South Park © Matt & Trey.

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The following morning I wake up with an impressively painful headache. I let out a groan and I get out of bed to put on some clothes, only to notice Craig. He is already dressed in the t-shirt and sweats I gave him last night. "Sleep okay?" I ask.

"I have a hard time sleeping in beds that aren't my own," he states, not quite looking at me.

"I see," I murmur. He wanders towards the door without another word. "Going home?" I ask, pulling on a pair of pajama pants.

"Yeah," he says. "I'll give you back your clothes on Monday."

"No rush."

I walk him out. We don't mention last night. We don't kiss goodbye, or any of that shit because I guess that wasn't what this was… It was a one-time thing. It was a stupid thing I initiated because I'm, as he says, a horny drunk bastard. I should probably stop playing with people like this.

"Hey," he says before leaving.

"Hm?"

"Don't tell anyone at school that I'm a fag," he requests.

"Yeah, Craig… I won't," I murmur. I let out a sigh, shutting the door.

"What was all that?" my mom asks.

"Craig is gay," I say without hesitance.

"Really?" she asks. "If I had to pick one of your friends who I thought would be gay… it wouldn't've been Craig."

"I know, right?" I snort. "For curiosity's safe, who would it have been?"

"That boy Kyle."

"Well… he ain't the straightest guy around either, that's for sure," I snort. She just chuckles, walking back into the living room and flopping gracelessly onto the sofa. "We kind of… hooked up," I state as I follow her. Every time I do something stupid, I feel the need to vent about it. It makes me feel a little better.

"Jesus Christ," she sounds surprised, and I guess that means she didn't hear any of it. I'm kinda glad about that. Talk about awkward. "How the hell'd that happen?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I was drunk and he was high on ecstasy. The fuckin' love drug."

And maybe the only reason he decided to pop pills last night was to make the conversation with Clyde a little easier. He probably didn't plan on the night going where it went. Honestly, I've never fucked a guy before. The thought has crossed my mind, sure. I'm sure most people have gay thoughts every so often… but I didn't expect to really enjoy it.

Mom nods sympathetic.

"It was fun… Maybe because it was different."

"I see," she chuckles again, looking thoroughly amused by my plight.

"I'm not gay, though," I insist.

"Okay," she says, sounding completely unconvinced.

"I'm not!" I repeat. "Seriously."

"Okay," she says again before asking, "How's your head? Are you hung over?"

"Yeah," I shrug. "It hurts, but I guess it's tolerable."

"That's good."

"Hey, where's Kevin?" I wonder aloud. "I haven't seen him in like a week."

"Who the hell knows," she sighs. "He's just like your father… he comes and goes when he pleases."

It's true. Ever since dropping out of school, Kevin has been bouncing around. He's been arrested a few times, too. Mostly drug stuff. He had an assault charge as well, which is all the more unsettling. I prefer that he stays away from here.

"And Karen?" I ask.

"She's at a sleepover," Mom says. "She'll be home later on."

"Good," I murmur. I haven't seen her in a couple days. I think she likes to be away from here. I don't blame her for that.

I hang out with my mom most of Saturday, and on Sunday I scramble to do a homework assignment that I forgot about - an English essay on a book I didn't even bother to read. Oh, well. Hopefully a quick review on internet was enough to get me a passing grade.

On Monday, Kyle brags that he was finished a week before the damn thing was due. "Tsk," I mope, "smart asshole."

"Kyle helped me with mine," Stan announces. By that, he probably means that Kyle ended up doing Stan's essay for him.

Before class starts, Craig finds me at my locker and tosses a plastic bag at me. "What's this?" I ask, catching it.

"Your clothes," he says. "I washed them."

"Oh, thanks. You didn't have to do that," I tell him as I peek inside. He simply shrugs before walking off. Ah, man. I wonder if things will be awkward from now on.

"Why did Craig have your shit?" Eric asks.

"He crashed at my place on the weekend and borrowed some of my clothes," I say.

"I didn't think you guys hung around each other outside of school."

"We don't really…" I admit. "Mostly just at parties and sometimes during our free periods, since we have our free at the same time."

