A/N: I'm leaving on a long family road trip, so I decided to update early this week. I have no idea if I'll have internet connection where I'm going, so I apologize in advance if anyone tries to contact me for the next two weeks.
Chapter Eighteen: To Grow Up
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
-E. E. Cummings
xxXxx
"It feels like a lifetime ago, so I'll be honest about how things were. I was a spoiled brat. Anything I wanted was given to me on a golden platter, and if it wasn't quick enough, the person responsible was punished. I had everything; fine clothes, beautiful horses to ride, and countless girls throwing themselves at my feet. While I indulged myself and spent all my time doing whatever pleased me… it didn't really please me."
"Why is that?" Bearskin asked as Baron resumed his place on her lap.
"Because I had everything, I had no needs, no desires. As strange as it sounds, having everything is a lot like having nothing. There wasn't really much to look forward to, because every day was the same. I knew Father wanted me to settle down with one of the girls I caroused with, but none of them appealed to me for a long term basis. Actually, they got on my nerves, so to escape them and my so-called 'friends', I started taking long rides in the forest bordering the family estate. They weren't exactly exciting compared to the parties, but very relaxing. One day, I went a little farther than normal, and overheard the most angelic voice singing," he said worshipfully, a beautiful smile showing through his filth.
"I take it you investigated?"
"Of course. I followed the voice to a clearing I had never seen before, and in the middle of it was this tall tower, built without doors or windows except for one window near the top. I spent a few hours trying to figure out how to get inside before I saw a middle-aged woman climbing out of the window and hid so she wouldn't see me. After she climbed down and left, I imitated her voice to get whoever was in the tower to throw down what I thought was the rope she used to climb down."
"What was it if not a rope?" Bearskin asked as Baron gave a mew of confusion.
"Hair. Her hair." He gave a small laugh at the memory. "Boy, was she surprised to see me instead of her mother. Almost knocked me clean off the tower, too. For never having met a man before, she had a mean right hook."
A wide grin spread over the trapper's features. 'So he liked more than just her looks.'
"It took some pretty quick talking to convince her to calm down enough to have a decent conversation with me. Zela doesn't have any memories of being outside the tower because her mother's really overprotective of her. She has reason to, though. Zela's… well, she's amazing. Every other girl I've met spent so much time trying to impress me that I don't really know what they're like, but not my Zela. Because she had never met a stranger before, it didn't occur to her to be anything but herself. Admittedly, she was very naïve, but she made some of the best bread I've ever tasted. But she didn't cater to my every whim. She kept trying to get me to leave before her mother found me there. I understand now why she was so worried, but at the time, I thought she was overreacting."
"You've obviously never seen a mother defending her young," Bearskin muttered under her breath.
"That I have not. Did not, I mean. I found out after a few months of visiting Zela." He shuddered from the memory and began rubbing his arms against the chill of the night.
The trapper pulled a thick blanket out of her satchel and wrapped it around the man. "You were caught?"
"… Yes. Her mother was waiting for me." He pulled the blanket tight over his shoulders. "I didn't see her until after I was in the tower. She hit me on the head with something hard. I blacked out."
"Zela agreed to let her mother do this?" she asked in horror.
He shook his head mournfully. "Zela wasn't there. The last thing I saw was the end of her hair tied to a bedpost. That woman cut off all of her beautiful hair!"
Baron mewed in sympathy and hopped onto the man's lap. The blind man in turn wrapped his arms around the cat for some sorely needed comfort.
"What happened when you woke up?"
"… by the time I did, it was too late. While I was unconscious, Zela's mother cut out my eyes for looking at her child. She also promised that I would never find her again before tossing me out of the tower."
Bearskin shuddered from the idea, since she usually left eyeballs alone when plying her trade. "How did you survive a fall like that?"
