Two updates in less than a day. I want to answer a question that greygirl2358 asked in the review. "Thank you for the explanation above. It helps to better understand things. She isn't evil is she? Or is she just broken because of abuse?"
Clary doesn't know who she is. She is insecure and like every other person, she makes mistakes, and she will make them every now and then. She is broken and will do wrong things sometimes, but that doesn't really make her evil. Like I said, she is broken and she just wants to feel fine.
I hope this explained a few things and thanks for reviewing. :)
No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep after waking up by a nightmare, I realized that sleep just won't come. I have a headache and I can't stay here anymore, so I get dressed into a dress. It's too hot for me and I can barely breathe as it is. The boots have 4-inch heels, just as I like them. The last thing I do is grab a seraph blade which shines beautifully in the dark, even though I know it's an illusion. But it fits perfectly in my hand. Just like we were made for each other. After I put draw an invisibility rune, I put a stele into my boot and I head out of my room. First, I try to figure out which way Jace lead me from the dining room, but after a while walking, I realize that I'm lost and I just give up trying to find dining room and just continue walking in random directions.
Eventually, I find myself at the front door. I open it and let the cool air brush my cheeks. Then, I leave the Institute, not caring if they worry about me in the morning. I know that this anxiety won't go away unless I fight some demons. I used to do that every now and then. Sneak out, I mean. Valentine used to get angry would get angry because I snuck out in the middle of the night just for the thrill of it. When he was in one of his bad moods, he'd hit me or even lock me in the basement for a day or two and when he got over it, he let me out and pretended it never happened.
Oh, my life was so exciting back then, wasn't it?
No matter what, I would do it over and over again. I mean, it didn't feel great being hit, but to know that you could go out and be free once in a few nights, that's what I like. That trill. You could get hit by demons too, or even other people. Shadowhunters are accustomed to it. I guess I'm rash and want to fight, want to risk my life for any cost as Valentine would say. And I admit, sometimes, my heart works before my mind. I react before I think. And it's my fault and my problem, isn't it? That's who I am and people should get over it. I'm not going to change.
I want to live, not just exist.
But right now, that's what it feels like what I'm doing. Trying to stay above the surface of the water. I'm just floating in the oblivion, trying to matter.
I'm not cold, like people would expect me to be. I mean, it's foggy and quite freezing, but I feel numb. I'm trying to breathe but I suffocate. With every step I take, I feel like I'm drifting farther into the unknown. Eventually, I get on the streets, which are still full of people. It turns out that it wasn't as late as I thought. I just went to bed early.
My hair was still tied in a ponytail, until I decided to take it down. I made a quick side braid and made sure it looked neat in the nearest window. While taking a tour around the city on my own with a seraph blade hidden, I see a sign of a club named "Pandemonium." There was angelic rune drawn under the words which was the real reason why I entered this building.
I'm not a huge fan of clubs, but they're usually full of demons. And sometimes even downworlders. It depends on the club or the city. Inside, the music was blasting from the speakers, people were cheering and having fun while others were making out or just sitting in the corners feeling self-pity. I hate these kind of people. Why enter a club if you're gonna be a party breaker?
The same could go for me, I suppose, but at least I don't sit in the corner and do nothing. I'm here on a mission. And I just made eye contact with a target. The jacket hides all my runes and the dress is just attractive enough to lure the demon by my side. I wave him to come closer and his intensive blue eyes follow me as he makes his way through the crowd towards me. He's smirking and by the time he's by my side, I try to boost up my confidence. I sit on the table and cross my legs. He clearly likes this because he licks his lips, which I kind-of find disgusting.
"Hello, beautiful. How are you on this hot, hot night?" His voice is deep, rough and his body is all muscles, but that's just glamour.
"Hello, yourself. I'm okay, I guess, but thank you for asking." I try to smile a light smile, but it feels pretense.
"Anytime, gorgeous. How about you and I go somewhere private?" He suggest and I pretend that I feel hurt.
"What? You're not going to offer a drink to a lady? Now, that's not nice." He laughs but says "Okay, then. Do you want to drink something?"
"No thanks. Now, what are we even waiting for? Let's go." I say and grab his hand, pulling him away from everybody, eventually slowing down, letting him lead the way. He leads me to the storage and then he closes the door behind him. Then he closes the distance between us and pulls me into an embrace, and kisses my mouth, then my neck and he continues down my shoulder but all the kisses feel bitter and useless. Instead, I just pull out the seraph blade, call its name and before he has a chance to bite me, I stab him in his heart and he disappears. Now that was easy.
The door opens while I'm cleaning my seraph blade and a figure shouts: "Another Shadowhunter and it looks like she's got it covered." I look up at the figure. It's a boy with white hair and broad, masculine shoulders. His face looks incredibly familiar, but I don't know why. Maybe we've met in the past and I just forgot. Maybe it was one of those nights that I went out hunting.
Or maybe... It was that day on the ship. I remember him. He saved me, but I ran away before he could get a good look at me.
"What's going on?" I ask, but I feel uneasy because, like I mentioned before, I hate talking to strangers.
"Nothing, we just thought you needed rescuing." I shrug and brush past him, across the dance floor and make my way to the door when a hand grabs my arm.
"Wait," the boy says. "Have we met?" It does feel strangely familiar. Not just from the day on the ship, but from before. Finding myself unable to speak, I just shake my head and leave the club.
I roam the streets for the whole night, killing a few demons every now and then. It is at noon that I make my way back to the Institute. Outside, I can see people pacing back and forth. It's a crowd of people. I recognize Magnus, Jace, Max, Alec, Isabelle, Hodge, Ragnor, but no one else.
They all have their backs turned against me, so when I get closer and ask "What's going on?" they all jump.
"Clarissa! There you are! We were worried sick about you." It was Magnus. I was very confused.
"Why would you be worried? Has something happened?"
"Besides you disappearing in the middle of the night, no."
"That's nothing new. I often can't sleep at night so I go out and hunt." I look at Ragnor and give him a look saying 'you should know better.'
"I told you that she would be just fine. Clarissa does know how to take care of herself after all. She's a Mor-."
"Wayland." I correct. "I'm a Wayland."