Curbs

"See I'm just too scared, to tell you the truth coz my heartbreak can't take anymore.

Broken and bruised, longing for you

And I don't know what I'm waiting for…"

~Hot Chelle Rae and Demi Lovato: Why Don't you Love Me?

By Divinecriticizer

Gray Fullbuster, a man cold as ice, sturdy and dependable, with quick reflexes and thinking strategies stupidly froze with the touch of Juvia Lockser. With. Her. Lips. He could not think of something, the ecstasy was too much that he can barely move and breathe. He wanted to just surrender, and kiss her deeper than she did.

But he did not.

He pushed her away, regretting his decisions instantly and wishing that her lips were into his again. He did not have the right to receive her kiss… not until she smiles how she used to, until her bleeding stops, not until she loves her again. But doing the pushing, he predicted that she will never throw herself again this way. Not to love him again, not to smile at him again. And not being able to say to her, one day, that he loves her.

It became painful.

Juvia allowed herself to be pushed, realizing a mistake and another mistake. She should've stayed strong to her resolve. The other was that Gray never loved her. She felt scandalous; a lady like her should not just throw herself to a man, and give away her first kiss like that. She had dignity to call, and it all just crumbled, together with her resolve.

Now she was trying to build it over again.

How she wished she never attended this sleepover. But it made everything clear: He never loved her, and she will, must move along. She stood there, portraying an emotionless face, looking somewhere far that no one can see where. The threesome returned inside, stupor and shocked due to Gray's unexpected response. The lights were turned on, but everything was still silent.

Gray searched for his clothes, attempting to go outside to let his feelings subside. He then passed the door, strolling aimlessly in the carless street and drifted to his deep thoughts. He had an aggressive debate to himself, one side in regretting that he did not kiss her back and another saying he did the right thing. He wanted to believe that he did the right action, but his intuition was saying that he should've kissed her and let her know how much he loves her.

He wanted to choose the latter.

But it was too late.

Re-entering Lucy's premises, he counted the heads that the ice mage saw. One light blue, one pink, one scarlet and one blonde. It dawned to him that the water mage was in the middle of preparing herself in another battle of seeing his face. A hypothesis came to his mind: What if everything that happened was a plan? This sleepover was too random and usually, sleepovers are done with the closest friends that one have.

The threesome's responses were too theatrical and the turns of events were too much to happen in real life. If this guess was correct, then what do they aim for?

Confession.

The realization was dumped somewhere at the back of his head when the water mage re-entered the room. She was not speaking; her footsteps were uneven. Her face was unreadable. Lucy saw the pain beneath Juvia's blank face. All the regrets, the pain of rejection, everything.

But one thing that cannot be hidden was from her was longing. She cannot help but feel sorry for her. Not until she came of numerous ideas why Gray rejected her.

Maybe his middle initial is gay? Nah, but it has the possibilities…

Impotent? You see him naked all day.

She didn't want to think of the worst reasons. That would mean everything was useless. That they tried to control everything of him. And controlling him was like forcing him to love a person knowing that he didn't care about her. And that will result for the other person to think it was all true, and she'll believe in all the lies… and those lies will eventually turn to a tragic truth. And they didn't like the thought.

"Hey, it's morn already." Erza suddenly chirped awkwardly. The atmosphere was too heavy so… to lighten up a little bit, she tried to make a gleeful comment that didn't exactly work out. Then it was silent again.

"I'm going to sleep!" Natsu said, lying down on his comfortable futon next to Gray's. Lucy followed, then Erza.

Then, it was all awkward again.

Juvia laid to her futon, aware that hers was next to Gray's. He turned the light off, and patting his way to his futon. He spotted an empty one, and recognized who was next to him.

Juvia Lockser.

He cannot stand Natsu's monstrous snoring and the only thing he can do was to face Juvia who was facing the other side. And he did. He turned his face towards her, observing her linings in the soft darkness. She unconsciously turned her head and saw him looking softly at her. Her body didn't show any sign of excitement but to her surprise, she managed to lock her gaze to his eyes. And neither blinked.

Her eyes were cold, as if she did not feel any happiness in her life. And his chest pained a little, like a pinch of a thousand hands. She looked at the ceiling, straightening her position from sideward to frontal. He did the same thing, ready to open a conversation to the mage whom he loves.

"The game was hard, right?" he opened a stupid topic.

"Yes." It was like a rock hit him hard in the head.

"So, you got any missions?" there, another stupidity.

"None. Juvia needs to rest." Again, a rock hit his head.

"Hey," he stopped her from closing her eyes.

"…"

"I'm sorry." He blurted bluntly.

"For what, Gray-san?" she sounded so professional, so cold that the pain in his chest seemed to throb painfully against its cage.

"Stop lying."

She laughed a humorless one. "Juvia is not—"

"Then you should know what I am talking about." it provoked her.

"Juvia is the one who needs to apologize."

"…" without any response, she continued to explain. "Juvia was so shameful that she did not consider what Gray-san might think. For that, Juvia is so sorry."

She could not bear to look at him; she stiffly looked at the ceiling, waiting for his response that seemed to not come.

"S-so… Juvia needs to be treated badly by Gray-san now. He can ignore Juvia, name-call Juvia; Gray-san can even order her around or just ban her from being near Gray-san." She suggested, but still, there were no response to the ice-maker.

A hearty chuckle escaped from his lips.

"I should be the one saying sorry, you know." He finally said, looking intently at the face of the water mage. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you— I mean, it's not my intention to push you in the first place,—I-I mean… I never…" he stuttered stupidly, not really knowing what to say. He exhaled, collecting her cool demeanor, as he spoke again.

"I was just scared that you might…" he exhaled, finding the right words to say. "…you might get scared. I don't know what to and not to say you know." He tried to say those words casually, and he succeeded.

"Good night." He managed to utter. And they closed their eyes, waiting for the darkness to claim them and make them sleep.

~End of Part One