Chapter 3: Drove Me Wild
Both me and Sara decided, that we should spend some time together for good reasons.
First of all, Sara needed me to get Emy out of her head. She told me I am the only person who can make her forget about her at least for a while. I know Sara loved Emy really much. They were together for a really long time now, and I can´t even imagine what had happend when they broke up. I mean, Emy never looked like a bitch to me or something. She was always a very good person. Either way, I didn´t dare to ask Sara what happend. If she want to tell me, she can, but I wont force her to do it. The worse thing is, that Emy is working for us and we can´t just say goodbye to her because they broke up. That´s why we took a looong break from working with our band and all people around it.
Then, we needed to get our shit together and make a new album, that means we have to write new songs. And we wanted to do some of them together. Without our band, without anybody else. Just the two of us, writing some songs in peace, with our guitars. Just as we used to when we were at the start of our carrier.
We didn´t want to start with that quickly. We needed some time that we could spend together, but not working. We had a lot of touring, doing albums, even DVDs. We wanted some time together just as sisters, twins, hanging out and having fun.
So Sara decided to stay at my house in Vancouver for a while. It was a long time ago that she was last time at my place, because she lived in Montreal and that was across the whole country. I never wanted her to move out to Montreal, because it was so far away and I still remember, how I begged her to stay at least somewhere closer to Vancouver.
In that time we fought a lot too, but those were just some small fights. Sara decided, that she will move there for her own reasons, she said she wanted to feel more free and shit. But why so far away? I wanted to give her some space, but she didn´t listen to me and she did as she wanted. And for me it was really tough, because I was that clingy twin that always wanted to have her other half by her side. And now, she was gone. Yeah, we were still working together and we were visiting each other, but it was never as it used to be. And that left marks in my own soul, because when you´re too far from your soulmate for too long, you are not as complete as you should be...
Lindsey wasn´t at home, because she was in L.A, working mostly with Paramore and she told me she was also about to take some pictures of Kristen Stewart, the girl who was about to play in that new teenage movie called Twilight. I was a bit sad she wasn´t about to be with me for so long, but I couldn´t do anything about it. At least I could spend all the time with Sara.
Me and Lindsey weren´t together for a long time, we just started dating a few months ago. Finally after all those 4 fucking years of trying it, she finally said „yes, I will try it with you". Those 4 years were a terrible experience for me. I was never rejected by a girl, she was the first one and maybe that´s the reason I wanted her even more. But the problem was she was straight. It took me 4 years to make her like me, for make her fall in love with me and I am not sure I succed, but she is my girlfriend now and that´s all that matters. I won.
And so, Lindsey decided she will move in with me, because I really wanted her to. We started living together. It wasn´t as I dreamed about it, because if I wasn´t somewhere on tour or working in the studio, she was somewhere in L.A making pictures of famous people. But at least, she was mine and I was all hers...
When me and Sara finally arrived to my house, she was pretty surprised when she saw how clean it was, her jaw dropped and I chuckled. Of course she was surprised, because I was the most messy person she knew.
„Oh my god, is this really your house?", she asked me, still shocked and I nodded.
„Well, Lindsey doesn´t like mess, so...And I know you don´t like it too.", I told her and put her bags to the living room, next to the couch.
She shooked her head and sighed happily. I could easily say she was excited to spend some time with me and I didn´t even believe it. This Sara was so different from the one I knew few weeks ago. She was hurt, broken, but also...she was the old Sara I knew since I was a kid. And I was enjoying the fact she was clingy with me.
I grabbed her bags and went to the other room with them, but suddenly Sara stopped me with her hand on my shoulder and I stopped and turned to her, curious.
„What is it, Sar?", I asked her, looking into her eyes, confused.
„Well...I...I was wondering if I couldn´t sleep with you. I can´t sleep when you´re not around.", she conffessed quietly that I almost couldn´t hear her. She was obviously embarrased for this, but I just smiled with my gummy smile. She was so cute when she was so vulnerable that I almost melted.
„Of course you can. There´s no problem with that.", I said to her and I changed my direction to my bedroom. The room was just as I left her – simple furniture, big bed with white sheets and a fresh smell of home.
As soon as I came there I jumped on the bed and sighed heavily. I was finally able to lay in my big super comfortable bed, at home. No more stress, no more waking up before 9 AM. I heard Sara´s soft giggle behind me.
