Chapter Twenty Three: Born to Love
I've had to learn, learn how to kill.
Learn how to hate against my will.
I wasn't born with a gun in my hand;
I was born to love.
-Frank Wildhorn, 'I've Had to Learn', Tears of Heaven Musical
ooOoo
Bearskin was exhausted as she climbed up a steep cliff. Not enough to consider going back, but she was definitely looking forward to reaching the top. Baron was in her hood, but his claws were sunk deep to be sure that he wouldn't accidentally fall.
"They… really didn't… want… anyone to… be up here," she panted, making him purr encouragement into one ear.
Eventually, she reached the top and panted a small distance from the edge. Baron crawled out of her hood and licked her cheek worriedly.
"Fine… I'm fine," she assured him, taking the needed time to regain her strength. After a few minutes, she managed a smile at him. "This sure explains why no one other than the coven's been able to get up here."
He nodded, still looking at her in worry.
Once she felt better, she was able to stand and look around in wonder.
Mount Olympus, the so-called home of the gods, was a paradise. A lovely building had been erected in the center, but thanks to Medusa, she knew that it was deserted.
This was a place that was only visited by the coven once a year, on a late summer day that they would not be missed. They used magic to get up the mountain, and again to leave, for until the pale trapper climbed the steep side, no human had been able to visit the top.
She grinned at Baron. "Shall we?"
He nodded happily and scampered off into the foliage. She followed, sniffing carefully for fresh water.
It took them over an hour to find the lake Medusa had mentioned back at Mist Island. It was a perfect oval shape, much like an egg, but no weeds grew at its edge. This ground had long been spelled to not allow such blemishes.
"You know, doing this would have been potent enough without being on top of a steep mountain," Bearskin said softly as she withdrew two jars from her satchel. "But once this is in effect, they'll be gone for good."
Baron purred his agreement as she opened both jars and held the contents over the lake's edge.
"Someone should have done this years ago," she concluded as she slowly poured both potions into the water.
One of the jars contained a magic-stripping potion. The second potion made any tampering of the water undetectable, even if someone thought to check and see if something was off.
The beauty of the mixed potion was that one didn't even have to drink it. If even a drop was spilled on a person, it would absorb all the magic in that person's body. Since it was a ritual for the coven to bathe under the full moonlight in this lake, not a single person would be spared from the potion.
The lake water briefly boiled and seethed, but then quieted again until it looked the same as ever.
But to be on the safe side, Bearskin used her bucket to water all the trees and edible vegetation she could find with lake water. With every bit of food up here tainted, no one was going to escape the mermaids' gift to the coven.
They were going to be stuck on the top of a mountain, powerless and without servants. If they were to live, they'd have to work for it.
By the time she was done, it was too dark to think of climbing down. But luckily for the duo, the moon overhead was only nearing full, which meant that it was safe to spend the night.
They split a cold meal of bread and fruit for supper and settled down for the night.
"Some of that water splashed on me," she said softly as Baron curled comfortably into her arms. "I don't think it did anything, because I'm still white."
He meowed worriedly at that.
"Relax, I think it's because the potion was geared towards witches, not a cursed trapper."
"Meow meow?"
"A fairy cursed me. It will take more than a mermaid potion to counter that."
He sat up from her arms and began patting her shoulder and mewing insistently.
"Baron, can't we just sleep?" she begged. "Today was exhausting, and tomorrow we have to go back down without dying in the process."
The tawny cat gave her a long look, but sighed before curling up into her arms again. He even licked her cheek as a soft growl escaped his throat.
"I love you too," she yawned while holding him close.
He looked up in shock, but she was already out cold.
ooOoo
"Ho, Bearskin!" a burly trapper hailed her as he approached her table. He slapped her shoulder once and sat down next to her. "We all thought you were dead!"
"Oh? What gave you such an idea?" she asked while sipping her milk.
"Well, we all assumed Medusa turned you to stone, since you haven't been seen since the priests hired you to kill her."
"That's because I've been keeping my head down. If you'll notice, she hasn't been in Nexa for months."
