skeleton like figure in a black cloak.
"I could not take you to a place without death," the guide says, "I can only show you scenes to help you cope with your loss and move on. If you do not wish to see them, you may wait here."
The figure in the black cloak, Death, for certainly he can be no other, beckons for you to sit down.
"What?" Harley asks.
Death reveals to you that they are playing Hungry-Hungry Hippos, he, along with Mr. Egbert and Mobster Kingpin chose this game fully expecting a fourth player.
"Stop talking like that," Harley said, annoyed.
Death is confused as to your reaction to him. He is pleased that the guide has brought you here, and he does confirm the idea that she is not his foxy handmaid, such a handmaid does not exist.
"For Chrissakes, stop talking in the second person, it's really rubbing me sour,"
Death apologizes for this change of tone to you. He really is sorry, but that is simply how they speak in this plane of reality. The fellow to his left, Mobster Kingpin, demands to know if you gotta problem with that? You inform him that you do not, but in a way that indicates if you did, you'd take him on.
You kindly inform Death that you do not wish to play a game with him. He says oh and puts the game away, MK and Mr. Egbert seem dismayed at this. He takes the game of Battleship out and hands it to the two while he goes up to "talk" to you.
Mr. Egbert and MK go about playing the game, MK is the aliens who are totally not a rip off of Transformers, and Egbert is the humans. Mr. Egbert believes that his son's fondness for movies of this quality would endear him to this experience, as he has his Rihanna piece fire a shot off.
Death goes over to you, the guide informs him of all your "shenanigans," and Death responds neutrally. Death asks you to walk with him, and tells the guide to go watch the two men play their board game (the rising Sun has given Mr. Egbert the advantage).
Death informs you that he is familiar with your situation. You question this and he responds in the affirmative. Death tells you that part of the reason that he hired the guide is to handle situations like this, they make his job harder and provide plenty of stress. Her demeanor with the souls does help. He informs you that his job as psychopomp isn't an easy nor rewarding job, and taking on help, like her, really helps. Yes, that sentence is as dumb as it sounds, he informs you, showing that he did not misspeak.
You ask death if you can be brought back. Death responds in the negative, but he informs you that Jade will meet you again, somehow, and not through his realm. When you ask him to elaborate he refuses to.
He tells you, with finality that only he can give, that you are not only dead, you are done, done with the mortal plane and all of its toils and triumphs. You return to the game, the large man, MK, has just won, defeating Mr. Egbert's Liam Neeson cameo.
You inquire as to why they stay here. MK informs you that he has no desire to move on, while Mr. Egbert isn't ready just yet. You ask him if he's waiting for the lady that was with him when you gave him a lift. He smiles and says yes. He chats to you a bit about their adventures and untimely death. He tells you of the son he's lost, and you tell him of the granddaughter you wish to see.
You are surprised to know of his parentage, this gentleman seems to be your non related nephew, or something, your own parentage confuses you.
Death informs the guide to show you a final scene from your granddaughter's life.
She nods and takes your arm, leaving the limbo realm. Once again, the scene shifts.
Harley looked around, they were on a golden battleship, and several odd creatures bustle around them.
"Where are we?" he asks.
"Your daughter's current whereabouts," she says.
"Thank god we've finished that second person gab," he says.
"It is something one needs to get used to," she says.
She points him to Jade, talking to a boy who's orange and has wings.
She grins at him, and he gives her a subdued smile.
She kisses him on the cheek and they go their separate ways.
Harley notices her Dog-ears
"Would it take too long to explain her ears?" he asks the woman.
She nods the affirmative.
He walks behind his granddaughter as she heads to her room.
"God, damn this is a nice ship," he said, as she rounded the corner.
Jade went to her room, and climbed into bead, choosing to sleep in her black PJ-esque robes.
Harley sat down on the bed next to her, and put his hand on her head. He strokes her hair, much longer now, and says.
"Jade, I know you can't hear me anymore, but you know I love you. You grew up into a fine young lady, and I'm sorry I missed it. I know Bec did just fine."
Harley continued to sit next to her, silently stroking her hair.
"Jade, I have to go now, but I want you to know that your Grandpa is proud of you." He cast a glance at her ears, "And I'm sure Bec is still watching over you."
He then stood and walked toward the Guide.
She nodded and the scene shifted.
They stood in front of a massive glowing house symbol.
"Sburb, that blasted game." Grandpa muttered.
The door opened, light poured out, and the guide pointed toward it.
"This is the last stop isn't it?" He asked.
"I'm afraid so." She said.
"Well, okay, I'm sorry for shooting you, and assaulting you, and screwing this whole escorting to the afterlife up." He said.
"Oh it's alright," The Guide said, "Transition is hard, and I've felt worse."
Harley extended his hand, and she shook it.
"Thank you for letting me see Jade again."
He then ascended the few stairs into the door, and stepped through the light into what was beyond it.
The Guide stood there as the door closed, and the scene shifted once again.