Wheee, I'm up super early today (it is currently 4:55am on a SATURDAY booo) to go to boot camp. I'm gonna be SORE. Anyways, hopefully you enjoy this update!
Tuesday 30th July 2013
Totally solved the murders. I love that feeling of knowing I've just put a horrible person behind bars… it's the best. Anyway, so Maura is downstairs doing her thing, and I'm up here doing paperwork. Well, I'm supposed to be doing paperwork but… well… it's your fault, Diary. You kept staring at me, feeling all unloved. I was busy all weekend with Maura, but I still love you.
30th July 2013
Should I be getting jealous of a diary?
Shh, Diary, don't tell her about our secret love affair.
Ha ha, very funny.
I thought so! … Hmm, I am beginning to think that you need to come with a warning sticker, Maura Dorthea Isles.
Why is that?
Because you may produce side effects such as smiling like a loon and acting like a goofball. Oh, and I complimented my mother today because she managed to cook little whiskers on my bunny pancake. This behavior must stop.
Well, I am certainly not going to stop making you smile just because you're turning into a sap.
I'm not a sap.
Hmm.
I'm not!
Okay.
Shut up.
Make me.
Dr Isles, is that a challenge?
Perhaps.
Wednesday 31st July 2013
Well, I knew that she wasn't going to be able to last.
Who? Last what?
You.
Me? What wasn't I able to last?
Talking about the wedding at work.
Oh. I'm sorry Jane, should I wait until after work?
No, I just mean… look, whatever makes you happy makes me happy, okay? So just organize whatever you want. Hell, get my mother to help you if you want.
Ooh, really? Okay!
No, wait, Maura!
… well, damn.
Saturday 3rd August 2013
Apologies for the delay in writing, Diary, but life has been crazy the last couple of days. After our last entry, Maura went racing off to find Ma and ask her for assistance on the wedding. Then of course, I got in trouble cause I kinda hadn't actually told her I was engaged yet. We told her about our relationship but… well, anyway. I ended up getting a sore head from where she boxed me about the ears. Meanwhile MAURA, who didn't tell her EITHER, got given ten thousand excited cuddles and kisses and both jumped up and down excitedly like little demented kangaroos or something. SO NOT FAIR.
Oh, and I also got in trouble for not being the one to propose. I mean, REALLY?
Well, you always said that you would be the guy if we got together. Perhaps your mother picked up on that energy and was therefore stunned when it turned out that I was the proposer rather than the proposee.
Hmph. Whatever. I'm still a girl, you know. We're both girls. So why should it have been me?
I know, Jane.
Ah, she's pouting again Diary. Excuse us.
Sunday 4th August 2013
You're the only person I know of who would apologize to a diary out loud.
Jane, you write to it as though it was a real entity!
Do not.
You most certainly do too!
Lies, Diary! She lies about me!
Oh Jane.
And now she's rolling her eyes at me. See what I have to put up with, Diary?
More like, see what I have to put up with.
Nope, Diary sympathizes with me. He told me.
Ha, got no response to that do ya.
Nyah nyah, Diary likes me more than you.
Hmph. Anyway, so today was nice. No work, no murders, so we just hung out together for the whole day and spent time together.
Naked time.
Wha… REALLY MAURA?
What? There is nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual appetite.
There is… it… oh my God.
…Jane just left the room, laughing hysterically. What did I say?
Monday 5th August 2013
OH MY GOD. I just had one of the most EMBARRASSING conversations EVER with my mother. And that's saying something, coming from the woman who decided to tell me all about 'a woman's red monthly flower' IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOPPING MALL. LOUDLY. WHEN I WAS 16 AND HAD BEEN MENSTRUATING FOR FOUR YEARS.
This one was in the middle of the BPD Café. At lunch time.
Here's the conversation:
Me: Hey Ma
Ma: Hey Janie! So Maura and I have been talking about the wedding…
Me: Oh God, here goes… Okay, yes?
Ma: What do you mean, here goes?
Me: Nothing Ma, just nothing. What do you wanna talk about?
