Chapter 1

August 11th, 2010

"And you can imagine how terribly embarrassing that was, mon ami," said France, clapping both Prussia and Spain on the backs. Or tried to, at least. He'd been drinking heavily for the past few hours, and was having a hard to aiming. "But it was most fortunate - erm, I was most fortunate. He - her boyfriend - he was most receptic- receptive, yes, and he'd been eating strawberries not long before…"

"What a wonderful story!" laughed Spain, as France trailed off. He always loved a night of drinking with his friends, especially when the bartender was on a first-name basis with them. (First human name, anyway. They all knew the rule, no humans were to know who they really were.)

"Eh, I think I could have done better," said Prussia. "There was that one time with Austri - um… Roderich and Elizabeta. Crawled in their living room window while they were watchin' TV…"

"And?" asked Spain, as France fell face-first onto the bar counter and began to snore.

"And Elizabeta hit me with her frying pan, the bitsh," Prussia growled. "But still, it was aweshum! You had ta be there!"

"I think so," said Spain. He glanced around the bar and saw how many people were glaring at them. "Well, I think it's best if we head back to our hotels."

"Yeah, fine, whateve'," Prussia said dismissively, tossed a handful of bills on the bar counter. He was paying for everyone this time around. He'd bet with France over the cost of the night out, as to whether or not he could best Germany at arm-wrestling. He still could not believe how strong his little brother was.

He managed to preserve his dignity by insisting that he went easy on the kid.

The three nations staggered outside, Spain half-carrying France. As soon as they were outside, they bid each other goodnight and went in opposite directions. They had tried to book rooms at the same hotel while they were in Paris, but the management had barred Prussia from ever setting foot in their establishment again.

It was a long story, involving three goldfish, some moldy take-out, a faulty electric cord, and the bellhop. In his defense, Prussia had paid for the damage, and did feel very bad about it. The room had nice curtains, and he felt bad about causing them to be ruined.

Prussia tried to head down the street to his hotel, but found it more difficult than he thought. After going through several twists and turns he found himself… in the ally behind the bar he started at.

Huh.

It was no matter, he decided. He would just pull out his totally awesome cell phone and use the GPS on that to find the hotel. It took him a few seconds of groping around to get it out of his pocket, and a few more seconds to make sure he wasn't going to drop it.

When he finally got it secured, flipped open, and turned on, he had to stare at the screen for several seconds. His contacts list was open. He began clicking through it, pleased at how many people were in it. Only a person who was truly as awesome as he was would have so many names listed.

As Prussia flipped through the names, he eventually came across Germany's number. Oh yeah, he was in town as well! Idiot was leading the World Meeting or something stupid. Heh. He might be Prussia's little brother, but there was no way Germany could hope to be as awesome as his big bruder. And, after all the beers he'd had, it seemed only right to call him up at eleven o'clock at night and tell him this.

It was a very good thing he had Germany's home number on speed dial, Prussia reflected. The buttons on his cell phone were determined to be unawesome and blur around so much that it annoyed even the great him. Even the button for dialing seemed to refuse to stay in the same place, and it took several tries for him to make the call.

He thought awesome thoughts as the phone rang. Finally, there was an answer.

"Prussia?"

"Ha! You know!" laughed Prussia. "You're psycho-chick-chic-something, aren't you? I knew mein awesomeness would rub off on you one day!"

"Bruder, how drunk are you?"

"Not enough to stop my AWESOMENESS!" he screeched, flailing his arms and nearly knocking over a garbage can. "Just wanted to say I think you're awesome too, and you can tell Italy he's almost awesome. Not his bruder, though. That guy's annoying!"

Germany sighed. "Where are you?"

"Me and mein awesomeness are in the alley behind our favorite bar."

"…Did you get thrown out again?"

"Nonshense. I walked out." Prussia yawned, his buzz beginning to wear off. "Don't worrah, I'll be heading home soon."

"Not on your own, you aren't. Stay where you're at. I'll be there in ten minutes to pick you up. Goodbye."

