"I can't believe I let you-" Sharon starts, shaking her head, "And now I have sand in places I don't even want to talk about."
"I love talking about all your places." Andy grins, picking up her hand and kissing her knuckles as he drives.
She blushes, then holds his hand a little tighter, "Andy...we can't ignore what happened last night with you."
He falls quiet for a few moments, "Why not? It'd be easier." He answers softly.
"Because Mac was so...And you can't treat it with a pat on the back and a shit happens with her. You have to face what occurred. You have to make her believe that you're getting better..." Sharon swallows, feeling as if he had to help her believe too, "She was told her entire life about your alcoholism. She was told horror stories about you from her mother."
"I know she was."
"So fix it, ANdy. She's so broken. First about-"
"Shar-"
"About Matt and now her father is turning into all the things she was terrified of when she was a child." Sharon shakes her head, looking out to the window in front of her, "I know it hurts you, Andy. I know all you've got in you is an intense feeling of guilt, but she lost her brother just as much as you lost your son."
"Andy, I'm pregnant." Trudy Flynn folded her arms around herself.
"What?" Andy glances over to her from the television. His black hair dark as night and graying only at his temples, "We haven't-"
"I don't know how it happened, but it's happened." Her temperament is uncaring and distracted, "So..."
He slowly stands, turning off the football game with the remote, "Was it...the night I came back after Provenza's bachelor party-"
"I don't know who the hell has a bachelor party for their fifth marriage...second to the same woman-"
"Was it that night?" Andy swallows,
What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, she knew, "Yeah." Trudy answers, knowing they hadn't had any relations in months. There was no love between them, but Andy Flynn was a decent guy aside from the drinking and he provided for her and his son. Another child for him to care for wouldn't be a bad thing.
He smiles a little, "I'm...I don't remember. I usually remember."
"You were drunk, Andy."
"I'm trying, Trudy." He moved toward her, slowly reaching a hand out to touch her middle section.
She didn't care, "Once a drunk always a drunk." Trudy moves before he can touch her.
"I know, Shar. I...Maybe it would be best for us to do counseling. I'm usually against it. Don't need someone messing with my head-"
"No, you do a great job doing that on your own." Sharon swallows, knowing she said too much, too quickly, "I'm sorry."
Andy shakes his head, "You're right...you're absolutely right."
"No, I-"
"Shar," He glances to her, "An Alcoholic is never really recovered. Kind of like someone with Cancer. You can treat it and feel better, but it always lies dormant in your system. Any..." He swallows, "Anything can bring it back...can bring back the desire to do it again."
"I know." Sharon nods, "You have to let yourself mourn though, Andy. You have to be able to mourn without worrying that you're going to want a drink."
"I'm always worried that I'm going to want a drink, Shar."
She pauses, slowly letting go of his hand as she stares through the window.
"That's how it works. You think about not having a drink tomorrow. Accomplish that, and you go on to the next day." Andy replies quietly, knowing he upset her, "That's how it works, Shar. That's how it's always worked."
After a few minutes, she finally speaks, "Did you ever hit your ex-wife?"
"Which one?"
"Either of them."
He shakes his head, "Not that I know of, but there's a lot I don't remember."
Sharon swallows, unsure whether she should believe him. Unsure whether he was just trying to protect her from knowing the truth, whatever that truth was. "Charlie used to hit me." She doesn't look at him, but can feel his eyes burning her flesh, "Only a couple times...when he was really wasted. There was...one time he really got to me. It was the final straw. Eve held my gun on him."
Andy sighed, "I remember him hitting you at the hospital when you were pregnant with Kate." He parks out front of their home, "I'd never hit you, Shar."
"You don't know that." She replies softly.
"I'm not drinking anymore, Shar. I'm not. It was..."
"You don't know that." Sharon climbs from the car, walking up to the house.
Andy shakes his head, getting out on his own and following her. He's stopped by his daughters who open the door. He smiles softly, picking up his youngest when she runs to him.
"Daddy, I missed you so much." Kate clings to the man, burying her face against his neck, "We just got home. I saw my baby."
"Did you?" He rubs her back softly, watching his wife silently enter the house, only to be followed by Mac. He closes his eyes, "How is she?"
"Eve named her Freya. Did you know my baby is named Freya?"