„Finally a real bed, huh?", she asked me as she sat on the bed next to me. I didn´t move a muscle, I was so exhausted. I mean, the whole fucking tour we were sleeping in hotels with terrible beds or in our tourbus. That was the worst thing of the whole tour, I swear. And my back started hurting after that as hell.
I layed on my back and I felt a direct pain in my back, that forced me to close my eyes and a deep growl from the pain escaped my mouth. It didn´t last for a long time, but I hated that pain.
„Does your back hurt again?", Sara asked me softly and I just nodded, trying to ignore the pain I felt when I sat on the bed and looked at her.
„I can give you a back massage if you want.", she offered and I hesitated for a moment, while looking into her eyes. She never done something like that, but I guess it was the new Sara now, who was speaking and acting so nicely to me. And I liked that. And a back massage didn´t sound like a bad idea.
„Okay.", I said and I layed back on my stomach, my arms under my chin, waiting for her to start.
Soon I felt her climbing on me and I giggled a bit. She didn´t weight much and I liked that feeling of her being on me. She sat on my bum carefully, I knew she didn´t want to hurt me somehow.
„Is this okay? Am I too heavy?", she asked me and I chuckled.
„You weigh as much as a pillow, Sara.", I told her and I felt her giggle, because it sent vibes to my whole body.
After that she slowly put her small hands on my back and started with the massage. Her hands were so gentle, she made small circles around my whole back and I couldn´t, but moan from the feeling. I love back massages, I mean, who doesn´t? And Sara was really good at this.
„You know, it would be easier if you´ll take off your shirt.", she told me all of sudden and I opened my eyes, surprised that she suggested this. I turned my head lightly to her, to see her smirking face and I was thinking I am daydreaming or something.
„Uhm...", I didn´t know what to say, but she cut me off.
„Stay the way you are, I will take it off.", she told me and then I felt her hands on the hem of my black shirt, slowly pulling it over my upper body and head. Maybe I would even start complaining, but I was so confused and nervous a little, that I didn´t even think about it.
And so it happend, that I was under my younger sister half naked while she was massaging my back, and since those things I´ve been feeling a few days ago came back to me again, I started to feel the heat and I didn´t like it at all. Everytime her fingertips touched my naked skin, I felt the electricity between the touch shooting through my body.
It was back again. Shit. No. For fuck sake!
I hid my face in the pillow and tried to calm down and to think normal, but it was impossible, when I felt her touching me so gently. I mean, most of the time it was okay, when I was with her. I was trying to make her smile and just to make her happy, but when it came to things like this, when she started to touch me or she slept in my bed, in my arms even, it came back.
All these weird feelings I felt uncomfortable with. Most of all, I felt guilty about this. Maybe it was because we were so separated for so many years and now she started to acting like this and I am just confused or what and I don´t know how to feel about this. Or I am so lonely without Lindsey by my side, that I am starting to think about my own sister in this way. I wasn´t thinking about her like THAT, nope, just...When she touched me I felt so...weird. Shiiiit.
„Tegan?", she asked me, curiously.
„Yep?"
„Are you okay? Your whole body is burning.", she said and I cursed for myself. She must have felt that my body was on fire underneath hers. Fuck. I am seriously fucked up, what´s wrong with me?
„I guess it´s just a fever.", I told her and that´s when she kneeled beside me on the bed, turned me on my back and put her hand on my forehead.
„Just a fever? Tegan, that´s not a „just". You may get sick.", she said in a very serious and worried voice and I smiled.
„Aw, you care about me that much?", I asked her and she smacked my shoulder playfully.
„Dumbass. Of course I do.", she told me and shooked her head.
I just smiled at her. During the last couple of years we used to fight even physically and we didn´t care about each other much. When something happend to me, she just said something like „I couldn´t care less.", and she just walked away, even though I think she did care, she just didn´t want to show it. I was showing my care for her, but after those cold words she used to tell me I stopped to showing it and I was acting like her.
„I will get you something that will make you feel better.", she told me and she got up from bed, but I stopped her with my hand grabbing her wrist.
„Nope, it´s fine. I just need some rest after all of that. Stay here.", I said and I didn´t know what was I doing. I wanted to be with her all the time I could, but on the other side I was afraid of it. I trully was, because I knew something bad was running through my mind, body and ... heart.