"I am awesome!" Prussia screamed, as Germany hung up.

Nine minutes later, Prussia was awesomely bored. After sitting still for so long, he was getting impatient. Where was his bruder? Gott! He was always so slow with everything! Prussia had a good mind to take another stab at walking back to the hotel on his own. Germany would sure feel stupid when he made it to this place and Prussia was gone!

Unfortunately the ground was not cooperating. As soon as he stood up, it swayed violently and sent him careening sideways into another unfortunate garbage can.

"Scheiss Hose!" he shouted, as he ended up on the ground again.

He was beginning to think that it might be better to wait for Germany and be bored when several people climbed over the fence at the closed-off end of the ally.

There were… three of them? Prussia was having a hard time making them out, partially because he was drunk off of his ass, but also because they were wearing dark uniforms and helmets that made them blend into the night almost perfectly. Were they ninjas? Had Germany decided it was too much trouble to get him in person, and instead asked Japan to come and get him?

"Hey, thish is mein ally!" Prussia snapped. "Get your own!"

The figures said nothing to this. One raised their hand and Prussia snorted. What, did they think he'd feel bad because they pointed a finger at him rudely? What were they -

A second later, Prussia's entire body clenched up. He fell flat on his back and felt his toes curling and his shoulders jerking and all he could think was that the assholes had the balls to taser him!

He'd been through worse, though. Drunk or not, three people weren't going to get the drop on him! Clenching his teeth, he fought through the pain long enough to reach up and pull out the metal piece shot into him. With it removed, the taser couldn't hurt him anymore.

Still shaking, he jumped to his feet. The shock cleared his head enough for him to keep his balance. He immediately went on the offensive. It might be crazy of him, but his philosophy was that people who used tasers on one were not trying to be one's friend.

He went for the figure on the right first, noticing him or her reaching for a weapon. His fist collided with their jaw, sending them falling back. Another one of the figures tried to pull him back by the shoulders - jeez, what amateur moves - but Prussia broke free. He spun and went for his all-time favorite, a kick to the crotch. Classic and versatile, working just as well on women as men.

The second figure howled in pain, and Prussia grinned. He really was awesome. Those punks really bit off more than they could chew!

A second later though, the third figure managed to overcome Prussia's awesome defenses and restrain him from behind. It wasn't going to do much. Even drunk as he was, Prussia could remember countless ways to break such a hold. All he had to do was -

One of the other two people recovered enough to spray something in his face. Prussia just had enough time to think about what a weird-ass night it had been, before he passed out.

On the street in front of Prussia's favorite bar, Germany carefully parallel parked. He was none too pleased at having to pick up his drunk bruder (again), especially at this particular one. It was dirty and noisy and offended Germany's order-loving sensibilities. He winced as somewhere behind the bar, someone screamed. Even the drunk and disorderly seemed more annoying to him than at other places. Yes, there was a reason he didn't frequent bars like this. Still, family was family. Prussia surely would do the same for him.

… Oh, who was he kidding?

Regardless, someone had to be responsible. It wasn't like Germany hadn't had plenty of experience filling that role, between trying in vain to keep Italy out of trouble, trying to help Japan figure out how the Western world worked, and losing his sanity over World Meetings.

With a sigh, Germany headed for the ally behind the bar. He was very familiar with the area. It was where Prussia always ended up, every time he went to the bar and did not get arrested by the night's end. It wasn't a very large area, and Prussia was always easy to find.

So why, Germany wondered, was his bruder nowhere in sight?

"Gilbert?" Germany called, his voice booming through the night. "Gilbert, where are you?"

There was no response, save for the meow of some stray cat.

Germany rubbed the bridge of his nose. Prussia was hardly the best at following instructions, but he never wandered off like this. Fantastic. Well, there was nothing to be done but see where he got off to.

He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Prussia's number. He was beginning to think of how he was going to lecture Prussia over this one, when the phone started ringing.

Under normal circumstances, this would not have been a cause for concern. However every time it rang, Germany heard several bars of Mein Heart Brennt.

