A.N. First of all, I owe the biggest apology ever. Loads of my stories went on hiatus for almost a year as I got stuck. I'm so sorry guys. I don't even know how I can possibly make up for it. For what it;s worth, this is a reasonably large chapter.
WARNINGS! Mentions of child abuse!May be triggering.
Last time: Fai and Kurogane were having an important conversation where Fai was about to reveal how he felt about his childhood friend, when suddenly he vanishes! Kurogane goes looking for him but a huge snowstorm knocks him out.
We then see a young man called Watanuki looking after a red-eyed man he calls Doumeki. However, it turns out Doumeki is actually Kurogane! Kurogane at the end of the last chapter remembered how much he loved a type of flower that reminded him of a time where he and Fai were together, and boom, his memory was restored!
After that Watanuki reveals that he is a magician who lost sight of the thing most important to him, his lover and best friend Doumeki. He is trapped int he house and cannot leave because of magic.
Kurogane does leave, promising to find Doumeki as well as Fai. He then goes to the Lady of Shallot, who may know where Fai went to.
When Kurogane finally arrived at the run-down tower, he was disturbed to find there was no door.
'How does she get in or out?'
He looked up to see a large gaping hole near the top of the tower. "Hello," he called, "hello! Is anyone there? Can you hear me?"
A pretty girl leaned over and looked down. "Ah y-yes," she stammered, her face terribly red, "I can hear you...and...and see you!" she giggled suddenly and ducked away from view.
Kurogane started, "wait! I just," her face appeared again, a blush still present along with an embarrassed smile, "I just need to know if a boy came here, perhaps a few weeks ago? He is skinny, with fair skin, blue eyes and light hair."
"How should I know?" the smile became a grin, her eyes twinkling. She was teasing, like the whole thing was a game. Perhaps it was for her, but not for Kurogane who was sick with worry for Fai.
Still, he swallowed his frustration as she was only a little girl.
"You are the Lady of Shallot I assume?" he called up to her, "You must have seen from that spot in the tower."
She pursed her lips at his harsh voice.
You've made him cross, giggled a voice from earlier.
"Shush!" she hissed, looking behind her, "he's a bit grouchy, but that is foolish of him." She looked back at him and cried, "I'm not at liberty to tell the comings and goings of everyone who passes my tower by. I don't even know who you are. But you are big and gruff and rude. You may be a killer. I don't want to send a killer after the young boy. He was much too pretty to be killed by the likes of you."
Now Kurogane did lose his tenuous hold on his temper. He stomped his foot comically childishly and shouted, "I'm not a murderer! That man you saw is a good friend of mine, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. He was stolen by someone and I need to get him back!"
The girl squeaked in either fear or anger and disappeared from sight.
"No, no!" stammered Kurogane, he looked around the marsh. There was no way he would find where Fai went alone, there were no tracks, the rain had washed them all away. And speaking of rain, the grey clouds overheard suddenly began to release a misty sort of rain that quickly soaked him. "I'm sorry!" he yelled, "alright, I'm sorry! Please, I won't bother you any more, I will leave you alone as soon as you tell me where Fai went."
Still no response.
Kurogane sank down into a crouch with a shaky sigh. He still felt tired, despite all the rest he must have gotten at Watanuki's. "Maybe she has forgotten. It must have been long ago! I can't believe I wasted all that time at Watanuki's. I'm the worst friend in the world," he sat down on the floor, not caring about the mud and bowed his head. The tears came warm and heavy. Kurogane hated crying and it was something he didn't do that often, but at this point of time he felt so over come with misery and self-loathing he just couldn't help it. To think the rescue of Fai depended on the words of a strange and silly little girl! "It's my fault," he thought bitterly, "it's my fault for succumbing to the snow and then to Watanuki's magic. What a fool I am. A useless fool! Even now all I can do is cry."
That was when he decided to stand, despite the cold in his body making his bones feel creaky and tired, and wiped his eyes, which was pointless due to the smattering rain going against his face and wetting it anyway.
He looked at the tower. The mortar was coming away from the brick work, making the surface uneven. If she wouldn't talk to him by choice, the he would make her! He began to climb up the tower, the bricks rough on his skin, making them chalky and sore with blisters and cuts.
The rain seemed to fall down more heavily, the drops pouring into his eyes and slowing his progress. When he was about halfway up, he reached out for one jutted out brick, but it crumbled under his heavy, dark hand. Kurogane cried out as he slipped down slightly, luckily his left hand which was securely fastened onto another brick kept him from crashing to the earth. Having fallen slightly, he was now looking down. He was so high up that if he had have fallen, he would have broken his back at best, or immediately died at worst.
His heart pounded strongly against his chest from the fright and he could feel a pressure of stress building up behind his eyes and turning into a monstrous headache. Fresh cuts where on his right hand which had slipped. Thin red streams of blood made their journey down the hand onto the arm and spattered into his face along with the rain. His vision swam, but he kept going.
'No point feeling sorry for myself,' he chastised, "I need to get up there!'
