They sat eating, side-by-side. Neither said a word, both acknowledging a silent agreement not to broach their discussion until after they had been fed, needing the energy and not the interruption of mouthfuls of food, both knowing that once they started, this—this peaceful moment that they had managed to create would be lost to whatever waited ahead. And both were afraid that whatever they could bring up to fill the interim would inadvertently reveal everything. It was peculiar, the way they sat, thinking up the right way to start, to get it all out, mulling it over and over in their heads, when they knew that as soon as they opened their mouths, it would all tumble out whether or not they were ready.

They both slowed down as they reached the end of their meals, delaying the inevitable. Finally, Lilly stood up with her plate in hand and looked over at him for the first time since sitting down.

"Do you want any more?"

The words pierced through his thoughts, and he looked up to see her waiting expectantly. He knew it was about the food. He knew it was about what he now realized was an empty plate in front of him. But it took all he had not to scream, yes, God, yes, I want so much more. "Naw, thanks, Lil," he smiled as she grabbed his plate and walked the dishes over to the sink, "That was great."

She smiled back at him, returning with the coffee to top up their mugs, not necessarily needing the caffeine, but rather, something to do, something so it wouldn't just be them and their words. She sat back down and took a sip, steeling herself. They would make it through. She would make it through.

"How do we do this?"

The question was quiet, genuine, just as much to herself as it was to him. Should they start with what happened the week before? With how they couldn't act normally around each other? With what instigated it? With the sleepless nights? But they both knew that the beginning, the real beginning behind all of this stress went back much further.

He looked at her. Lilly Rush was in front of him, in her pajamas, the same ones he had felt underneath his fingertips less than an hour ago though it felt like it had been years. This woman, this contradiction of a woman, softer than the cotton she warmed and tougher than the metal of the gun he knew was somewhere nearby, was looking at him with pure blue eyes, striking in the way that you think it's impossible for a color that beautiful to exist before you see the water off a tropic reef, so clear you can see to as far as the light takes you, before you see it in her. He was looking into those eyes, which had so clearly led him through interrogations and bad days and stand-offs and nights at Jones', and they were waiting for him.

He knew how they would do this. There was only one way.

"Look, Lil," he said with a quiet intensity that she was nor sure she had ever seen, "Before we get into anythin', I gotta tell you something."

This was a start. She let the corners of her mouth twitch upwards as she waited expectantly to see how he would continue, though his almost pained concentration had her a little disconcerted.

"This past week…we both know that it wasn't just that night…that morning that got us this way, you know?"

He was fumbling, rubbing his forehead in frustration before he saw her give a little nod and he realized that he had asked a question, and the affirmation was comforting, but if she even so much as made a sound he would lose all of his nerve.

"An' before you say anything I just need you to know all the facts. The whole situation. I need you to know why I been actin' the way I have." He was pleading, apologizing, staring at his hands, when suddenly, his eyes locked on to hers, the brown so concentrated it was hard to distinguish his pupils darting back and forth. They just shimmered.

"Lil…I love you."

The world didn't end. And Lilly didn't run, or gasp, or cry, or look disgusted, she just sat there, eyes a little wider, a little brighter, and Scotty needed more. He needed to give her more.

"I'm…I'm in love with you. I fell in love with you. I couldn't help it. I can't help it. God, I tried to, you didn't encourage me or anythin', I just—it just happened." He was speeding through, gliding almost, like skydiving without the parachute, dipping and rolling to catch the wind, explain it all before the free fall ended. "That's why I've been tiptoein' around you, actin' like a damn fool. I mean, it's been there for a long time—I don't know how long—but that night—comin' so close to losin' you…God, I've never been so scared. Never. An' my brain won't let me forget it. My heart won't let me forget it."

At some point he had stood up and was now clutching his chest to feel, soothe the pain there, but he never stopped talking.

"And that feeling…it just kept growin'. I just wanted to protect you, from everything, even though you don't need it, but it was okay. It was okay for a little while, tryin' to be normal, but then…wakin' up to you in my arms…knowing what that felt like, knowin' that you could let me do that, I—I couldn't even pretend anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about what I could do to get back to that, but I knew I couldn't, I know we couldn't, 'cause of all the reasons it could never happen, but just bein' around you, I—I thought you'd know, 'cause you're the best damn detective in Philly and I can't keep my heart from racing around you, and if you knew, then—then I'd lose you for good. but I also couldn't keep being with you, every day, an' not tell you—what you mean to me. An' I know this changes everythin'. I know. God, I wish it didn't, but it does. But I had to say somethin'. I had to risk it, 'cause it ain't fair to you. An' I don't expect anythin'—that wouldn't be fair either—I just had to say it, even knowin' that it could ruin everything because it's too much too keep.