"There was a rose bush with long thorns surrounding the tower. I had a lot of cuts and bruises by the time I got free, plus my left foot still acts up in colder weather. I think I started walking on it too soon, but I had no choice. By the time I made it to a village, no one would believe me when I tried to tell them who I was. A few people were nice enough to give me scraps from their tables, but I was still driven out as a madman." Juan managed a wan smile as he held the blanket even tighter around him. "That's pretty much been my life since then; wander around blindly, get rejected, and try to find a lead on Zela. She has to be around somewhere."
"Wouldn't it make more sense to go to your father's place and get some help? There's only so much looking you can do on your own."
He laughed harshly. "Even if I knew which way to go, I wouldn't make it past the gates looking like this. On top of that, the guards probably wouldn't recognize me without my eyes, and the only thing I have that could convince them it's me is with Zela."
Bearskin cocked her head at him while wrapping another blanket over his legs. "What is it she has?"
"My family ring. I gave it to her as a symbol of my wish to marry her, and her mother would have flaunted taking it from her if given the chance. Even if I could return to my life without the ring, I wouldn't want to without Zela. Zela's safety is the only thing that matters to me anymore."
She hummed softly at the declaration. "In that case, get some rest. We've got a lot to do in the morning."
He looked up sharply in her direction. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that we'll need to clean you up and figure out where we are. Wherever Zela is, I'm certain she would appreciate you to be in clothes that don't belong in a trash heap."
His mouth opened slightly in wonder. "You mean… you'll help me find her?"
Baron purred the affirmative, patting Juan's cheek before abandoning him in favor of Bearskin's lap.
"I have a hard time turning away people that need help. Sweet dreams, Juan," she wished him while curling up with Baron inside her cloak.
"Sweet dreams… you know, you never did tell me your name," he reminded her as he adjusted himself comfortably on the ground.
"I'm not exactly in a position to, and if I give you a hint, you'll have trouble getting to sleep. I'll tell you in the morning."
Juan looked inquisitively in her direction and bit back a laugh as he drifted to sleep. "If not for your cat, I'd ask if you were Bearskin. But my luck isn't that good."
"Why not?" she asked as Baron gave an amused purr.
"Bearskin's only a myth. But it sure would be nice if someone like him existed."
She bit back a smile and allowed sleep to come. She didn't entirely trust herself to reply to that last comment.
ooOoo
Juan's mouth was agape the next morning after a meager breakfast. His hands blindly ran through the corner of the fur cloak, occasionally tugging on it to be sure that it was strapped to someone's shoulders.
"Do you think you're convinced yet? We really do need to get several things done today, you know."
"… I'm sorry, if anything I said offended you last night."
"Relax, I've heard much worse. Now come along, I found a stream that you can wash up at," she encouraged, helping the man to stand up and lean on her arm again.
"But I have to admit that I thought you'd be taller," Juan managed to laugh nervously as Baron walked next to his keeper.
Bearskin bit back a smile. "There's a new one. People are usually confused by my age and lack of facial hair. Watch your step, there are roots here."
Juan did as he was told, still in shock over his good fortune. "I really can't thank you enough for this, Bearskin. I mean, this really is an honor!"
"And it will be your honor to get washed up," she informed him as they found the water's edge. She unhooked his arm from hers and pressed a cake of soap and a large blanket to use for a towel into his arms. "Call out if you need anything, but I want to see if there's a village nearby that we can get our bearings at. Baron, can you keep him company?"
He mewed the affirmative, hopping onto a rock to rest comfortably.
Juan shook his head as he began taking his shirt off. "I was so certain that I heard animals can't stand you."
"Baron's the exception to that. I should be back in about an hour," she promised, already turning her back on the man to march back into the trees.
Although her cheeks remained as white as bone, she could feel them turning hot and uncomfortable. Having been raised in a land that measured snow by feet instead of inches, she wasn't used to seeing a lot of skin. She hadn't seen much of Juan's chest before leaving, but it was still enough to make her wish she had seen nothing.
A familiar caw came from her left. Bearskin looked up and almost laughed. "You know, I'm not all that surprised to see you here," she informed the crow as it glared at her.
"Caw!"
"I mean, I'm pretty sure you're not the same crow that's been following me for years, but I'm used to black birds stalking me. Is there a superstition involving crows other than bad luck?" she couldn't help but ask herself.
