Summary:
Three months pass from Eric finding out that Ryan loved him and relations between the two CSIs grow unbearable, not only for them but for the team. Ryan decides to take action and tells Horatio that he's leaving and lies about his reason. When Eric finds out he goes to Ryan's flat to try and talk to him, but will Ryan listen to him?
Notes:
So it's been a while since I updated but I was in the thick of my exams so yeah, here is the next chapter. I know I'm not really focusing on cases but I will when, or if, Eric and Ryan get their relationship sorted out. I didn't really feel very motivated for this chapter so it sort of drags a bit but I just wanted to get it finished.
Hope you enjoy it.
Eric wasn't exactly surprised when he realised that Ryan was avoiding him. The day directly after the revelations was a particularly tense one, mostly because Ryan had realised he was actually really annoyed that Eric had shot him. Whenever they interacted Ryan would give short, snappy answers and would do his very best to ignore Eric completely if they were stuck in a lab together. It wasn't long before Calleigh, Natalia and Horatio had all noticed that something was wrong between them. Even Alexx knew something was wrong because Ryan had snapped at her when she had mentioned Eric – although he had apologised quickly after he had spoken and offered her a rather sheepish smile – and Eric had grimaced when Ryan was mentioned. Their relationship had become what it had been when Ryan had first joined the lab and Eric resented him as Speedle's replacement.
Eric found himself getting angry over the way Ryan was treating him. Surely it was obvious that he'd be curious over the fact that Ryan could get shot and walk away without even a scar – something he had noticed when he had been watching the wound on Ryan's stomach heal – and Ryan had been evasive. To the entire lab his recovery was much more amazing because every single one of them believed that Ryan had been wearing a vest. And to top it all off Eric now knew that Ryan loved him, according to his mother at least. Well what was he supposed to think? Sure he had experimented with guys, but that had been back when he was a teenager and Eric was definitely sure he liked women. He didn't have anything against men liking men, but it did make him feel uncomfortable knowing that Ryan loved him – or thought he did – and that definitely didn't help the situation. Eric found that he would continually glance over his shoulder to make sure that Ryan wasn't staring at him, checking him out or daydreaming. It was stupid really, with Ryan as angry as he seemed to be there was no way he was staring at Eric when he seemed to be going out of his way to avoid him. But still, Eric found it hard to accept that a man loved him. He couldn't explain it to himself without thinking he sounded homophobic, but he really wasn't. He had gay friends, had been to gay night clubs and occasionally flirted back with the men that had come onto him, but it had never led anywhere. Eric was sure that Natalia still liked him, even though that relationship was done and he had an inkling that there might be strong feelings for him coming from Calleigh, but it just felt different knowing it was a man this time. Maybe it was because he didn't have experience with loving a man? He couldn't explain it and he wasn't about to explain it either.
After a week or so Ryan's anger seemed to have faded and he didn't avoid Eric as much – even if he wouldn't look him in the eye – which Eric was thankful for. Horatio hadn't been impressed by how they had both been acting and Eric was sure that if it had continued both he and Ryan would have been chastised by their boss.
Things however, did not get any better with Ryan and during the next month or so Ryan seemed jittery and jumpy around Eric and his OCD was acting up more than usually. If Eric moved one little thing in Ryan's lab from the place Ryan had put it Ryan's jaw would clench and he would pause in whatever he was doing to move it back. The glass tables of his lab sparkled, as did the walls and the technology within it.
Two months passed and Eric spent the two months trying to figure out what had the younger CSI so spooked around him alone.
He's afraid, Eric realised one night as he changed in the locker room after clocking out for the night. It had been a long day and everyone was tired but Ryan had stayed behind and requested to talk to Horatio. He's afraid that I'm going to tell someone his secrets. That's why he's been so jumpy around me particularly.
He wasn't sure how he felt knowing that he had such power over Ryan, especially when Ryan wasn't human, but he was sure now that he definitely wanted to talk this out with Ryan because it was not good for their relationship, especially when Ryan flinched away from a simple clap on the shoulder that wouldn't have previously bothered him and seemed to shrink into himself whenever Eric came up in conversation.