"I did." Andy walks up to the house, letting himself inside, his daughter not moving or letting up on her grip of him.
"You should go and see her too, Daddy. She's so big." Kate talks, her face still against him, "Bigger than my dolls."
"She was big when she was born, Katie. Don't think too much about it." He smirks into her hair, "Alright, you need to get down. I have to go talk to Mac."
"I don't think she wants to talk to you."
"Why not?"
Kate picks her head up, looking him in the eye, "She was crying when we were at Eve's. I was busy watching my baby, but she talked about you."
"Did you hear what she was saying?"
The girl shakes her head slowly, biting her lip, "Sorry."
"No, baby. You did nothing wrong. I just have to talk to your sister." He kneels, letting the girl down.
"Kay." Kate grins, "I'm going to ask mom if I can have fried chicken for dinner."
"You can't have fried chicken for every meal, Katie." He calls to her, watching as she runs off. Andy smirks, shaking his head. He glances to the stairs and takes a deep breath before climbing them. He knocks gently on his elder daughter's bedroom door, "Mac, it's me. Mind if I come in." When he doesn't hear a response, he opens it anyway, looking at the young woman.
Mac sits on the edge of the bed, her feet dangling as she looks to the floor, "I didn't invite you in because I have nothing to say to you right now."
"Mac, I know you're upset-"
"Upset?" She snaps her head to look to him, "I'm not upset. I'm pissed off. I'm really...really pissed off at you right now."
He slides his hands into his pockets, watching her, "Then yell at me."
"I don't want to yell at you. I don't have the energy for it." Mac says quietly, looking back toward the floor.
"Yes, you do." Andy continues, stepping closer to his daughter, "Yell at me."
She swallows, "I don't understand how a man can be so selfish that he puts booze before his family. I don't understand how you could hurt Sharon like that. She was in a fucking puddle on the floor downstairs this morning. Did you know that? Did you know she cried all night because you couldn't handle Matt dying?" Her voice is calm, almost eerily so during the line of questioning and accusing. "Because you decided to buy a bottle of booze and lose your shit on a beach like you always did. Matt told me about that. About the time Mom had to pick you up from jail-"
"That never happened." He watches her.
"What?" Mac picks her head up to look at him again, "What?"
"That story...I was never in jail. Not once." Andy shakes his head, "Sorry, keep yelling at me."
"I don't understand how you could even look at liquor knowing you have Kate here. She's so young, Dad. If she saw you drunk, I'd kill you myself."
"Probably after Sharon killed me."
"She cried for an hour last night because you weren't here. You weren't in bed with Sharon and it freaked her out. She hates having her routine changed. You know that." Mac swallowed, "I don't get how you could do it to me. You aren't the only one who said goodbye to Matt yesterday." Tears return to her eyes, "He was the only one I could truly depend on for so long...Mom started to hate me when she was married to the asshole and you weren't there...you were busy with work or making another family. There I was...alone, with a brother who was overseas, but was there for me more than anyone else." She shakes her head, swallowing. "If it weren't for your wife, I'd have...I don't know what I would have done last night."
Andy listens to her intently, tears forming in his own eyes, "It isn't going to happen again, Mac. I won't let it. I went to a meeting this morning and talked with Sharon this afternoon. I wouldn't ever bring it around you or Katie if I relapsed. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Don't make empty promises. Just don't, Dad." She tucks her tugs a loose strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
"We're going to go to counseling, we're going to make this better for all of us."
Mac shakes her head a little, "Just leave me alone for right now, please."
Andy stares at his daughter, nodding, "I love you, Mac. You're my little girl, I always will." He turns, walking to the door and leaving her alone.
The young woman feels her chin tremble with her emotions. She rises from the bed and steps to the bathroom she shared with the empty guest room next to her. She opens the medicine cabinet, pulling down a razor blade she had hidden, like she always did. For emergencies, to help her relax. Mac removes her short sleeved shirt, looking to the two fresh wounds to her upper inner arm from the day before. She presses the razor into her skin, hissing with relief of her pent up emotions. She promised herself she would quit the process. Promised the doctors at the hospital. Even promised Eve, who had showed her the scars she herself sustained from years of the practice. She needed this right now, but knew she was no better than her father.