Chapter nine
Still Monday
I phoned my dad and said i was sleeping over with Rosalie tonight and he agreed to let me stay. He hadn't even realized we had left the house.
Jasper and I sat next to each other on the sofa and i felt really weird and exposed not being wrapped up in his arms or kissing him or well... touching him. I fidgeted constantly and kept feeling as though i was too hot without him holding me. I sighed and hopped up telling him i was going to raid the fridge which was kept stocked for Nessie and me, well mainly me. I grabbed a carton of custard and some sponge fingers, a big bowl and a spoon, poured the custard into the bowl, chucked the sponge fingers on top and headed back to the living room to comfort eat.
I started to go numb inside like before and i told myself i wouldn't. I wouldn't be like i was last week, i wouldn't do that again. He was still here, he was still smiling to me, sure he wasn't kissing me or hugging me but this was real and the other things weren't. I shovelled the custard and sponge into my mouth and sighed.
"You ok?" Jasper said frowning.
"I'm fine... i just feel weird not having to watch what i do or say," I said telling a half lie. He seemed convinced and turned back to the TV. Once i had drowned my sorrows in custard i decided i would lay on the floor, i don't know why, i just did. I was fine until Carlisle came in and looked down at me with an eyebrow raised. I grinned at him and stayed on the floor.
"Jasper is she ok?" He said watching me grin. I was in my vest top and jeans by now, my jumper and over top was neatly folded with my thermal socks by the sofa and i was boiling. Jasper glanced at me and shrugged, his lips vibrating. Carlisle reached down and felt my forehead.
"I'm fine, i just feel hot," I protested when he looked worried.
"You're temperature is just like it should be... you've become to used to the cold," He said and laughed softly, "You'll be back to normal soon now Jasper isn't your personal ice pack," I smiled to him and he left me on the floor and went off to find Esme.
"Weird old man," I muttered once he'd gone.
"He's 23," Jasper said and i frowned up to him.
"What?"
"Carlisle was 23 when he got changed," I blinked a few times. I knew Carlisle's story but i had never realised how young he actually was. Jasper watched me as i wiped sweat off of my forehead.
"Your adoptive father is three years older than you... that is weird... but then again your family isn't what I'd class as normal," I said blowing a few strands of hair of my forehead. He chuckled softly and looked up when Emmett came in. The big vampire looked down at me and grinned. I looked at him dubiously.
"What?" I said slowly.
"I'm bored..." He said and grabbed my ankle, yanking me so i was dangling in midair.
"PUT ME DOWN," I squealed and looked to Jasper who was just smirking at me. I wriggled about and Emmett just laughed at me. By now the blood was rushing to my head so i folded my arms and pouted.
"This is sooooo not fun!" I whined, making myself all sad. Jasper shifted uncomfortably. I looked at him with puppy dog eyes.
"Urm Emmett... put her down..." Jasper said staring at me. Emmett just grinned like a mad thing and shook his head.
"Nope..." He said and carried me out by the ankle.
"EMMETT YOU'RE HURTING ME!" I yelled as i felt my ankle start to swell and myself get dizzy. I was panicking now. Not because i thought Emmett was going to hurt me, because i knew i was going to pass out soon.
"EMMETT PUT HER DOWN," Jasper growled viciously as he followed us out. Rosalie by my side almost immediately with Bella.
"Emmett put her down now!" Rosalie ordered looking mad.
"But i'm having fun!" He said grinning.
"SHE'S NOT A TOY!" Jasper said as Emmett let me go. I was in Jasper's arms before i hit the floor.
"EMMETT YOU IDIOT!" Rosalie yelled whacking him round the head.
My vision wasn't as blurry when Jasper laid me on the sofa.
"Are you ok?" Jasper said kneeling next to me.
"Yeah... my ankle just hurts" I said glaring at the awkward looking Emmett who was still being told off by Rosalie and Bella.
