Love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love,

I'm just falling to pieces.

"Wreck of the Day" – Anna Nalick.

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" There you are Bella! A was a little worried that Jacob would never give you back," Emily smiled at me sweetly and motioned for me to take a seat next to her. I squeezed myself between her and Seth. Jake sat down and leaned against one of the boulders across from me and started talking with Sam. Every so often he would catch my eye, and a slight, soft smile would twist his lips. More often than that, I would feel his gaze scorch my collarbone, the shape of my ear, the side of my thigh, and look up just in time to see his eyes sliding quickly and guiltily away.

I rolled down my jeans stretching my legs out and looked around at everyone.

Mike was engaged in a heated discussion with Steve, Paul, and Embry. Something about car performance? Tom was busy replenishing everyone's drinks. Ben and Angela were stretched out on a blanket looking at stars.

She looked up at me and mouthed the words, " are you okay?" I nodded.

Jessica and Lauren were still openly ogling all the guys. Lauren must have sensed me looking at her because she suddenly turned and looked at me. Her expression showed no remorse for what she had said earlier. She held my gaze for a few seconds before turning away.

" What's up with the matching tattoos on the arms?" Jessica asked no one in particular as she examined Seth's tattoo on his right bicep. " Are you guys all in a gang?" she was looking at Paul now. "Or is it a Quilette thing?" The whole pack laughed loudly before Leah spoke up.

" I guess you could say it's a Quilette thing, except it's more exclusive. Notice I'm the only chick with a matching tattoo. I suppose that means I'm cool enough to run with the boys. Right guys?" She shot the whole pack a glare daring them to say otherwise. Jessica looked impressed.

" We all missed you at our bonfire tonight, " whispered Emily to me quietly. " I'm sure Jacob filled you in on the occasion and I'm even more positive that you must feel guilty for not coming." She leaned in closer. " I just want you to know that it's okay. Jake really isn't mad about it. He only wants to make you happy and he knows it's been a while since you've hung out with anyone except us." She gestured towards herself and then the pack. Her kind words made me feel a little less guilty.

" You guys are all so big." Jessica quipped as she appraised all the guys now. "They must be feeding you something special on the Rez. I bet nothing scares you!" her last words slurred.

" Vacuum cleaners used to freak me out when I was little, " piped up Seth. Everyone roared with laughter.

" Cockroaches freak me out the most, but lizards and hamsters scare me too, " Emily said as she shuddered. Sam rolled his eyes before holding out his hands for her. She went over and snuggled against his chest.

" Clowns. Grown men with makeup and red noses. How weird is that?" asked Paul.

" I was scared of all the characters on Sesame Street," announced Quil.

" Predatory animals," Lauren spoke up. " Bears, lions, tigers, wolves, even sharks and wild pigs. We heard a wolf howling earlier. That's why you'll never catch me in the ocean or in the forest." Both Lauren and Jessica looked at each other and nodded in agreement. The whole pack had a range of amused expressions on their faces. Emily giggled into Sam's chest.

" What about you Bella? What's your biggest fear?"Tom asked as he casually threw an arm over my shoulder. He was sitting in Emily's previous spot. I never noticed him come and sit down by me.

Even though I wasn't looking at him I could feel Jacob stiffen. His anger and jealousy rolled of him in a slow wave that everyone caught up to as soon as it washed over them. When I looked over at him, he was glaring at Tom's arm around me. Both his hands were visibly trembling. I found that a little surprising- he didn't usually loose his calm so quickly- he learned to control his temper. Wondering if he could feel Jacob's glare, I looked up at Tom. He was still looking at me, grinning. " Well Bella?" He winked. Avoiding his gaze, I looked down tapping my fingers against my knee nervously. I pretended to think about it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emily murmur something to Jacob. Everyone besides Lauren were staring at either Jacob or Tom. Lauren was glaring daggers at me. She hated whenever I received any male attention. Jacob had no right to get so angry, I wasn't his, we are only friends. This is why it isn't a good idea to blur the lines of our friendship. In that second I felt myself become a little irritated with Jacob Black.

I furrowed my brows and pursed my lips. " I can't really think of anything that frightens me. I never had any weird phobias growing up. Vacuums , really?" I laughed looking over at Seth. He nodded and broke out into a smile- his eyes trained on Jacob the whole time. I decided I wouldn't show how much Tom's arm around my shoulders actually bothered me. I would let him keep it there for now- it's innocent enough. I didn't have the guts to look at Jake. I knew this would hurt him, but he needed to be reminded of the fact that we are only friends.

Tom smirked, " Too bad, I would have loved a chance to protect you." I heard a few loud snickers at his comment. Seth noticed Tom's empty cup and quickly got up to replenish his drink. I noticed he poured almost no soda in it.

"Spring break is coming up in a few weeks, do you guys know what you're doing?" Lauren asked drunkenly, looking around at everyone. Shrugs or murmurs from everyone . Jacob pretended he didn't hear the question and continued to stare daggers at Tom's arm. His jaw was clenched and his posture was rigid. He was upset. " My parents own a beach house right on the water. There's plenty of privacy, spare bedrooms, and even a pretty decent swimming pool. Who's up for a few days of fun?" Lauren asked wiggling her eyebrows at the guys.

