Chapter Eleven: To Become Independent

Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.

-John D. Rockefeller

ooOoo

Bearskin looked at her in confusion, tilting her head a bit as she forced her body to relax. "No. Should he have?"

The young woman started shaking, and backing away from the cottage. "No… no please," she begged as her eyes began to overflow with tears. "Don't make me go back to him. Please."

Bearskin looked at her and slowly offered her gloved hands out in a gesture of friendship. "I am not here to hurt you, miss. If you need proof, look in the bag next to your curtain."

She looked at the bag nervously, though her eyes kept twitching back to the trapper.

"I assure you that I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I'm here to help. Go on, see what's in the bag," she coaxed, almost like a gruff parent with a reluctant child.

It was times like this that it was hardest to use her 'man voice'. It was taking all her willpower not to use her true voice, especially after talking normally to Baron for days.

Slowly, as if the trapper were an animal, the pale girl stepped closer to the curtain and lifted the bag with difficulty. Her hair almost appeared to be white by the light of the full moon as she felt some of the packages of meat. She looked up at Bearskin in wonder.

"There's more than food," she encouraged in a gruff voice, kneeling down to pet Baron with one gloved hand.

Even her cat was purring in a soothing manner, like he was also trying to convince the girl that there was nothing to fear.

The blonde woman dug deeper into the bag, her beautiful eyes turning wide as saucers as she pulled out the thick winter jacket. She held the bit of clothing to her chest happily and put down the bag so that she could try it on. "If… if it wasn't to take me back to my father," she said slowly as she worked the wooden buttons down the front. "What were you going to do with that tarp?"

"Firewood doesn't do anyone any good if it gets wet. I chopped you enough to get through two weeks, but I wasn't planning on you catching us in the act. I don't supposed you could manage to keep quiet about seeing-"

Bearskin never got the chance to finish her sentence. The girl was too busy throwing herself at the trapper, wrapping her in a hug and weeping into one shoulder. Baron yelped and took several steps back from the sudden gesture.

Bearskin was shocked. This was the first hug she had received in almost two years. A little hesitantly, she wrapped her arms around the young woman to carefully hug her back. "Shh, shh. Everything's going to be all right."

That just made the girl hug her a little tighter. "I-I," she gasped through her tears. "I… I didn't know… how I was going to do it. All of it… on my own."

Bearskin gently ran her gloved fingers over the girl's angel hair to help her calm down. "Why did you need to do it on your own? Come on, you can tell me."

The young woman took in a shaky breath. "My… my father, he… tried to… make me get… married."

Bearskin's flesh ran cold. "I take it you didn't care for his choice of a husband?"

The girl shuddered in horror. "He was even older than my father! He bought me from my father like a sack of wheat, just because he wanted to show off a trophy wife."

The trapper's grip turned a little fierce. "I see. Listen, it's late and I can tell you haven't been sleeping well in a while. There are some more blankets in the bag, so why don't you get back to sleep so that you can tell me everything in the morning?"

"You'll still be here?" she begged.

Bearskin nodded with a small smile. "I'll stay as long as you need me to. You're not alone anymore, I promise."

ooOoo

I promise.

Yukina remembered the last time someone said that. Her father had promised her mother before she died that he would not force their daughter into a marriage she did not want. He had sworn on her mother's deathbed that he could keep the promise, but then chose to break it when that… that swine came to call on her.

Despite all the reasons she had to never trust a stranger, she did not doubt Bearskin's word. If anything, she was doubtful of the fact that she had met the legendary trapper.

This made another time her father was wrong. He had said that Bearskin was just another story the peasants had concocted. Even if a trapper truly wore white all the time and bleached his body pale as a bone, Yukina was certain that he wouldn't be that white without a curse.

When she woke up the next morning, she was warmer than she had been in months. For a split second she thought that she was home, but then recognized the stiff ground underneath the fresh blanket she was sleeping on.

The blonde girl sat up with a start and looked around the tiny cottage she had found and claimed as her own. The pale man was sitting in a corner, the farthest from her. His pure white cloak was wrapped around his body as much as possible, and his cat was sleeping in his arms.

'I thought all animals were supposed to fear him,' Yukina mused as she studied the trapper's face.

He was much younger than she had assumed from the stories and somehow… vulnerable. Why he struck her that way, Yukina couldn't tell, but there was something very vulnerable about the man, especially in slumber.

She eyed the pale daggers strapped to his legs, and wondered if it would be wise to wake him. For all she knew, he might kill her on reflexes alone.

The tawny cat in her arms moved around, purring himself into waking up. He stretched lazily from his perch and gave a very fond look to the man holding him.