"I'll get Carlisle," Jasper said sounding worried and going to get up. I grabbed his hand and shook my head.
"If it still hurts later i'll get it looked at, but lets see if it stops on its own ok... let him relax for a bit... ok?" I said softly to him. He looked at me, unsure and then nodded.
"You hungry?" Bella said leaning in the door way. I grinned to her.
"Always..." I said and she laughed going of to get me food.
By now it was getting late, but i wasn't tired and i knew i wouldn't be sleeping any time soon. I was working my way through some Ben and jerry's in Jasper's room when Jasper turned to me looking thoughtful.
"What are we going to say at school tomorrow?" He said slowly.
"About the relationship thing? I don't mind..." I said smiling as i just watched him happily. He was sitting on the widow ledge. The night sky was clear and the silver moon light illuminated his skin like he was glowing. He was the most hypnotically amazing creature i had ever seen. Everything about him was perfect.
But i knew why he was perfect and i knew he would never need to hunt human girls when he used to feed of them, they would happily follow his unquestioningly. I would follow him unquestioningly even now i knew. If he wanted my blood badly enough i would give it. All of it.
He turned to me and smiled.
"Why don't we just leave it... we can make a big scene later in the week about breaking up..." He said brushing his hair back with his fingers. I just nodded, i couldn't speak he was so...so...dazzling. He raised an eyebrow at my gawking expression.
"What?" He asked looking around for whatever i was looking at.
"You're...so...amazing..." I breathed slowly. He rolled his eyes and laughed.
"Honestly that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard..." He muttered resting his head on his hand and his elbow on his knee, "I'm not amazing...i'm a murderer and you know it," I shook my head.
"I don't care what you think you are... you will always be amazing to me," I said moving to kneel next to him as he sat on his low window ledge.
He looked distant for a moment, a sad expression on his face.
"I felt them all die... i felt every single emotion as they died Lizzie... i can never forget it. I am a monster..." His voice sounded mortified. He looked defeated. I shook my head and placed a hand on his cheek.
"I shall never see you as a monster... never for as long as i live. To me you will always be Jasper..." I said looking at him seriously. He just smiled slightly.
"You are so young but you will not live forever Lizzie... i shall always be here, always the monster in the shadows," He said sadly.
I slapped him and god did it hurt me. My hand was pretty much rendered useless but he got the message. He slowly raised a hand to his cheek and looked at me in shock.
"Never...ever...ever say that again," I said shaking from anger and pain. I grabbed my hand and swore mentally. Jasper was sitting there still holding his cheek. Edward...please? I thought watching as my hand started to swell. Slapping jasper was like punching a brink wall, stupid but gratifying at the same time. Edward walked in a few moments later with Carlisle.
"Show me your hand," Carlisle said looking very amused as he pointed for me to sit on the bed. I sat down and shakily held out my hand as i watched Edward waving his hand in front of Jasper's face to no effect.
"What did you do to him?" Edward said as i winced. Carlisle was feeling my hand for the damage.
"You've fractured your hand but i think you'll get away with a bandage," Carlisle said pulling out some bandages. I nodded to Carlisle and then turned to Edward.
"I slapped him because he was being and idiot!" I said curtly as Jasper just sat there.
"Jasper no..." Edward said, answering his thoughts. Jasper blinked a few times and looked up at Edward and then his eyes shot to where Carlisle was bandaging my hand.
"You're freaking made of rock!" I said to him with a smile.
"You...you slapped me!" He said slowly. I looked at my hand and then at him.
"Yeah...and i can tell you it hurt you more than it hurt me!" I said wincing as Carlisle pulled the bandages tight. Jasper just looked confused.
"You are not a monster Jasper. I don't see you like that... i just can't see you like that. You have never done anything to warrant me to think that and no matter what i shall never see you as a monster. Who am i to judge someone's nature?" I said softly to him. Carlisle's eyes twinkled slightly and he smiled to me. Jasper was silent for a moment.
