Saturday 20th July 2013
Day one of spoiling Maura has now commenced! First order of the day: breakfast in bed, followed by... well, wouldn't you like to know?
Yes, in fact I would like to know, Jane. And I would feel much better eating breakfast at the table as per usual, do you have any idea as to the amount of blattaria and other insect life forms we are inviting into our bed if I drop so much as one single crumb?
...What is 'blattaria'?
Cockroaches.
Oh, that's nasty. We'll wash the sheets afterwards. It will be fine.
But...
No, Maura, it will be fine. I am spoiling you today, and that means you are not allowed to mention any insect life forms, especially 'blattaria'.
... I suppose I can handle that. So what are we doing today?
You're like a kid on Christmas morning, Maura! You'll just have to wait and see.
I remember Christmas mornings as a child. I was not allowed downstairs until 8am, and it was so hard staying up in my bedroom alone, waiting until that time came. Then we had to eat breakfast before I was allowed to open my gifts.
Frankie, Tommy and I used to jump on our parents at 4am, screaming 'it's Christmas time' and singing Christmas songs. Breakfast got eaten at 5am, and we had to wade through all the wrapping paper to get to the kitchen.
You know, Jane, I... I am very fortunate to have my mother and father. But sometimes... I am a little bit jealous of your family.
There's no need to be jealous anymore Maur. You've been a part of my family for years, it's just official now. Off serious topics now, and ready for a day of fun! Are you ready?
I suppose so...
You're going to have a blast Maura, don't look so worried.
20th July 2013
Well, I think that we can call that day a success!
I did have rather a lot of fun.
Hmm, still so sure you can win this competition, Maura?
Oh, I'm pretty sure I've got it covered.
Pretty sure, huh? You're guessing?
No, I'm not guessing, I am collating the evidence and making an informed theory based on my knowledge.
That's called guessing.
Is not. Now, are you going to tell the story of what we did today, or shall I?
Is too. I'll tell it, if you like.
Okay, but I reserve the right to inject my own comments along the way.
...You don't need the right, you do it anyway. Usually snatching the book right out of m...
:-)
MAURA! Oh, stop trying to look so innocent, you're bad at it.
Okay, as to the story of what we did today. First of all, I presented Maura with breakfast in bed (and may I mention that there is absolutely no sign of blattaria life now?)
They are most active of a night time, so there wouldn't necessarily be any proof of them just yet. Did you know that there are sites on the Internet that claim that a person eats up to 4 arachnids and/or insects per night in their sleep?
...I did NOT need to know that.
Oh, don't worry, Jane, those claims are highly inaccurate. It is more like 12 arachnids and/or insects a year.
... Still did not need to know that.
You don't find it interesting?
No.
I find it interesting...
... I'm going to get on with the story now and pretend I didn't read any of that.
So, after breakfast in bed, I told Maura to get dressed in comfortable clothes. She came out wearing a dress and heels.
They are very comfortable, Jane!
They may well be (which I highly doubt) but they were not quite the comfort level I was after. So after getting changed into a t-shirt, jeans and running shoes, we headed out the door.
I will mention too that as soon as we were in the car, Jane reached over to blindfold me.
Yes, I did, and don't think I didn't catch you trying to peek anyway. So we drove for a while, and then pulled up outside this huge exhibition centre, and I guided Maura out of the car (who was still trying valiantly to peek at her surroundings). I led her inside, showed the ticket man our entry passes and walked into the large room.
It was an Experimental Biology exhibit and it was absolutely fascinating!
That's Maura speak for: there were lots of weird stuff around and lots of people that used big words, the same as Maura.
Jane. It was an exhibit designed for scientists and researchers in the fields of anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, pathology and pharmacology to get together and discuss the strides made to the field of science.
See what I mean? Big words. Anyway, so we spend several hours there wandering around (and I have never felt so unintelligent in my life), and Maura had an absolute blast.
The exhibits they had were simply fascinating! And you are not unintelligent, Jane, it is simply that your areas of expertise lie elsewhere.
Anyway, after that I took Maura to her favourite restaurant by the water for fancy food I couldn't pronounce, and then we went to an amusement park.
I have to admit though that I still feel extremely confused as to the choice of an amusement park for our day together.