Sara hesitated for a while, looking at me, but then she just smiled and layed down next to me, looking to the ceilling above her. Instead of doing the same, I looked at her. She looked very pretty when she was lost in her thoughs. Her eyes were just like mine, but otherwise her face was different and I liked that fact. She didn´t look so broken as she was few days ago, but she was still sad and I could sense it.
„What are you thinking about?", I asked her, bringing her back to Earth and she turned her head to me.
„I don´t even know. My mind is a mess right now.", she replied with a sight.
„Don´t worry, it will be fine. It just need some time.", I tried to comfort her with my words and I turned to the side to have a full view on her.
„You´re probably right.", she said quietly and I grabbed her hand and held it in my own. I didn´t know what else could I do to make her feel like she wasn´t alone. That was actually a positive thing about having a twin. You are never alone. Never.
After a couple of minutes in a complete silence I decided, that the best thing I could do was cheering her up. Enough with sad faces and deep thoughs of everything what happend. She needed to forget and I knew that only my crazy Tee side could make her smile and forget.
„Hey sis, what do you want to do?", I asked her and she turned her head to me, kind of surprised by my cheerful voice.
„I dunno.", she murmured and I thought what should we do. There were many ideas in my head, but I knew we weren´t about to go somewhere, since we were both tired as hell.
„Remember those times when we used to cook together?", I asked her and she giggled.
„Yeah, you mean when I was cooking and you couldn´t do anything without messing the whole kitchen up?"
I laughed at that memory. Sara hated mess, because of her OCD, but in that time she couldn´t do anything else, but laugh at my left hands. Of course, I had to clean it up all by myself, but it was fun and I loved that I could make her laugh with my dumbness. Her laugh was something that made me happy everytime I heard it.
„Well, I am sure Lindsey left some grocery, so we can cook something, ya know. I bet you´re just as hungry as I am.", I told her and she nodded.
„Starving.", she said and I got up from bed, taking her with me.
Well, the whole cooking looked just as I imagined it. Of course I got the whole kitchen messed up with eggs and flour and Sara was just rolling her eyes while she was doing the real cooking. And so when she was so serious, I threw some flour on her and that´s when the whole kitchen fight started. It was a lot of laughing and I swear we both had the flour everywhere and by everywhere I mean literally EVERYWHERE.
Even though Sara wasn´t as strong as me and I could easily win the whole fight, I let her win by her grabbing full fist of flour and throwing it to my face. I had full mouth of flour but I didn´t mind it, because Sara was laughing so hard she had to catch her breath.
Unfortunately, we got so into the fight, that the thing we were cooking (and I don´t even know what it was) burned and we had to order some pizza.
But it was worth. It was a very long time since I´ve seen Sara so happy. She wasn´t angry, she didn´t look sad – she was just laughing during our twin fights with flour and that was the thing I wanted to happen. I succed. She forgot about everything at least for half and hour.
As a winner, she was the first one to use the bathroom to take a long shower. Meanwhile I was trying to get the flour off my skin in the kitchen, but it was impossible, I was still white as a ghost, so I rather didn´t move from kitchen because I didn´t want to mess up the rest of the house.
The worst thing was, that I couldn´t see. I had flour in my eyes and I couldn´t get it out of there, so I was holding a chair, because I was afraid of falling down.
„Tegan! You can use the bathroom now!", I heard Sara screaming and I went in the direction where I heard her soft voice.
As I was getting the rest of the flour out of my eyes, I didn´t look where I was walking and I accidentally bump into something, and when I felt it was a person, I knew it was Sara, who whimpered a little.
I quickly got my fingers out of my eyes and looked at her, ready to apologize, but when I saw her, my jaw dropped and I wasn´t able to say a word.
As I bumped into her, her towel fell down from her body to the floor and she was standing there, right in front of me, naked. My whole body was suddenly on fire, my heart was beating incredibly fast and I couldn´t close my mouth or say anything.
Her body was just so hot and I know it´s wrong to think like this about my own sister, but I can´t lie to my own self. She didn´t look like me – she was smaller and thinier and just...wow.
She was looking into my eyes, and instead of saying something like „Tegan! You fucking piece of shit, look where you´re going and stop staring at me like that!", she smirked and looked down, then she grabbed her towel and got it back to where it was.
„I-I-I am s-sorry, I didn´t m-mean t-to.", I told her in my shaky voice and she giggled.
„It´s okay, but my eyes are up here.", she whispered into my ear as she walked pass me and I think I died right there on the spot.