"Oh, hunting her down, are you?"
"No need to. I know exactly where she is," she said in an indifferent tone as she neatly ate her meal. "You know, you really should try this inn's beef. It's the best I've had in nearly two years."
Baron gave an enthusiastic mew before returning to the steak she had cut up for him.
The trapper gave her an incredibly confused look. "If you know where she is, is she dead?"
"No. Just exiled," she responded after she swallowed her mouthful. "I only promised to take care of her one way or another and, since she didn't want to die, we worked out a different arrangement. Medusa will never turn another person into stone, and isn't that what the priests wanted?"
"Actually, they've been specific that you were to bring back her head," he said in a low tone.
"If she needed killing, which she did not. Did you want more bread, Baron?" she asked her cat, but he shook his head with an affectionate meow.
"What is this, a joke to you?" he demanded, standing up in his fury. "Do you have any idea how many people are dead because of her?"
"If you want to go after her, be my guest," she responded after swallowing the last of her bread. "She's on an island in the Mist Territory."
The man gaped at her in total shock. "You lie," he whispered.
"Everyone does, but not today. If you want her head for the reward, go get it yourself. I wouldn't recommend it," she added with a smug grunt. "But then, you're free to make your own decisions, you're a grown man."
"... You have to be lying. No one's ever come back from the Mist Territory."
"Oh? Because that was my second trip there." She finished her cup of milk and allowed Baron to climb onto her shoulders. "Granted, neither trip was easy, but I'd just let Medusa be if I were you. The chances of you getting to her are nonexistent."
The trapper's eyes flared angrily. "We'll just see about that," he growled as he stood up and stomped away.
Baron mewed sadly into one ear, making her fight back a sad sigh. "I made a promise and I tried to talk him out of it. What he does is his own decision."
He nodded and licked her cheek, although it lacked his familiar enthusiasm.
ooOoo
Once Bearskin visited three Nexan taverns, the deed was done. The entire country now knew where to find the snake woman and more than a few bounty hunters and hopeful heroes were setting sail for the Mist Territory.
But what was stranger than the enthusiasm for Medusa's reward was the rather sudden disappearance of every priest in Nexa. At first the country was only mildly concerned, but as summer turned to autumn, there remained no sign of the priesthood or intervention from the 'gods'. King Amphytrion did his best to find some sign of sacred authority, but he was completely lost on even where to look.
Although Bearskin wished that everyone could have been told the truth about their religion, she knew that they wouldn't have believed a cursed trapper, even if she was considered a great hero.
With Medusa's revenge complete, trapper and cat set their sights eastward.
ooOoo
The air was turning cool once more. Bearskin took in a deep grateful breath, loving the distant promise of snow. "You know, Baron, this is the first bit of breathing room we've had in a while."
He nodded his head tiredly.
"It feels like ever since we met, we've been on the run. Not that I'm blaming you," she added hastily as they walked through yet another forest.
He nodded again, one ear cocked to her as he kept pace by her side.
"Baron? Is something wrong?" she asked while kneeling down. "You've been in a strange mood for days."
He had kept walking, but stopped and shook his head in depression.
"Don't shake your head at me like that," she scolded while drawing him into her embrace. "Come on, can you tell me what's bothering you?"
He gave her a mournful look, but patted her cheek affectionately with a perfectly white paw.
Bearskin growled in frustration. "We really need to find a way to communicate better, my friend. I don't like seeing you this unhappy."
He growled as well, but took the opportunity to lick her face again.
She sighed and stood up, keeping him in her arms. "Let's see what we can do to brighten your mood."
ooOoo
Out of all the methods she tried, the midnight visits had the most success in cheering Baron up, and even that didn't last long. She tried cooking the soups he liked the most, but he barely noticed. She picked up more poetry books and read to him every night, since he usually liked that.
His ears were cocked toward her and he was nestled in his favorite position on her lap, but there was still that trace of melancholy in his beautiful green eyes.
One day, just before the snow began falling, the trapper was desperate enough to try making bread.