"What happened on the weekend, then?" he pries.

"I hardly remember," I chuckle. Sure, it's a bit of a lie, but Eric doesn't need to know the details.

Today, second block is my free and I go find Craig in his usual spot behind the school. "Hey," I say. He doesn't reply, instead, he flips me off. "Awesome," I snort. As I sit down on the stairwell next to him, he pulls out a cigarette, lighting it. "So, how are you?"

"Fine," he says, exhaling. Vague answers, per usual. I shouldn't expect anything less, even if we've fucked. To him, it probably doesn't even matter.

"Yeah?" I urge.

"Yeah," he says, tapping the cigarette and watching the ash fall.

When he says nothing more, I lean forward and briefly press my lips to his. When I draw back he lifts an eyebrow and asks, "What was that for?"

"Well," I start, "We didn't kiss the other night."

"So?" he mutters carelessly. "It wasn't that kind of experience."

"What kind of experience?" I pry.

"Romantic," he specifies. "That shit makes me want to puke."

"Same…" I admit, "but I think it's disrespectful to have sex with someone and not even kiss them, no matter who they are."

"Oh," he says. "So, you're that kind of guy. Then you must have kissed a lot of mouths."

"I guess so," I say. "Haven't you?"

He doesn't answer. I feel like Craig is the kind of person who, deep down, has a lot of love to give, but no one to accept it. Maybe that's why he's such a dick. Then again, maybe I'm completely wrong. That's such a childishly optimistic way of analyzing Craig Tucker. Maybe I feel like I know him a little bit better than I really do. I think I feel that way about most people. Craig is the kind of guy who doesn't let people get to know him.

"Is it just me," I start, "or are things a little tense?"

"It's just you," he insists.

"All right…" I pause, "Er… anyway, I'll see you later."

"Yeah, whatever."

I walk away, returning to the front of the school. I debate on leaving early again, but I decide against it and go back inside. I wonder if that's what Craig is like when he's angry, or maybe I was the one making things awkward by asking questions. I feel like I'm looking at this too deeply. I've never been in this kind of situation before. I just knew if I kept hooking up with schoolmates it'd end up biting me in the ass someday. Shit.

After school, I walk home with Kyle. "So what's up?" he asks expectantly.

"Nothin'," I shrug.

"Kenny," he laughs, "don't lie. I've known you for a long time and by now I know you well enough to see when something is bothering you. Don't try to hide it."

"Okay," I snicker, "you caught me."

"So what is it? Is everything okay?" he pries.

"I don't know," I admit. "I mean…" I pause, trying to collect my thoughts. "Hm…" I murmur. "Okay, so, you're gay, right? Okay, so, hypothetically speaking, say I was bored… and say I had sex with a male friend to pass the time and say… that I ended up liking it."

"Well," he deadpans, "I'd say that you're not as straight as everyone thinks you are and perhaps your constant talk of the female anatomy is your way of compensating for that."

I roll my eyes at his deduction. "I mean, I can appreciate a hot dude, but I've never really found myself wanting to actually have sex with a guy until recently. What if I'm only attracted to this one certain guy?"

"Then he must be pretty god damn special," Kyle laughs and I laugh along with him. "Perhaps you're hetero-flexible?" he suggests.

"I like tits," I say, holding out my hands and groping at the air in front of me as if there's an imaginary pair of boobs.

"Trust me, Kenny, I know. I think we all know."

"But it's like…" I pause again, letting out a sound of frustration. "Fuck it, I have no idea anymore."

"I'm going to assume this isn't a hypothetical situation," he says.

"Yeah, it's not," I admit, chuckling.

"Who'd you fuck?"

"I'm not supposed to say."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't want it getting out that he doesn't like girls."

Kyle shrugs. "So, what? Who would I tell? I'm gay, too."

"Craig," I say. God, I suck at keeping secrets.

"Wow, really?" Kyle asks, surprised. "Jesus Christ. How the hell did you end up sleeping with him of all people?"

"I was drunk and he was high," I murmur.

Kyle wrinkles his nose at the mention of drugs. "Is he okay?"

