It had been a ridiculous idea, but here they were anyway, the whole team together at Jones', their tab covered by their fellow cops in celebration of the day's events. Despite no one getting any sleep the night before and a frantic morning rescue followed by a day filled with paperwork and evidence logging, it hadn't been hard to get everyone to agree to a quick drink.
It wasn't everyday that cold case got to rescue someone. Or put a serial killer in the cage he belonged in.
News of their success had spread to the entire precinct by the time Scotty finally got back from those West Virginia woods. Everyone in blue had decided it was a night for celebration.
Neither Lilly nor Scotty had gone home in the last 48 hours. They had spent the whole day working intently, not breaking for a minute, even though the rest of the squad had all come in to help. They had different reasons for not wanting to take a second to think, to rest, but the result was the same. They wouldn't stop until there was absolutely nothing left to do.
In the frenzy of the morning, Lieutenant Stillman had let them finish what they started—rescue the woman, jail the killer. Even when the excitement had died down, he let them furiously go through the paperwork, knowing that even if he tried, there would be no way they would let this case alone. Finally, near the end of the day, when he saw them stretching out their last tasks, eying old files, he knew he had to take a stand before his two best agents worked themselves to death or insanity. Whichever came first.
"Lil, Scotty, you two have the day off tomorrow," he hardly paused a second before adding, "and that's an order."
"Boss—" Lilly's eyes shot up from her work.
"No excuses, Lil. I don't want to see you tomorrow. Understood?" Boss didn't let the pleading he saw in those blue eyes deter him. This was what was best.
Boss had nearly made it to his door when he turned back to face his somewhat dejected detectives. "Now get out of here," he nudged with a smile, "everyone's waiting for you two at Jones'."
They were greeted with cheers as soon as they stepped through the door. But despite the energy of the room and their gratitude at having one more thing between them and their thoughts, neither was particularly up for this party. Scotty was faring better, spinning a tale of events that made them seem like superheroes, joking around with Vera and the group that had gathered around him. Lilly knew she should join in, but even the thought of it made her feel bone tired. So she did the best she could. She sat and smiled and nodded and drank what was put in front of her.
In between stories, Scotty would notice her, sitting quietly, too quietly even for her. It wasn't just the lack of sleep; she had always managed to put on a decent show before. He felt that there was something swimming around just under the surface, that this time, Lilly's front was looking to fall apart at the seams.
He wanted to be there for her. But there was no chance of that with every cop in town gathered around. He would have to wait.
She may have been exhausted, but Lilly didn't want to go home. Between sips and smiles, she kept thinking about how without knowing it, Boss had done the one thing John Smith kept threatening to do—he took away the one thing she cared about. Work. Rationally, she knew it was just for a day, but emotionally, she wasn't sure she could withstand one more thing being taken away. So much had been taken from her already. Did Smith get the last piece? Did she really have nothing left? Is there anyone they can call?
Slowly, the lack of sleep caught up with rest of the team, and one by one they left, congratulating each other once more for a job well done. Seeing his opportunity, Scotty worked his way out of the group of remaining guys to join Lilly.
Soon it was just the two of them, Lilly and Scotty, silently sitting across from each other.
Scotty had been waiting for this moment, but now, he didn't know what to say. Looking at her, it was like she wasn't even in the same room; she was fighting something that as far as he could tell was tearing her apart. He wanted to be there to catch the pieces. And he would wait as long as it took.
Noticing her partner's stare, Lilly suddenly found herself thinking about something she almost never did.
She wanted to reach out.
She had to get her confirmation from someone on the outside, someone who knew her. Someone who she cared about. Someone who could be the proof that Smith was wrong about her.
That she wasn't alone.
"Scotty?" She asked, as if she wasn't sure he'd respond at all.
"Yeah, Lil?" He replied, much more steadily than he felt.
"Do I have you?"
She immediately regretted saying it like that. She regretted saying anything at all. But just like when she called Kite in a drunken state that usually belonged to her mother, the words tumbled out, already beyond her control, making a mess of everything. At least more of a mess than things already are.
"I mean, you know, we're partners, but…outside of partners?" She tried to fix it, stumbling over the fog of sleep deprivation, booze, and emotion.
"I mean…what I'm trying to—what I wanted to say…"
It was no use. She felt the heat radiating from her cheeks. She was doomed to be embarrassed, to push him away, to reinforce her emotional barriers so she wouldn't make another stupid mistake.
So she laughed awkwardly and flashed a half-hearted smile before staring at her beer, letting her defenses regain their position.
"Never mind." She gave her head a shake. "Sorry, Scotty. I…I guess I'm just—"
"Always."
She was absolutely stunned. This cannot be real.
"What?" She managed to spit out.
It's do or die, Valens. Or maybe do and die. The panic was starting to gnaw at his stomach. He had blurted it out. It seemed right, considering what they had just been through. Everything they had been through. Everything he felt. He knew what she was asking and why. He could just answer truthfully, without having to come up with some way of telling her what he knew was true. 'Specially since most of the time I'm worse with words than Lil is now.
Just one word—even if it might send her running.
He softly put his hand over hers. She was warmer than he had imagined. The contact caused her blue eyes to come shooting up, looking for some sort of explanation.
"Always, Lil. Always."