"Dang it!" she growled, taking the bucketful of water and dumping it on the flaming mess before it got out of hand.
The fire had grown wild enough to snap Baron out of his misery, at least, and he was now staring at his keeper with a strange mixture of horror and amusement.
"And that, my dear Baron, is why I don't bake bread," Bearskin said, trying to regain some measure of dignity. "My father's may have been burnt and tasteless, but at least you could eat it, which is more than what you can do with mine."
But before Baron could respond to that, a feminine scream rang through the forest.
Without missing a beat, Bearskin grabbed the small loaf she had been trying to bake and ran toward the source of the sound. Around a large bush and over a small cliff and she was on the road.
Two grungy-looking men had their hands on a young woman and were in the process of dragging her out of sight. With practiced ease, Bearskin threw her loaf at one of the men, knocking him unconscious in a heartbeat.
The other one looked up at her in horror and hurriedly held a blade to the girl's throat. "Don't come any closer," he warned while stepping backward with the terrified young woman.
"If your intentions are what they look like, she won't be much use to you dead," Bearskin said in a casual tone, although her blood was starting to seethe with her grandfather's fury. "If you let her go, I won't have to kill you."
"I'll run her through," he promised, holding the girl's hair in a strict hold to keep her neck exposed to the knife.
"This is your last chance. Let her go."
The man was trembling by now, but he was still holding the girl against him in a disgusting manner. "Get your own; she's mine."
Baron must have been sneaking around while they were talking, because it was about then that he hopped on the man from behind and savagely ran his claws over the creep's eyes.
Just like Rumpelstiltskin, he howled in agony, dropping both the girl and the knife. Once the young woman stumbled a few feet back, the trapper ran forward and broke both of the man's arms. Even as he screamed, she reached behind his back as Baron hopped onto her own shoulders and touched her favorite pressure points.
The man dropped like a rock.
"Disgusting vermin," she snarled under her breath, pulling out a length of rope to tie up both of the men. "All of them should jump off a cliff and be done with it. Nicely done, Baron."
He nodded, but his fur was still standing on end as he hissed at the perverts.
"Bearskin," the young woman whispered worshipfully from where she had fallen to the ground. "You saved me."
"Good thing too. Are you hurt at all?" she asked while helping her to her feet.
"I-I don't think so. I was so scared," the girl whimpered, putting her arms around the trapper's neck and gripping her tight in fear.
Baron was once again knocked off his keeper's shoulder, but at least he was able to fall into her hood this time.
"There's nothing to be scared of now. Come on, I'll walk you home," she promised while grabbing the ropes on the men. "That is, as long as we stop by whoever's in charge first."
"That's not far," she confirmed, withdrawing a bit to look at her shoes. "My father is the sheriff of our village."
The trapper shook her head with a glare at the men. "Of all the targets, that's one of the dumber choices. Come along, then." She grabbed the ropes on the men's ankles and began dragging them.
"My name's Rosalie," the girl offered as they walked down the road. "Rosalie Yeltsov."
"Pleasure to meet you. Granted, it would have been more of a pleasure without these two," she snarled, intentionally dragging them through a rougher patch on the road. "Well, you know me, and this is Baron."
Her cat popped his head out of the hood, giving the girl a flat unfriendly stare.
The look must have intimidated Rosalie, because she didn't have much to say until they got into town and showed the trapper to the jailhouse.
ooOoo
"They tried what with my little girl?" a red-faced man raged, standing up from behind his desk.
"I believe they were going to deflower her, because they didn't seem interested in the bag on her belt," Bearskin explained, giving the unconscious men another rough jerk. "May I have the pleasure of throwing them into a cell?"
"Thanks all the same, but that's my honor," the sheriff growled, taking the ropes from her and savagely dragging them out of the front room and through the back door.
Several loud thumps were shortly heard.
"I am guessing that there is a set of stairs between here and the cells?" she asked Rosalie with a small smirk.
She chose to answer that with a naughty giggle.
Baron gave a purr of amusement, but pressed his little paw against one of Bearskin's cheeks.