Which was Prussia's ring tone.

And, by the sound of things, it was coming from about a foot away from where Germany was standing.

Yes, Prussia's cellphone was just lying on the ground. Germany reached down to pick it up, and his hand brushed something else. He grabbed this mysterious object as well, and brought it close to his face so he could make out what it was.

It was Prussia's wallet.

There was no mistaking it. Even if Germany couldn't recognize the wallet itself (which he did, given how many times Prussia waved it under his nose and proclaimed it to be awesome), all of his bruder's IDs and information was in there. His driver's license, the card identifying him as a government official (to be used in the event of a run-in with the police, though Prussia also used it to try to pick up girls), both were Prussia's.

Even stranger, Germany noted, the money was still in there. And it was a decent amount of money, as well. So at least his bruder had not been mugged, it looked. That was a relief. But that still raised questions, namely why Prussia left his cellphone and wallet lying on the ground. Yes, the nation was hardly the most responsible of the lot, but even he remembered how their boss threatened to cut off his supply of beer if he didn't return his calls immediately.

Germany pocketed the items. He was really getting worried. The sooner he figured out where Prussia had gone, the better. He dialed another number on his cellphone. They were in France's house. He'd check and see if France had any clue what was going on.

"Hola? Can I help you with something?"

Well, that definitely was not France. "Spain? Why are you using France's phone?"

The nation gave an embarrassed laugh. "Oh, right. Well, France kind of passed out on the way home, so I was keeping an eye on him. I figured he'd want me to take a message, if this was important. Is it?"

"It's…" Germany paused, honestly not sure how to answer that question. Was it important? This really wasn't the first time Prussia had wandered off somewhere, especially after drinking. But something still felt wrong. "Have you seen Prussia, Spain?"

"Prussia?" Spain repeated, and Germany could just picture him wrinkling his forehead as he thought. "No, I haven't seen him since we left the bar. Isn't he at his hotel?"

"I suppose. I don't know. He called me to pick him up, but went off somewhere before I could find him."

"Really? How odd!"

Why did he have to say that? Germany had been hoping so very much that he was wrong, and that the situation wasn't strange. "I was wondering if France knew where Prussia was, seeing as we are in his house."

"I'm not sure if he can help you right now, Germany. He's a bit… well, indisposed."

"Could you see if he could check? I - I am somewhat concerned."

Which, coming from Germany, meant he was very worried. Spain seemed to realize that, because he said "Hold on, I'll check."

There was a moment of silence as Spain stepped away from the phone. Germany heard soft talking in the background. Someone screamed "COMMENT DANS L'ENFER PUIS-JE L'SAIS?" and there was the sound of violent retching. There was gentle crooning (presumably from Spain), and a weaker "Non, I don't. Leave me alone."

"He says he has no idea where Prussia is," said Spain, when the nation returned to the phone. "He's not quite at his best at the moment, though. Perhaps if he checked tomorrow, he'll figure it out."

Germany began to say that he hoped so, but did not. That would mean he was acknowledging the possibility of something happening, and nothing was wrong, damn it! "Thank you, Spain," was what he finally brought himself to say.

He hung up and stared at his cell phone, thinking of who else to call. The hotel was next. That must be it. Prussia was back in his room, sleeping off the effects of his drinking. That had to be what happened, Germany thought as he punched in the number. Otherwise, Prussia disappeared and that was not, could not, be possible.

A/N - If it's not obvious, I fail at writing how drunk people talk. I do apologize, but hope it at least amused y'all.

"Scheiss Hose" is German for "shit pants". I'm not sure how often that particular phrase is slung around, but my relatives apparently used it a lot. So yeah.

"Comment dans l'enfer puis-je l'sais" is French for "How the hell should I know that?" France does not like being bothered while he's vomiting. (Then again, who does? :P)

For those interested Mein Heart Brennt is the song that played during the trailer of Hellboy 2. Somehow, I get the feeling Prussia would love that movie and everything about it.

Edit: Translation errors were fixed. ^^;