Booth carefully, lay his son in the crib next to his already sleeping brother. He stared down at them and felt that familiar tug in his chest and the lump in his throat. It was the most difficult thing he'd ever had to do. Caring for two tiny newborns alone, plus looking after their rambunctious six year old sister. He reached down and ever so gently stroked the cheek of the baby closest to him. So sweet, so soft and so unaware that their mother lay in a hospital bed, still in a coma. He felt the familiar sting in his eyes and turned away from the crib.
He slowly walked out of the nursery and into the bedroom he was sleeping in alone. It was the first time he had slept alone for seven years. He hated it. I HATE IT! echoing in his head. He sat on the bed heavily, then turned and buried his face in her pillow, letting the tears come again, as they did almost every day for five weeks.
Christine was at school. She didn't really understand what was happening. Just that her mother was sleeping at the hospital until her brain got better. And that daddy was looking after her and her new baby brothers. What else could he tell her when he didn't even know himself what was going to happen. He visited Brennan every single day, sitting beside her, the babies in the stroller beside him. He held them up for her, lay them on her chest, willing her to feel them, hear their little cries and heartbeats. But so far, nothing. No response. She just lay there.
The doctors and nurses had assured him that she was doing well. That sometimes, it just took time. She was strong and healthy, and that was in her favour. They were doing everything in their power to help her recover. But most of it had to come from her. She had to wake up on her own. They were sure it would happen. They just couldn't tell him when.
He even had tried loves true kiss, after watching a Disney movie with Christine. He was desperate and just thought, I don't know what I thought, but it was worth a go. He and Christine would come on the weekends and sit and talk to her. Christine would prattle on about her week at school, holding up pictures she had drawn for her mother. They were stuck all around the room, covering every spare inch of wall space, just in case Mommy woke up. She would see them and know that Christine had been visiting her.
The nurses at the hospital had been wonderful. They sometimes took the babies into the nursery to give Booth a bit of quiet time with Brennan. It wasn't really protocol, but they had come to love this man who clearly adored his wife and was clearly devastated by the tragedy he was caught up in.
The phone rang shrilly. Booth sighed and reaching out picked up the phone on the beside table.
"Booth" he said.
"Cherie it's Caroline. I have to tell you the trial date is set."
Booth closed his eyes "When" he said shortly. He nodded at Caroline's response and reassured her he would be there. Caroline asked after Brennan, and asked if he was looking after himself. He told her he was fine. Filled her in on Bone's progress, which was little. She told him that he wasn't to worry about coming back to work. His job would be there when everything was back to normal. She gave him her love and told him to keep in touch. To drop in one day and bring the babies in for her to see. He thanked her again, promising her he would and she hung up.
He replaced the phone on the cradle and lay back, covering his eyes with his hand.
Lord I don't know that I have the strength for it all. Please. I'm asking you. I need help. And I need that bastard to burn for what he's done to Bones. I know that's not exactly the Christian thing to ask for, but you know I need it. She needs it. And I need you to help her wake up. Please God. Please!
His silent prayer, not just a prayer but a tortured cry for help. Booth was drowning in a sea of emotion. He had the babies that needed him. He had Christine who needed him. He needed his wife. He needed her.
He sighed and dropped his hand. Getting up he listened outside the nursery door, all was silent. He slowly went downstairs to the laundry and started another load of washing. It was endless. I don't know how she did it all he thought to himself as he added fabric softener to the washing machine.
Angela had been trying to get him to hire a nurse to help him. But he wouldn't have it. Strangers looking after her babies? Bones would have a fit. Angela had argued with him, but she knew that she wasn't going to change his mind, so she just helped out with cooking for them. She would arrive at his door on her way to work with a huge pot of something she had cooked the night before. Mostly Booth's favourite things. Chilli, beef stew, a spaghetti sauce. He appreciated it more than she would ever know.