Yukina stared at him. Her own cat had never given her a look quite like that. It was almost human.

The cat turned enough to look at her. He seemed to brighten and hopped out of his place to approach her. He rested both of his little white paws on her lap and began mewing frantically.

"What is it?" she whispered, still fearful of waking Bearskin. "What's wrong?"

He began meowing faster, pleading for the girl to understand him. But all the vagabond girl could hear were cat noises.

"… I'm sorry. I can't understand what you're saying," Yukina apologized, feeling a bit ashamed of herself.

The cat gave her a look of despair and hung his head while taking his paws off her lap.

"I really am sorry," she tried again, although she wasn't certain why. After all, how many humans could understand animal speech? She took in a deep breath and scratched his ear while leaning close to the little cat. "How does one safely wake Bearskin?"

The cat looked up at her, gave a small smile and padded back to his owner. He hopped into the man's arms, put his front paws on one shoulder and started licking the trapper's face.

Bearskin began moving around, shaking his head to evade that persistent tongue and finally opened his black eyes with a yawn. "What is it with you and licking my face?" he asked in a surprisingly soft voice.

Yukina gaped in surprise. The voice was like a woman's.

No. It couldn't be! … Could it?

The tawny feline stopped licking and gave a direct look to the blonde girl on the other side of the small cottage.

Bearskin followed his gaze and shook himself a bit as he-she?- connected eyes with Yukina. "Oh, right. Are you feeling better than last night?" the trapper asked, resuming the gruff voice he had already greeted her with.

She quickly closed her mouth and looked at her lap. The sleeves of her new coat were as white as the trapper was. "I'm warmer, at least. This coat's wonderful." 'We're the same size.'

The cursed one grinned at her while standing up. "I'm glad to hear that. After I get back from fetching water for breakfast, I want you to tell me what's going on."

'Couldn't I just as easily ask that of you?' "That sounds all right," Yukina managed to say, also standing up.

"There's flint and tinder in the bag, would you mind starting a fire?" Bearskin asked while setting his, her, cat down.

"… I've never started a fire before," Yukina admitted shamefully. "At least, not successfully."

Bearskin gave her a startled glance. "Then let's get started. Follow me." She walked out of the one-room cottage with the cat behind her.

Yukina followed, although her mind felt slightly numb. Her thought patterns were already adjusting to the possible fact that the legendary trapper was a woman. Her father never would have believed it.

"It's actually pretty easy, once you get the hang of it," Bearskin told her, using her shoes to kick at the ground to remove grass. From any other boot, it would have hardly done anything, but from hers, soon a decent bit of earth was showing in an imperfect circle.

"Most fire pits have stones surrounding it when there's grass, but if you keep a careful eye on it, you shouldn't need it. Now, the trick is to start with smaller branches and such," she informed the girl while gathering a small amount.

Yukina really was listening, but she couldn't take her eyes off of the trapper's face as she explained how to start a fire.

Bearskin was pretty like a girl. The voice could easily be faked. She had never truly been comfortable around men and yet she hugged the pale trapper without really thinking about it.

"… Do you think you have the idea now?" the cursed one asked as a small fire grew underneath her touch.

Yukina snapped back to attention. "It's a bit more straightforward than I thought."

"Good. Now slowly feed it bigger pieces of wood until I get back with the water. Where do you keep your bucket?"

"Um… I don't have one," she admitted. "I've been using a bowl. It was all I had."

Bearskin stared at her in surprise. "That way probably takes all day."

"It does."

"Then I'll be back in a few minutes." Bearskin gave her another smile that seemed guarded and began jogging in the general direction of the stream. "Keep her company, Baron."

"Baron?" Yukina asked in confusion.

"Meow," the little cat answered, placing a tiny paw on her slipper to gain her attention.

She looked down at him, feeling a bit guilty that she hadn't noticed him before. "So, she named you Baron?"

The tawny feline nodded; a smirk almost on his lips.

'My cat couldn't answer questions like that.' Yukina took in a deep breath and kneeled next to the cat. "Baron… she is a girl, isn't she?"

Baron nodded firmly.

Yukina almost started laughing. 'So it isn't my imagination.' She looked in the direction the trapper had left, feeling even better than before. "Then if she can make a living on her own, I can too."

ooOoo

When Bearskin trudged back with her small pot filled with water, the fire was big enough to make breakfast on. "Nicely done," she congratulated the girl while setting the pot carefully between the burning logs. She untied the modest bag of food from her belt to keep suspicions about her satchel low. "Now, why don't you tell me-"

Her cat meowed in irritation.