"I'm not sure…" I whine. "He doesn't talk about anything. So, like… I don't know how I'm supposed to know… you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Kyle says. "Do you think you like him?"

"No way," I laugh. "I don't think I'd be able to handle a relationship with a guy like him. He may act boring, but I have a feeling he'd be high maintenance as fuck. I just liked doing him."

"Oh," he snorts. "Well… see how he feels. If he feels that way, too, then maybe you can be friends with benefits or something?"

I let out a sigh. "I don't know," I groan. "Why does this have to be complicated? It was never complicated before."

"You'll have to figure that all out on your own, Kenny," Kyle tells me.

I cross my arms, feeling whiny and pouty. "That's hard, though."

"Life's hard," he chuckles as we arrive at his house.

"True," I grumble.

"Anyway," Kyle says, nodding towards his house. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yep," I wave him off before continuing down the street.

When I arrive home I watch girl on girl porn and get off the way I usually do. I guess that much hasn't changed. I wonder what makes Craig so damn special. After lazily finishing an assignment, I get up and slump down the stairs. Karen is sitting in the living room doing her own homework.

"Hey," I say.

"Kenny," she smiles.

"How's it going?"

"Good," she says, "apart from this math stuff."

"Ah, yeah, I feel yah," I laugh, sitting next to her. "If you get too stuck, I can always call Kyle over to help you out. He'd be happy to."

"I think I'm okay," she says. "It's not necessarily hard… just dull." I only nod. Math was always my worst subject and I really would have failed if it wasn't for Kyle. Fortunately, I don't have to take it this year. "Ruby said Craig spent the night here on the weekend," Karen mentions.

"Oh, yeah," I say. "Craig told her?"

"She probably wouldn't stop nagging him until he told her where he was," she laughs. "You know how Ruby is."

"Yeah," I snort. That girl is more than capable of getting what she wants when she wants it… God, that little shit can be annoying. She's Karen's best friend and that means I see a lot of her and over the years I got to know just how damn annoying she can be. When she wants something, she gets it. Always.

"What did you guys do?" Karen asks.

"I don't know," I shrug. "We went to a party at Clyde's then he crashed here."

"Oh," she says. "Well, I think it's nice that you guys are becoming friends. Craig is always so mean, you might be a good influence on him since you're nice."

"Well, as long as he isn't mean to you," I laugh. "We can work on the rest."

"He's not," she laughs along with me. "He doesn't really talk to me. If I say hi, he usually grunts some kind of response."

"Typical Craig."

"I wonder why he's so apathetic," she muses.

"Who knows?" I shrug.

"Sometimes, I wonder why you can be so happy and friendly all the time."

"Why's that?" I ask.

"Because," she smiles softly, "we haven't exactly had the easiest time of things. We've seen a lot of awful things happen in our own household, from Mom's overdoses to Dad's violent behaviour. I'm surprised you aren't more like Craig."

"I know," I murmur. "I just remind myself that I don't want to be like Dad. It wouldn't do any good to make other people feel like shit just because I feel that way sometimes."

Karen nods. "Kevin is the opposite of you. He's like Dad."

"Well, as long as he isn't here, I don't really care what he does with his life."

"Yeah."

"Just as long as he isn't hurting anyone except himself, that is."

"Yeah," she says again.

"What are Craig's parents like?" I ask.

"They're hardly ever home, but they're always polite, in a curt sort of way. To me, at least. To Craig and Ruby it's just an exchange of middle fingers. I think they're a bit neglectful. Ruby and Craig both deal with it differently, though. Ruby is louder."

"Louder?"

"If she wants something, she'll whine about it until her parents get it for her. I think they feel like they have to because they're so absent."

"Oh… What a brat."

Karen shrugs. "She isn't that bad once you get to know her. I'm sure the same could be said about Craig. He's quieter than Ruby is. I think he just ignores the fact that his parents exist. He strikes me as spiteful, but deep down, he probably feels bad about it."

"Yeah…" I stand up. "Anyway, I'll leave you to do your math."

"Okay," she sighs, staring down at the pages of numbers and letters.

I ruffle her brown hair before wandering into the kitchen to see if we have any food.