Well, I was just thinking about what you've said about your childhood and I thought that maybe you hadn't had a chance to experience one properly yet. I wanted to give you something in the morning that would satisfy your not-so-inner geek, and something in the afternoon that was... I dunno, just for you, I guess.
Oh Jane...
What?
You pretend to be a badass but you're really a sweetheart.
Vomit, am not. Speaking of vomiting, I almost did when you made us ride the rollercoaster 9 times in a row!
Oh, but weren't you absolutely exhilarated at the rush of endorphins and the activation of the sympathetic nervous system? I have faith that you would not have voided the contents of your stomach, Jane, your hypothalamus is far too mature for that; it would have prevented you from becoming over-excited.
... Do not tell me how mature my hippopotamus is. I'll have you know my hippopotamus is very immature and almost caused me to 'void the contents of my stomach' on YOU.
Hypothalamus.
Same thing.
Oh Jane. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful afternoon.
Ha. So, I'm pretty sure I have you beat.
Oh, I wouldn't be so confident about that.
...What are we doing tomorrow?
You will have to wait and see.
Oh come on Maura, that's not fair!
It is entirely fair, you made me wait.
That's different.
Why is it different?
...Because you weren't as curious as I am?
Good try, Jane. You will still have to wait.
I'll do that thing that you like with my tongue.
Hmm... okay.
I'm still not telling you though.
MAURA!
Sunday 21st July 2013
MY DAY TO BE SPOILT ROTTEN! ... and I can't find Maura. Where's Maura? Why am I asking a diary?
Ah, found her. Well, okay, she came in the room, requiring no actual sleuthing on my part but anyway. Found her!
Indeed. Are you planning to get up and have breakfast?
She left the room again! I gave her breakfast in bed yesterday and now I have to get up? Humph. At least my day is totally gonna win.
Though maybe I don't want breakfast in bed, thinking about what she said yesterday about bugs... oh what just touched me?! I'm getting up.
Today is my day for spoiling Jane, and she is currently hopping around the kitchen as though she had taken some kind of substance.
What are we doing, what are we doing?
Patience.
I don't wanna be patient; I wanna know what we are doing!
Currently, you are leaning against the counter eating the delicious pancakes I made for you, while I sip on a delightful white tea.
Was that sarcasm?
Possibly. Well, we are just about ready to go, but I do have to tell you one thing. Diary stays here.
What?! But... Maura! It came with us yesterday...
But we didn't actually write in it until we came home. It simply makes more sense to leave it here so we don't lose it.
... But... okay... :-( Bye diary...
21st July 2013
Hi Diary! Maura, I think it missed us.
It is an inanimate object, Jane.
Is not. It's Diary.
Did you have fun today Jane?
YES!
Aha, just as I suspected. I won.
Wha... wait, no, you did not WIN.
You just said you had fun. Ergo, I win.
You had fun yesterday too! And, ergo, really?
Yes I did have fun yesterday. But I want to win.
What, so you just think I'd let you win? Because you want to?
Stop looking at me like that Maura.
Stop it!
Seriously, Maura. You do not win just because you think you can get away with anything.
Maura.
FINE YOU WIN. IT WAS AWESOME AND I LOVED IT AND YOU KICKED MY BUTT, HAPPY NOW?
Yes, thank you. I had a feeling I would win.
*grumble, grumble* TELL THE STORY, MAURA.
Ooh, grum-py. Well, today we went to Fenway Park to see the Red Sox play.
We were in the grandstand!
And after watching the game, I took Jane down to meet the players.
! How did you wrangle that, by the way?
I have my ways. Then David Ortiz gave Jane a few pointers on her batting stance while Koji Uehara threw a few balls for her to hit.
He pitched a few balls, Maura. Oh it was so amazing. I was so excited.
I could tell. After that, we had the afternoon free, so I made a picnic for us to take to a local park, and we just sat there, ate and cuddled until it got dark. We packed up, and slowly walked home, kissing in the starlight.
...Okay, fine. I admit it. You legitimately won. It was an amazing day.
Were you implying before that I did not legitimately win? Jane.
No... not... exactly. Um. Oh, I think it's time that I thank you for our day together now!
What? I... oh. Mm. Goodbye Diary.
END CHAPTER THREE
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