The Life of Fifty Clans

(Dramatic music)

Deep Voice: This summer, there is a movie. With drama, explosions, action, destruction, and clans. The Life of Fifty Clans!

Firestar: Okay Brambleclaw. Why does your patrol look so traumatized?

Brambleclaw: TOO MANY CLANS!

Cloudtail: Stoneclan, Eclipseclan, Dawnclan, Flameclan, SO MANY.

Firestar: Okay then. We will meet them at the gathering.

Squirrelflight: Then I won't go!

Firestar: Lionblaze, Jayfeather, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, Whitewing, Berrynose, Blossomfall, Dovewing, Cinderheart, and Birchfall will come!

Berrynose: (Walks on tree bridge) I mean how many cats can there possibly... (Mouth hangs open)

Cats are squished together and hanging off the island.

Firestar: Now to get to my branch. (Jumps on.)

Tree cracks and falls over.

(At a half moon)

Lionblaze: I see you're off to meet Littlecloud, Kestrelflight, Mothwing, Willowshine, Meadowfur, Leaftail, Flamewing, Dappleshadow (2 hours later) Tinyface, Mousenose, and who was that other one. It might take me 24 hours to find out! Did it start with a w, or maybe a B.

Jayfeather: Nevermind! Gotta go bye.

Lionblaze: It's on the tip of my tongue!

(At the moonpool)

Jayfeather: Sorry I'm late. I was held up by my bro.

Leaftail: He took to long! Let's slap him with our sexy purses!

All: (Slap Jayfeather with purses)

Littlecloud: FEEL MAH PURSE!

Jayfeather: Why does everybody have a purse! You aren't even all girls!

Littlecloud: In my defense this is the newest style!

Jayfeather: For girls. We're late so we should speak to Starclan now!

Jayfeather: (As my eyes open into color, I see Bluestar.)

Bluestar: FEEL THE WRATH OF MAH PURSE. I just got the newest style on Starbay.

After slapping Jayfeather with purses Jayfeather gets back to Thunderclan.

Lionblaze: Maybe it was Dappleshadow. No, I already said that.

Firestar: I need to speak to Starclan.

(At the moonpool)

Firestar: What! Where is all the water?

Leafpool: Last night it was half moon remember? They had to speak with Starclan and slap Jayfeather with their purses.

Firestar: Aww. That was last night? I could have brought my new purse.

Lionblaze: (Pops out of nowhere) I remember now! It was Breezetail.

At border patrol

Brackenfur: Thornclaw, Help!

Thornclaw: What!

Poppyfrost: We can't do it! There are too many clans!

Bumblestripe: My tail goes over one border, and my paws go over the other!

Mousewhisker: The borders are only 5 inches apart for every territory except for Shadowclan!

Thornclaw: What?!

Brackenfur: Their's is 20 feet because they keep stealing it.

Rockheart: Thunderclan's tails are invading! Stoneclan, attack!

Branchtail: Wait, we can't fit in their territory!

Rockheart: Attack anyway!

Piestar: Thunderclan is stealing our pies! Attack, Pieclan!

Thornclaw: (Glares at Bumblestripe.)

Bumblestripe: (Looks up from pie.) What?

(After many fights they got back.)

Firestar: What happened?

Thornclaw: Bumblestripe stuffed his face with Pieclan pies and then thought that the name Pieclan meant cats made of pies. After that, he thought of eating pieheart.

Lionblaze: REALLY! I'm starving! Where are the pies? Where is the Pieheart?

Jayfeather: In an alternate dimension.

Lionblaze and Graystripe: Come on! To the alternate dimension!

Brambleclaw: Oh crud. I'll go fetch them.

(In the forest)

Berrynose: Where is Pieclan? I'm hungry.

Prettypie: Hello, who ever you are!

Berrynose: Hey, good lookin'! I'm Berrynose!

Prettypie: Can we meet up here tonight?

Berrynose: (Head explodes of happiness) YES!

(That night)

Berrynose: Hi pretty pie! (Wiggles eyebrows.)

Prettypie: Come with me!

Berrynose: Where to?

Prettypie: To pie land through the portal of pie! (Opens portal.)

Berrynose: Okay! This is perfectly normal! ( Jumps in.)

(Now they are in a land full of pies.)

Berrynose: It's beautiful!

(After a night full of pies and hotness they kept meeting.)

Lionblaze: We have to get rid of the 46 other clans!

Jayfeather: I have extra TNT from 3 moons ago!

(In Starclan)

Bluestar: Yeah, the new clans are annoying.

Yellowfang: (Enters with dramatic lightning effect.) There is only one way to no if they stay or leave!

Whitestorm: How?

Yellowfang: The Magic Eight Ball of Wonder! (Shakes it.) Will the 46 new clans disappear?

Magic8 Ball: No!

Bluestar: NOOO! They are annoying!

Spottedleaf: Maybe we can send a magical prophecy to get rid of them!

Redtail: Okay!

(They start sending a sign to Jayfeather's Email.)

(In the Medicine Den.)

Jayfeather: I just got an Email from Starclan!

Firestar: What is it?

Jayfeather: It says... Clan cats! We need you to destroy all the clans except the original clans at once! We can't because the Magic 8 Ball says not to.

Lionblaze: Okay, how?

Jayfeather: I've got an idea!

Lightningpaw: (Pops up with Sparklefur and Rainbowpaw.)

Jayfeather: Why are you here?

Lightningpaw, Sparklefur, and Rainbowpaw: To spy on you so you can't destroy us!

Jayfeather: Okay then!

(Later...)

Firestar: We will destroy the other clans by blasting them into a black hole in a rocket full of TNT tomorrow!

Cloudtail: Why not now?

Firestar: Because, I'm eating pizza!

(Da next day.)

Firestar: EVERY CLAN, GET IN THE ROCKET BEFORE THE WORLD EXPLODES!

All: ...(Silent.)

Lionblaze: Let me handle this. Hey everybody, get in the rocket filled with TNT for a pizza and pie party!

Everybody: (Runs in.)

(Rocket launches and Brambleclaw sees Berrynose inside.)

Brambleclaw: Yay! No more Berrynose!

(In Starclan cats are going insane.)

Starclan: NO! We can't take him!

Bluestar: Relax! We can send him to the Dark Forest!

(In the Dark Forest.)

All: What did we do to deserve him?!

(Back to the clans.)

Dovewing: Ready for a firework show?

Hollyleaf: No! That's against the warrior code!

Berrynose: (Falls from sky on fire.)

Daisy: No! WHY ME?!

(Fireworks go off and disappear and there are cheers.)

Random voice: Explosions go off, cats cheer, and the newer clans are gone... Or are they?

Epilogue

(A few days later...)

Lightningpaw: (Appears with a bunch of other cats.)

Bramblestar: How did you survive?

Sparklefur: We listened to your plan. Many of the other cats wouldn't believe us.

Bramblestar: Fine. You can stay as long as you make your own clan. Only one clan!

Emberpaw and Soulfur: I guess so.

All: Who would lead it? What would it be called? Let's get started!

(Later.)

Griffinblitz and Dragonblaze: (Walk into Thunderclan camp.)

Leafpool: Who are they?

Squirrelflight: I hope they have nail polish!

Bramblestar: Who are you and why have you come?

Both: We're Griffinblitz and Dragonblaze! We came to bring more random upon your warriors

Bramblestar: Eh wha?

Griffinblitz: Basically we're joining.

Bramblestar: Says who? You didn't ask!

Dragonblaze: Can we join?

Bramblestar: Sure!