Ma: Well Maura and I were talking about wedding lingerie.
Me: You… I… WHAT? *hisses through clenched teeth* Ma!
Ma: What? Lingerie is an important factor to be considered. You want to look nice for Maura on your wedding night, don't you?
Me: …I'm not having this conversation. I'm still at home, in bed with Maura, and I'm dreaming. That's what's happening.
Ma: Janie, please stop kidding around.
Me: Who's kidding?
Ma: Anyway, so Maura was telling me that it is generally the responsibility of the maid of honor to accompany the bride when looking for lingerie.
Me: Hmm. *is covertly looking around, hoping no one can hear the overly loud conversation*
Ma: But Maura also tells me that you are not having a maid of honor. You are having a best man instead.
Me: Hmm. *looking anywhere but at Ma*
Ma: Who will it be?
Me: *grits out softly* Frankie.
Ma: So, do you feel comfortable going lingerie shopping with him?
Me: WHAT?! No! Ma!
Ma: I didn't think so. So, I would like to offer my services! I will be your shopping buddy!
Me: Wh… no, Ma. I don't feel comfortable having you with me either!
Ma: Why not? It's not as though I haven't seen it all before.
Me: *leans in and whispers quietly* And have you considered the fact that you will be assisting in picking out your daughter's SEX clothes?
Ma: … oh.
Me: Yeah. *leans back, nods decisively* I will be shopping by myself thank you.
Ma: *appears to be thinking* Huh. Okay, well how about this, I don't come with you…
Me: Liking the sound of this plan so far…
Ma: But I go through some catalogues with you and help you pick out what would be best!
Me: *gapes*
Ma: For example, yellow does not compliment your skin tone. Ideally though, for a wedding, the lingerie should be white…
Me: *opening and closing mouth like a fish*
Ma: … but we don't want to restrict ourselves. Blue has always looked lovely on you so that might be an idea.
Me: *swallows heavily* Uh, Ma…
Ma: You also don't want something that's going to be too complicated to put on or take off. Particularly for the night's activities if you know what I mean…
Me: OH MY GOD MA!
Ma: What?
Me: I WILL BE PICKING MY OWN… *suddenly realizes how loud am talking, so drops voice dramatically* lingerie, so BUTT OUT. *ignores curious looks being cast in general direction and stalks out of café*
Yeah. So, it's only gonna take me about 20 years to get THOSE images out of my head.
Tuesday 6th August 2013
Maura's at home sick today. She says that it's just a bad cold. I miss her.
6th August 2013
Huh. Harpell just asked where Maura was and slunk away all disappointed when I said she was sick.
6th August 2013
What business is it of HIS if she's sick?
6th August 2013
Okay, yes, it means we have to rely on Dr Pike (ugh) if any bodies turn up today but that's what happens.
6th August 2013
Heh heh. Harpell came over to ask what Maura's favorite flowers were. I told him her favorites were the ones I gave her. He went away after that.
6th August 2013
Stupid Harpell.
Wednesday 7th August 2013
Maura's still at home sick. It's kinda boring here without her. Even though she works on a whole separate level of the building, I know she's here and it's nice. But she's not today. Blah.
Thursday 8th August 2013
MAURA'S BACK AT WORK TODAY YAY.
Aww Jane.
But she's still not really well, so I'm leaving you with her Diary. Keep an eye on her.
Jane has gone back upstairs and I haven't much to do presently. I have missed her during the last couple of days at home. She wanted to take some more time off to take care of me, which was very sweet but not necessary. Besides, I utilized the time off to do some more wedding preparations. I have a wedding book now! Angela has helped me with the alphabetizing, cross-referencing and labeling of each specific section. I am so excited to show Jane!
8th August 2013
Really? A wedding book?
Yes, isn't it exciting?
… do YOU think it's exciting?
Yes of course!
Okay, then I think it's exciting too. Yay. See, excited.
Yes, it is coming off you in waves.
Was that sarcasm?
Possibly.
Hmph. Anyway, we're going home now so we'll talk to you later, Diary!
END CHAPTER SIX
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