Ryan stood by the door of the locker room, half hidden in shadows, watching Eric contemplate something deeply. He wished he had listened to Esteban now. Not only had he fallen in love with his colleague and a friend but he had given Eric extreme leverage over him. He could do anything to Ryan now, order Ryan to do anything and Ryan would have to do it or risk having his secret revealed. People would laugh first, they'd assume Eric was having problems because of the bullet still lodged in his brain, but then they'd start to notice things that backed up what Eric had said, or Eric would do something extreme to prove it to them. Ryan knew he could not live like this anymore. Holding back a sigh he turned his back on Eric and walked off to find Horatio.
Eric glanced around when he thought he heard footsteps but found nobody there. He felt a strange case of déjà vu, that someone he knew had been silently watching him but was gone when he looked for them. That had happened in hospital, he had known that his friends had been there but each time he had woken up he had been alone.
"I believe you wanted to see me, Ryan?" Horatio posed his words as a question but Ryan knew it was a statement.
"Yeah H I did." Ryan murmured. He had asked Esteban to meet him here and he cast a furtive glance around to see if he had arrived yet. The lift arrived as he looked at it and Ryan had to suppress a jump. Typically Esteban arrived just when Ryan needed him for his father was exiting the lift. Looking around Esteban spotted Ryan and headed for him, smiling politely at Horatio when he entered the office.
"Horatio, this is my father, Esteban Wolfe." Ryan continued.
Esteban held a hand out to Horatio and his smile became warm and charming. Horatio inclined his head as he shook Esteban's hand and Ryan wasn't exactly surprised to see that Esteban's small use of charm did not work on Horatio.
"Horatio Caine, my son speaks very highly of you." Esteban said and Ryan fought back a blush.
"It's a shame I cannot say the same," Horatio replied smoothly. Esteban cast a glance at Ryan and though it did not show on his face Ryan knew he was asking whether he had bad-mouthed him to his boss.
"That is to say that Ryan has rarely mentioned you to me at all." Horatio supplied to clarify what he meant and Esteban shook his head with a fond smile.
"Horatio there is something I need to tell you." Ryan blurted out. If he didn't tell Horatio now he never would and if there was anyone he could trust with his secret it was Horatio. Horatio gestured for them both to take a seat as Esteban threw Ryan a warning look. Ryan ignored it and sat, Esteban following gracefully.
"I'm all ears Ryan." Horatio said, eyes switching between Esteban – who was trying to look calm and collected but the angry warning still blazed in his eyes – and Ryan – who was extremely nervous and not a little sad at his decision.
"Well I'm not sure if you knew this but I'm gay." Ryan began. Esteban very nearly did not manage to hold back a strangled noise of surprise even if he did manage to keep a blank face. Horatio took the information better than Esteban, who knew Ryan was gay but had not expected that to be the thing he was admitting to Horatio.
"I was not aware Ryan." Horatio murmured. "But it is a not a problem."
"Well the thing is it's become one." Ryan disagreed. "Recently I thought that I had been receiving signals from Delko that he was interested in me, fleeting things, I'll spare you the details of it but I was wrong." He continued.
Horatio raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak.
"Please H, I'm not finished." Ryan added hastily, "Delko didn't do anything wrong, he was just a bit surprised and now I feel he isn't very comfortable working around me because of that and I feel a little ostracised. Um, I don't want anything to happen to Delko because of this, it's my fault really, I know relationships within the lab aren't exactly approved of, but I was just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving."
Horatio had not been expecting Ryan to say that and for a moment he was silent as he processed what Ryan had said. Ryan looked down into his lap when he was done. It was all lies, well, mostly lies, but Ryan did not feel comfortable working in the lab with someone that held so much power over him, it would be better for him to leave.
"This is…unexpected and sad to say the least Ryan." Horatio finally said, "And I can say that you will definitely be missed if you do decide to leave." Ryan wasn't sure if he was disappointed that Horatio wasn't fighting for him to stay but really, he wasn't surprised. Horatio wouldn't show what he was really feeling, not yet anyway, and he would accept Ryan's decision, especially after the reasons he had given.
