r/RelationshipAdvice

u/fashionista365

How do I help my best friend realize that not all men are assholes?

Four months ago, the dog my best friend was dating was caught cheating on her. She broke up with him immediately. Since then, she has been talking to this guy she slept with out of revenge (long story short, boyfriend cheated with her sister, she slept with a guy her sister had a crush on), but personally, I think they are perfect for each other.

She doesn't want to get into another relationship right now for fear of the past repeating. I think she needs to rip off the bandaid and get back out there. He seems like a great guy. How do I convince her that this guy is nothing like her ex?

Comments:

u/Motherthing - I would encourage it as best you can. What if you got him to come to her. Show up on the doorstep with flowers or whatever she would find romantic.

u/BehindEverySmile - Four months? She's been talking to him for 4 months already? Make her realize that He's stuck around this long and if she's enjoying her time, why not go out on a date. Seems like it's been benefits with a side of friendship so far. Perfect prospect for her next relationship and she already knows the sex is good if she kept in contact with him.

u/maniacalmuse - Uh oh, sounds like some well-meaning Alice interference, lol! Could go either way, really. But we all know B will come around to E's charms eventually :)

u/mamacat20 - The fact that they are talking is a plus. Don't push her too hard or she just might shut him out completely.

u/Eternally Addicted - u/fashionista365since she's already talking to him, tell her to just keep an open mind and let things progress naturally. She doesn't have to jump into a relationship, just be open to it. And it can't hurt to remind her of the v mind blowing sex! :p

u/That'sMzPeachesTYVM - That IS a good question, u/fashionista365. I hope that your friend will open her heart. It sounds like this guy she is talking to might just be worth the risk.

u/EriCastelo - Remember those tests that come in the pink magazines? Something like that might work, questions like did you make her laugh, did you care about her, and so on. Good luck with your friend!

u/AmandaCat - u/Fashionista, you are clearly a great friend! Keep doing what you're doing…keep listening and being supportive. Keep reminding her that not all guys are like her ex. But don't get discouraged if it takes her a while to work this out. Sounds like her ex did a number on her.

u/JentheBaker - Poor thing! Hopefully he can help you show her that all men are not like the ex!

u/mnnlisa - I do love that u/SwanSong350 kicked ex in the balls. She needs to give revenge guy a chance as they honestly have plenty of chemistry, sexually and otherwise. Just take it slow.

u/edwards-debussy - This is a tough one. Maybe point out that since she's been dealing with this new guy, he's been great to her—nothing like the ex-dog? Good luck

u/StarryBlueEyes - Well, it sounds like they jumped in the deep end pretty fast… maybe they need to slow down and start over. Tell her to go out with the guy a few times, see what he's really like without letting sex lead the way.

u/Mom23xx - How can she not see after 4 months that he's still there talking to her! Get on the phone with this guy and have him do something epic! Grief and anger take time to abate…but when it does man it will be glorious for her.

u/EdwardsFirstKiss - I can see why your friend is being cautious about being in another relationship. But, there is nothing better than to get back on the horse or Dick as in this case. And it seems like it is a gorgeous one! Tell your friend to get back on that horse….or Dick.

u/TwimomJen - Yes, she should take a leap of faith. Not all men are dogs like her ex.

u/MssL - u/fashionista365 you're in a tough spot. your best friend has suffered a huge betrayal. I think only time (and perseverance from Mr. perfect) will show her that this new guy may just be worth the risk.

best of luck to you and her... and him!

u/2old4fanfic - Four months is long enough! She should move on! Maybe set them up on a blind date, or have a party at your house, but only invite the two of them!

u/Romana973 - Continue being the great friend that you are, but she'll have to come to the realization herself. Her ability to trust was broken, so with time, hot-rebound-sex-guy may be able to earn her full trust.

u/SassYNoleS - u/fashionista365 .. You won't have to convince her ... I reckon that u/Maestro77, his magic peen and sweet words will be enough!

u/Annie Butts - It's hard to mend a broken heart.

u/biblepam - Thanks for the update u/Fashinista365 ..good friend

u/princeselisa - u/fashionista365: I don't know if you can convince her. I think it's a conclusion she needs to come to on her own. Can you get a hold of Mr Fuck Hot and maybe get him to come visit?

