Hole in the Head - Chapter 3
I returned to work to finish my shift. The last 3 hours were hard. I kept replaying Kai's words in my head. I couldn't figure out why he was here or why he cared. All those years he just remained cold and emotionless and it used to kill me inside. Now that he's here and caring, it's killing me all over again.
I dragged my feet on the way home from work. I knew Matt was going to be angry. He hates when I talk to other males; he automatically presumes I'm sleeping with them. Plus the fact that him and Kai argued doesn't help.
I paused when I reached my door to take a deep breath before I turned the knob and walked in. The room was dark and I couldn't see 2 metres in front of me. I thought for a moment that maybe he wasn't home since all the blinds and curtains were closed but then I heard his husky, masculine echo around the room.
"Have a good fuck?"
I spun around to find him sitting in a chair in the room. He switched on a light and I looked at him. He looked livid and I couldn't suppress the slight fear that I was feeling.
"I don't know what you are talking about Matt."
"Yeah right you whore. You fucked him, back then and now."
"No I didn't! I wish you'd stop being so judgmental."
Matt stood up and walked over to me in 2 strides. He wrapped his hand around my throat and squeezed it slightly, just enough to let me breathe.
"Don't speak to me like that! Now where is my money!?"
"I don't have it…"
His eyes darkened and I knew I was in shit. He dropped his hand from my throat and for a split second I thought he would calm down, but I was wrong. He lifted his fist and punched me across the face. I flew backwards and fell against the wall. I tried to lift myself up quickly but I couldn't move fast enough. He grabbed my arms and lifted me up roughly. I cried out slightly as I felt my arms beginning to bruise.
"Matt please stop…"
I tried to plead with him but he wouldn't listen. I smelt whiskey on his breath and I cringed as I remembered his violent streak every now and then when he drank whiskey. Secretly I wished that Kai was here to protect me with his strong arms.
I squealed in surprise when Matt threw me on the bed and began tearing at my clothes. I tried to kick him away but he was far too strong. I'm sure a 5 year old could beat me in my petite, fragile state.
"Matt no stop!" I yelled loudly, wishing someone would hear. I didn't want him to do this. This would count as rape. It wasn't the first time though that he's been drunk and tried to force himself on me.
He slapped me across my face and I fell silent as tears started to fall down my face. I finally gave up and just let him abuse me; physically, mentally and emotionally. I felt like nothing and he whispered those exact thoughts into my ear as he pushed into me over and over again roughly. I closed my eyes and willed for everything to just vanish and as usual, I lied there and wished that I was dead.
xxxx
I didn't wake until the next morning. I looked up at the clock and saw that I was 20 minutes late for work but I didn't make an effort to get up. I lied in bed enjoying the silent apartment. I had no idea where Matt was and at that moment I didn't care. I just didn't want him near me. This always seemed to happen though. We'd fight, he'd hurt me, he'd leave, I'd sulk, he'd come back and say he loves me and I'd forgive him. I can never work out why. I think it's because in my heart I know that no one else out there will have me and I should be grateful that Matt loves me.
The old Hilary would have told him where to stick it and have left, but she died a long time ago. Now all that's left is this broken, robotic girl who is me.
The phone kept ringing and I knew it was probably work wondering where I was. Right now I didn't care if I was fired. I was sick of my life. If I had the courage, I would have killed myself a long time ago but I was a coward.
I reached under my bed and pulled out a box. Opening it, I pulled out my syringe and some methamphetamine, also known as ice. I fixed it into my syringe and injected myself letting the cool, calm sensation wash through my body.
Inside I knew I was a junkie but it was just normal to me now. It was like my calming method whenever I was stressed or anxious.
I realized I hadn't eaten in days and my stomach grumbled to express that thought. I couldn't be bothered to eat. Even if I wanted to, I had no food in the apartment.
I jumped slightly as I heard a knock at the door. I ignored it, thinking that the person would go away and stop trying. However, the knocking continued, forcing me to get up and answer it.
I pulled open the door and prepared to tell the person where to go when I looked up and found Kai at my door.
My eyes widened, as did his as he took in my physical appearance, my face and body bruised. My first reaction was to close the door and I quickly tried to shut the door but Kai's foot prevented that and he pushed open the door and walked in. I sighed in defeat and shut the door.
I felt tears push against my eyelids and I forced myself not to cry. Kai just stood there examining me and I had the urge to run and hug him.
"What happened?" His concerned voice was like a comfort to me. It felt good to have someone who cared.
I stayed quiet and just stared at the floor. It was shaking under my eyes. I swayed gently before everything went black. Just before I closed my eyes, I felt strong arms catching me and everything went away.
xxxx
I heard myself groan as I blinked rapidly. I sat up and looked around. I couldn't recognize my surroundings. I was in a large pale blue room in a huge bed. I thought that maybe I was dreaming until the door opened, bringing me out of my thoughts. I watched as Kai walked in with a tray. He glanced over at me and headed over with the tray.
"How are you feeling?"
I couldn't be bothered ranting to him so I answered bluntly. "Fine."
"Hn."
God, I've missed those "Hn's".
He put the tray down on the bed next to me and my stomach grumbled when I found myself looking at mouth watering scrambled eggs. He pushed the plate at me.
"Eat. You are bordering anorexia."
I didn't say anything. Instead I started eating hungrily with my head down so I couldn't see him watching me.
I was perfectly content until he brought up the one thing I didn't want to talk about.
"How long have you been doing drugs for?"
I froze and stared at my plate. My mind went into a frenzy at what to say.
"Why would you think that I do drugs Kai?"
I looked up and saw his eyebrow shoot up. "Maybe because I found your syringe and drug stash?"
I sighed deeply and pushed the plate away. "Don't get involved Kai. This is my life. You wouldn't understand it."
"And you wouldn't understand how you hurt everyone back home would you?"
I felt a guilty stab in my heart at his words. "What do you mean?"
"When you left, everyone went into a depression. Max cried for days, Ray wouldn't speak to anyone, Kenny stayed in his room constantly and Tyson stopped eating. If that doesn't shock you than I don't know what will."
I hung my head in a shameful manner. "I'm sorry."
"Hilary." I looked up. "I might have seemed like a heartless bastard but I did care about you then and I still do. Now that my grandfather is dead, I'm free to think and feel as I wish. I want you to come back to Japan for a bit."
I was near crying as he did his speech. "I can't go back. It's too complicated."
"You're going back."
I didn't say anything. I knew he was right. I didn't have a choice. Half of me wanted to go back. I wanted acceptance and friends again. I want to feel loved and be happy. I nodded at him and sat back.
"Alright Kai. I'll do it."
Yay an update! Sorry it took so long. I've been busy lately. I'm flying out of state tomorrow (to meet Em-Chan yay!) so I won't be updating for at least a week. Thank you to all my reviewers for reviewing the last chapter.
P.S This chapter was dedicated to lovesanime92 :)
Please review!