Please don't kill me after reading this chapter. :) Thanks, Sienna!

Chapter 9

Roman crawled into bed, slid his arms around Lexi and placed his big hand over her abdomen. The last few days had been a whirlwind of emotions, all culminating to today. It really was amazing how much a person's life could change in just a year's time. The only thing on his mind when he was called up to the main roster a little over a year go was to prove himself.

Now he was the enforcer in one of the biggest stables in WWE history, was not only engaged to the most beautiful women he'd ever set eyes on, but was also going to be a father. Life, he decided, couldn't get any better. Except, his mind questioned as it continued to analyze their earlier conversation with his father and Bret. At first he hadn't been all that bothered when she insisted on putting off the wedding. However, as the months wore on and Lexi continued to make excuses for not setting a date, he couldn't help but grow concerned.

Why didn't she want to get married? That unasked and unanswered question had quickly become the elephant in the room that no one wanted to mention. Now, having her father all but push her into setting a date felt just as wrong as her avoiding the topic. Could he really allow her to go through with the wedding if her heart wasn't in it? He loved her with everything he had, and desperately wanted her to be his wife, but not at the cost of her happiness. Still, didn't he also deserve to be happy? At the very least, he deserved answers.

Lexi snuggled back against him, her bottom gently cupping him as she relaxed. "I'm exhausted, she murmured.

"Me too," he agreed. "I can't believe today."

"Me either," she replied and was again silent.

After a few minutes, he ventured the question he'd been dreading almost from the moment her father forced the wedding issue. "Can I ask you something?"

She turned in his arms to face him. "Of course you can."

"Do you really want to get married, or did you just bow to pressure?"

Silence hung in the air between them as she stared somberly up at him. "I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to marry you, Roman."

Her answer only served to frustrate him further. "So why did it take your father pushing you into a corner for you to finally set a date?"

She sighed. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

He pushed up onto his elbow and looked down at her. "We've been avoiding talking about it for months. Don't you think we need to?"

A frown claimed her face as she rolled onto her back to look at him. "Okay, let's talk."

"So why don't you want to marry me?"

"I do want to marry you," she argued.

"But?" Knowing there was more to her statement, he arched a challenging brow.

She let out a heavy sigh. "There are a couple of reasons, but none of them have anything to do with my love for you."

Ignoring her declaration he prompted. "And those would be?"

"Well for one, I felt overwhelmed," she replied. "The whole planning a wedding thing is such a big deal. We both have huge families and I know my mom. She would have totally been up my ass about every decision I made and would have been hurt if I told her to back off. But on the flip side I didn't want to make all the decisions by myself, either."

"So by not setting a date, you were pushing off having to make the plans."

She nodded. "It's lame, I know, but just the idea was daunting. Since your family has volunteered to take care of all the planning, and I don't have to worry about it, that removes an obstacle."

"Well that's one, but you said there were a couple of reasons."

She nodded and he watched the remainder of the joy disappear from her eyes. "It's complicated."

"I have all night."

She nodded. "Okay. First there's my parents divorce. It wasn't pretty and I swore I would never end up like them. If I never got married then I could never get divorced. Of course, that thought was only solidified further by my failed relationship with Edge."

Irritation skimmed around the edges of his emotions. "So better to avoid happiness than risk being burned later?"

She opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again without saying a word. Her silence only served as fuel for his building temper. "When are you going to stop using him as an excuse, Lexi?"

She blinked as shock filled her eyes. "I'm not-"

"Yes, you are," Roman shouted, shocking himself by his outburst nearly as much as he shocked her. Immediately, he pushed away and off the bed as the floodgates opened. "You've spent our entire relationship second guessing every step you make because of him."

"I have not." She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest.

"The fuck you haven't," he argued as his anger boiled over. "From day one, you've been comparing me to your ex and damn it, I've had enough. Every time I'd think we'd have a breakthrough, something else pops up that you can't seem to push past."

He knew in her condition she needed him to be calm, but he couldn't seem to find it within himself. "I love you, God damn it!" He began to pace. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life." He raked a hand through his loose hair. "I want to be there for you, for our baby. I want to share the happiness and the sorrow, but I'll be damned if I'll live in a one sided relationship." He poked a thumb against his bare chest. "I deserve the same love that I give and by God I'm not going to settle for any less." He snagged his pillow off the bed. "Yes, what happened to you was horrible. He cheated on you with another woman. He hurt you and he temporarily destroyed your life."

His breathing hitched as he shook his head. "I'm sorry for all of that, and I wish there was a way for me to make all that pain go away, but I'm tired of you punishing me for something I had nothing to do with it."

"I'm not-" she began even as tears trickled down her cheeks. Inside his heart broke just a little, at the realization that he'd caused those tears, but it wasn't enough for him to stop. He was hurting too and damn it she needed to know the pain she was causing.

"You are," he all but roared over her protest, then raked a hand over his face. "Damn it, Lexi. He's been out of your life for four years. At what point are you going to put the past behind you and look at what you have right in front of you?" Roman shook his head, turned on his heel and headed for the door. His heart crack more as he reached for the handle, then turned back to see her gently rocking with her arms wrapped around her knees.

He hated himself for what he was about to say. Hated her for forcing him to say it. "I can't do this, Lexi. I can't live like this, knowing I'm always going to play second string to your past. I'm sorry." Without another word, he turned and walked out. He hadn't meant to slam it. He really hadn't, but the wood shook with the result of his anger as he stormed down the steps toward the couch.

He threw the pillow into the couch corner, turned and dropped onto the cushions. Why was it just when everything in his life seemed to be going the right way did this issue have to crop back up? he turned his gaze toward the ceiling and thought he could hear the faint whisper of Lexi crying.

Damn it! Roman wanted to kill Edge for the damage he'd caused to her and in turn to himself. Still, she wasn't entirely innocent in this situation and Roman needed to remember that fact. Sighing, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. Why did life have to be so fucking complicated? Exhausted and emotionally wrecked, Roman did the one thing he hadn't done in years. He buried his face in his hands and wept.