The others don't understand. The won't know what it is like, seeing him, day after day, having to choke down my feelings just enough so that they can only see the mask. Even Jason, who knows, doesn't understand. That's why I stay away. I keep my distance and pretend I don't care. Careful to only let myself go when there is certainly no one around to see or hear me. I am alone. It still bothers me, even now, but not as much anymore. It is a fact I have accepted.
I was surprised to see him that night. I was sitting up in my perch. (It was really just the watchpost) It calmed me, being by myself, brooding on my thoughts and feelings, letting the sea breeze tease my hair. I looked down and saw him, his head bent low, staring into the water and clenching the railing of the Argo II sohard his knuckles looked pale, even from up here. Without thinking, I swung myself down and walked silently to stand next to Percy. He was always the one who knew I was there, the one I couldn't creep up on.
Without looking at me he said, "I can't get it out of my mind, Nico." He raised his head and i had to force my breath not to catch at the sight of his beautiful sea-green eyes. "It doesn't go away, the memory." Percy muttered. "It never will, will it?" he asked, sounding more broken and hopeless than i had ever heard him. Gods, my heart bled for him. I had never loved him more than I had in that moment, the fearless Percy showing his weakness to me, his... friend. His friend and nothing more. "No, Percy, I don't think the memories will ever go away." I admitted. "But at least you don't have to bear them alone." percy started at me for a moment. Then, hesitantly, he said; "This is going to be a very un-dudelike request, but will you hug me?" he looked extremely embarrassed, but held his ground. I don't know why, but I had to think about it. Should I? Isn't this what I wanted? to hold and comfort him? "I mean, if you don't- um, I just-" he broke off as I slowly held out my arms. Neither of us spoke as he awkwardly hugged me. Gradually, the awkwardness melted away into something more comforting and whole. Percy shook as he gasped out, "The- the things I saw, Nico-" "I know, man, I know."