South Park © Matt & Trey.

It's my birthday and I should be studying for an exam tomorrow, but I'm procrastinating so here's the next chapter :P

During lunch period the following day, I spot Craig taking a book out of his locker. "Hey," I say, approaching him. "Does this mean you're actually planning on going to class this afternoon?"

"I go to class," he states monotonously before relenting, "sometimes…"

I just snicker, wondering how he made it to grade twelve. Well, same goes for me. I don't know how I made it this far either.

"Poor Boy and Craig the Fag," a fresh voice suddenly announces, and I don't even need to turn around to know who it is. "A match made in heaven."

"Come on, Eric," I sigh. "Don't be a dick."

Eric sidles up next to Craig, looking smug but Craig pushes him away. "Fuck off," he says once Eric is out of his personal bubble.

"Ewww," Eric yells, making a face and backing away from the contact.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask dryly.

"Craig's touching me! He wants my dick!"

"What?" Craig asks, looking somewhat taken aback and it's weird to see him so expressive.

"Craig the fag," he sings, waving his finger around in Craig's face.

Craig's eyebrows draw together. "Call me that again and I'll –"

Before he can finish the sentence, I put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't, dude," I say. "Eric would just sit on you and you'd be down for the count."

"Ay! Don't call me fat, butt-fucker!"

I just laugh off the fitting insult and Craig's face is once again blank. He opens his locker again and shoves the book back inside, brushing past me and heading down the hallway. "Dude," I sigh, giving Eric an irritated look.

"What?" he asks, holding up his hands innocently. "I was just playing."

"No, you weren't…" I say. I've known Eric long enough to be able to tell when he is kidding around and when he's not.

"Yeah, you're right," he cackles. "I heard you and Kyle talking after school yesterday. So, Craig likes dick up the ass? Specifically, your dick?"

Ah, fuck. "Eric," I let out a sigh. "This is a serious request, okay?"

"Okay…?"

"Please, don't give him shit for this. Just act like you don't know anything… Please. For my sake and not just his."

"Hm," Eric strokes his chin thoughtfully. "This sounds important."

"It is important!" I exclaim.

"Then… if I keep my mouth shut… I should get something in return," he reasons.

"My gratitude?" I offer, knowing it's a really long shot. I don't really have anything else to offer.

"Ugh, Kenny, you're breakin' my balls," he moans.

"I'm serious!" I growl.

"I'm not quite sure it's worth it," he says. "I could either make Craig's life miserable for a while, or I could let the opportunity slip…"

"God, you're such an ass," I say, gritting my teeth.

"I know," he smirks, walking off and leaving me to feel guilty. Jesus Christ. This definitely isn't going to go the way I want it to. Eric is the worst… but then again, I guess I'm a fucking tool as well. I'm the one who broke a promise.

I decide to forgo attending first period. Instead, I find Craig in his usual spot. "Hey," I say.

He doesn't answer. He doesn't even flip me off.

"Sorry," I apologize, sitting down next to him.

"Are you?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

"Eric knows…" I carefully state before glancing over at Craig.

He rubs a hand across his face, allowing it to settle over his mouth. He lets out a quiet sigh and closes his eyes.

"Are you angry?"

"Do you want to know what I don't understand?" he asks, the question muffled. He lets his hand full onto his lap. "Why the fuck would you tell Eric Cartman?"

"I told Kyle…" I choose to admit. "Eric just happened to be listening. I didn't know."

"Either way, you did something you said you wouldn't do."

"I know."

"Why Kyle, then?" he asks.

"Kyle's gay, too," I tell him.

"And we all know how much shit kids gave him for it."

"I mean… he wasn't about to tell anyone," I murmur. "Besides, it's mostly Eric who stirs the pot."

Craig finally lets his hand fall. "I still don't get why you even brought it up."

"I wanted someone to talk to," I say.

"About me?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"Then why not come to me?"

"You made it kind of hard."

"Tsk," he clicks his tongue.

"Are you mad?" I ask.

"No."

"Really?"

"I should be… but somehow," he shrugs, "I just don't care. As long as your fat friend stays quiet, it's fine." And hearing that doesn't surprise me. I guess it would take a hell of a lot to make Craig angry. The thing is, I'm not so sure Eric will stay quiet. With him, you can never tell.

"Well, either way, I'm sorry," I say. "Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"What we did."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because, I'm concerned for your wellbeing," I say in a slightly joking tone of voice, though it's sort of the case.

He rolls his eyes at me. "I don't care enough to regret it."

"Then why were you being all weird about it."

Craig stands up. "Enough," he says, turning around. "Ask me later. I'm not in a sharing mood. I'm going home."