u/BethMasenCullen any chance you know this other guy and can check in with him to gauge his interest in your friend? Maybe they both need a nudge…

u/musicdaydreams - I think your friend is a little gun shy right now. If you put too much pressure on her, she might run. They are still talking, so hopefully she'll figure it out for herself. You can be in his champion, though. Nudging her in the right direction, but not pushing too forcefully

u/ChristyWIX - u/fashionista365 you're a great friend. It must've been a lot more than great sex and revenge if she's still talking with him four months later. Try to remind her of those reasons. She most likely wouldn't still want to talk with him if he was a bad guy. Seems she's got a really good one.

u/kristysmom - I'm not sure how you get her to do it hopefully she will realize he's the one for her

u/traceybuie - Being the best friend is difficult when your friend is hurting u/fashionista365. Maybe a double date with said friend and hottie? It might be up to hottie to initiate some conversations on the phone or in person to help her realize life CAN get better. ((hugs)) help too

u/GorGirl - u/Fashionista365 - Your friend is so lucky to have you in her corner! Do you ever get to talk with the new guy? If so, maybe the two of you can put your heads together. See if he has a friend you can double date with. Emphasize that your friend needs to see that she's special and needs special care. Good luck!

u/fanfictionalcolic - Organize secretly a meeting between the two and when they are together disappear !

u/Rebadams7 - Time and patience. That willl convince her. Let her heal and hopefully he will prove he's mr right after mister no way right!

u/Sara aka Nikki Black - u/fashionista365, right now all you can do is be her friend and support her. She needs time, and you got to be patient. You can't rush her. But continue to encourage her to start a friendship with the other guy, to take the time to get to know him so she can learn to trust and realize that not all men are assholes. It's not like they will be in a relationship right away. They don't even need to have sex again.

Good luck with your friend.

u/banshee69 - Not all guys are a$$holes. You can't allow one bad apple ruin the whole bag. u/fashionista365 may have to go behind the scenes and make arrangements for the hottie to come to town for a visit.

u/KDMCAM - u/fashionista365-give her a makeover fashionista, throw a party, invite the new guy over and help him woo her. It's been months she needs to see him face to face not just talking to him. She needs to see how the new guy meshes with her friends and life too. Help her get back in the saddle! Get her cowboy hat and let her know it 's to wear when she goes reverse cowgirl! She needs a good hard push to get on that pony and RIDE THAT COWBOY!

u/dowlingnana - Tell said friend (that we all know who it is) that it's just like falling off a bike; you just pick yourself up and get back on...again, and again. And, in the hot guy's case, again and again, is what I'm talking about. ;o)

u/trisha63 - u/fashionista365, Well, Gal, I think you need to find the sexy revenge guy and drop a little info on where you and your friend might be meeting for a drink or dinner and have him casually show up. Invite him to set with you and then bow out with an emergency, as you are a sneaky little relationship ninja!

u/Zveka - Contact this guy and tell him to comme to see her ..maybe he need to make a move first

u/Sarai Masen - She wasted two years of her life with that dog, she doesn't need to waste any more time. Fucker didn't deserve her in the first place, and you're right, not all men are the same, as no all women are the same. You can help her realize that she's not like her sister, even though they were raised by the same parents. Same goes for the hot guy, he's not like the dog and she'll be doing an injustice to him by judging him the same. This proverb might help you: "the measuring stick you use on others is the same one that will be used on you".

u/NKubie - This seems to be a recurring story. I'm thinking these subreddits are related. ;) You're a good friend, u/fashionista365! Keep you reminding your friend how much she has in common with this guy that she slept with and that she may want to explore more. That doesn't have to be a commitment right off the bat.

u/LilCullen454 - Tell Edward to come and see Bella not just talk to her on the phone! He needs to show her he is in for the long haul, and that means driving to see her in person!

u/Beans827 - Pretend you had a dream or a vision of her and him running through the forest and living happily ever after. I'm sure you can convince her you've had these kind of visions in the past and they have all come true!

u/AnakinSmom - She hasn't seen 'best sex ever' in 4 months? It doesn't have to be a relationship at first and she could just enjoy getting to know him as well as more of that great sex. Time to put on her big girl panties (or take them off at the right time) and go see him again. Help her pack for the trip!

Notes: Not sure how many of you go back and read the comments others have left. If you do for yesterday's post by Bella in the AmITheAsshole post she may have just left a little update posted as a comment!

Today's just after midnight post is brought to you by two things. One) LAST chapter was the fastest to 30 reviews! I was shocked how many people responded so fast! Thank you for your support! Two) I AM GOING TO WONDERLAND TODAY! After six months of no roller coasters I can go back to my happy place!