" Count me in!" yelled Mike. He was having a hard time sitting up.

" I'm so there," rasped Jessica.

" Sounds like fun. I'll have to talk to my dad first, but I'm sure it will be okay, " Angela chimed. She looked excited at the prospect of spending a few days in a beach house with Ben.

Lauren focused on me then. "How about you Bella? I'm sure you could use some time away from Forks," she sneered. Emily shot her a death glare but she didn't notice. I could feel Jacob watching me, waiting for an answer.

" Your right, a few days away from Forks sounds like a good idea," I flashed her a fake smile.

" Well if Bella's in, count the rest of us in also. Right boys?" The pack nodded. "Spring break at a beach house it is!" Emily seemed genuinely excited at the idea.

" I wouldn't miss it for anything, " answered Tom when Lauren looked at him questionably. I could feel him leering at me. His thumb stroked back and forth across my collarbone just once before Jacob flew to his feet and through gritted teeth announced he is going for a walk. He began to tremble right before I lost sight of him behind the boulders. Embry got up and followed after him silently. This is why it's not a good idea to continue and allow him to push the boundaries with us. I needed to talk to him about this.

I was looking up at the stars lost in my own thoughts when I felt Tom's stale breath on my neck." Would you like another drink?" he asked. I was more than a little drunk but I shrugged then nodded. He got up and wobbled around the bonfire looking for the alcohol. He had to lean on Paul as he made me my drink. After the laughter died down he handed me my glass. I took a sip. Was it just me or did each consecutive drink taste better and better? I finished my glass rather quickly. Alicia Keys Sleeping With a Broken Heart came on the radio, but unlike all the other times I heard this song, this time I had no urge to cry. It might be because I focused my attention on a different line in the lyrics. Yes, I will find a way to make it without you. One day. I knew that Edward was forever scratched into my heart with jagged glass. No, no don't let your thought wander there. I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes as the words that broke me to a million pieces flowed through my head. Fat, warm tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. My eyes clamped even tighter and my face contorted in the effort it took not to release my tears. My brain was savaged with memories of him, of them.

Edward left me. After all that we had been through together, after all that we had, he left me. We loved each other- at least I thought we did. He left me, he abandoned me after promising to love me forever.

Cringing, I shivered a disgusting gloom that permeated down my bones. I was surprised at the intense anger that simmered right below the surface. I was suddenly jarred from my thoughts when Seth's large hands picked me up and twirled me around. " Let's dance!" he yelled.

Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain was blasting on the radio. I didn't feel self conscious about dancing, not with this much liquor coursing through me ,but I did feel like a tiny rag doll dancing with Seth. Angela was dancing with Ben and Mike even joined in with Jessica. I noticed Tom sleeping in the tent. I didn't see Lauren anywhere. The whole pack fought over who would dance with me next.

It felt good to just let go and be free. I'm pretty sure they all orchestrated this little performance after they saw me struggling to keep my tears at bay earlier. I didn't understand their need to protect me. All I did was just hurt Jake repeatedly.

" Suddenly the day turns into night! " yelled out Paul and Seth excitedly, pumping their fists into the air. Uh no, their going to sing along now. I couldn't stop the fit of giggles that escaped me.

"The moon appears to shine and light the skyyy!" Hollered Quil as he dipped me and then twirled me around the bonfire.

Jacob's booming laugh startled all of us. He was sitting down in his previous spot laughing hysterically with Embry. None of us heard them return. Alright, considering I was surrounded by werewolves I was probably one of the only people not to hear them return. For a split second Jake's eyes slid to Tom's sleeping form.

I flew into Jacob's lap. " Are you okay? Are you mad at me?" I asked him quietly. His hand started rubbing soothing circles into my back.

" You're impossible. I thought I told you I can't be mad at you Bells, "he whispered back. His wonderful scent washed over my face – forest and spice. I was home. I turned around and sat down between his legs. He raised his knees and rested his forearms on them. I was completely surrounded by Jacob. His massive frame that screamed of power and muscle, of dominance – none of that was present now. His posture radiated protectiveness and love. His body heat was so intense that I could feel it wrap around me like a wool blanket. I leaned my head against his chest and he rested his chin on top of my head. We were so comfortable with each other, things could be so easy between us. I knew I loved Jacob with all my heart, but was I in love with him? No, not quite. I had strong feelings for him but I was incapable of love. I knew that. I also knew I would never put myself in the position for someone to destroy my soul and crush my heart again. I knew Jacob loved me with all his heart. His love for me seeped out of his every pore, out of his very being. Yet, with a heavy heart, I realized that just because he could vow his unnerving love to me now didn't mean that he could not imprint on someone tomorrow. He would have no choice. I refused, no I could not , for the sake of my own sanity be the next Leah. I would not survive it. Even if one day I was able to put all the pieces of my broken heart back together,Jacob could of course never know the reason why I could never be with him, let myself fall completely in love with him. I know it would be effortless if I just let go, but I had my own survival to think about. He can imprint on anyone, anytime. No, Jake can never find out the reason I hold myself back from falling completely in love with him. He would hate and resent himself for becoming a werewolf. I could never allow that to happen.

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