"I want you to know Ryan that if you ever decide to return to us there will always be a place for you in this lab. No questions asked, if you want to return the job will be yours." Horatio added.
"Can you do that?" Esteban inquired. Ryan turned his head to look at his father with one eyebrow raised. He assumed Horatio could do that somehow or he wouldn't suggest it, but Esteban didn't actually know Horatio or anything to do with the politics of the Crime Lab.
Horatio smiled. "Of course I can. Ryan is a very good CSI and I hope that one day he'll be comfortable enough to return to us. The lab won't be the same without him."
Esteban smiled and only Ryan could see the sadness behind it. Esteban was happy that Ryan had found a place to fit in, even if it was in a world he didn't belong in but he was sad also, because Ryan would have to watch it all decay and die around him without changing.
"Is it okay if I leave now H?" Ryan asked.
"Absolutely Ryan." Horatio replied swiftly. "I'll send you the paperwork and you can send it back. It'll take a week or so, please don't leave Miami in that time. I'll have to ask for you badge and weapon."
"They're in my locker." Ryan informed him. Horatio nodded. "I'll be at my dad's house." Ryan continued.
"I'll give you the address." Esteban put in. Horatio handed him a pen and paper and Esteban scribbled down the address he was staying in with Ryan's mother.
"Please don't tell anyone the address Horatio. I'll say my own goodbyes." Ryan requested.
"I won't tell anyone Ryan. Good luck wherever you go." Horatio murmured. Ryan stood, Esteban followed and Horatio eventually joined them. Ryan held out his hand and Horatio shook it firmly, meeting Ryan's eyes and the young ex-CSI was shocked to see the sadness in them. He didn't want to upset Horatio, but he knew that what he had experienced over the last couple of months would probably continue on and on and he couldn't live like that, or work like that. Eric had power over him now and Ryan couldn't deal with that. The entire Crime Lab would be affected by his and Eric's relationship; it was just the way that they dealt with their anger around each other.
"Goodbye for now Horatio." Ryan said, holding back tears at Horatio's sad smile.
"Goodbye Ryan." Horatio replied.
Esteban held the office door open for Ryan and then shook Horatio's hand before following his son out of the office and down the stairs. Ryan was silent but Esteban could see he was tense and he knew that Ryan wanted to cry.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" He asked quietly.
Ryan shook his head.
"There is one person I need to speak to." He replied. He would call Calleigh, he didn't think he could face her to tell her the same lies he had told Horatio. He was sure Horatio didn't believe him anyway but he had accepted his excuse but Calleigh, well Ryan was sure that Calleigh wouldn't accept that excuse and would want more information. Alexx, however, was a person he needed to tell face to face or she would never let him hear the end of it.
"Is it that medical woman?" Esteban asked, following close behind Ryan as he entered the locker room, luckily empty now, and watched as Ryan opened his locker and gathered the few belongings he kept in there, leaving his guns and badge in there for Horatio to collect.
"Her name is Alexx." Ryan snapped.
"Yes Alexx, she came to see you when you first got out of hospital." Esteban said softly.
"She did?" Ryan asked.
"Yes. She was waiting at your apartment." Esteban informed his son.
Ryan smiled. Typical Alexx, trying to make sure that he was okay.
"Well I want to tell her face to face." Ryan said. Esteban nodded and followed Ryan again as he left the locker room and headed towards the morgue. The lab was full of the night-shift CSIs and they gave Esteban and Ryan strange looks as they walked through the lab but both Esteban and Ryan ignored them.
Luckily for Ryan, Alexx was still down in the morgue cleaning up. She smiled widely when she saw Ryan enter and went to welcome him when she saw Esteban. Recognition flashed briefly in her eyes, but Esteban knew she wasn't entirely sure because he had had a beard and white hair last time she had seen him.
"What's going on honey?" Alexx asked.
"I believe you've met my dad, Esteban Wolfe." Ryan began.
Alexx's eyes widened and she looked at Esteban with a sceptical expression. "And where is your beard and white hair?" She demanded of him.
