Wednesday 24th July 2013
Hmm, so that was a pleasant night.
If the guys ask me why I'm limping, you are NOT ALLOWED to answer them.
Unless you lie. Yes, just lie.
I can't lie, Jane, you know this!
I know that Maura, I was just teas... you know what, never mind. Thank you for last night; it was just what I needed.
I told you that sex has many beneficial properties. It releases immunoglobulin A, which helps to ward off colds, it is a fabulous stress reliever, and studies prove that it is also beneficial for healthy brain development.
It is also AWESOME.
I believe I made that point with my earlier statement.
No, you just rambled on about its benefits. You didn't say it was awesome.
Fine. It is also awesome. Happy now?
Yes, thank you. :-)
Ahhh shit. Another phone call, another dead body. This is getting ridiculous. Gotta go to work, talk later Diary.
24th July 2013
Huh. Well, we have now been joined up with Riley Cooper and the new guy, William Harpell, to solve this case. Not sure how I feel about that.
24th July 2013
Oh for fucks sake. Korsak took one look at me and asked why I was limping. I told him I hurt my foot, at the exact same time that Maura started coughing wildly. The coughing then dissolved into badly disguised giggles. Korsak took one look at her, one look at me and raised his hands, saying "You know what, forget I asked. I don't want to know."
MAURA!
I can't help it, I was just thinking about the real reason and it resulted in a pulmonary aspiration.
A what?
My water went down the wrong way. Hey, so I was thinking about our wedding. What colour scheme do you prefer, red and white or purple and white? I thought perhaps red and white as they are the colours of the Red Sox...
Oh my G... sure babe. Whatever you reckon. Oh wait, people are expecting me to get some actual work done now. Gotta go.
Oh, but I also wanted to discuss flowers and who are we going to have standing up alongside us? Jane?
Jane's ignoring me. Hmph. Fine, I'm going back downstairs.
I will leave this diary here though since she seems to be rather attached to it. I don't even think she writes in her individual diary anymore. Though, come to think of it, neither do I.
It's more fun writing in here with you, that's why I don't write in my own diary anymore. I love you.
24th July 2013
REALLY not sure about that William Harpell fellow. Why does he keep smiling? There is nothing to be THAT happy about.
I don't know, Jane, you should see yourself in the mirror. You've got a smile pretty much permanently glued to your face too.
...Maybe, but my smile isn't creepy. His is.
It is not. His face is very symmetrical, and
If you even think of writing that he is attractive, I will hurt you.
I was going to say that SOME people find that attractive and not creepy at all.
What do YOU think though?
I don't know. Do you think... never mind.
What?
It's not important.
Maura.
Do you think he looks at me a bit too much?
Huh. Haven't noticed, but me thinks I will be keeping a close eye on him from now on.
Oh Jane.
Thursday 25th July 2013
Not much to write about today, but had a break in the case. Found four severed heads in a freezer. Unfortunately, this also means that we are on the hunt for at least one more body. Anyway, the crime lab technicians are dusting the freezer for prints now, while Maura does her thang on the heads.
Jane... I just realized that quite a lot of this diary will have to be left out when it comes to giving a copy to our child/children. And how exactly would we explain what it is we do?
Easy, I catch the bad guys, you help me figure out who the bad guy is.
Hmm, I suppose...
Look sweetie, we don't have children yet. And as much as I would love to have them with you, I think that this is a case of counting our chickens before they hatch, or, to be more accurate, stressing heaps before we have anything to stress about. We will figure everything like that out together when the time comes. Now will you please find me my bad guy so I can go arrest them?
I love you.
Love you too.
Friday 26th July
Almost the weekend, doo dah, doo dah, almost the weekend, doo dah doo dah daaaaay!
I am unfamiliar with the tune you appear to be attempting to convey.
It's Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.
Oh. Right.
You don't know what that is, do you?
...no, not really.
Okay, fine.
Jane... are you researching?
Possibly.
Why?
I know you like knowing the origins of things, so... okay, here we go.
"Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" is a song from the Disney 1946 live action and animated movie Song of the South, sung by James Baskett. With music by Allie Wrubel and lyrics by Ray Gilbert, "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" won the Academy Award for Best Original Song. It was the second in a long line of Disney songs to win this award, after "When You Wish upon a Star" from Pinocchio.
For many years the song was part of an opening theme medley for the Wonderful World of Disney television program and it has often been used in other TV and video productions by the studio. It is one of many popular songs that features a bluebird ("Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder"), epitomized by the "Bluebird of Happiness," as a symbol of cheer.
Did you just copy that word for word from Wikipedia?
I... don't want to answer you.
Jane.
Yes.
Hmm. Okay, well, while that's very nice, why don't you sing me some of the lyrics?
That is a very catchy tune.
I know! And it's very appropriate for the way I've been feeling since our first kiss.
Write the lyrics down please.
Why?
I want to remember them. It can be our song.
What? No!
Every couple is supposed to have a song, Jane, I read it... somewhere.
Have you been reading Cosmo again?
...maybe... skimming the headlines... a bit.
Uh huh. See, the thing with couple songs is that they're supposed to be, I dunno, romantic or something. Not a Disney song.
Since when do we ever do things normally? Please Jane?
Stop looking at me li... Gah! Fine.
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-Day
My oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-Day
Mr Bluebird on my shoulder
It's the truth
It's actual
Everything is satisfactual
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah
Zip-A-Dee-Day
Wonderful feeling
Wonderful day
And that's all I'll write cause the rest of the song is pretty much just repeating the same things.
Love you.
Love you more.
Saturday 27th July 2013
Jane is in a mood at the moment, so I'm writing in the diary. It's rather adorable when she pouts.
I'm not pouting, and it's not adorable.
Why are you pouting Jane?
... not pouting.
Hmm.
I'm not!
Okay, then.
... HARPELL HIT ON MAURA TODAY.
He did not hit on me, he smiled at me.
He's not allowed to.
Need I mention that he has actually been doing that a lot lately, and the only reason you have started noticing is because I brought it to your attention?
I'm gonna kill him.
Please don't, I would hate to be restricted to appreciating your body as infrequently only once a month or less during conjugal visits.
...Fine. But I'm letting him know you're mine.
Rather territorial there, Jane.
Hell yes I am.
Okay, here's the story. Maura and I were on call today. We both got a phone call at 7am this morning, telling us that they'd found the 4th headless corpse we'd been looking for. So we had to get out of bed and put clothes on...
And that put Jane into a bad mood to begin with.
And they would understand why I was in a bad mood if they had a chance to see you naked. Which they WON'T. ESPECIALLY Harpell.
I agree, of course they won't.
Teehee. Anyway, so blah blah blah, we got out to the crime scene and find that Korsak, Frost and Harpell are there already, but apparently Riley had taken a personal day. And Harpell turns to look at us, says "Ladies," all smooth and snake like, then proceeds to look Maura up and down, smiling at her!
You know, Jane, it is entirely possible that he was simply admiring the expert stitching and design of my Daniela Corte dress.
... Yeah, no. I know what he was admiring, and it certainly wasn't the dress.
Hmm, I must say that this possessive streak is creating rather an unexpected reaction in my body.
Unexpected? Hmm, do go on.
Oh, my face feels flushed, I'm fairly certain that my pupils are enlarged, not to mention that my vaginal epithelium has begun to swell and exude a slippery fluid…
… That means you're turned on, doesn't it?
Hmmm…
Goodnight Diary.
END CHAPTER FIVE
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