The bird cawed indignantly, but the trapper shrugged it off. 'Come to think of it, bad things don't really happen when a crow's nearby.' "Oh well. That's not what I should be concerned about. Say, do you know if a village is nearby?"
The crow cocked its head and flew deeper into the woods.
"Is that a yes or a no?" she called after it.
A caw was the only reply.
Bearskin shrugged her shoulders and started running after the bird. 'It's worth a try, I guess.'
The crow began flying faster, ever faster until leading her out of the forest. She blinked in surprise, since the sunlight was much purer away from the trees. But once her eyes adjusted, she was able to see a quaint little town bordering the woods.
The crow from before was now nowhere in sight.
She grinned, and began marching toward the town with a purpose. "Thank you, feathered one."
ooOoo
"It's been longer than an hour," Juan tried not to complain when the trapper rejoined them by the water's edge.
She set the large bag over one shoulder onto the ground and scratched Baron's ears as he pleaded for attention. "I know, but the good news is that I know where we are and I have the supplies we need to keep looking for Zela." But instead of opening the large sack, she made the duke's son sit on the rock Baron had been resting on and pulled out her mother's scissors. "But you're due for a trimming before I give you the clothes I picked up. They're nothing fancy, but at least they're in your sizes." She cut off the bandages covering his eyes.
He yelped from the pain and held his hands to his face. "Frankly, I'd have been happy to wear your cast-offs."
Baron purred in amusement. The man was twice the proportions of the trapper.
"Trust me, that wouldn't work. I have a much slimmer build than you." She quickly began combing through his gnarled hair, straightening it the best she could before cutting it off in huge chunks.
"Could you make it to my shoulders?" he asked hopefully.
"I've already taken off too much for that. I'll go ahead and apologize in advance; this is the first time I've cut someone else's hair."
"On the bright side, I won't have to look at it if it's not done well," he responded with a light-hearted laugh.
"Stop laughing, this is hard enough without a moving target." 'With the way this is going, I don't think I'm going to try to shave his face. He'll have to be satisfied with a trimmed beard.'
ooOoo
Weeks ticked by. The late summer was turning into autumn and there was still no sign of the girl.
Juan grew more worried as a result, almost constantly scratching the back of his head around the fresh eye bandages. "What if she was taken to another kingdom? What if she's on another continent? What if her mother forced her to marry someone else?"
"What if you are freaking out?" Bearskin tried not to snap at him one night, just as darkness was about to close in.
Baron gave her an annoyed yowl and butted his head against an ankle.
"I'm sorry, I can't help it. Zela's never been out of that tower before, and I don't think she'll be able to survive a winter on her own."
"You know, she could still be with her mother."
"Is that meant to be a comfort?"
She sighed and forced him to sit down on a log. "It's best to make camp for the night. You'll need to watch the fire while I hunt down dinner, Baron."
He meowed just before gathering sticks again.
"That really is unnerving, Bearskin."
"What is?" she asked while using her boot to kick a decent fire pit into the hard earth.
"The way you speak to your cat. One would almost think he was a human from how you talk to him."
Baron froze solid while dragging a bigger branch.
"I see no reason to speak any differently to him than anyone else. You don't mind, right Baron?" she asked over one shoulder while taking out her flint and steel.
He meowed while shaking his head.
"Besides, he's really smart. If he was a dimwit, I wouldn't leave him in charge of a fire." Once the sparks took hold, she scratched Baron's ears affectionately. "Keep an eye on things for me?"
He nodded, angling his head back to lick her wrist, despite the fact that the glove was in the way.
"I should be back soon," she promised in her man voice just before taking off into the woods. '… Come to think of it, Juan's not the only one confused by Baron's intelligence. What do they expect from a cat anyway?' She tried to brush off such thoughts and focus only on the hunt.
Within minutes, she found a mighty stag. The chase he led her on was a merry one that sent her heart to racing, but the outcome was very predictable.