"My dad is somewhat of an actor." Ryan interjected quickly before Esteban could say anything. Alexx and Esteban looked at him with twin expressions of disbelief. Ryan knew it was a rather lame excuse but he couldn't think of anything else.
"He works in the theatre, it's not very well known but it's a theatre that specialises in Greek plays, tragedy, comedy, satirical-." Ryan continued before Alexx laughed and shook her head.
"Only a devoted father would go and get his son out of hospital wearing full beard and white hair from a play." She laughed.
Ryan laughed too, though the sound did not contain any humour. Esteban merely smiled.
"He was playing a member of the chorus." Ryan added rather lamely to try and explain the beard.
"When I got the call that Ryan had been shot I was half way through getting changed back into my normal clothes. The beard and the hair come off last because they have to put a glue dissolving liquid on both of them and let them work while we get changed. You should come to a show sometime." Esteban explained smoothly, flashing Alexx with a charming smile. His charm worked on Alexx more than it had on Horatio and she smiled warmly at him.
"Well that explains a lot." She said, "Now, why are you down here sugar?" She directed her question at Ryan who had been looking around the morgue sadly.
"I have news." He began when Esteban cleared his throat.
"Oh?"
"I'm…I'm leaving." Ryan blurted out.
"What?" Alexx asked, incredulously, "You fooling with me?"
"No Alexx I'm really leaving. The reasons are kind of personal and I'm afraid you'll overreact if you knew." Ryan said firmly, "But I'm going. I can't work here anymore. Horatio said that if I want to I can return and the job will be mine, but for now I can't stay here."
"Ryan honey," Alexx began to say but Ryan shook his head.
"I'm sorry Alexx."
Alexx did not try to say anything but merely folded Ryan into a hug and squeezed him tightly. Ryan hugged her back just as tightly. Alexx kissed Ryan's forehead and grasped either side of his face and stared him straight in the eye.
"Is this to do with Eric?" She asked quietly.
Not surprised that she knew Ryan smiled, "He might be a part of it." He admitted.
"If he did something to you Ryan-." Alexx began and Ryan shook his head vigorously.
"No Alexx he didn't do anything." He said forcefully.
Esteban managed to turn a snort of disbelief into a cough but Ryan ignored him. Alexx still seemed suspicious and unhappy about the whole situation but she wasn't about to argue with Ryan, it was clear he had made up his mind.
"You keep in touch, you hear me? I don't want you to disappear off the face of the Earth." Alexx ordered as they pulled out of the hug completely and Ryan went to stand next to Esteban.
"Don't worry Alexx I've got your number, I won't just disappear. I'm staying in Miami for about a week anyway, Horatio is going to send me all the paperwork." He informed her and Alexx smiled warmly.
"I'm going to miss you baby." She murmured and went over to Ryan to give him another crushing hug. Ryan returned it again and blinked back his tears.
"I'm going to miss you too Alexx. I swear if I feel up to coming back here I will Alexx, I swear." Ryan promised her.
"I know sugar. You come and visit." She told him.
Ryan nodded, a lump forming in his throat as he saw Alexx blinking back tears of her own.
"I'll make sure he'll come and visit." Esteban piped up and smiled reassuringly at Alexx who returned the smile half-heartedly.
"Come on Ryan, let's get you home." Esteban continued and wrapped an arm around Ryan's shoulders before leading him out of the morgue.
Ryan did not speak as Esteban led him to his car and pushed him into the passenger seat. He wordlessly held out his keys for Esteban to take, fastened his seatbelt and turned his face to stare out of the window.
"Ryan-." Esteban began.
"Don't. Don't tell me that I should have listened to you all along." Ryan snapped with his voice thick as he still fought his tears.
"I wasn't going to say that." Esteban said softly. "I was going to offer my help, in any way I could. I know you really like the life you've built for yourself here and it is partially your mother's fault that it has to end, for now at least. We should have realised that this Delko did not have feelings for you or you both would have probably acted on them by now, but you know how your mother can get."
"Yeah I know." Ryan sighed. "Look it's for the best really isn't it? Eric knows what I am, he has a power over me that he shouldn't have and I can't stay near him knowing that if he wanted to he could use that hold over me. And knowing that he knows I love him and the way he looks at me now…it's too much to bear. I know it's for the best, I know you think it's for the best and I'm willing to leave."