"You're right, our job here is done," she agreed, turning to the door. "If I may, Rosalie, I would recommend either carrying a dagger or having a trustworthy escort with you when you need to go beyond the village."
"Wait, Bearskin!" Rosalie begged, brushing a thick lock of black hair away from her eyes. "Isn't there something Papa or I can do for you?"
"None that comes to mind. You're safe and whole, that's enough for me."
A heavy set of feet trudged into the room, revealing the sheriff with an extremely satisfied look on his face. He marched forward and stuck out his hand to the trapper. "You have my undying gratitude, Bearskin. It's such a comfort to know that men like you exist."
Her stomach clenched guiltily, but she still shook his hand, increasing the pressure when he did the same. "It's such a shame that men like them exist as well."
The sheriff was staring at her hand, delighted at the strength he found in it. "That it is. Say, do you have someplace to be tonight?"
She cocked an eyebrow. "If you mean somewhere to sleep, I have a place in mind."
"Oh no, I meant supper," he laughed, although it was slightly pained as he finally put a stop to the hand-gripping contest. "I was wondering if you and your fine-looking cat would be interested in having supper with me and my Rosalie."
"… I don't see why not," Bearskin decided, since Baron wasn't voicing an opinion. "I do have some errands to run until then."
"Excellent! We live in the large red house close to the fountain in the center of town. Will two hours give you enough time, Rosalie?"
"If I return home immediately," she affirmed, giving the trapper a shy glance. "Also if Bearskin will be kind enough to escort me. I don't want to be outside by myself."
"I would be surprised if you did," Bearskin said, allowing herself a small smile while bowing to the father. "Until then, good sir."
ooOoo
'Honestly, one would think I was royalty from the way people react to seeing me,' Bearskin couldn't help but think as the latest shopkeeper fawned over her.
"Anything else for you, Bearskin?" he asked, giddy like a child.
"I'm running low on thread, if you have that. Needles wouldn't hurt."
The man hurriedly began sifting through boxes. "Any particular color you like?"
"Black is my usual choice, but I'll take another color if you don't have that."
He had it, with a small packet of hand needles. "That comes to a total of six silver pieces, Bearskin."
She handed him the money and began sweeping her purchases into the spare bag she always kept for appearances. "Did you want to pick out a book, Baron?"
He shook his head, back in his former melancholy.
Bearskin bit back a sigh, shouldered her bag, and placed the tawny feline on one shoulder before leaving the shop. "I wish there was a way for you to tell me what's bothering you. Whatever it is has to be pretty big."
He gave a non-committal meow as they walked down the street.
"Maybe the sheriff or Rosalie know someone in town that doctors animals," she mused aloud.
His next meow was of scandalized horror.
"Don't give me that, Baron," she growled, although it was a struggle to use her man voice when speaking to him in public. "When I thought Medusa killed you, it nearly killed me, too."
He stopped moving completely, except for his eyes, which were suddenly as wide as saucers.
"Don't look at me like that, either," she scolded while scratching his ears and pressing one cheek against his soft fur. "You know by now how much you mean to me, or at least you better. If not, remind me to tell you more often."
Baron was still staring at her, but at least he had broken free from his melancholy.
By now, they had reached the red house of the sheriff. Since speaking to Baron made other people nervous, she pressed her face against his fur one more time and walked up to the front door to knock.
The sheriff immediately opened with a large grin. "Ah, Bearskin! We were expecting you."
"I apologize if Baron and I are early," she replied as she entered the house and set her bag close to the door.
"Well, the food isn't quite ready yet, but it's close. Come sit by the fire," he invited, pushing her gently into a warm room that seemed to serve him as a study. "You sure you don't want to leave the satchel as well?"
She placed her hand on the buckle with a shake of the head. "I never take it off, if I can help it."
"It doesn't look like it carries anything," he said dubiously as he made sure she sat down in the comfiest chair possible.
"It has a great deal of sentimental value," the pale woman replied, suddenly thinking about the old woman who had given it to her. Was she still alive? Was she well?
