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Chapter 4

They say some things in this world are best left a mystery. Then there are the people who won't stop until the mystery is solved. I think some people cannot handle it when they finally solve a mystery. Its either not what they wanted, or its too crude and they turn away from it. I like to think of Erik as a mystery some people aren't strong enough to face.

Though it was hard to think about, I wanted Erik to take his mask off for good. It would make him stronger and it would make me stronger as well. I wanted to get used to it because at this point if he took it off while I was off guard, things wouldn't be too pretty. I knew it wasn't going to be easy being that his face was Erik's biggest insecurity, but it was something that had to be done in my mind.

It was peaceful in his lair; Erik was playing music on his grand piano. He knew I liked it better when he played the piano instead of his organ. Deep down I figured he liked his organ the best, but I think he liked seeing me pleased more than anything else in the world. So he played joyous tunes on the piano, then darker symphonies, then one of his own songs. Erik loved to romance me with his piano, because he knew it had an affect on me. Every now and then while he was playing he would glance over at me and I would smile at him. Then he would go back to playing. Things were getting simple like that, and it left less room for complications.

On this specific night, however, a complication was to be brought up. For a moment I had a flashback of the first time I ever removed his mask. I did it while he was playing music on his organ, and he didn't take it too kindly. He chased me around cursing and upset until I fell and lay there on the floor scared as ever. I did not want things to go that way again.

I stood up from my chair and walked over to him. He played softer, sensing me getting closer. It was going to be hard to get him to stop playing all together, so I decided to use a little technique.

"Erik," I said, trying to sound upset.

He immediately turned toward me, his hands still on the keys. I turned away from him, not letting him see my face. I could feel him gracefully and swiftly rising from the bench and slowly coming towards me. I walked over and sat back down in his throne chair, as I liked to call it, knowing he would kneel down to my level like he always did. Erik got down on one knee and put both hands on the arms of the chair.

"Erik," I said again, his eyes told me to go on, and he gestured to just tell him, whatever it was.

I just couldn't find the words for this. So I slowly reached up and touched both sides of his face. He flinched a little, looking vulnerable, but did not seem to know exactly what I was going to do. When I started to run my fingers along the edge of his mask, he tried backing away. I took him by his shoulders, trying to prevent him from moving farther away. He looked at me in a worried state.

"Please do not fear my reaction to what's behind your mask, Erik." I whispered softly to him. His eyes looked glassy, and he swallowed before he spoke to me.

"I want you to be pleased with my appearance." He said in his gentle high voice.

"Stop trying to please me and just accept that what will be will be." I said, trying to get through to him.

I actually thought he was going to resist longer, but he just nodded his head slightly and looked up at me. I reached up and once again ran my fingers along the side of his mask. When my fingers slowly pulled the mask away he turned his face, following my hand and closing his eyes. Once the mask was removed I could feel myself squirm with discomfort. Looking at his face seemed to never get easier. I felt him shaking and I gently ran my fingers across his distorted face. I was practically ready to break out into a sweat trying not to make any sudden moves that would make him nervous. I felt a muscle in my arm twitch as I ran my fingers across his deformity. He felt it too, and took deeper emotional breaths.

He reached up and touched my hand, then stood up abruptly and turned his back to me.

"You don't understand, I want to wear my mask. I don't want you to have to look at something so awful." He said.

I stood up from his chair.

"I know what's behind your mask, why hide it from me still?"

Erik was putting up his defenses now, and it was getting harder and harder to talk to him.

"It doesn't matter if you get used to this horrid face or not, the fact is you will always detest it."

"There are worse things to detest." I said.

"Yes!" The loudness and sharpness of his voice made me jump.

"But this is something I can prevent! All I have to do is cover it, Christine! That's all I have to do and then you won't have to think about it. I don't want you to ever think about it."

I wanted to say something that would make him see it my way, but I felt trapped by his argument and used harsh reality to get out.

"It will always be there Erik! Whether you want it to or not, hiding it will not make it disappear-"

"I do not want my face shown for your own damn curiosity!" he hollered out in anger.