Esteban did not reply, glancing at his son to see him wiping tears from his eyes.
"We'll stay in Miami for the week it takes you to fill out the paperwork and then we'll take you back home to try and help you forget about what happened here." Esteban eventually said. Ryan made a strangled noise in reply and Esteban knew that that symbolised that the conversation was over.
/
Eric wondered why Ryan's lab was empty when he came into work the following morning. Maybe the other CSI was ill or out on a call, but they usually got sent out on calls together. Calleigh appeared from the break room so Eric made a bee-line for her to ask her if she knew where Ryan was. When he reached her the look she gave him told Eric that she was not impressed with him, but he couldn't think of anything that he had done that could have annoyed her that much. Well his attitude around Ryan hadn't exactly been brilliant recently, but it wasn't his entire fault.
"Hey Calleigh," He began to say but she held up her hand to stop him. Feeling affronted Eric was about to snap at her when he turned and saw Horatio approaching them and he realised why she had made him stop.
"I need to talk to you both." Horatio murmured and beckoned for them to follow him to his office.
"Horatio I got a call from Ryan, what's going on?" Calleigh asked as they walked quickly.
"I'll explain in a minute Calleigh." Horatio replied.
Eric glanced at Calleigh but she didn't look back at him. What had Ryan told her? Had he told her about what Eric had done to him? No, he couldn't have, he made Eric swear not to tell anyone so there is no way he'd tell Calleigh. He stepped back so she could enter Horatio's office before him and took a seat when she did.
"What did Ryan tell you on the phone Calleigh?" Horatio asked quietly.
"He said he was leaving the lab." She replied immediately.
"What?!" Eric demanded. Both Horatio and Calleigh ignored him.
"Ryan came to me last night before he went home and told me that for personal reasons that he can no longer work in this lab. I wanted to inform both of you personally, but evidently Ryan felt it important to tell you Calleigh. He also told Alexx." Horatio informed them and both Eric and Calleigh noticed that Horatio was rambling a little bit. In the time Ryan had been there at the lab they had all grown close to him, eventually, when they had all accepted him and Horatio was evidently sad to see Ryan go.
Eric was angry that Ryan had not told him personally when he had told Horatio, Calleigh and Alexx, but a part of him was not surprised. The months after Ryan's revelation had been rocky for them, their relationship had not been perfect and Eric knew the majority of the blame fell on him because of how he had reacted to the information he had been so desperate to learn.
"Calleigh there is a body down in the morgue that I need you to go and help Alexx process. Natalia and I gathered all the evidence from the scene this morning so she can fill you in on the scene on the way down." Horatio finally spoke again and Calleigh nodded as she stood and left the room without even a backwards glance.
Eric made to stand as well but Horatio fixed him with his piercing stare. "I did not dismiss you Eric." He said quietly.
"What is it H?" Eric asked.
"Ryan made a few accusations against you Eric." Horatio admitted, his voice still quiet and Eric's eyes widened. Had Ryan told Horatio everything that had happened between them? Was he in trouble for shooting Ryan? That was a stupid question, if Ryan had told Horatio that Eric had shot him he'd have been arrested by now.
"Whatever he said I did, I didn't." Eric said when Horatio's words had settled in.
"I'm not here to judge that Eric, I don't want another mess for this crime lab." Horatio replied, "But I just want you to know that if you have a problem with Mr. Wolfe you need to sort that out within the week, his father informed me that they are leaving Miami as soon as the paperwork is sorted out between me and Ryan. He assured me that one day he may return here to come back to work and it would be easier for him to return if there was nothing hanging between you." He continued.
Eric nodded and made to leave the room. Horatio did not say anything to stop him this time, but he watched as Eric left his office and stood for a moment before hurrying to the lift and jabbing at the button to call one. Horatio smiled. Eric did not have his permission to leave as such, but he was glad that the man was taking action.