Baron looked up at her as he claimed his usual place on her lap.
"I see. Care for a nip from the bottle?" he offered, already turning to the cupboard.
"No thank you. I never drink in public."
"This isn't public, Bearskin."
"It's public enough. I appreciate the offer, but plain water or tea is plenty. So tell me, do you get a lot of troublemakers in this village?" she asked, hoping to take some of the attention off her.
"Eh, enough to keep my job," he replied with a shrug, foregoing the drink to sit as well. "I didn't recognize the two you brought in for me, although they might be gold diggers."
"Oh? Is there gold in the mountains?" she asked, more to keep the subject going then out of any real interest in gold.
"Not as much as those dirty diggers think, but enough to provide a side of business for the community. Of course, I'll need some help ensuring that they don't come after our townsfolk again."
"I would recommend training the people to defend themselves. That way you won't have to worry about it."
"What about the women? We won't be able to get much done if the men have to guard them night and day."
"That's why you train the women," she grunted patiently, running her gloved hands over Baron's fur.
"Wh-What, women? Fight?" he laughed, slapping one knee. "That's a good one, Bearskin!"
She looked at him coolly. "I was being serious."
He looked up at her incredulously. "Women can't fight," he stated flatly. "It's not in their nature."
"It depends on the person more than the gender. I've met more than one woman that made a gifted fighter." She gave a shrug. "When you give girls a good enough reason, they can defend themselves."
A polite coughing saved the sheriff from having to reply. "Supper's ready," Rosalie announced in a soft voice.
"That's my girl," he gushed as he and the trapper rose. "You're in for a real treat, Bearskin; my daughter's pelmeni is the best in town."
While the trapper couldn't spare the time to make comparisons, she had to agree that dinner was excellent. About the only things that marred it were that they kept offering her wine and Baron wasn't allowed to sit at the table with them.
'Their house, their rules,' she kept reminding herself, although it didn't feel right to have Baron eat from a plate on the ground. "No, thank you," she repeated when the sheriff proposed a toast. "Unless you have some water, I must decline."
He gave her a greatly annoyed look. "All right," he sighed. "Rosalie, would you mind fixing him some tea?"
"Of course, Papa," she agreed, immediately getting up.
"Plain water is fine," the trapper tried to say, but the girl was already gone.
"Mere water isn't good enough. You know, there is something I have been wondering for a while about you, Bearskin."
She looked at him in curiosity.
"What do you plan on doing with your life? After finding your cure, I mean."
The pale woman bit back a laugh. "I have time to worry about that later. Right now I am only concerned with getting to that point. But I can tell you that should I find my cure, I will be more than happy to retire from being a trapper."
"Aren't you worried about providing for yourself, and possibly a family?"
"Not terribly. A family is not in my future, but I will find another career more to my liking."
"Have you thought about entering law enforcement?" he asked shrewdly. "I could use a good man like you."
She bit back a laugh, although her stomach was flopping around in disgust. "Actually, I'm looking forward to a life without conflict. Few things would please me more than to set my sword aside and never need to pick it up again."
"Here's your tea, Bearskin," Rosalie said as she entered the room, a shy blush on her cheeks as she set a wooden cup in front of the trapper.
"Thank you, Rosalie." She picked it up, a bit put off by the strong scent. 'Just how much mint did she use? Oh well, it'd be bad manners not to drink it.'
"A toast then," the sheriff said, standing up in his seat and holding his cup of wine to her. "To your happily ever after, Bearskin; whenever you find it."
"Thank you," she said, raising the tea to her lips as the other two did the same.
Without warning, Baron hopped onto the table and slapped the cup right out of her hand. It spilled down her front and legs, making her bite back a yelp as the dark brown faded into perfect white.
But it was still hot!
"You stupid cat!" the man yelled, but Bearskin put her arm around Baron to protect him.
"It was just a cup and it's not even broken," she informed the father in a firm tone, although she was extremely confused at the man's outrage.
"But that tea was prepared especially for you!"