"But it's still the morning," I raise an eyebrow.

"I'm not really in the mood to deal with dumbasses today," he says, walking off. "I'm going back to bed."

"See yah," I mumble from my sitting position.

Jeez. What a guy. Now I'm really curious. I don't understand how he can stay quiet like that. For me, one of the worst things is staying quiet. When I feel like shit, I need to talk about it. Once I let it out, I move on. Usually, it's as simple as that. Usually.

Craig returns at school by lunch time. I spot him sitting with Clyde, Bebe, Nichole and Token in the cafeteria as I enter with Eric. Clyde is all smiley at Craig, same as always. True to his words, nothing has changed.

"What's with that look?" Eric asks. "You're eying Craig."

"No, I'm not," I protest.

"God, you're such a faggot," he laughs as we find Kyle and Stan.

"Hey," Kyle greets us.

"Jew."

"I have a name, you fat fuck," Kyle spits.

Stan lets out an audible sigh. "Here we go again," he murmurs as Eric and Kyle continue to bicker.

I sit down and pull out my sketch book. "Aren't you going to eat?" Kyle questions, pausing his banter.

"Already ate," I lie.

"Really?" he asks.

"Yeah, I had my free before lunch."

"Kenny…" he says my name solemnly.

"Honest," I insist, smiling as I open to my most recent page.

"Okay," Kyle relents. "What are you drawing?"

"Pretty ladies in artful poses," I wink, showing him the nude female figure.

"Typical," Kyle rolls his eyes and Stan just laughs.

After school, I wander around and try to find Craig, but he's nowhere in sight. "Where's Craig?" I ask Token.

"Where else but detention?" he laughs, shaking his head.

I smirk. "What did he do this time?"

"He flipped off a teacher."

"Oh," I chuckle. He does that often. It's like he can't help it. Well, he's been raising his middle finger since we were kids, thanks to his parents. It's probably a reflex now.

"So, hey, you were at Clyde's on the weekend, right?"

"Yeah."

"Was Craig acting a bit off to you?" Token asks.

"I don't know," I lie. "I mean, he was his typical dick self."

"You think?"

"Yeah."

"I tried fixing him up with Red, but he didn't really seem into her," Token shrugs.

"Oh, that's too bad," I say. "She's really cute. I'd happily do her."

He snorts back a laugh. "I bet."

"So, Red's into Craig?"

"Yeah, she has been for a while. I mean, a ton of guys would be thrilled to be with her, but Craig is so uninterested. I feel kind of bad for pushing her to try and socialize with him since he just brushed her off like that."

"Gonna try and hook them up again?"

"Nah. Clyde gently told Red she should just move on after Craig left, so I think she's trying to do that. I guess Clyde knows Craig better than the rest of us… I have no idea what kind of girl he'd be into. Oh, well. I guess we have to let him figure it out. Lesson learned."

"Probably for the best… I think Craig would bring her down. She's pretty peppy and Craig is so not."

"True enough…" Token murmurs, "but I think he at least needs a good lay."

Psh. He already got one. From me. However, I'm definitely not going to say that, so instead I just laugh. "Yeah, he probably hasn't been laid in a while."

"Try never."

You're fucking kidding me… "What?" I ask, nearly choking on my own spit.

"I'm, like, 98 percent sure Craig's a virgin, dude," he reveals.

"What?" I ask again. "Oh, my God." Well, he's definitely not a virgin anymore…

"Okay, it's not that shocking," Token chuckles.

I shrug, playing it off. I guess he's right. I mean, if he was struggling with sexual identity issues, he might've been too uncomfortable to go sleeping around with people left and right. Hell, Craig isn't the first virgin I've fucked… but I've never felt this weird about it before. I'm sure I just caught him in a moment of weakness. I think I did and he just doesn't want to admit it out loud. This must be guilt.

"By the way," Token continues, "You should come to my place this weekend."

"What's going down at your place?"

"I'm having a small get together," he winks, and we both know that a small get together means big party.

"Sounds fun," I grin, "Count me in."

I wait for Craig's detention to be finished. An hour later, he leaves the detention room. "What is it now?" he sighs, once he spots be loitering at his locker.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask him.

"Go ahead," he says, shoving a hefty math textbook in his locker.

"Not here…"

"Why not here?"

"Because it's kind of… not something you'd want me to say at school."

"Oh," he says, closing his locker. He probably understands what I'm referring to.

"So…?"

"You can come over," he offers. He begins to walk, gesturing me to follow. I've never been to Craig's house before. Honestly, I'm kind of surprised he's letting me there. He's a private guy and you can always tell a lot about a person by their home. Especially their bedroom.

