Hello, all. As you can tell, it's been years. I've been busy with all kinds of life changes, and am now in college, considering a career in romantic fiction writing. Thus, I think it's appropriate to get back to my roots.

One small addendum: when I started this story in 2016, I was 16 years old, and had written Neji, Tenten, and all others in their circle as being 16-17 as well. Now it's 2023, I am 23, and am no longer interested in authoring risque content about teenagers. Neji and Tenten will now be written as being at least 20 years old, but there will be no broad changes beyond that; after all, you're never too old to be awkward when it comes to sex.

That's all. To anyone following this story that hasn't updated in 5 years, I hope this notification was a pleasant surprise.

#7. Pushing Boundaries

He had never quite grasped the meaning of "awkward" until that merciless word had its way with him the day that followed.

Because he was himself. A genius. Knowing and confident. Never with doubt because the breaths he breathed were certainty in fluid form. "Awkward" and he were incongruous, incompatible. He would never bother memorizing its name.

But when he arrived late at training the next afternoon-he'd taken a quick visit to the hospital to receive clearance to resume his normal physical activity, because his eyesight was clearer again that morning-it would have been appropriate to brand the term unto his skin deeper than the mark that cursed his forehead, for when he saw Tenten for the first time since last night, he was at a loss for what sort of face he should make, and every potential gesture or greeting felt foolish and contrived.

Was this how she had felt, too, after that night?

"Oh, Neji…" She blinked, pausing as she was about to open a new scroll. "... Should you be here? I didn't think you were ready to get back into it so soon."

"I spoke with the examiner. After another night's rest, it is likely that I will be fully healed."

… His reply was natural. He consciously thought to himself that it was a natural thing to say.

"Really?" Her brows remained raised, as if still surprised to see him. "That's pretty incredible, Neji. See, I was right when I said you'd be up again in no time. You're unstoppable, as usual."

Unstoppable. "..." It was a compliment, but he lacked a response to it beyond a curt nod. Hearing her praise, he was more unaffected by it than usual. Perhaps, because… he hadn't felt like his "unstoppable" character in light of recent events. "Where are Gai and Lee?"

"Gai-sensei's got a mission this morning, and Lee's doing laps around the village. He'll be back around here any minute now."

"I see."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

That word, it burned.

"Listen, Neji." She began, rubbing the back of her neck. "About yesterday… I just want to say—"

But she cut herself off and both stilled. Lee's footfalls, the sounds drew closer like an impending drum whose beats were mimicked in his chest—for as she had begun to speak, Neji's heart rate had risen all on its own. Bringing that subject to light so quickly wrought such worry onto his composure, and that worry felt quite unreasonable against her swift directness. After all, experience had taught that it was always best to talk about troubling matters clearly with one another as soon as possible. He knew this to be fact, and he knew it to be logical, but that awareness did nothing to settle his nervous stomach.

She looked at him and sighed. "... Maybe we can talk about this later. My place after training sound good?"

"... Yes. That is alright with me."

And then relief came fresh like a cold, iced drink. He swallowed it down and felt fresh ease reborn in his bloodstream. Soon it would bubble back, but such was the glory of procrastination... a thing he'd detest under normal circumstances. He'd have done anything to put off the subject for later-minutes from now, seconds from now, it truly did not matter as long as the time to confront this conversation would not be right now, not this instant.

Somehow, naturally, with no words otherwise, they drifted into a spar to pass the time. Time went by, and the inevitable came closer.

.

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The inevitable, indubitably.

He presented himself to be as collected and calm as usual. His current face was the typical face of Neji Hyuuga. Epitome of composure, competence, and confidence. A nervous disposition would suit him so poorly, a tailor might weep at the sight. So he refused to suggest any implication that the previous night had brought him even a fragment of distress or discomfort.

It was being honest with himself that had placed him in this confounded position, after all.

Though the memory of it burned, he chose not to hold it in high regret. It happened; he had admitted to Tenten that he desired her, approached her sexually, and was rejected. And rather than let his head hang with shame, spend hours cursing himself for the choices he made, Neji decided that it was far more productive to accept the incident for what it was and move on. A ninja, especially of the Hyuuga, could not sacrifice his poise for mortified indignity.

… But that couldn't be executed so faithfully with her going out of her way to bring the subject up for discussion all over again. What more was there to say?

"Hey, I'm gonna shower first. I seriously broke a sweat evading you today." She undid the scroll attached to her back and laid it down on the table. "You can just hang out on the couch, I won't take long."

He removed his shoes and nodded, and she disappeared down the hallway.

They'd gone to her apartment right after training, just as she said, and it was two in the afternoon. Two days had passed since coming from their previous A-rank mission, the one that had exerted his byakugan to the point of near blindness. Remarkably, in that short time frame, his vision was already just about fully renewed, and only the slightest twinge of discomfort emerged when he'd activated his eyes during their training. Even the doctor had been impressed by his recovery.

When confronted with the question of what to do while she showered, the answer was obviously meditation, his most reliable mode of allowing time to pass. However, in her living room, she had few places to sit that could accommodate the standard meditation pose, save for… that couch.