Sometimes she would pick up Christine on a Friday afternoon after school and take her back to her place for the weekend, to give Booth a break. She offered to have the babies as well, but Booth always refused. He never let them out of his care. It was his job to look after them until their mother could, he told her. She understood, but worried that he was running himself into the ground, looking after them, going to the hospital every single day to sit with Brennan. But she understood. He loved Brennan more than any man had ever loved a woman.
She was breathing steadily. He sat next to her, holding his son who was sucking hungrily on a bottle of formula.
"They're getting so big Bones! They're beautiful honey. They have dark brown hair like me and they have dark brown eyes too. They don't cry that much. Mostly when they're hungry. But I worry that they know that I'm not the one who should be looking after them. We need you to wake up Bones." He reached out and gently shook her shoulder as he did every day. "Please baby? Wake up? It's been nearly six weeks." He sighed and looked down at his son who was staring up at him as he sucked steadily on the teat of the bottle. His eyes were old, wise. Looking at him like he knew what was going on. "She'll wake up soon sweetie. Then we'll give you and your brother your names together." He said to the little baby who smiled and gurgled without letting go of the teat. Booth smiled and stroked his cheek gently.
His brother suddenly wailed, realising that it was lunch time and demanding his turn. Booth grinned and reached down and rested his hand on his other sons head. "Just a minute tiger. We're almost done here." He said gently as he prised the teat from his son's mouth, sat him up and gently rubbed his back until he emitted a burp so loud that it made Booth jump and then laugh out loud. "Atta boy!" he said proudly, dropping a kiss onto his sons head. He placed him in the stroller and lifted his brother out and sat him on his lap, looking at him. "I don't know how we're going to tell you two apart. I'm sure your Mommy will be able to" he said smiling and kissing the babies nose, making his snuffle and gurgle, his little arms waving around. Booth grabbed the other bottle of formula out of the hot water the nurses had provided him and tapped the teat against his son's top lip. The baby greedily opened its mouth and latched on and started sucking strongly, making little mewling noises that made Booth grin.
He looked up at Brennan and said "I'll say one thing. They've definitely got a man sized appetite Bones. I can't wait for you to meet them" he said looking down at his son.
"meet who?" a croaky soft voice said. Booth's head snapped up. Brennan's blue eyes were looking at him from under heavy lids. Her mouth was trying to curl into a smile.
"Bones. Bones!" He didn't know what to do. He stood up looking at Brennan, "don't go back to sleep Bones. Nurse! NURSE!" he yelled as he ran into the corridor still holding his baby son, the bottle pulled from his mouth, which made the baby begin to cry in protest. "Ooh sorry buddy. But Mommy's awake. You're mommy is awake! Nurse!" he yelled again.
One of the on call nurses came running towards him. "Mr Booth. You can't just scream for us if you need help with the twins" she said crossly. He shook his head "My wife. She spoke. She's awake!" he turned and ran back into the room, the baby in his arms wailing loudly. The nurse was right behind him and pushed past him to look at Brennan who was staring up at the ceiling, frowing.
"Mrs Booth? Can you hear me? Can you understand me?" she said softly, her hand touching Brennan's shoulder. Brennan turned and tried to focus and nodded. "thirsty" she croaked. The nurse patted her arm "I know, but I'll need a doctor to speak to you before we let you try to drink. I'm sorry. I'll get him here immediately" she said as she picked up the phone and paged the doctor on call.
Booth was trying to get his son to finish the bottle but was so excited, he had unsettled the baby, who was now screaming his annoyance at his father. The nurse took a quick blood pressure and checked Brennan's temperature and then smiled at her. You don't know how happy we are that you are back with us Mrs Booth" she said as she walked around the bed and took the baby from Booth. "I'll feed him. You talk to your wife. Not too much information, now. Don't overload her with details. Gently. OK?" she said. Booth let go of his son and handed the bottle to her "Thank you. Yes of course. She's awake. She's come back to us" he said, the words choking in his throat.