The walk to the Tucker residence is quiet. Craig doesn't talk, and neither do I. Once we're inside, Ruby is sitting in a modest looking living room with a couple other girls her age.

"Hi, Craig," one of them blushes and Ruby shoots her an exaggeratedly disgusted look.

"Hi," Craig murmurs a greeting before ushering me upstairs.

"Looks like you have an admirer," I snicker.

"Shut up."

His bedroom is so plain. I don't know what I was expecting, but this makes sense. It suits him. Boring beige walls and matching carpet… his bed is covered in blue sheets and there is a wooden nightstand next to it with a lamp. If I didn't know someone was living here, I'd think it was a guest room. I follow him in, scanning the room further. There's a guinea pig sitting on a dresser and I find myself smiling. "Is this the infamous Stripe?" I ask, approaching the little rodent.

"Yup," he mumbles, tossing his bag on the floor and taking off his coat.

"Cute," I coo.

"Yeah, so why are you here? You wanted to say something…" he says, sounding like he wants to get this over with.

"Okay, I have a question," I start. "But first you need to promise not to get angry… or offended… or take it the wrong way."

"I can't promise a thing like that if I don't even know what you're going to say," he crosses his arms. "I have a strong feeling I'm not drunk enough for the conversation that's about to unfold."

I just chuckle. "You don't need to be drunk to talk."

"For people like me, it helps."

"Okay, fine," I sigh. "Are you a virgin?"

"Clearly not…"

"No, I mean, like… were you before we… you know…?" I make a lewd gesture with my hands.

"What?" he deadpans. "What makes you think that?"

"I'm not saying you were bad or anything," I quickly add, waving my hands around. "I just… I was talking to Token," I exhale. "He said you never dated or anything… he's under the impression you're like… virgin city and have this no girls zone up."

Craig scoffs. "Token and Clyde… they both like sticking their noses where they don't belong… Well, at least Clyde stopped."

"They're your friends. They just want you to be happy."

"I'm not unhappy, though. I don't need what they're trying to give me."

"And that is?"

"A girlfriend… A relationship in general," he murmurs. "I mean… People who look for happiness in relationships are pathetic."

"Yeah," I agree. "It's kind of sad, too… You can't really have a real relationship until you're happy with yourself. Otherwise you won't be able to accept love easily."

I've thought long and hard about shit like this. There are stupid songs about it on the radio. I mean… If you don't love yourself, someone isn't going to swoop in and love you that much more. It's like jumping on a ship, knowing it's about to sink. No one would jump on a sinking ship. It's asking to get hurt. People who look for happiness in other people… They're selfish. I guess I used to be like that, and that's why I can so confidently say that it's such a selfish thing to do.

Craig simply nods, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Anyway," I continue, sitting down next to him, "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asks.

"Because I took your virginity…?"

"Do I honestly look like the type of person to put value on a thing like that?"

"Well, no… but sometimes you can surprise yourself."

"What do you mean by that?"

"People make mistakes," I start. "I mean, we've all been there. Lots of people think it'll be a good idea to fuck someone, then they regret it later on. They wish they waited, or whatever…"

"Well, I don't care about things like that," he insists. "Do you?"

"I used to," I admit.

"You don't seem like the type."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you act like a whore."

"Thaaanks," I laugh, "but contrary to popular belief, I don't just stick my dick anywhere, even when I'm drunk."

"Good to know," he states, "that makes me feel so fucking special."

I roll my eyes, sensing his sarcasm. "Things were tense earlier, and I know it wasn't just me feeling that."

"Okay?" he shakes his head, "What the hell do you want me to say?"

"So, I was your first…"

"Yup," he leans backwards onto the mattress.

"Really?" I ask, looking down at him.

"Yes, just last week I was a kissless virgin," he confesses. "Don't go around telling people that, though."

Double score for Kenny McCormick. I got the first kiss and the virgin ass. "So, I was the first person to touch you like that?"

He gives me a dry look. "Is that not what virginity entails?"

I just smile to myself, lying down beside him. "We should do it again," I mention.

"Why?" he closes his eyes.

"It was fun."

"How?" he asks. "Aren't you straight?"

"Most likely, but I can appreciate a hot looking dude."

"You're so depraved." I just grin at him and he doesn't say anything for a moment. "Don't tell anyone else."

"I won't," I promise him.

"I don't need my parents finding out about it," he says.

I find that kind of sad. "Why not?" I ask. "Does it matter? What the fuck would I even say to them? Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Tucker, I took your son's virginity, it won't happen again?"

"Shut the fuck up," he states, "It's not a fucking joke."

"Okay," I snicker. "Sorry, sorry."

I wonder if Craig ever laughs.