"I'm certain that there is more…" Bearskin trailed off, now on a new line of thought. She looked down at Baron, who was meowing at her frantically. "My friend… there is a reason you prevented me from drinking that?"
He nodded vigorously, his glorious green eyes begging for her to understand.
Feeling even more suspicious, she raised the cup to her nose and sniffed carefully. Her eyes widened in horror as she slowly stood up. "So all that extra mint was to cover up a drug. Good work, Baron."
He nodded, but he was still growling at the girl who was now cowering behind her father.
"Now, no need to do anything hasty-" he tried to soothe, but the trapper was having none of it.
"So what was the plan after I passed out?" she snarled, crushing the wooden cup with her gloved hand. "Rob me? Humiliate me?"
"No, never!"
Her glare turned to Rosalie. "Or were you going to do something involving your daughter that would force me to stay? Fine way to thank a fellow for saving her from some dirty old men."
"Father insisted, it was his idea-" she tried to explain in a fast gibber.
"I don't care whose idea it was. Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves." Bearskin deliberately turned her back on them, marched back to the front door and slung her bag over one shoulder before letting herself out.
"To think; I was starting to like the two of you."
ooOoo
The trapper stormed through the village, past a quaint bridge, and retraced her steps to the small cave she had tried to make bread outside of.
"You'll want to be inside while I'm venting steam," she informed her cat in a strange, detached tone as she set him down at the cave's mouth.
Baron meowed worriedly as she set the bag of supplies next to him and turned away to an unassuming boulder.
"How dare they?!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, repeatedly slamming both fists into the boulder, making it break into smaller and smaller pieces. "How dare they try to force me into staying?! Did they really think that I wouldn't be angry about getting drugged?! Even Blanche was willing to be honest about her intentions!"
Now that the boulder was a pile of gravel, she marched up to another boulder and gave it the same treatment.
"What part of 'a family is not in my future' did he not understand?! Even if I liked Rosalie, I'd never pick someone so manipulative! Have they no shame?! No honor?! How dare they try forcing my hand when they don't even know me?!"
Something rubbed against her leg, making her look down as the second boulder collapsed into a pile of rubble.
Baron was there, rubbing gently against her as his minty eyes reflected her pain.
That took the fight out of her. Unable to look at him from shame, she turned around and let herself into the cave. It was a small one, so she had to crawl to get in.
She curled up with her cloak wrapped around her like a blanket, wishing that Baron hadn't seen her act like that. A paw patted one arm, making it automatically raise enough for her dear friend to crawl into her embrace. He found a comfortable position and purred in a comforting manner as he took a few licks at her cheek.
"Can I tell you a secret, Baron?" she whispered in her true voice.
He nodded without question, mewing his encouragement.
She sighed and held him a little tighter. "I never wanted to be Bearskin. I never wanted to be a trapper, or even a hero. I… I just wanted to be me!"
Baron kept looking at her, expecting her to go on.
"But do you know what the problem is, with living a lie for most of your life?" she asked while gently scratching his ear. "You forget how to act like yourself, until even you don't know who you are. It's been so long, it's a miracle that I even remember what my real name is."
"Meow?" he asked urgently, patting one wrist with his tiny paw. "Meow meow?"
"It's one of the conditions of my curse," she explained, as her mind began to drift away. "Neither I nor my father are allowed to speak or in any way reveal my name until after I find the place that can cure me. But even if I were allowed to speak it, I'd still have to hide it. It's a feminine name. Hey, did you know I was a girl when we met?" she asked out of the blue.
Baron nodded without hesitation, licking her hand affectionately.
Bearskin smiled warmly and gave him a very gentle hug. "I know it's to be avoided at all costs, but I love it when I can't fool people. Until Rumpelstiltskin, there wasn't a day that goes by that I wish Papa hadn't decided to make me be a boy. I mean, he was right; this is a dangerous world to be out and alone when you're a girl, but it's not exactly a picnic for a boy either. But what am I supposed to do; suddenly go back on my word and let people know I'm a woman? No one would be willing to waste any time on me if they knew I've been lying to them for years on end. Let alone Machida," she added, although she had only meant to think it.
