The week went by and despite their best efforts to not let their dynamic change, there was no denying it had.
They were just off—avoiding each other, missing cues, left tongue-tied in conversations—and instead of getting better with time, it was just getting worse. And not just during the day. Both detectives were back to their patterns of dream-filled nights, and the coffee pot was in constant need of refilling. Especially as they both threw themselves headlong into work.
It was late, but Lilly still sat at her desk, once again reviewing the situation with Scotty, hoping to have some sort of breakthrough, some idea of how to get things back to normal. The event in question was embarrassing, sure, but that was it. Awkward and moving on. Right? No, not right. She couldn't speak for Scotty, but Lilly had been thinking about it all the time. All the time. She had been thinking about him.
She even had gone back to sleeping on the daybed, not because her room was any more threatening, but her nights were overrun by him, by wanting him, and somehow, despite the changed sheets that smelled like detergent and nothing of warmth and spice, being there was being close to him. It was pathetic. Lilly had never acted like this. Not as a teenager, not with her fiancé—either one. She felt so guilty that someone or just her cats or the furniture in the room might find out her secret, that she wasn't getting any more sleep than she would suffering through her dreams. She was a mess. More than usual.
Sitting surrounded by her camouflage of case files while the room emptied out, she felt everything crumbling. They had picked up another case earlier on, a robber who had tried to go straight after his release from prison, but even with an active one to focus on, everything went straight back to the man sitting just a desk away.
This never happened. Work was always the one guaranteed escape, the one way to avoid whatever was bothering her. Of course it didn't help that what she wanted to avoid was thinking of her partner. Especially this terrifying idea that kept popping up that he was the one who would stay. She had never really thought about it before, assuming somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew that one day he'd be gone, too, just like everyone else who had once held places in her heart. Did Scotty have a place in her heart? Well, he certainly did now. Loving him…the one who will stay…her thoughts were decidedly less applicable to friendship by the minute. And she couldn't handle that. All she had to do was look down at the file in front of her, try to lose herself in details of the case, even if she had already read them multiple times.
He had sat at his own desk under the pretense of work, but really, Scotty just stared at her. Most of the room had cleared out earlier in the evening, and Lilly herself appeared consumed by the case. Something was different though. He just knew it. The question was whether he should talk to her about it. Whether he should put his own feelings out there and risk ever getting back what they had. He wanted to, but everything told him he shouldn't. He couldn't lose her. It was so much easier just to steal these glances, where she looked beautiful even under the harsh fluorescents, and imagine a day when he could hold her again. He was an addict. Every thought, waking or otherwise, was focused on getting that next high.
He was startled by the clanking of blinds against the glass of the Lieutenant's door.
"Scotty. Lil. My office."
Scotty caught Lilly's quick glance before she moved into the office. He followed, but slower, not wanting to know what this impromptu meeting was about.
The detectives stood at the opposite ends of the room as Stillman sat behind his desk, still intimidating despite his apparent weariness.
"Go home. Both of you."
"But, Boss—"
"Look, Scotty. Lil." He softened his tone. "I don't know what's been going on between the two of you, and I don't need to know, but I do need you to get it together. So go home. Get some sleep. And then do whatever you have to do to fix whatever you have to fix."
The room went silent. The Lieutenant stared at them until both detectives had acknowledged that this was an order, and they weren't getting out of it.
He let out a sigh. "Okay. Go home."
Scotty left, but now Lilly was the one taking her time. She looked at the Lieutenant, wanting him to understand, wanting him to advise her, feeling their relationship had shifted for this brief second to father-daughter from their usual detective-lieutenant as it had a way of doing from time to time. He looked back at her, and while his gaze didn't hold the answers she sought, she did find strength in it. And a reminder that maybe Scotty wasn't the only one left who cared about her.
She left his office only to come face-to-face with Scotty who was waiting outside the door. Neither knew what to say, really. How could they fix a problem without really knowing what it was? And neither one felt like revealing their side of the truth.
"Wanna walk out together?" Scotty asked, immediately thinking that other wordings would have been better. Or maybe they wouldn't have. He just didn't know at this point.
"Sure." Lilly replied. She felt like each time she spoke to him, she was sending telegraphs, short, precise. Words were precious. And more than ever, each word she said felt like it meant more than she ever meant it to.
They both went to get their things and then headed out, their short walk engulfed in silence.
At the parking lot where they split ways, they tried once more to regain the ease they once shared, though it was getting harder and harder to remember what that felt like.
"So…should we…?" Scotty stumbled. They weren't about to have a heart to heart in the parking lot, and he didn't want to force a conversation he didn't particularly feel like having.
"Talk tomorrow?" Lilly stepped in, trying for blasé, achieving little of it. She was sure of one thing—they both weren't looking forward to this.
He sighed in relief. One more night to figure this out. To figure out how he was going to tell her. "Yeah, tomorrow's great."
"Good. Breakfast? The diner?"
"Perfect. 9AM. I'm buying." Scotty added with a smile, since despite the terror of what would happen at that breakfast, he couldn't help the delight that came with the promise of sharing a meal with Lilly Rush. "I don't think Boss will mind if we're late."
"No, I don't think he will. See you tomorrow, then."
"Tomorrow. 'Night, Lil."
"Goodnight, Scotty." She watched him walk away for a moment before she turned in the other direction.
God, she loved his smile.