"-us, what you're doing out here on your own?" she finished, giving Baron an apologetic smile. 'Still not used to having company, I guess.'

"It's a bit of a long story," the blonde woman mumbled, watching her as the trapper began chopping carrots into the pot.

"Tell us anyway. We're not going anywhere for a while."

The girl took in a deep breath and sat on the soft grass. "Well, my name is Yukina, and-"

"What?" Bearskin yelped, hopping away in terror as her cat yowled in surprise.

The girl also jumped, giving her a surprised look. "My name is Yukina. Is something wrong?"

The trapper could only stare at her as her heart pounded in her ears. The name was too close to Ukima's for comfort. "Let me see your eyes," she managed to say after a moment, forcing herself to walk closer to the girl.

"My eyes? What's wrong with my eyes?" Yukina asked, looking a little terrified as Bearskin placed one hand on each shoulder to get a good look.

Where Ukima's eyes had been blacker than any cave, Yukina's was a pale, perfect blue. The feeling was also all wrong; the girl's spirit was too warm.

"I'm sorry for acting like that. It was unnecessary," Bearskin apologized formally, releasing the girl's shoulders to turn her attention to the pot again.

The blonde girl shook her head in numb amazement. "What is so terrible about my name? You have a reputation for keeping a cool head in emergencies."

"Reputations can be deceiving, I have a terrible temper. … Your name reminds me of someone I would rather forget," the trapper eventually managed to say, keeping her eyes on the slowly warming water.

Baron rubbed against one leg, his mew questioning. But Bearskin didn't elaborate further.

"… You could call me Yuki instead," Yukina offered. "That was my mother's pet name for me."

Bearskin looked at her, barely remembering to keep her smile manly. "Yes, I'd much rather call you Yuki." She took in a deep breath as she started cutting small pieces of deer meat into the pot. "Can we go back to your story?"

Yuki nodded. "I'm from Alsdea, not too far from here. My father is a landowner that sometimes plays at being a merchant. He wants… wanted… nothing more than to become part of the aristocracy. He viewed me as a ticket to that kind of life."

The trapper looked at her sadly. "What rank did your suitor have?"

"He was a duke. But… he was…" A shudder finished the sentence for her.

"Old?"

"If it was just that, I might have gone along with it. But he was just so… slimy! He reminded me of a slug, with about as much personality! Father tried to force me to say yes, but… I couldn't bear the thought of letting him touch me, let alone anything else!"

Baron abandoned his mistress to paw at her lap with a comforting purr. She gave him a grateful look and scratched his ear warmly.

"How did you escape?" Bearskin asked while sifting through her herb jars for the soup.

"Pure luck, actually. My governess managed to convince one of the guards to pick the lock on my door and make a run for it." Yuki looked down in shame. "They… my father's men… caught up to us. The guard managed to fight them off long enough for my governess to hide me. She ordered me not to reveal myself for her, and to make for another kingdom as soon as possible. They found her and tried to get her to tell them where I was. She led them off in a different direction after they hurt her so I could escape. I don't know if she's still alive."

Bearskin looked at her with amazement. "You've been on your own ever since?"

Yuki nodded miserably. "I don't dare show my face in public. I don't know how widespread the search is for me. I suppose this explains why I was so terrified to meet you."

Baron meowed at her irritably.

"Both of you," Yuki added with a laugh, giving the cat another scratch on the ear.

Bearskin fought back a laugh. "It's okay, I'm still not used to using plurals either. Breakfast will be done in a few minutes. After that, we'll start your training."

The blonde woman looked up at her in surprise. "Training?"

"Naturally. If you're going to be living on your own, there are a lot of things you'll need to learn, especially with winter coming on." She looked at the slightly caving roof of the cottage with disgust. "Fixing up your home's probably going to be first, if you don't want that roof to crash on your head in the middle of the night."

"I would rather avoid that," Yuki admitted with a nervous laugh.

ooOoo

"Ugh, that stuff smells terrible!" Yuki groaned as Bearskin stirred a pot of thick green goop a few days later.

"Admittedly, yes, but you wouldn't believe how well this stuff works for injuries of all kinds. It stains your hands green, but that's the worst part of using this stuff."

"I bet it doesn't stain your hands green," the pale girl accused as she held an open jar close to the pot.

"You know it can't, at least for long," Bearskin sighed as she began spooning the goop into the jar. "Remember, I went ahead and wrote this recipe into the herb book I gave you yesterday; guard it with your life."

"This stuff works that well?" Yuki asked in surprise.