"I love you, Lilly Rush, and I will always love you."

He was out of breath, visibly shaken, but standing much taller than he had been. His secret, his truth, was out. And saying it out loud, to her, it was a terrifying rush. Now he waited, knowing that no matter her reaction, she'd need time to process—and he was going to use the same time to brace himself for whatever came next.

She had never experienced this kind of emotion. There wasn't a word for it, not in any language. She wasn't sure the human body was designed to experience all of it at once, that she was in the middle of some kind of overload, but she managed to gain control just long enough to say his name.

"Scotty." She wanted to reply in kind, make some sort of passionate speech, thank him, praise him, comfort him, but she could only eke out two words:

"I know."

He didn't think that he could be surprised, that there would be a response he could not anticipate, but he should have known better dealing with Lilly. Her tone, soft, incredibly raw, left him breathless in anticipation.

Lilly was desperate to continue. "That night…together…" Finally managing to string some words together, the start some sort of explanation, she took the time to consider how to continue. She needed a ramp to get to where he was, to telling him what she felt. Because even though he said these things, and she knew, she knew they were true…how many times had people told her they loved her only to betray her? God, how many times? How many times had they taken the precious gifts of her hard-earned love and trust only to shatter them into tiny slivers that hurt to touch? Why should she let her guard down now, be vulnerable, too? But this was Scotty. Scotty who had saved her life. Who had promised always. He deserved the truth, especially when it could make him so happy. Just one moment of happiness—that had to be enough for her, too.

"That night, I hadn't been able to sleep. I had…my dream, this one nightmare, and it woke me up. But then I heard you—I—I thought maybe someone was in the house, subconsciously, or—I don't know, my curiosity got the better of me. So I went down the hall, and opened your door…" She felt oddly guilty, confessing her trespass. "And I knew I shouldn't have, but you were tossing and turning, and—you looked…sounded so…upset, and I thought, maybe I could help you, so I went over to the bed and held your hand," She realized she had been recreating the movements subconsciously and forcibly dropped her arms to her side. "And you said, I mean, you were asleep, you were dreaming, so who am I to think it meant something, but you said you loved me."

This was it. This was her moment to jump.

"And Scotty, from that moment, I haven't been able to look at you, work with you, I haven't been able to sleep, but not because of bad dreams—because I realized…I love you, too."

There it was. There they were, still standing in the kitchen, at a distance, just looking at each other. Looking with new eyes. They loved each other. There were still the questions of what came next, and what this meant for their partnership, but neither of them cared. For the first time in a long time, the detectives truly saw each other.

Scotty stepped forward slowly, as if one creak of the floorboards would shatter this illusion. He finally reached her, stopping just inches away from her face, staring deep into the blue eyes he had always longed to truly know, and all he could see was the truth—his love, as deep and true as it was, was matched by the depths of hers. His hand slowly moved up to her cheek, his thumb brushing over her incredible cheekbone, the fine lines around her eyes from years of stress and pain. Still she stood there, unmoving, just as afraid of what could happen from any sudden movements, feeling his energy pulse through her, her normally snowy complexion starting to glow under his touch. She watched as his eyes, warm and dark with emotion, started to well up.

Well, damn it if Scotty Valens wasn't about to cry.

His hand left her face to try and hide his, but Lilly's body reacted, not caring about breaking anything with its purposefulness, not caring about anything but touching him, her hand catching his, while the other went straight to his cheek, wiping away what threatened to be a tear, and he smiled. He smiled his big, dimpled, adorable, sexy smile, and Lilly couldn't help but smile back. Not that it mattered, because her mouth was soon otherwise engaged.

Scotty was kissing her. And she was kissing him back.

Author's Note: I realize my apologies continue to lose their worth, but I am sorry for the delay, and I want you to know that if it weren't for knowing that someone out there is reading, I'd have given up on this a long time ago. So thank you for making me be creative! And thank you for letting me know you're there.