Umm... yeah, so, the end of this chapter is where the M rating comes in. First time trying to write something like it, and it was kinda odd doing it in this format. Strike that. VERY odd. Let me know how I went? *hides*

Monday 22nd July 2013

Maura's talking to me but I'm not listening. Don't tell her.

Jane!

Diary, you snitch.

Jane, this is very important!

So why aren't you actually talking to me anymore?

Because apparently you have developed an unhealthy attachment to this book and writing in it is the only way to get your attention.

I do not have an unhealthy attachment, and 'this book' is called 'Dia...' Fine, I'll listen.

Okay, in the interest of keeping you updated, Diary, Maura wished to discuss our behaviour at work, i.e. how we act around others, who we tell, etc. And basically, to sum up a REALLY long conversation, we are not going to advertise our relationship but we're not going to actively hide it either. We've already covered telling the important people (Ma, Frankie, Tommy, Frost, Korsak and I'm pretty sure Cavanaugh knows as well, even though we haven't actually told him. Us both suddenly taking a month off at the same time might have possibly given him a hint though), so everyone else can speculate to their hearts content. Oh, and we're not going to let our relationship affect our professionalism, which is a no-brainer anyway.

We still needed to have the conversation.

I'm not arguing with that Maura, I'm just saying.

But now you have REALLY got to get ready for work. I've been getting ready for 45 minutes now.

That's cause it TAKES you 45 minutes to get ready. It only takes me 2, less if I get changed in the car.

Well, we need to get going in two minutes so get moving!

Gah. Fine. Later, Diary.

22nd July 2013

So I made the unanimous decision (I voted, and I won!) to keep the diary with me at work, but Maura didn't seem to mind anyway. Feels kinda weird being back after such a long break. Also feels great because I really did miss it (not that much though, sex with Maura is about a billion times better but unfortunately doesn't bring me in money as I'm not a hooker and that would be illegal and wait, where was I?), but it's kinda hard getting back into the swing of things. There's a new detective here, William Harpell, who's been working with Frost while I was on leave but now I'm back he's being partnered with Riley. He seems okay, but he smiles a bit too much so I'm going to keep an eye on him.

22nd July 2013

Murder. Boston doesn't believe in even giving me one day to catch up, does it? In the car on the way there now.

22nd July 2013

Teehee, Maura looks so sexy. She's standing over a dead body.

What's wrong with me?

22nd July 2013

On the way back to the precinct now. First thing Maura said to me was not 'cause of death is still undetermined' or 'there is a reddish brown stain coming out of what appears to be a severe lack of head-dominal cortexy something but I will have to run comparison tests to be sure', but 'I've been thinking about our wedding day!' This was our conversation:

J: *approaches* Hey you. *smiles* What's this look like to you?

M: Oh, Jane! Hi! I've been thinking about our wedding day!

J: He died because of our wedding day?

M: What? No, of course not, but I was thinking about ways we could compromise on various aspects of our wedding.

J: Like what? Wait, no. How do you do this to me?

M: Do what?

J: WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS HEAD, MAURA?

M: Oh. *looks at body* Well, it's been decapitated. So, I was thinking we could have it at Fenway Park, and...

J: *rolls eyes* HOW was it decapitated?

M: *continues*... instead of wearing a... what? Oh. It was something very sharp.

J: Oh, thank God you're here. I would never have guessed that.

M: You're welcome. So, instead of you wearing a Red Sox jersey...

J: A Red Sox... Maura, that was my fantasy when I was young, it's not necessarily my dream wedding now!

M: So what would you like to wear then?

J: I... CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE VICTIM INSTEAD OF OUR WEDDING?

M: There's no need to shout, Jane, I thought we agreed that we were going to be fairly discreet about our relationship?

J: You... but... I... *growl* *walks away*

M: What did I say?

That woman is going to be the death of me, I swear. Ah, but what a way to go...

22nd July 2013

I still don't understand what I did that was so wrong. We need to start discussing plans for our wedding.

Over a dead body, Maura?

... Okay, I will admit that I possibly could have chosen a more appropriate place to commence our discussion.

Hmm. I'll say. Anyway, so after Maura signed off on release of the body, we headed back to the station where we started trying to figure out what happened to this guy. Well, there's nothing quite like jumping right into the deep end, is there?

Tuesday 23rd July 2013

Another body with the head decapitated was found last night. Have not found a single shred of evidence to point us to the killer. Very frustrating.

And every time I go downstairs, Maura grabs her laptop and starts showing me multiple pictures of identical bunches of flowers, asking me which I prefer.

Why me?

23rd July 2013

I stole this off Jane's desk because she has been busily avoiding me all day. All I want to do is get a head start on the planning of our wedding and at least begin to formulate some ideas, but apparently I'm not supposed to.