"Try it when you get hurt chopping wood or gathering berries. It'll make a believer out of you."

Baron meowed in sullen agreement, glaring at his wrapped paw with disgust.

"It made one out of my cat," Bearskin added while fighting back a laugh.

ooOoo

The first arrow missed the target by five feet. The second one shot into the trunk just above it. The third one hit the ground in front of the tree. The fourth one hit the edge of the target.

"Now I'm depressed," Bearskin groaned as she stepped forward to retrieve the arrows.

Yuki gave her a startled glance. "But why? I hit the target, barely."

"That's my point. You're already better with a bow and arrow than I've ever been."

The pale young woman blushed at the compliment and started staring at her new moccasins. "Father would die of shock if he heard you say that."

Bearskin fought back the evil smirk that wanted to cross her lips. "I'll be sure to tell him if we ever meet, then." She pulled the last arrow from the ground and walked back to her pupil. "This time, you shoot all of them. You'll have to have a pretty good aim to take down game or defend yourself in a hurry."

Yuki nodded as she took one of the arrows. Taking a stance like what Bearskin had shown her, she pulled back the string and aimed very carefully.

The arrow flew out from the bow to shoot just left of the middle of the target. The second one was just above it. The third one hit the middle, and the fourth one was just off by a few hairs.

"Yep. I'm nice and depressed now," Bearskin concluded sadly.

"Oh, I didn't mean it," Yuki tried to apologize, but the trapper waved a hand to soothe her.

"Don't worry about it, my friend. I didn't enjoy archery, anyway. Consider the bow and arrows yours."

"… Really?" she asked, a glow shining through her distress. It was clear that she enjoyed archery very much.

"Really. I'll show you how to carve more arrows tonight after supper. That much, I can teach you."

"… Would it be too much trouble to ask for something other than stew?" Yuki couldn't keep herself from asking. She was starting to yearn for a meal that wasn't swimming in its own juices.

"If you feel like cooking, absolutely. But I'm afraid that's all I can cook without destroying the food in the process."

"But what about the two cookbooks you gave me?" Yuki asked while pulling her arrows out of the target Bearskin had woven out of dry grasses.

"I am hoping that you make as much use of them as you do of the bow. They're worthless to me, no matter what I try."

"Then how do you get bread and such? I heard once that just eating meat makes you sick."

"It does, believe me. I usually trade my skins and extra meat for food I can't make on my own, as well as whatever else I need. Sometimes I eat at taverns for a taste of the local food, but I try to avoid doing that too much."

"Why? What's wrong with taverns?" Yuki asked, since she usually viewed them as cozy homes away from home.

"Tavern wenches," Bearskin replied shortly, looking away from her pupil to stare at a tree.

Baron was resting at the base of it. But at the phrase 'tavern wenches', he lifted his head to stare at her in horror.

"…Wait…" Yuki said slowly. "You mean they…?"

"Make inappropriate suggestions and advances," Bearskin snarled under her breath. "It grows old quickly." 'I still don't understand why they bother with a cursed man that keeps turning them down.'

There was silence for a few seconds. Then a strangled sound came out of the blonde girl.

Recognizing the sound, the trapper looked over at her with a glare. "Don't you dare," she warned, but it was already too late.

Yuki started laughing, leaning against a tree to keep her balance.

"It's not funny!" Bearskin protested, but that just made the girl laugh even harder.

ooOoo

Yuki started retching, keeping one hand to her mouth.

Bearskin looked at her coolly and stopped cutting the deer's stomach. "If you don't want to come in contact with other people, you'll need to know this. We'll continue when you're under control."

"H-How can you stand that?" the blonde girl demanded through another gag, turning her face away from the gory sight.

"I've been doing this since I was seven; you grow used to it. Remember, unless you're willing to learn how to do this, you'll have to be seen in town every now and again, at least." 'I'm not all that surprised Baron chose to stay behind for this lesson. His stomach's weaker than hers is.'

"Frankly, I'm willing to take that chance! I… I don't mean to offend, but… I can't do this," she sobbed into her hands. "Killing… cutting… I can't."

Bearskin looked at her sadly. "Very well. Head back to the hut while I think of something else you can do to earn bread."

Yuki nodded, still not looking at her as she stood up and started running back to her little home.

The trapper sighed and resumed cutting the deer's belly. "She didn't even last long enough to see any organs."

ooOoo

"This will work?" Yuki asked nervously as Bearskin stirred her little pot.

"Positive. I sometimes do this for some of the moccasins I make- Baron! Be careful, I like your fur just the way it is," she sharply ordered when her cat made to put his paws on the small cauldron to look within.

