Chapter 12

It didn't happen often, but Zahara woke up before Tim did and she lay in bed, watching him sleep. For not the first time, she wished that there was something more she could do to help him. Two years and he still was far too afraid. She tried to reassure him. She encouraged him as he tried different things. And yet, none of it seemed to be enough. The worst thing was that she knew that Tim was trying. He didn't want it to be so hard for his family and friends, but he wasn't succeeding. Sometimes, she felt as though they were all waiting for something that had to happen before Tim could regain his happiness. She just didn't know what it was. Unfortunately, Tim didn't seem to know either.

She looked at the khamsa Tim wore, even in sleep. Gently, she reached out and covered it with her hand and then closed her eyes and prayed.

Bring him joy and through his joy, bring us joy as well.

Tim stirred slightly and mumbled a little but he didn't wake up. Zahara smiled and removed her hand. Tim never got too much sleep and often he got too little. If he was sleeping now, she'd let him.

Then, she sat up quietly and got out of bed without waking Tim. She went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. There was no sign of her pregnancy as yet. They had found out very early simply because of the luck of the draw. She didn't know when Tim would feel comfortable telling their friends. Even before all this, Tim had tried to be cautious and Zahara was willing to follow his lead. They hadn't told anyone about Jonathan until she was four months along. He didn't insist on it, and if she had been determined, he wouldn't have said anything against it, but if Tim was afraid to talk about it to their friends, she would respect that. His parents knew and Fatima and Ahmed knew. That was all and she would be glad when he was comfortable with sharing their happiness more widely.

Perhaps she could convince him to tell Tony and Ziva when they had dinner with them this weekend. At the least, they should know about the upcoming trip. Tim would have to get time off and it wouldn't be kind to just go on the trip without letting them know in advance. Zahara wasn't sure what was making Tim reticent to tell them. There was nothing secret about the trip. They were simply visiting Ahmed in the place where he now lived. Zahara had been wanting to go to Cairo to see her brother, and Tim wanted to give that to her. They were going to see some of the ancient Egyptian sights and have it be the first of, hopefully, many visits. Zahara really wanted this to go well, just so that Tim could see that things could go well. The trip to Morocco had been good. They had been able to find some more information about her father and visit other places besides Marrakesh. This trip to Egypt needed to be the same.

For everyone's sake.

Then, as she leaned over the sink, she felt Tim come up behind her and hug her tightly. He gently kissed her on the neck. Zahara cherished these times when Tim could simply love her... instead of needing her. She knew that he always loved her, but sometimes, he needed her more and that got hard.

"You're up early," he said softly.

"Yes, I slept very well. Did you?"

"More or less," he said. "I love you."

"I love you," Zahara said. She turned around and kissed him.

For a few seconds, they stood there, in the bathroom, holding each other. Then, Tim smiled and put his hand on her abdomen. Zahara laughed, glad to see Tim so light-hearted.

"It is too soon to feel anything, Tim," she said. "There are weeks to go before we'll even know if we are having a boy or a girl."

"I know. It doesn't hurt to check," Tim said. "Maybe our baby will be determined to break records."

"I am not sure I want those kinds of records broken," Zahara said. "Jonathan kicked me too much. Are you going to run with Norris today?"

"No. I want to get to work a little early to make up for skipping out a little early yesterday. I'll just run in the neighborhood. It might not be enough for Marra though."

"I will make sure she gets more exercise."

"Okay."

Tim kissed her one more time and then left the bathroom to get changed. Zahara heard him leave the house and she showered quickly so that she could intercept Salma and Jonathan if they woke up early as well.

When she finished getting ready for the day, she headed for the kitchen, stopping to do the first wake-up call for the children. It amazed her that some mornings Salma and Jonathan were up at the crack of dawn and bouncing off the walls and other days, they seemed unable to leave their beds at all. Then, she went to the kitchen. They had enlarged and renovated it almost as soon as they moved in and she loved it. There was a lot of storage, plenty of counter space and a special place for her tagine, both for ease of access and for a display. Tim said that he hoped it would get more use if it was so easy to get to. It had a larger entrance but it wasn't completely open to the rest of the house. Zahara didn't understand why, if there was an option, people would want to have the whole kitchen on display. However, she had seen it in many homes here and the contractor had been surprised that they didn't want to take the whole wall down. Having part of the wall up allowed her to have more cabinets.

Today, she would carry on the happy feeling and make waffles which she knew Tim really enjoyed. He never complained about anything she made, but she knew that he still liked his American foods as well as her Moroccan dishes. And he preferred most of the American breakfasts and the Moroccan ones he liked were those that had a close American equivalent. Like omelets.

But today it would be waffles.

She made the batter and as she did, she heard both Salma and Jonathan coming out of their rooms and fighting over who got the bathroom first.

"Jonathan, use Mama's bathroom!" she called up the stairs.

"I was first!" Jonathan complained.

"No, sir!" Salma shouted. "I was!"

Zahara laughed quietly.

"Jonathan, use Mama's bathroom and hurry because Baba will be home soon and he will need to shower."

There was a silence.

"I scare him?" Jonathan asked.

Zahara knew that Tim didn't like it when Jonathan tried to scare him (in part because he often succeeded much to Tim's chagrin), but for the moment, she just needed to diffuse this argument.

"Yes."

There was no further argument. Only slamming doors. Zahara shook her head and silently promised to warn Tim that Jonathan would be hiding in the bathroom.

She was ready to start cooking the waffles when she heard the door open and Marra's feet running across the floor. She smiled and walked out.