A beat of discomfort in his heart made him wince, only to be stifled by a swift reprimand from his ever-logical brain. It was nothing but a couch. An object upon which a person sits. Yesterday's memory needn't be associated with it, much less stall him from interacting with it. This in mind, he came to the couch, sat down upon it, and crossed his legs. Now, to close his eyes, withdraw himself from this world, and disappear into another…

"..."

But he didn't seem to go anywhere.

Neji furrowed his brows, eyes still closed. To meditate was to let go of earthly attachments, of human distractions, and achieve a truly blank, unencumbered mind. Not being able to do so meant that something remained, something tethering him to his fully conscious self and the world still around him despite his attempt to evade it.

This frustrated him. He's always been able to do so without an ounce of stress or effort.

Of course, the reason for his failure is anything but a mystery.

.. He grew more empathetic with Tenten's struggles after that first night. The instinct to divert from the subject of rejection, the impulse to confine all memory of that event to the ancient past like a career-ending scandal, he now held the misfortune of knowing what it feels like. Embarrassment, insecurity, and fear that she might think less of him for acting on his worst, most repulsive wants. Just after finally indulging in his sexuality on his own terms, a course of action that had felt so right at the time, he was besmirched and humiliated for it.

It was an err in judgment that he wouldn't repeat. He can't let himself feel this awful shame and uneasiness ever again.

Minutes later, Tenten returned from her shower smelling like aloe and clover with a towel under her neck. She wore black biker shorts under an oversized t-shirt, and her long, chestnut hair, still slightly wet, fell down her shoulders and over her back.

"You want something to drink? Lemonade, maybe?"

"I have water."

"What, from that canteen you've had in the sun all day?" She sits down next to him and pats down her hair with the towel. "It must be boiling hot at this point. You may as well have some matcha with it and make yourself a batch of tea."

He doesn't play into her joke, tensing slightly from the shift in proximity. "It's fine."

"... If you say so."

Then, an awkward silence-yet another unwelcome stranger who had since made itself more and more intimately familiar with his relationship in wake of that precipitous night.

"So, uh," she began, "Since we've had some big misunderstandings recently-you probably already guessed this-I feel like we should… well, just talk about what happened last night." The word "talk" was spoken as if the mere idea were an innovative, positively outlandish concept. And that made him feel even more ridiculous and adolescent than he already did.

"Talk," he repeats, staring into her eyes without focusing on them.

"Yeah. Talk." Tenten brought her legs up to the couch and folded them in a single swift motion. "I've been thinking about this a lot, and it... kinda feels like we got a bad pattern going of causing each other grief because we weren't clear about stuff."

Neji didn't respond, though he quickly realized in the following pause that she wanted some kind of affirmation, so he offered her a diplomatic nod in spite of his discomfort. "I see."

"I just… really don't like it, Neji. Things between us are usually so easy." She let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "Gosh, why is it that we can look each other in the eye during battle and know what we're thinking without even speaking, but when it comes to this stuff, we suck?"

"..."

Truth be told, he knew that she was right. It was a completely sound conclusion based on logic that he couldn't find any cause to refute. This troubled him even deeper, because shrewdness and the ability to place reason above emotion were not just the foundation of the shinobi code-they were core principles of his being that he took great pride in.

So why did he still so foolishly want to shrug away from this brutal, unreserved confrontation? Why couldn't he stomach the thought of being frank about his sexual desires a second time? Was he still too raw after her rejection? Had it really affected him so badly that he could no longer behave logically in his relationship?

It killed him that he had become so irresolute. And there was no way that he could open up about this to her. Not until he sorted through his weakness on his own.

"... Tenten-"

"I wanna explain myself first." She exhaled slowly and shut her eyes. Though she pressed the towel to her cheeks in sheepishness, it did little to hide the shades of pink that filled her face as she spoke. "... Look, I… I really appreciated how, um, bold you were yesterday. It was… um, it was good. I didn't hate it at all."

The discomfort was instant. He couldn't help but double back in stunned silence and stare.

"Geez, don't give me that look!" The sudden shrillness of her voice might have been comical under different, less mortifying circumstances. "I'm-I'm just saying all that because I wanna be as open as you were yesterday! And I mean it, it was really… good, Neji. I… I mean, as far as I can tell, unless I'm completely wrong, in which case, stop me now so I don't make a fool out of myself, we… both like doing… that kind of thing with each other. Right?"

… He was unable to meet her with words. This was completely uncharted territory, the path this conversation had taken. He had already known it was necessary, he understood that communication was key, but, Gods, affirming his lust towards her had been hard enough the first time.a

"... It seems so." The quiet, tepid answer was the best he could offer with his nerves as alert as they'd be on a heated battlefield.

"Neji…" She uttered his name quietly, and with gentleness. "The reason why I just… called it quits so abruptly was…"

Terror. Anticipation. It was ludicrous. He felt like an adolescent boy, awaiting the object of his affections to say "yes" or "no" to his invitation to a school dance.

"I… hadn't shaved."

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AN: It's hard being a woman, huh?