Not that there was much to see. It only looked like black ink. He hopped back with a sullen mew.

"All right, do you think you're ready for the next step? It's cool enough," Bearskin said over her shoulder.

Yuki took in a deep breath, wearing only the thin dress the trapper had found her in. "I think so. But won't people notice the color in my scalp?"

"Not if I'm careful, they won't. Put your head on my lap, because this is going to take a while."

Her apprentice nodded and placed her head on Bearskin's lap like a child.

"Turn on your side a bit," she coaxed while taking out the wooden comb from her satchel. She dipped the teeth of it into the black ink she made and started running it through Yuki's long blonde hair. There were immediate streaks, which became more rampant every time Bearskin swished the comb through the ink again.

The girl sighed in contentment. "This feels nice."

The trapper stiffened slightly, worrying that Yuki was going to start flirting. But no, she was perfectly content just to have her long hair combed. Even after all of her hair was as black as night, Bearskin kept combing in case the dye tried to clump up in obvious chunks.

"Your eyebrows will be harder to do, but I think we'll still manage it. Now you can go ahead and even find a job in town if you want."

"No. I like being out here. I think I'll use the books you gave me to make ointments and such to sell. Having green hands isn't so bad."

Bearskin beamed at her apprentice, and resisted the urge to kiss her hair. That was a feminine gesture and the ink was still wet.

ooOoo

"Must you leave, Bearskin?" Yuki asked sadly, one cold morning as a light snow began to fall.

"I'm afraid it has to happen sooner or later. I don't want to be cursed forever. You'll be just fine, my friend," the trapper consoled, although deep down, she really did want to stay.

Yuki was the kind of person that made her want to be Haru again.

Baron rubbed against one of the girl's legs while purring affectionately, but then padded past the two, towards the woods. He looked over one shoulder calmly, almost like he was expecting one of them to follow.

"Yes, I know," Bearskin told him, not quite ready to leave yet. She looked at Yuki, giving the girl another guarded smile as she fished around her satchel. "There's one more thing I want to give you before we leave."

"After all you've already given me?" Yuki asked incredulously. "You even gave me your cooking pot."

"I can get a new one easier than you can." Still smiling, she grabbed the girl's hand and placed the wooden comb in it. "This comb has served me well since leaving the Northern Lands. I hope it serves you just as well."

The teeth of it were stained black like her hair, but Yuki nonetheless held the trinket to her heart. "I'll treasure it. Thank you, Bearskin. For everything." Without warning, she lunged forward for another hug.

Still feeling a bit nervous about this much affection, Bearskin hesitantly wrapped her arms around her ex-pupil. She was careful about the pressure, although inexplicably reminded of the first time she shook Machida's hand.

"I'll keep your secret, Bearskin," Yuki whispered into one ear.

"My secret?"

"Yes. No one will even know we've met, I promise."

"Secret?" she asked incredulously.

Yuki smirked a bit more evilly than the trapper thought she was capable of. "You don't do the voice when you're falling asleep or just waking up. I bet that's another reason you avoid taverns."

Bearskin gaped in shock. "Dang it," she muttered under her breath. "I forgot that's partially why I move around so much."

"Good plan. I'll keep my promise, though," Yuki informed her with a smile. "No one will know we've met."

"Thanks," the trapper replied with a more relaxed smile. She gave the girl another squeeze and forced herself to walk away. "May good fortune fall to you."

"To you, as well," Yuki bid her sadly. "I hope you find the cure soon."

"Thanks," Bearskin repeated, forcing herself to walk into the trees with Baron. 'She knew I was a girl, but still liked me?'

"Meow?" her little cat asked worriedly, pawing at one of her pant legs as they strolled through the softly falling snow.

"… This isn't good," Bearskin concluded sadly. "I've been letting myself get too happy."

"Meow?" Baron asked incredulously.

"The happier I am, the more obvious it is that I'm a girl," she summarized with a sigh. "I hate it, but that's the way it is."

He gave her a sad look and managed to run his body over one leg while she was still walking.

"… Would you have rather stayed with Yuki?" she asked hesitantly.

Baron shook his head while giving her an affectionate smile.

"I'm glad," she sighed, pausing long enough to brush a gloved hand over his back. "What do you say we go to Thegui instead of Alsdea so we don't have to deal with Yuki's father or her suitor?"

Her tawny cat grinned and took off running as fast as he could.

Biting back a laugh, Bearskin gave pursuit. 'I know I should make him stay with Yuki, but… I miss being happy. I can be a little happy and still be Bearskin, can't I?'