Baron cocked his head at her and seemed to smile sadly as he mewed at her.
"… I never did keep my promise, did I? About telling you how I got this way," she sighed, making him meow the affirmative. "Promise not to hate me?"
That meow had a scolding tone, but he was licking her face with affection.
At first, she tried to only give him minimal details. But when he kept meowing at her, the trapper found herself telling him everything. How it felt, the first time she went berserk to save her mother. How it turned out to be fruitless in the end. How it had hurt, when her father not only decided she should be a boy, but to not even claim her as his flesh and blood to keep her safe.
How long she talked, she wasn't sure, but it was definitely long past midnight by the time she was nearing the end.
"… Machida was trying to talk the local priest and pretty much everyone in the village into letting me be present for the ceremony, but no one would hear of it. I knew there was no way in heck that I'd be able to watch him exchange vows with the prettiest girl in the village. So I left. Papa wanted me to stay long enough for my seventeenth birthday, but… I couldn't keep up with my façade if I had to stay one more day and listen to him gush about how beautiful Sakura is, and how perfect she is, and… and…" She couldn't speak, because sobs were taxing her lungs terribly.
Baron kept licking her cheek and purring in a comforting manner. Bearskin would have given anything to hug him, but even in despair this deep, she only allowed herself to rest her hands on his back as he licked at her tears. The last thing she wanted was to accidentally crush him.
"It's… it's just not fair!" she snapped. "All I did was defend my mama and this is my punishment for it! I'd have done it again in a heartbeat, except not let Mama take me out of the cave again. It was safe, in the cave. It was a good home. I can't imagine a better place to have grown up."
He gave her a strange look at that, but licked her cheek again.
"At first, the people down here were just as cold as the ones up north, but after I…" she looked away mournfully. "… After I got rid of the Soot Clan, people started calling me a hero and began looking forward to meeting me because they think I can solve their problems. Some of them I could, others I made worse before they got better. I don't know, I still don't feel like a hero. I feel like a scumbag."
Baron meowed indignantly.
"It's still how I feel!" she retorted hotly. "Complete strangers depend on me with their very lives and all I seem to do is lie in return. I care, I really do, but… no one would take me seriously if I came clean about my gender." She curled tighter into a fetal position, still holding him in her arms. "The place that can cure me can't know anything about me before breaking the spell, so it's probably a good thing I'm hiding it for now. But I still can't wait to scream to the world who and what I really am, even if I never get married as a result."
Baron growled in a contrary manner.
"That's why I got so upset over the Baron von Gikkingen. That was the first and… okay, second time someone's reached out to me without actually needing me. Machida was the first. I should have known better than to get my hopes up, but… I've been like this almost my whole life. I barely remember what it's like to be normal. Is it too much to ask that someone save me for once?"
Baron shook his head, bumping his nose against hers, but still growling in that contrary manner.
"I mean… it'd be nice to… find someone that could accept me as I am, even without the cure. But it probably won't happen." She gave her indignant cat a sad smile. "I can't imagine anyone else accepting me the way Machida did, let alone romantically. Even if I spend the rest of my life alone, at least I'll-"
Baron started hissing and shaking his head furiously, making her look down at him.
"What is it? Is something else wrong?"
He shook his head and loosened himself from her grasp. Then he placed one paw on each of her cheeks, putting them almost nose to nose.
His eyes seemed to burn with green fire as he made her shake her head and meowed slowly. It was almost like he was trying to explain something to her.
She gave him a strange look. "You think I'm wrong?"
"Meow!" he sighed with relief, nodding like a maniac.
She stared at him, long and hard. "Even though I've spent most of my life pretending to be a man?"
He nodded without hesitation.
"Plus the fact that I don't know how to be a girl?"
He gave her a very tired, affectionate look before licking one cheek.
Bearskin laughed, although it was weak and full of relief. Then she wrapped him up in a careful hug. "I hope you're right. I don't want to cry over Machida for the rest of my life."