The rain was relentless, beating down on his face. His body screamed out in pain, his bones and muscles burning. He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Fai. It was summer and they were in the garden together. Fai was so happy, so happy. His eyes were bright and blue like the summer sky and his hair glistened. He was too good for the likes of Kurogane really. There was nothing attractive about Kurogane. He was big and gruff and rude and unsociable.
'But I can save him,' he thought, 'I must save him.' He opened his red eyes and continued on. His nails bit into the mortar. He could feel hands, especially his fingers, were bleeding profusely. They were stinging.
All he wanted to do was let go. He wanted to fall to his death because at least then it would be over. But, of course, he couldn't do that Fai. Keeping the boy's image in his mind he pushed past his own feelings of inadequacy and his own pain. His love for Fai was bigger and stronger than all of that. His love for the boy was worth more than himself. He would sacrifice himself for Fai if he had to, he didn't care, he just wanted Fai safe and happy again.
Just to have Fai safe, even if he never saw him again, that would be worth him suffering and dying for over a thousand millennia.
After what felt like a lifetime, Kurogane finally felt his hand reach inside the tower. He had reached the top, where the girl was. He almost cried again as he dragged his weary body up the rough wall and collapsed in her room. He looked around with dull eyes. There were shards of glass and mirrors everywhere.
His head was swimming and his body hurt with exhaustion. He could see the girl, standing in the half shadows, staring at him with wide eyes. Behind her a spider sat in its web. It disturbed him. But the world slid to the side and faded to black.
"Oh no the boy must stay with us. Oh well yes, I suppose he is more man than boy but still- what- ye I see what you mean."
It was with this whispering that Kurogane slowly woke up to. The young girl was by his side, but she was looking off into the corner.
He was lying on a thin pile of mattresses, a blanket put over on top of him.
"A prince for me at long last," the girl was saying happily, "can you believe it! Oh hush," she rolled her eyes, "you shouldn't be so cruel to me. I'm very much in love already yes, thank you."
He opened his eyes fully and sat up. His short was off and his hands were bandaged. She blushed at the sight of him, which was strange as surely she had been the one to remove his top in the first place.
His whole body was screaming just with his sitting up, and his hands were throbbing.
"Be careful," she said, "please, I don't want you injuring yourself anymore." She pressed her hand down on his chest to lower him again, taking in a sharp breath as she did. He watched her pupils blow up suddenly as the rush of sexual excitement flooded her body. She looked away again, as if embarrassed.
Kurogane watched with some surprise, he had never thought himself physically attractive before. But then again, it was quite clear that there was something very wrong with this girl's mental well-bring.
"Thank you," he said, his voice raspy and hard, "for helping me, and I am sorry I insulted you earlier."
She leaned over him seductively, too seductively for one who looked so young, pressing her body against his and toying with his hair. "You're very welcome," she looked into his eyes, "have you come to save me? Are you my handsome prince?"
"I'm not a prince," he answered honestly, "I'm just a normal person."
"That's alright, I'd like to live in a small cottage somewhere, with you as my hardy, hardworking husband. I don't need a castle and silk dresses." She looked at him so desperately he believed her. She just desperately wanted to leave the tower.
"Tell me your story, why are you up here?"
She looked to the side suddenly, as if listening to someone else. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Oh no," she whispered, her voice shaking. She looked back at him, "you cannot be here. I thought...I thought someone coming up would save me...but you can't." She erupted into tears and threw herself to the other-side of the room.
He sat back up. "What's wrong?" he demanded, "tell me! Tell me, maybe I can help you. I can help you climb down from here. You can be carried on my back. I don't mind."
She shook her head, "even if you could handle that exertion, I can never leave this place. I am under a curse."
"Tell me. I know magicians. Maybe they can help. Just tell me first."
A little black spider ambled over to her. She picked it up in her hand and put it to her ear as if she were listening to it. She then nodded and placed the spider back onto the floor. It crawled up onto her lap and sat there, almost like a dog or a cat.
"Long ago, very long ago, I was married. I married a man who was much older than me. I was this age," she motioned to her face. She couldn't have been any older than thirteen. "I loved him, and I thought he loved me. I wasn't interested in boys my age. I wanted a man, and he was a man. He was handsome and had a kind smile. He was my teacher. He taught me maths and letters and all the ruminations of the Great Philosophers. He told me that I was mature, more mature than the other boys and girls. He said that I was clever and ahead of everyone." A beat before the whisper, "he said he loved me.
"We began a relationship. He taught me new things. Things with my body. Things that made me blush. I didn't...I didn't want to do everything. But he would laugh and say that I was being a child. I didn't want him to see me that way. I didn't want to be a child." She brushed small delicate hands over her face, "I feel ashamed sometimes, when I remember, when she makes me remember." She looked up into the corner above Kurogane's head. He turned around to see another spider above his head. He didn't like it. It was white with long translucent legs. It made him think of death. These spiders were the things she was talking to.