She got up from on top of the deer and patted the still neck affectionately. "Thank you for the race, swift one. Enjoy your final rest." A little searching produced a knife and she got to work.
"It couldn't be," a voice whispered after a few minutes of removing organs.
Bearskin looked up at the strange voice and got to her feet; gutting knife held ready. "Who's there? Show yourself!"
A bit of rustling came from the bushes on her left, only to reveal a young woman in rags.
A pregnant woman in rags! She was solidly built, a bit taller than most girls and quite lovely. But her beauty did nothing to disguise the muscles in her arms and slightly exposed legs. It wouldn't be such a stretch to imagine that she had a great right hook.
"Are you really Bearskin?" she asked, her tone a bit more childlike than one would expect from such a solidly built girl. "I thought you were only a myth."
The trapper nodded. She stared in horror at the greatly swollen belly, fearing the worst. "What is your name, young lady?" she asked while placing the blade back into her satchel.
"Rapun… no. I'm Zela. Just Zela."
'That dirt bag of a nobleman! Well, at least he intends to marry her.' She managed a careful smile and bowed to the girl. "Tell me, Zela; what would you do if I said I know where Juan is?"
Zela gasped in surprise. "He's alive? Truly?"
"Yes, and he never stopped looking for you. May I have the honor of escorting you to him?"
"Oh yes, please," she begged, though a whimper escaped her lips as she stumbled on a rock.
Bearskin was quick to catch her. "Easy there, you have precious cargo to worry about."
Her nose wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Your child, of course." The pale woman gestured at her belly.
"Oh don't be silly. How could a child get in there?" she laughed innocently, but winced after a second. She place one hand against her ample stomach, trying to ease the chaos that was likely coming from within. "But I do have to admit it sometimes feels like there's one in there. I'm just fat, really."
Bearskin stared at her in horror. The girl didn't have the slightest idea what was going to happen in a short amount of time. Very short, if the size of her belly was any indication.
"Not that I understand how I could have gotten this fat with how little I've been eating since my so-called mother dumped me out here to fend for myself. You are certain Juan still wants me?" she begged, holding one of the trapper's arms almost hard enough to cause bruising. "Even though I'm fat now?"
"He speaks of nothing else, and if he truly loves you, he'll love you even more now. Here," Bearskin offered, producing a pair of fur-lined moccasins from her satchel. "Your feet look cold."
The girl was moved to tears of gratitude as the trapper helped ease them onto her feet. "This is the first time in months my feet have been warm!"
Just in case the girl was still cold, Bearskin wrapped a thick blanket over her shoulders before grabbing the back legs of her prey. "Let's get going. It's a small distance back to camp." 'And he can explain what she's going to go through soon!'
ooOoo
There were many tears and kisses exchanged when Bearskin returned with Zela. The pregnant woman was sobbing uncontrollably, joyful to be reunited with her love, yet mournful for his blinding.
"Darling Zela, you can still love me without my eyes, can't you?" Juan begged as he ran his fingers over the face he loved so well.
"Without a thought, Juan. Can you love me even though I'm fat?"
"No, you'll never be fat! That's one of the things I love about you; you're no wisp like the other girls I've seen. You're solid, you're strong-"
"She's also pregnant," Bearskin growled at him, just keeping herself from adding 'you moron'. She had been keeping herself busy with preparing the meat for dinner, but there was only so long that she was going to keep quiet over the girl's scandalous condition.
Juan's face became pale as his mouth fell open.
"What does that word mean, 'pregnant'?" Zela asked him with childlike confusion.
He didn't answer, but ran his hand over her arm until finding her belly. He placed it here and there until feeling something that made his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
Zela laughed nervously. "Sorry about that. My indigestion's been really strange for months."
"… You're carrying my child," he whispered worshipfully, placing his face against her midsection. "I can't believe it… we're going to be parents!"
"What? But we didn't write the stork!"
Baron slapped his paw against his face with an agonized meow.
"My thoughts exactly," she whispered to him as she began cutting up the meat into a stew. "He'll have such fun explaining this one."