Eric's head was spinning a little when he finally got to his car. What was he thinking? He couldn't just turn up at Ryan's door, the other CSI was sure not to see him. Why had he implicated him in the reasons why he was leaving? Was it his dad? Was Esteban forcing Ryan to leave his job and given him the reasons to give? It wouldn't surprise Eric, Esteban had said that he would force Ryan to move if it ever got out what he was. Eric hadn't said a word though, he was the only one who knew so what was going on? He had to speak to Ryan.
Getting in his car Eric tried to swallow down the anger he was feeling at Ryan's implications. Horatio may have not told him the details but he could guess from the disapproval in Horatio's tone. Taking deep breaths Eric concentrated on his driving and getting the directions right to Ryan's apartment building. The younger man's car was not outside, but Eric didn't give that much thought, there was a car there he didn't recognise and something told him that it belonged to Esteban. It was bigger than the car Ryan drove and was full of boxes. Ryan was moving and he was using his father's car. Eric pulled up alongside this car and slammed his own car door once he had climbed out. He wasn't doing a very good job of controlling his anger so he decided to take the stairs up to Ryan's apartment to give him a little more time to calm down; he did not want to fight with Ryan.
The door to Ryan's apartment was ajar so Eric went in straight away, it wasn't as if he were a stranger and he ignored the part of him that told him he was the one person Ryan probably did not want to see. Boxes of Ryan's belongings were lined neatly up by the door, so typical of Ryan to be such a neat mover, Eric thought wryly with a small smile. The living room and kitchen were both empty so Eric moved on to check Ryan's bedroom and bathroom.
Nothing.
Ryan would not leave his door ajar unless he was there, Eric was sure of that since the CSI was too methodical for his own good so the only thing Eric could guess was that Ryan had seen him coming and was hiding from his somewhere.
"Look if you're here Ryan I just want to talk to you." Eric called out.
Ryan was indeed there, he was above Eric, his hands and feet pressed hard against either wall of the corridor that connected his bedroom and living room, his back pressed against the roof. He was glad he had the upper body strength for this, he didn't want to fall and let Eric know the extent he had gone to just to avoid him.
"H told me that you're leaving and it has something to do with me. I wanted to say I'm sorry." Eric continued.
Ryan blinked in surprise. He had expected Eric to come and find him to shout at him for lying to Horatio, especially considering what he had said about Eric. He had not expected an apology from the man.
"Wolfe come on, I don't want you to leave Miami with things bad between us." Eric tried again and began wondering if Ryan was indeed even there. Everything Eric knew about Ryan pointed to the CSI being here but what did Eric really know about him? The first time he had seen Ryan's dad he had had a white beard and white hair and yet he had changed his appearance so easily. What if their personalities were the same and Ryan was just acting?
Sighing Eric dug through his pockets and found one of his business cards. It would do for his purpose. Pulling a pen from a different pocket Eric began to scribble an apology and a wish to meet Ryan before he left Miami so they could sort things out. As Eric was busy with that Ryan slowly climbed down from where he was pressed to the ceiling, holding his breath as the walls creaked from the pressure. Eric did not look up, too busy writing his note so when he looked up and saw Ryan standing behind him, running a hand through his hair and looking rather out of breath he jumped out of his skin and cursed. Ryan held back a smile as he regarded his Cuban colleague.
"Ryan, I've been calling you where were you?" Eric asked.
"Ignoring you and hoping you'd go away." Ryan replied, avoiding answering the actual question as to where he had been.
"Well you can't scare me away that easily Wolfe." Eric smirked, though anger was still coursing through his veins.
Ryan shook his head. "You said you wanted to make things right before I leave. How are you doing to do that?"
Eric took a breath and rubbed at his eyes with his hands.
"I'm going to apologise to your face for everything I did. Shooting you, treating you how I have for the past couple of months, everything." Eric began.
"Yeah Eric the time has passed for an apology alone to make things right." Ryan interrupted before Eric could continue with what he wanted to say.
"Seriously." He maintained when Eric raised an eyebrow at him.
"So what exactly do you want me to do?" Eric inquired.
"I don't know Eric." Ryan said. "I don't know. Maybe cut the crap, stop treating me like you have and perhaps take me out for a dinner before I leave." He suggested with a smile.
"Seriously?"