He turned and bent down and kissed her forehead. "Bones, baby, you're back. I love you" he whispered as he buried his face in her hair, her hand grasping weakly onto his. She closed her eyes and tried to speak, but the words were jumbled in her head and she couldn't work out where she was.
"love" she managed to croak, which made Booth start to cry again. He hadn't ever cried so much as he had during the last five weeks. "I love you too." he said.
"Mr Booth. I hear Mrs Booth has decided to come back to us?" the doctor's voice making Booth sit up and grin. "She has. But she isn't. She seems"
"Vague. Of course she is Mr Booth. She's been locked in a silent world for over six weeks. She's woken up and probably doesn't understand where she is, or what's happened to her. We have to take it slowly. Not scare her. Also. She's going to have some big hurdles to get over. She may have problems with speech, memory, fine motor skills, even walking may not come back immediately. We have to monitor her and lead her gently through every new step. Her recovery is just starting now. But, this is the first big hurdle. Now. If you don't mind. We need examine her. You can stay of course."
Booth nodded, then felt a wave of panic wash over him. "She saw me holding the baby. Would she understand that she had them already?" he asked the doctor.
"She may have just responded to what you said. She may not have realised that you were holding her baby. We will assess her and we'll have a psychologist come and talk to her. She'll be fine Mr Booth. Don't worry." Booth nodded "I think I'll go finish feeding my son. Come and get me when you've finished?" he asked stepping back from the doctor.
She's awake. What if she doesn't realise she missed the birth? What if she resents me for making that decision? What if she doesn't bond with them? What if she's too weak to hold them?
A slew of questions were flying through his head, terrifying him. It had been just a matter of when she wakes up for weeks. Now it was actually happening and he didn't have any idea how to handle it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Should I call Angela yet? Max? What if she slips back into the coma? He shoved the phone back down into his pocket, deciding not to call anyone until the doctors gave him the results of the tests. He sat on one of the grey plastic chairs lining the walls of the corridor. He felt lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous. He bent over and hung his head between his knees, feeling the panic rising in his gut.
"Mr Booth? Are you alright?" a soft voice said next to his ear. He turned slightly and saw one of the nuns that visited patients at the hospital sitting next to him, a bible clasped between her hands, her face soft and smiling. He had spoken to her before when he had visited the hospital chapel. He swallowed and sat up leaning his head against the wall. "I'm not sure sister. My wife just woke up from a coma and I'm petrified" he said honestly. "I assume you are happy she is awake. What are you scared of?" she asked. Booth frowned, looking down at his hands, fingers clasped together as if he was about to pray. "I'm not really sure" he said looking at her. "I think I'm scared she will be angry, or sad, or hurt about the babies already being born. I'm scared that she won't feel like she is their mother. I'm scared that they will not bond with her. I mean, I'm all they've known for their entire lives and I don't want her to be mad at me" his voice trailed off. The nun patted his arm "All valid worries, but none that necessarily will be a problem in the long run. God will guide you. He will help you both. Your children will come to know and love their mother, as she will them. Be assured, you are in his care" she said as she stood up. "I'll pray for you all" she added as she left him sitting there.
He took a breath and stood up. He nodded to himself "She's right. We'll be fine. It's going to take time. We just need to ride through it. It'll work out. I have faith that it will." He wandered down to the nursery and saw his sons being cuddled by the nursing staff.
"Congratulations!" they said as he walked in. He smiled "Well it's a long road we have to travel still, but thank you. I couldn't have gotten this far without you all." he said honestly hearing his voice break. One of the babies gurgled at that moment and made everyone smile "He's a talker that one" Booth said. "Just like his sister" he smiled.
"I guess we will be able to name them officially now. It just didn't feel right with her not being able to be part of it." Booth said, "I hope they're not too used to being called Buddy and Tiger!" he said "I doubt very much their mother will be too keen to keep those names" he laughed, feeling for the first time in five weeks as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Although I could try" he added cheekily.