He gave an agreeing meow, flattening his ears in an attempt to blot out Juan's badly butchered 'baby talk'.
Bearskin could only wish that she could do the same, but someone needed to make dinner. 'Note to self; get more bowls and such at the next village. This is going to be difficult. How am I going to transport a blind man and a pregnant woman that could easily give birth at any second? If horses didn't mind me, I could just buy a wagon and-'
"A baby's going to what?" Zela screamed in horror, drowning out the trapper's thoughts.
Juan winced from underneath his clean eye bandages. "Please don't make me repeat it, darling. Once was embarrassing enough."
"Bearskin, he was only joking, right?" she begged the pale woman.
But she could only shake her head. "He's more or less explained what's going to happen. I'll try to get the two of you back to his estate before the baby comes, but I don't know if it will be fast enough. You look like you're about due."
She sat on the log, pale with shock. "I am never going to do that with you again," she snarled at Juan, who now seemed very uncomfortable.
"Now, Zela, try to stay calm," he tried to soothe her.
"Calm?! How can you ask me to stay calm when you're the one who did this to me?!" she screamed at him.
Juan flinched back fearfully from her powerful lungs. "Um, Bearskin? A little help, please?"
"No. I'm on her side of the argument," she informed him while using a cup to serve up soup. "However, Zela, stress probably isn't good for the baby. It might be a good idea to yell at him after the baby comes instead of before."
The black-haired woman accepted the bowl and snuck another glare at the father of her child. "Fine, I'll wait. Is it going to hurt?" she asked in a tiny voice.
Bearskin looked at her, and then at Juan. 'With how badly he butchered the explanation, she could use some encouragement.' She knelt down a bit to be at eye level and squeezed Zela's shoulder in a gesture of comfort.
Baron also leapt onto the log and padded her arm while purring softly.
"It's going to be one of the most painful times of your life," the trapper told her in as gentle a tone as her man voice would allow. "But you'll know it will be worth it the first time you hold your child. Nothing will be able to compare to it, I promise."
Zela looked terrified at the answer, but after a moment, a brave smile dared to cross her lips. "Thank you, Bearskin. I hope you're right."
"If I wasn't, there would be a lot less people around," she dared to joke, trying to lighten the mood somewhat.
She gave another smile at that. "I wouldn't know. You're only the third person I've ever seen."
"Bearskin's right, Zela," Juan replied, obviously trying to put himself back in her good graces. "Some mothers have eight children or more before they decide they're done, and I'm not going to let you go through it alone. I'll be right here through all of it."
She managed a weak smile at that one. "You had better, Juan Ricardos."
ooOoo
Bearskin hated being stared at. As far back as she could remember, she hated being stared at by anyone other than her parents. But there was little she could do about it, other than ignore it.
So that's what she did as she entered another small town, leading Juan with one arm as he did his best to support Zela on his other side. Baron was on the trapper's other side, keeping pace with the three humans perfectly.
"I don't think I'll be able to walk that long again," Zela moaned while trying to step as gently as possible. But that didn't stop her from staring at everything in wonder.
"Don't worry, I've got a plan," Bearskin assured her as she led them to a general store.
Everyone inside stopped what they were doing, staring at the trapper as she led them to the back of the line.
"Can someone spare a chair for this lovely lady?" she grunted while gesturing at Zela, who was nearly whimpering in pain.
One man who had been smoking a cigar immediately stood up and brought his seat over.
"Thank you, sir," the girl said thankfully as the pale woman helped her into it.
"My pleasure. We all thought Bearskin here was a fairy tale."
Now that Zela was taken care of, the trapper leaned down so that Baron could hop onto her shoulders again. "Clearly, I am not. Can we please keep the line moving? I'm certain everyone present has more than this to do today."
"You can go ahead of me," one man offered as three others nodded their heads.
Bearskin couldn't help but feel a bit of déjà vu. Where people had once stepped aside for her out of fear, they now did it with respect. "I wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone."
"No inconvenience, it's an honor!" the store keeper declared as the rest of the men also stepped to the side. "What can I do for you, Bearskin?"