I stepped back, completely offended by his words. Tears of anger welled up in the ducts of my eyes. Is this how he really saw me? A devious little girl who only wants to satisfy her curiosity about his mysterious deformity?

I turned from him and started to walk away, but he wasn't going to allow me to leave this time, and came to his senses a little faster.

"Christine, no please stop!" He said running to me.

I stopped, not facing him.

"Please don't go," he said, sounding out of breath.

I turned around, but kept my eyes on the floor. I was tired of fighting with him, I was tired of him yelling at me for his own issues, I was tired of crying. I think Erik could see my spirit being broken, because he was quiet for a long time. So long that it disturbed me a little.

I felt him approaching me, and stepped back. I knew something was coming.

"Christine, do you love me?" He asked, keeping his distance.

I felt the weight of that question come down on me like the weight of the world. Not only was it more heavy than I ever imagined, I was completely off guard. I felt my whole body becoming pale. I looked up at him, flabbergasted.

"I don't want to see you unhappy, and…I don't want to hurt you anymore! I need to know Christine, you shouldn't stay with me just for my sake." He was in tears now, and he looked heartbroken. Nothing hurt him more than letting me go.

He swallowed down his emotions and looked at me with strong eyes. His eyes glistened and he gave me a broken smile.

"You deserve nothing more but total happiness, I don't bring happiness, Christine. You deserve better than me."

He took his eyes off me and looked at the floor, like a young child who had just lost his mother. He turned and started to walk away from me, looking as if my silence gave him the answer he was looking for.

I stood there, feeling his hurt. How could I ever learn to love this man? He was a murderer, a maniac when he got mad, and a broken soul. Usually my morals would kick in about this time and tell me what to do. But for once my head was completely silent. No part of me was dictating my actions. I was completely free to do whatever I wanted. For the second time, Erik gave me the key to freedom. I was able to leave him and he would let me. But I stood there…why?

I couldn't leave. I didn't understand it, I couldn't leave! I could feel myself changing. The truth was I didn't want to leave. And I didn't. Though I didn't have a reason, I stayed.

It was dark now, and despite all the lit candles in the lair, it seemed darker than ever before. It was especially cold that night, and for once I felt a little haunted by the eeriness of his lair. I knew Erik had gone to bed, probably thinking I left him already. I stepped in my boat bed, and pulled the blanket up to my chest. It felt cold and uninviting against me. I lay there shivering, feeling so alone. Why did I feel alone?

I got up and stepped out of the bed. God only knew how tired I was, but by now I was used to not sleeping. I wandered around until I saw where Erik's bedroom was. Hesitantly, I approached the side of his bed, watching him sleep. His bed looked so much warmer than mine, and it was bigger too. He looked sad, even in his sleep.

I turned back and looked out toward where I came from, and the candles were out. It was total darkness. I didn't want to go back there, so I quickly slid under his blankets and into his bed. I felt Erik turn onto his back, and he tried slowly sitting up but I clung to his arm, shaking from the cold. I felt him pull the thick warm blanket up to my shoulders, and he settled down next to me. I laid my head on his arm, and it seemed the closer I was next to him, the warmer I felt. My shivering slowed down, and then it ceased to exist. I slept more soundly and comfortably that night than I ever had before.

When I woke up the next morning, I found Erik was not playing music like he usually did. I opened my eyes to find him sitting there observing me on the other side of the bed. I assumed he had been up for a while. I smiled at him, and he returned the friendly gesture. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, and felt a little sheepish with him watching me so intently. I stood up and walked over to the other side of the bed where he was sitting. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

"Erik, I have a confession to make," He raised his eyebrows curiously in a playful way.

"I hate sleeping in that boat bed."

He smiled widely and I slightly opened my arms to him, inviting him to come close to me. The moment I did so he stood up and reached out to me and I held him in my arms. He rocked me a little, holding me tightly.

"Christine," He whispered.

I quietly hushed him and he didn't go on, but told me everything in his embrace.