I came to a skidding stop in front of Jacob's house. Of course it was my luck that when I stepped out of my truck I happened to step right into a muddy puddle. Great, and when did it start pouring ? Huh I must have been completely lost in thought on my way to La Push.

I sighed and slammed my rusty door shut. I'm sure Jake would crack a joke or two about Bella, the wet noodle. I ran to the front door and pounded on the door for someone to let me in. Strange , Jake was usually the one pulling me out of my truck before I could register the action. Where was everyone?

As I turned from the door I couldn't help but notice my reflection in the front window. Jeez I look like a joke. My boring unstylish hair hung in wet strands around my face. My face looked ashen and sickly , my cheeks protruding from my face. When did I loose this much weight? I must be down a good 15 lbs since Ed . . . since he and the rest of the family left me. My boring clothes hung on my frame loosely.

No . How did I allow myself to become this pathetic heartbroken girl? When did I allow a person to yield so much power over me? Power which was used to break and kill a part of me when he abandoned me without a backwards glance.

" Bella? Bella honey is that you? Why are you standing in the rain like that?" Emily's voice jolted me out of my trance.

" Huh, um yeah I 'm looking for Jake do you know where he is?" Did he not want to see me anymore ? Oh god please don't tell me he finally grew sick of Bella the zombie.

" Billy and Jake had some errands to run in Port Angeles. Something about wrestling and broken furniture….? " she laughed shyly. " You know how the boys can get when food is involved."

Oh fabulous what was I supposed to do now. If I didn't get Edward of my mind soon I was going to trigger one of my panic attacks and then go catatonic again. On top of that I just felt water seep into my gym shoes. Eww.

" Earth to Bella. Earth to Bella." How long has Emily been calling me? Damn she must think I'm a bigger freak than she probably suspected.

" Awww, honey come on you look like your in need of some good old girl talk. Well get you into some dry clothes and then have a girls night. I'm sure if you let him know Charlie won't mind at all."

Two hot chocolates and a set of dry clothes later I was feeling much better. Emily was fidgeting with a napkin and trying not to stare at me too much.

" Just spit it out Emily. Tell me how stupid and pathetic I am. Tell me I'm disgusting for loving a vampire."

" No. I will not say that because I don't believe any of it. Honey you cant help who you love. That's the way love is. In that way it's both a beauty and a curse. You were in love with a v.. .a boy and that boy broke your heart. It's understandable to be brokenhearted and upset. But honey you need to begin the process of moving on and healing. You cannot wait for someone who is not coming back. He left you and for that he is a stupid boy."

Sigh. She was right and we both knew it.

" I just feel so empty Emily. I feel a void of emptiness running through my heart. I've started to look back at these last few months and I'm soo tired of being hearbroken. I no longer have any ray of hope that he will come back. I still feel like crying but don't want to anymore. Im so terrified that this pain and this sorrow will always be a part of me now."

Keep it together Bella. Don't cry. Talking is theraupetic even if its not talking with Jacob. Maybe its better its not Jake. He wont have to know just how crazy you are.

" He was everything to me Emily. Everything. My heart wants to remember everything but my mind wants to forget. I want to have someone to love but I 'm afraid I cannot. He stole my dreams and crushed my future. I want to smile but all I end up doing is crying."

My voice broke on the last word and suddenly I found myself cradled in Emily's arms.

" Honey, honey it will get better I promise. I know you are still hurting. I know that I really do. But maybe its time to take him of the pedestal you have placed him on and realize that maybe there is someone much better out there for you sweetheart."

Well of course we both knew she was referring to Jacob. Sigh. It seemed like everyone in La Push wanted me and Jake together.

Emily and I sat embraced together on the living room couch for a very long time. Silent tears streamed down my face, but neither of us spoke anymore.

On the very last edge of consciousness I registered Jake untangling me from Emily's sleepy embrace and cradling me in his warm arms as he carried me back to his home.