Would it just be easier if I just gave up? This was starting to sound like a repetitive conversation I had with someone. Maybe I should just give up. Give in to Sideways' control and not have to worry about anything anymore. It felt like I was floating. As I floated, I felt everything begin to slip away and my mind grew more and more relaxed. Like I was about to drift off into a peaceful sleep.
"SAM!" I heard voices, but they were too distant for me to know who those voices belonged to. I don't even remember what happened. Who I was talking to. For some reason, all of my memories are drawing a blank. I don't remember anything, or anyone. What's happening?
'You're in my possession now. Your mind, body, and soul all belong to me. You remember nothing because I took away your memories. Doesn't it feel good to be nothing but a floating entity? To be nothing more than a figment of one's imagination?…
…To not exist?'
Something about this voice seems familiar, but I can't quite remember. It makes me feel uneasy, yet, somewhat relaxed. Suddenly, my whole body is tense, but I don't know why. My insides feel like they're on fire and I feel the pressure on parts of my body where hands are grabbing, but there's nothing there.
'Just relax. It'll all be over soon.' That line. I've heard it from somewhere. Somewhere unpleasant. 'I can take all the pain away.'
But for some reason, I didn't want him to.
'Tell me, Sam, what would you do if I mentioned James and Berkley?'
'James and Berkley? What was that suppose to mean?'
Did they mean anything at all?
Suddenly, everything stops. The tenseness, the burning, the grabbing…even the voice stopped. It's very quiet.
I am not sure what to make of that.
Then it hit me, all at once.
I scream as unbearable pain struck my body like a speeding car.
'Wait, speeding car? Why does that mean anything to me?'
I hear background noises. They are extremely loud. A speeding car, a scream, a crash, and then…silence. The only notable sound after the crash was the fall of rain; so heavy, yet, so soothing at the same time. My body still hurt, but the sound of the rain was calming me down. Everything was quiet, except for the rain…
…except for the rain. There was nothing. It was dark, black even. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything except for the damn rain. It was starting to get annoying, and my body still hurt.
'SAM!'
There was that voice again! Where was it coming from? Who was calling me? Why can't I remember anything? The rain stopped.
…
As I struggled to remember, flashes of light skipped across my vision. Wait. There were images in these flashes of light. Videos.
Memories! Playing like a home movie right before my very eyes! But I don't remember any of them! Even the ones that look the most recent.
The car crash at the intersection of James and Berkley. The funeral. The silver car. Being late for school and talking to a man on the way home. The lies. Running into a cop car that transformed. Being kidnapped. Rescued by the same car. Falling in love…with Sunstreaker! Talking to Sideswipe. Everything! I remembered everything! Up until…
'You sound just like a Decepticon.' Then, everything froze. And, just like that, it all shattered, like the most fragile glass breaking. Sideswipe had said that. I was arguing with Optimus about letting me fight again. Everyone was against it. It was for my own protection. But I didn't listen. I didn't want to listen. I didn't want the possibility of someone telling me that I couldn't fight anymore. It would've been like telling someone they could never walk again, or they would never see the light of day. I couldn't imagine it. And because of that…
…I was scared. The Autobots have done so much for me, even if they had lied to me for half of my life, I wanted to protect them, just like they had protected me! I wanted to try!
But how could I when I am so weak? Nothing about me shows strength. I'm just a human girl. A high school student. The only things that I have that are destructive and useful are my board and guns. But take them away and there's nothing left. Just a weak, pathetic little girl.
'Sam.' Another voice! It wasn't Sideways or any of the Autobots. It was softer. Feminine. It sounded like…
"Mom?" A bright light shone in front of me and there she was. Smiling at me so gently. She looked so happy that it made me want to cry. She looked exactly as she did before the accident. Happy, vibrant, and beautiful. My chest twisted uncomfortably.
'Sam. You are not weak or pathetic. You are strong, beautiful, and determined. You have fought so hard to get through this life, much harder than any girl your age should ever have to go through. Don't give up now. You still have so much left to fight for.' Hearing her voice again made me want to cry.
"But mom, what do I do? I can't fight Sideways' control. I can't get out of here!" I called to her. I wanted desperately to move closer to her, but I couldn't move.
'You can't give up. Even when all hope seems lost. There will always be light in our darkest hour.'
"I can't! I'm not even sure the others even want me back! Not after all the terrible things I've said to them. I shouldn't even be alive! I should've died that day, not you!"
'Never regret what has already happened, Sam. You are alive for a reason. Will you say that your life thus far has been filled with nothing but remorse? That your life has never been worth while?'
I froze at her question. Of course I loved my life. Even when things got tough. I still had a loving family by my side, even if my mother wasn't there.
"Of course not. But the Bots-"
"Will forgive you. They love you. Ratchet loves. The twins love you."
The twins? Sideswipe loves me? I guess, they are twins, they are bound to love the same things, but he's made no effort so far.
"You must go back now. The others need you. And you need them."
No! I didn't want her to leave yet. I reached out to her. I felt something try to pull me the other way, but I fought it.
"Mom, wait!" She grasped my hand with both of hers. Her hands were surprisingly warm, as if she was still alive. She took one hand and softly caressed my cheek. I froze, fearing that moving would cause her to suddenly disappear. My face and nose burned as I felt tears start to spill from my eyes.
"I love you."
The force yanked me backwards and I was falling.
"No! Wait! Mom!" I shouted.
There was a flash of light, and everything went dark again.
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I felt consciousness begin to reach me again. I felt cold underneath me, leading me to believe I was either still on the floor or in med bay.
"Mom." I whimpered. I hated how helpless I sounded, but my emotions were getting the best of me. I could still remember her face, how she smiled at me. Why did she smile at me so sincerely? Did I really deserve that? When did this whole mess begin?
I inwardly groaned.
When Sideways broke into my house and attacked me. When I found out that I was living my whole life with the belief that my mother's death was an accident. Sideways! It was all Sideways! It was all his fault!
I waited for him to say something, but it was quiet. It was then that I noticed that I didn't feel his presence. He was gone. I was free.
My eyes snapped open and I shot up, immediately regretting it because I got a splitting headache. I groaned, but then looked around. I was in the med bay.
I just sat there and let everything sink in.
I was free. And for the first time in my life:
I was okay