I ensure I do my job first and foremost and let Jane know of any discoveries I have made, so I don't know why she's being such a twig in the dirt. But anyway, it is now payback time:

Dear Jane,

I love you so much. Do you want to know what I am doing right now? I'm sitting in my office, my door locked, and I am remembering the first time we had sex. And I do mean sex. Fucking may even be a more accurate term. Making love was to come later, but this was raw, animalistic, our needs and desires taking over basic human function. I know you remember, and I can picture you sitting at your desk reading this, pushing your thighs together as you try to tame the raging inferno that is steadily building inside you as you absorb my words, but let me remind you as to the details...

You had come over to my house. You were angry, wanting to know why I hadn't called you after your letter declaring your love for me. I was upset, nervous, scared to try something new but you stepped closer, you invaded my space as no one else ever had in my life up until then. Oh, they had been allowed close to me physically, but I have never had anyone invade my space both physically and mentally the way that you do. As you spoke to me, I barely heard the words. My heart was racing in my chest and my knees felt weak, and I felt as though my eyes were glued to your lips. I could hear myself replying to your words, but I felt as though I was hearing them from outside, as my whole being was drunk on your smell, on your proximity. I could feel my underwear growing damp and I stepped closer to you. You stepped closer still and my head tilted up, seeking your lips, seeking you, and you did not disappoint. You leant your head down and kissed me. I made fun of you later for your claim that you felt fireworks go off beneath your skin, but I understood the feeling all too well in that moment. It was invigorating, intoxicating, and we only kissed for mere seconds before I felt a wildness surging up inside me, a crazed beast I had no hope of controlling. I nipped and bit at your lips, your neck as my hands frantically began pushing and pulling at your clothing. You moaned desperately against my skin, growling in my ear when eventually your jacket lay on the ground and I had access to your neck. Pushing you up against the door frame, my hands raced up and down your body, trying to learn your body's secrets as quickly as I possibly could, even as our tongues danced together. You were holding onto my hips and you broke away from my kiss to moan as I pressed my thigh in between your legs, your thigh pushing against my centre in turn, so I started kissing your neck again, intent on marking you as you had marked me.

"Oh God, Maura," you whispered, beginning to grind tightly against my leg as I blindly began unbuttoning your shirt, listening to your breathy moans in my ear. You seemed to realize that you had not been participating in the removal of clothing and reached around to my back, finding my zipper and starting to unzip me, when a sudden knock made us both jump and turn around guiltily, but the noise was just Bass knocking his shell against a side table. We grinned at each other, and took in each other's dishevelled appearances. Suddenly, you appeared to remember that we were standing in an open doorway as you yelped and stuck your head outside, glancing in both directions. Luckily the street was deserted, so you turned back to me and grinned again. I started laughing, and took off up the stairs to my bedroom, clothes trailing behind me as I ran. I heard the front door slam and your laughter as you chased me, and then we stood in my bedroom. We were both completely naked by that point and my thighs were drenched in my need. I wondered vaguely if I should feel embarrassed, but that thought disappeared the second you stood a little bit closer and I got a whiff of your addictive scent. Suddenly I was in your arms, or perhaps you were in mine? and we had tumbled on the bed in a desperate scramble of arms and legs. My thigh went between your legs again, and your thigh pressed tightly between mine. We started rutting together, grunting and groaning and I began to moan and pant in your ear. We both reached our orgasms after mere minutes of this frenzied activity, but our need for each other was not sated at all. You rolled us over so that you were on top of me and started kissing down my body, while I writhed wantonly, desperate for your touch. When your mouth finally reached the areas I needed you most, I think I stopped breathing.

Did you know that I have never been a screamer during sex, Jane? I've never made much noise... but with you, I cannot control myself. I have no hope of controlling the noises that come out of my mouth, the profanity that spews so wantonly from me... that is what you do to me Jane. Just the thought of your mouth and your fingers now make me want to moan out loud. I have never orgasmed as much or as hard as I have when I am with you.

Sex lasted hours that night, and it was only in the early morning that we finally made love for the first time, and I began to whisper all my hidden thoughts to you. Do you remember that, Jane? Do you remember what I whispered to you that beautiful morning?

I told you that you were beautiful, sexy, amazing, the most incredible person I had ever had the pleasure to know.

I told you that I needed this, that I needed you.

I told you that I loved you.

I told you all the things I wanted to do to you. I wanted to taste you, to fuck you with my fingers, to make you orgasm so hard that you screamed and passed out.

I also told you I wanted to wear a dildo so I could fuck you properly.

Now, Jane...I have done most of those things already. But that last one... that one is the one thing I have not done. I went to the adult store today, and I found the appropriate appendage for this particular desire.

Hurry home.

I love you,

-Maura

23rd July 2013

Ha, Maura took the diary at some point today. Wonder what she wrote. Stuff about the wedding, no doubt.

Twig in the dirt... really Maura? I think you meant 'stick in the mud'.

Not so much about the wedding then...

...Oh... holy... fuck...

Going home now.

END CHAPTER FOUR

*peeks from behind hands* Reviews? Please? *hides again*