"Eventually we got married. We had to run away. My parents did not approve. We snuck out in the middle of the night. We went to live in this little cottage. At first everything was fine. I learned to cook and clean. I was a good little housewife. But..but I getting bored. After a couple of years it began to dawn on me that this was my life forever. My husband began to spend more time away from me. It was as if, the older I became, the less interested he became.
"I began to dress seductively for him...but it didn't work. And then he began to get angry a lot. If I didn't do something right he would call me names. He would say how I was a slattern." She blushed heavily again, "he'd say that I was too easy. I began to despise him. Finally, one day, I met a traveller. He told me that I needed to return home, that I was still a child.
"On the evening when I was supposed to sneak out, my husband caught me. He beat the traveller, who ran off. Then he beat me and dragged me to this tower. He said that would never age and that I could never leave here. I tried to climb out, but when I do the magic overpowers me and I end up right back in this room.
"He would come to visit me. We would...do all the things he liked to do. At first it was a battle. I would argue and cry and refuse him, but that only meant I would be beaten. I gave into him, gave him what he wanted, hoped that maybe he would love me again, love me enough to let me go to mommy and daddy, but he never did. I noticed that he was getting older and older. He became less interested in doing things and sometimes just wanted to talk to me, but I never had anything to say. We would just sit together, both feeling sad.
"He gave me all these mirrors. He said they could show me the outside world. I said I wanted to leave, but he just said that he wouldn't let me. Then, one day, he stopped coming all together. Since then I have waited here. I hoped that someone would save me but," she shook her head, tears falling freely, "but only now she," (she gestured at the white spider), "tells me that you cannot release me."
Kurogane listened, a sick feeling inside. "I will help you," he choked out, "I cannot do battle with magic, but my friend Fai is magical. He will help you break free, but first I must find him."
She looked at him, "is there no way you could stay with me?"
Kurogane blanched, "n-no. I'm sorry, ut I must get my friend."
"Please!" she begged, "please, I don't want to be alone anymore!" She ran to him and fell at his side. "I'll do anything you want, I'll be a good girl. Anything, anything you desire I shall do for you."
"Stop! Don't talk that way!" he grasped her hands and lifted her up so that she could look at him, "I can save you. But I need my friend first."
Looking defeated she answered, "he is with the Snow Queen. I think she has him under some sort of spell. They went North."
"North?"
"Yes, to the White Wastelands of the snow bears. You need to go through the golden forest before you reach the Wastelands."
"thank you," he answered, feeling like crying with relief and happiness, "thank you so much." He got up and began to dress.
"You're leaving already!"
"Yes, I am not being cruel. The sooner I leave, the sooner I find Fai and the sooner I can return. I do not want you in the tower too long." He lent down and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You can come and live with us. You can be my little sister. Maybe one day you will fall in love with a boy worthy of you. Keep the hope."
He then walked to the edge of the tower. The rain had stopped now. His hands hurt but they were wrapped in bandages which would hopefully save them from becoming too sore again.
He took one last look at the girl. "What is your name?"
"The Lady of Shallot." She looked dull and sad. The white spider was on her shoulder.
"No I mean your real name."
Bright eyes looked up at him, "Rika...my name was Rika."
"Be strong Rika, be strong, don't listen to that evil thing," he pointed at the white spider, "I will return to you."
She nodded and he began to painful climb back down.
He isn't coming back, whispered the white spider.
"Be quiet, he is," she insisted, "he will save me."
Hahaha! Are you so stupid? Of course he won't. He loves that other boy. He doesn't care for you. Rika leaned forward and wept.
You should just end it all.
Rika looked up. "You are right," she whispered, "I cannot take another rejection."
No! Cried the black spider, no Rika, hold on! We're friends aren't we? Stay for my sake!
She stood at the edge of the tower. She could see Kurogane running in the distance. He was heading to the Golden Forest.
"Even if he does make it to the Wastelands," she said, "he'll never survive the Snow Queen. It's over. I should have accepted this long ago."
She picked up one of the shards of glass, a mirror that she had smashed in one of her old fits of rage, and placed the sharp edge at her chest. It was time for the end.
She pushed the shard into her chest. She let out a gasp. It hurt so badly!
As she fell back out of the tower she could hear the little black spider calling out in horror.
"I'm sorry my friend," she thought as she fell, "I'm sorry."
Her hair turned grey, and she began to grow tall and thin. Her skin began to wither. The tower itself began to tumble, the bricks falling apart and both spiders being caught up in the avalanche of mortar and stone.
The last breath of Rika was released at the same time the spiders were crushed to death, and she died before she even hit the ground. The tower remains tumbled on top of her body.
Not too far away, Kurogane watched in horror. He grit his teeth. Should he have stayed with her? But then, what of Fai?
"Magic is evil," he thought to himself, "it's evil. I won't let it destroy Fai as well. I'm sorry Rika!"
With those parting thoughts, he left the rainy summer and ran straight into the Autumn lands, towards the Golden Forests.