Since the others were being so polite, she stepped forward and began listing the travel supplies she would need to provide for her new traveling companions. There were a few things he didn't have, such as more suitable clothing for Zela, but he was still nice enough to tell her where to go in town.
"Is that about everything?" he asked while filling her bag with breads and vegetables.
"There's one last thing, actually. Do you know anyone that would be willing to sell me a small wagon?"
One of the men that had been waiting in line decided to speak up. "I have one you might like. How small are you hoping for?"
"Just big enough for these two to ride and possibly sleep in," she answered while gesturing at Juan and Zela.
The duke's son was now lovingly rubbing his lady's back and shoulders to help her relax. A blissful smile was on the girl's face, even as she rubbed her huge belly with one hand.
"It'll be slightly cramped, but I think it'll work, if you want to take a look," the man decided after a moment's worth of thought.
"I would love to. Baron, can you stay with Juan and Zela?" she asked while paying the storekeeper.
He meowed once and hopped off her shoulders to place himself close to Zela's feet. The girl smiled and managed to lean over just enough to pick him up and set him against one shoulder to rub his fur.
"We don't need a babysitter, Bearskin," Juan complained, unknowingly sparking her mischievous side.
"Be sure to keep them out of trouble for me," she finished with a smirk, nodding at the slightly dirt-covered man. "Where is the wagon?"
"Right this way, Bearskin," he answered, leading the way out of the store, through town, and to a small shabby house that was on the verge of being a hut.
ooOoo
Roughly an hour later, Juan and Zela were sitting quite close to each other on a small but well-made wagon, drawn not by a horse, but by the cursed trapper herself. The bags of supplies were in the back with Baron on one of them, pouting over not being allowed to walk with his keeper.
"Don't you find this demeaning at all?" the blind man couldn't help but ask as she settled for a brisk walk.
"Between pulling a wagon and carrying Zela while guiding you, I'll take the wagon. No offense meant, Zela."
"None taken," she replied, wincing slightly as the wagon hit a stone in the road. "This is much faster, really."
"My thoughts exactly. I smell snow in the air and we want to get you two home as soon as possible."
"Um, Bearskin?" Juan asked nervously, putting an arm around Zela's shoulders. "Do you think Father will want me back after I explain everything? I mean, Zela and I aren't married and we're having a baby."
"That one was your idea, darling," his love reminded him, her eyes turning hard again.
"… I don't know your father, Juan. But I'll tell you this; if he's anything like mine, he'll be so relieved to have you come back that he'll run to meet you. He'll do whatever it takes to make the best out of a bad situation."
Baron looked up between the two humans, but no one noticed.
"Your father sounds like a good man," Juan answered, only a little comforted by her words.
A sad smile crossed her lips, one that she didn't have to hide since she was facing away from them. "One of the best. His cooking was terrible, but he was still one of the best."
"What about your mother? What was she like?" Zela suddenly asked, maybe a little miffed about all the man talk.
Every muscle in her body tensed, although her heart ached for the woman she barely remembered. "She was one of the bravest people I have ever had the honor to meet. I wish everyone could be as brave as her." 'Including me.'
Juan sighed softly. "I wish mine was like that. Father says I got my partying habits from her."
"It's never too late to change, Juan. I can think of two very good reasons to shun that kind of living, and both of them are right next to you."
He smiled in a foolish manner and rubbed his love's belly with his free hand. "They're both worth it."
That simple statement made Zela's heart melt before kissing him impulsively.
On that happy note, they continued in silence until sunset. They made camp, Zela helped her make dinner and they got some rest. The next day was much the same, as was the following day.
But on the fourth night, the still midnight silence was broken by a panicked shout.
"Bearskin! We need your help!" Juan nearly screamed from his place in the wagon.
"What? What is it," Bearskin slurred, rising to her feet in a fighting stance.
Baron was equally miffed about the interrupted rest, since he had been in her arms again.
They got their answer as Zela cried out in pain from her place in the back of the wagon. "The baby's coming! The baby's coming!"