"You'll change your mind someday," He said and moved to sit next to me as Carlisle finished bandaging me up.
"If i do then you can say i told you so but until that time comes, which i doubt it will, i shall be right next to you, slapping you anytime you warrant a good slap," I said firmly.
"Hopefully no time soon, you'll need that on for a couple of weeks. I'll check it next week to see it's still ok. And be careful next time you want to teach him a lesson," Carlisle said patting me on the shoulder lightly. I laughed softly.
"I'll be more careful next time," I said cheekily as he left, followed by a very annoyed looking Edward.
Jasper sighed softly and looked to me.
"Why do you care so much about me?" Jasper said softly. I looked to him and chuckled.
"Why wouldn't i care? You know perfectly well every emotion i feel," I said running my good hand through his hair, hearing him 'purr', "You are my best friend Jasper. I have never trusted someone as much as i trust you, no matter what you are...i will never fear you, i will never leave you Jasper. I can't. If i'm away from you i just die in side. You make me live...without you i feel nothing..." He just stared down at me warmly.
"I was with Alice for fifty year as never once did she say something like that to me... never and she was my wife," He said slowly. HOLD ON ONE MINUTE! WIFE? Alarm bells where ringing in my head but i ignored them, he was trying to be sentimental.
"You're just my friend and you give my existence a meaning...i'm here to live for you Elizabeth Daxon..." He said and pulled me into a hug.
So what if he had been married? Right now i felt as though maybe we could somehow we could be together, some day. I hoped we could. My heart was aching for him to say three words that i thought every day so many times. I didn't care anymore if Edward knew what i was thinking, i couldn't help what i thought. He wouldn't tell anyone if it was important and he knew this was best left in side my head. I hugged him back and adored the way he smelt, luscious. He rested his lips on the top of my head and simply sat there. I loved how cold he was, i loved that he was so solid, even if it hurt to hit him. I loved his hair, his face, his eyes, the way his lips curled up at the corners slightly when he was trying not to laugh. I loved everything about him, everything. The good and the bad.
"Jasper..." I whispered to him, tilting my head of to look at him. He looked so content just sitting there.
"Yes?" He said softly.
"Would you do anything for me?" I said seriously. He smiled to me.
"Anything that would make you happy..."He said sweetly.
"You make me happy... i want you to do anything that makes you happy..." I said touching his face. He laughed softly and smiled, he truly smiled like an Angel.
Jasper was so sweet when he wanted to be. Bella always told me about what she remembered of him from her former life as a human. She told me of the silent sullen Cullen who stayed to the back and disapproved of a human being so close to them. I couldn't ever see Jasper being such a distant person, maybe it was my blood which drew him to me in the first place but he still openly spoke to me on their first day here. Maybe he was sick of being so depressed. Maybe he planned to eat me then, only he and Edward will ever know. But i know that the Jasper i know is a very sweet, charming, sometimes old fashioned, caring gentleman. And i loved him.
Tuesday 8th October
It was amusing to see that Jasper from then on did everything i said with out hesitation. He seemed to take what i said very to heart and so he should, i bloody meant every single word i said and he knew it. He was a vampiric lie detector.
It was the next morning and we where in History. I was wearing some of Rosalie's clothes she had let me borrow. Jasmine and the other kids at school still thought we where together and Emmett was having great fun.
"Aw bro give your girl a kiss!" Emmett said grinning like a fool. Jasper was sitting next to me today and was giving Emmett a serious look.
"Aw go on!" Jasmine said enthusiastically, "You two are just so cute!" Jasper looked at me with a look saying 'we can't escape them forever'. I looked back with a look that read 'if you want to go ahead'. He leant down, touching my cheek and kissed me softly. Jasmine squealed like a pig clasping her hands together.
"It's like something out of an old film!" She said with hearts in her eyes. Jasper rested his arm around my shoulder.
"More like a horror movie right Lizzie?" Emmett said grinning. I laughed, if only Jasmine knew.