Chapter 6 – Free Falling

Two months had passed since I had returned and things were almost normal again. I had accepted the fact that this was who I was always going to be whether I liked it or not. The Bladebreakers hadn't tried to contact me and I was fine with that.

Spring was just around the corner and even though it was raining constantly, the smell of change was in the air; and that piece of change was in my hand.

I stared at the cross on the little stick with wide eyes. A thousand thoughts were running through my head. I couldn't understand it and I didn't want to accept it.

I stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Matt looked up from the couch.

"What's with the dumb ass look?" He noticed I had something in my hand so curiosity got the better of him and he came over to look. He threw one disgusted look at the stick and me and took a step back.

"Oh fuck no. Fuck that shit." He sat back down on the couch. "Get rid of it."

"I…" I didn't know what to say. My mind was still trying to process what was happening. I sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. Matt grabbed a bourbon out of the bar fridge and cracked it open.

"Hilary; you don't want a child. Trust me. They are just … argh. Now the proper way is so expensive so how did you want to do this? Punching… down the stairs?"

My eyes widened in fear. I realized how much shit I was in. It was no joke; Matt was serious and would probably do anything to make sure he got his way.

"I'm going to go to the clinic to make sure that the test isn't lying before we do anything…"

"Whatever Hils, don't be long. I'm hungry."

I grabbed my purse, shoved the test in and headed out the door. I walked the seven blocks to our local clinic and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

xxx

"Congratulations Hilary, you are about two and a half months pregnant. You need to gain some weight so the baby is healthy. You are so small."

The nurse looked like she was thinking I was the biggest loser ever and possibly a slut. What could I say to her?

"Thanks… I don't know if I'll be keeping it though."

The nurse pursed her lips and went to her draws and pulled out a brochure and handed it to me. "Here's some information on abortions. You could also consider adoption. Maybe it's for the best anyways."

I held back tears, nodded and grabbed my purse. "Thanks."

I headed out of the clinic. Everyone thought I wasn't fit to be a mother and I had to agree with them. But I couldn't deny that there was something inside of me that was mine. I had two choices; to go home or go on with how things were. I didn't know how to do this…

Xxx

I took a deep breath as I faced the door. I didn't want to face him but I had little choice. I wiped my eyes and knocked. I had shuffling, groaning and a few curse words. I took a step back as the door opened.

"Wha-Hilary?"

I looked up at auburn eyes and I felt hot tears threatened my own as he stood back to let me in. I walked in and waited for him to speak.

"Hilary, what are you doing here? I thought you would be in New York still."

Kai stood before me in a pair of track pants, shirtless and with a concerned look on his face. It was weird seeing it and I had to stop my cheeks burning when I realized how good he looked. After all, he couldn't say the same about me.

"I need… " I didn't want to say the word 'help'. It seemed too needy and it was admitting I was in trouble. I bit my tongue and looked at him, silently pleading for him to understand without making me say it.

Kai nodded and took my bags from me. "You look like you've gained a bit of weight. That's good."

I felt tears again and this time I couldn't stop them. They slid down my cheeks and I covered my face in my hands and cried. How could I have let things get this bad?

Kai pulled a look of concern and pulled me against his chest. I shifted in the warmth as my cheeks blazed red. It was the first time I had ever been in his arms and I had to admit, it made me feel safe and for the first time, it felt like things would be okay.

"I'm pregnant." I mumbled against his chest. Kai tilted his head. "I didn't catch that properly."

I cleared my throat and pulled back slightly and found my feet were suddenly very interesting.

"I'm… pregnant."

Shell shock took over Kai's face and nothing was said from either of us for the next few minutes. We both absorbed this information and I could feel my fear returning slowly. Kai exhaled loudly before speaking.

"How far along are you?"

"Two and a half months."

Kai led me over to the couch and we sat down. He pulled out his phone and began texting. I panicked.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

Kai threw me a glance. "I'm sending the others a message asking to meet me tomorrow. You need all the support you can get."

I ran a hand through my hair. I was scared, confused but for the first time in a while, not alone.

"Stay here tonight and have a good sleep. We'll work things out tomorrow."

I looked up at Kai and nodded. "He doesn't know I left…"

Kai's eyes narrowed slightly. "He doesn't need to know. You don't need him, Hilary. I can see the bruises that are almost faded and I know that things wouldn't be like this for you if it wasn't for him. You need to leave him; permanently."

I hugged my knees tight and stayed quiet. I knew he was right but how could I admit I was wrong for so long? My ego and body may be broken but my pride wasn't.

Kai seemed to sense this and didn't push it any further. "You can sleep in my bed and I'll take the couch."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I'll stay on the couch. It's better than what I'm used to anyways."

"Chivalry might be dead in most cultures, but not in this house. You'll take the bed and rest."

I sighed, admitting defeat and stood up. I grabbed my bag and headed into Kai's bedroom, hearing his footsteps behind me.

"Do they hate me?"

"Don't be stupid, Hilary. You made some bad choices, none of us hate you. We are just worried."

I muffled a yawn, the events of the past few days finally catching up to me.

"If you need anything, just ask. Goodnight Hilary."