"How was your run?" she asked.

Tim was breathing heavily which meant he'd pushed himself more than usual.

"I let Marra set the pace," he said.

"Then, you got good exercise and I will not have to walk her."

Tim laughed breathlessly.

"I'll go and shower."

"Jonathan is hiding in the bathroom and waiting to scare you," Zahara said softly. "He and Salma were fighting over their bathroom."

Tim rolled his eyes a little bit, but he smiled.

"Thanks for telling me."

Tim fed Marra and then ran up the stairs. Zahara heard Jonathan's attempt to scare his father.

"BOO!"

"Oh, Jonathan, you scared me!" Tim said, sounding completely not scared.

Jonathan's delighted giggles could be heard and Zahara laughed a little herself as she continued making breakfast. It appeared that Tim's good mood was continuing and she could hope that it would last.

Salma came running into the kitchen.

"Can we have fruit syrup, Mama?" she asked.

"No, Salma. We don't have any of that today."

"But, Mama!"

"Not this time. Next time. Help with the plates."

Salma pouted a little bit, but she did as she was told. Jonathan came running in and helped with the glasses. By the time Tim came back to the kitchen, breakfast was ready and his children were sitting, mostly well-behaved at the table. Marra was sitting beside the table, hoping to be fed either intentionally or accidentally by the children.

It was beautiful... all the more so because it was a scene that should be normal but it wasn't.

They sat together and ate breakfast and then Tim headed off to work early, promising to call if he was going to be late as always. Today was a special day because, while Salma was at school, Jonathan was going to play with one of his friends in the neighborhood which meant that Zahara would be unencumbered by children for a few hours. The other mothers in the neighborhood (and some of the fathers as well) tried to do this a few times a month to give each other breaks to get tasks done, to go shopping or just to have a little bit of time alone. So with Salma at school, Zahara walked with Jonathan to one of the houses down the street, wondering for a moment if the CIA would get tired of protecting their ever-growing family. The more children they had, the older the children were, the more spread out they would be at different times of the day.

"Mama, do I have lunch with Danny?" Jonathan asked.

Zahara looked down at him.

"No. Not today. I will pick you up and we'll get Salma from school together, okay?"

Jonathan thought about that, looking so much like Tim in the moment that Zahara couldn't help but smile. Except for his dark eyes, he was Tim in miniature. Finally, he nodded.

"Okay."

"Good."

Zahara dropped him off at Danny's house and then went to run her errands.

And she saw the agents who protected her.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Ziva watched as Tim came into work. He was early, but they'd got up early and decided to come to work so that Tony could get some of his paperwork done before the day started. Tim seemed better than he was some days. He smiled and waved to her when he noticed her staring.

"Morning, Ziva," he said.

"Good morning, Tim. We don't usually beat you to work," she said.

Tim grinned. "Well, you're pretty early but I decided that I'd let Tony be the boss today."

"Hey, I'm always the boss, McGee, and don't you ever forget it!" Tony said from his desk.

Tim just laughed and headed to his own desk. It was a refreshingly normal beginning to the day. ...even if it wasn't actually normal. Would it continue that way? Probably not, but Ziva would take what she could get.

For now, it was time to get to her own tasks.

"Geri, has there been anything new?" she asked Lovitz' senior agent.

"Nothing yet. I'm going to send Andrew down to check with Jimmy, just to force him to deal with the bodies," Geri said with an evil grin.

Andrew was the probationary agent on the team although he was in his second year. He had a difficult time dealing with the bodies. He was very good with witnesses, getting them to share what they knew. He could ask just the right questions, but he was extremely squeamish and avoided Autopsy as much as Lovitz allowed him to. They had decided to start pushing him a little because he needed to get over it. They'd given him the time to do it on his own and he hadn't. Time to push.

"I'll go down with him... unless you want to throw him in to flounder on his own," Ziva said.

"It's tempting but I'll send you down, too. Then, you can pay attention to Jimmy while Andrew is trying not to puke."

Ziva chuckled and sat down at her desk to wait. There was always plenty to do. The job was the same no matter which side of the dividers she was on. Sometimes, she did miss being on the team with Tony and Tim but at the end of the day, it was still for the best that she was not subordinate to Tony. Being with him was more important and it was not a sacrifice that she minded making.

"Ziva?"

Ziva smiled and looked up from her computer to see Andrew looking very unenthusiastic.

"Are you ready to get the report from Jimmy?"

"Yeah."

She stood and directed Andrew to the elevator.

"Are you going to handle it?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said reluctantly.

"You can't expect to excel if you avoid the bodies, you know," she said.

"I know. Somehow, when I was thinking about doing this, it never occurred to me that I'd be seeing... bodies cut open," Andrew said, sounding a little embarrassed. "I know that this is part of the job. I just don't like it."

"You don't have to like it, but you do have to deal with it."

"Yeah. I know."

The elevator doors opened and they got off and walked to the Autopsy doors. Andrew paused just shy of triggering them. He took a breath.

Ziva was suddenly reminded of Tim. Years ago, before all these things in his life had changed him. Andrew wasn't a computer guy, but he had that same innocence and inexperience, something that Tim hadn't had for a long time. It was sad to know that it was gone forever. No matter what else, Tim couldn't get that innocence back. However, she still clung to the possibility that Tim could be happy again.

But for now...

"Andrew, step forward. It will not go away."

"Unfortunately." He took another breath and stepped forward.

Ziva smiled and followed him into Autopsy to get a report on their case.