I laid down on the bed, my eyes immediately becoming heavy.

"Goodnight Kai" was all I managed to utter before the darkness took me.

Xxx

His face loomed in and out as he hit me mercilessly. I screamed out, begging him to stop but he just laughed. I begged my body to go numb but I felt everything. His fists were everywhere; my face, my stomach, anywhere he could reach.

I felt a kick in my stomach and knew the baby was trying to defend itself. Then it stopped. The movement inside my stomach stopped and I knew it was over. He had gotten his wish. Tears poured from my eyes and I hoped he would leave now. My fears resurfaced when I heard his belt unbuckle.

"It's time to pay, Hilary."

Xxx

I shot up in the bed. The blankets were twisted and damp with my sweat. I had tears pouring out from the nightmare. I cried and I couldn't stop. It felt so real and I knew that if Matt had his way, the scenario would happen in real life.

I hugged my knees and sobbed so loud I didn't hear the door open and the footsteps enter the room. I felt myself being pulled against a chest and the gesture calmed me slightly, but being a paradox; made me cry even more. I couldn't understand that with all the horrible things I had done and who I had become, anyone would even care still.

I don't know how long we stayed like that for, time was irrelevant. All I knew was Kai was not the same person I knew all those years ago. Time had changed him. Or maybe I just never noticed his true personality until now. Maybe it was me that time had changed.

My eyes became heavy again but the nightmare was still playing in my mind. "Stay with me." I pleaded to him quietly. I felt him shift us and my head connected with a pillow. Kai laid down beside me and ignoring my embarrassment, I shifted myself against him. I just wanted to be close to someone. I relaxed when I felt his arm snake around my waist, holding me protectively. It was then, and only then, did I finally fall back into a dreamless slumber where pain did not exist.

Xxx

Sunlight filled the room and I groaned and tried to cover my eyes. I rolled over to escape but found myself against a shirtless chiselled chest. I opened my eyes and felt my cheeks burn as I stared at the chest in front of me. For a moment there, I could have sworn the last day was a dream and I'd wake up and find myself in my miniscule apartment.

I braved it and looked up and found myself caught in Kai's gaze. His auburn eyes stared straight into me, as if he was searching for something.

"Are you hungry?"

I nodded. "Extremely. How long have you been awake for?"

Kai sat up and hoped out of the bed. "About half hour. I'll make us some breakfast."

Wiping my cheek, my hand wiped traces of my ruined mascara. "Can I have a shower?"

Kai motioned towards an adjoining door. "Just through there. There's fresh towels in the cabinet in there. I'll be in the kitchen."

I watched him leave and ran a hand through my messy locks before heading into the bathroom to freshen up.

When I finished, I followed the smell into the kitchen where I was greeted with fresh pancakes that made my stomach growl. Kai looked over and handed me a plate. "I hope this suffices."

"Are you kidding? I haven't had pancakes since we all went to that pancake house in little China town ages ago." I followed him into the lounge room where I plopped myself onto the couch and began eating greedily. I couldn't remember when I had eaten such good food. I was so into it that when a knock at the door sounded, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Kai placed his utensils down and jumped up and opened the door. I heard Tyson's groan of annoyance. "Okay Kai, what is so important that you made me get out of bed this early?" I watched him stand back so I was in view. I heard four gasps of surprise and I saw a mass of blonde hair run towards me and tackle me.

"Hilary you're back! I knew you loved us still!"

I managed a sheepish sad smile. "You honestly thought I would stop loving you guys? You are my family."

Ray, Kenny and Tyson joined Max and I found myself in a five way hug. I fought back the urge to cry and instead did something I hadn't done for a long time; I laughed. Not because it was funny, but more ironic. Why is it that the people you hurt the most are the ones that stay by your side through everything?

They pulled back slightly and I felt the hair being pushed off my face and behind my ear by Ray. I placed my head on his shoulder and embraced the comfort. His face turned to concern. "Are you still doing drugs?"

I went quiet. I hadn't even thought of them since I had received my news and now my body started flaring up as if reminding me that I needed a hit. I bit my lip and ignored the cravings. "I don't want them anymore."

I looked up at Kai who was standing a few feet away, arms folded, watching us with an amused look. He nodded and gave me the clear that things were okay.

I took a deep breath. "I'm… having a little beyblader."

Silence took over the room as they absorbed the news. Ray was the first to recover. "As in… a baby?"

I nodded. "Yeah, a … baby." That word sounded so strange to me.

Max was the first to break the stunned silence. "Oh my god a baby! I love babies!"

Tyson grinned. "Finally might have some real competition now. You guys are just getting old."

Kai wacked Tyson over the head which earned a yelp. Kenny put his hand on my belly. "Are you okay with it?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter what I want anymore. Someone else's needs come first now."

Ray pulled me into a hug. "We've with you no matter what. When are you due?"

"Middle of December. Just in time for Christmas."

Max grabbed my hands and made me look at him. "Hil, you aren't going back to that guy are you? Please don't go again. We can look after you and be a family again."

I felt my heart ache and pound against my chest. I realized just how much pain I had caused them. I pulled Max into a hug. "I'm not going anywhere, Maxxy. I promise."