Chapter 12 - Redeemable
Willow was pretty sure it was the right crypt this time. The first two she thought it was were thankfully empty of any inhabitants. "This should be it..." She assured herself and Tara as they started to heave the handle open, the door opened with a loud clank. Willow stepped through first, into a small hallway then opened the second door. This one was easier, but it made an even louder creek as it swung open. Once inside they looked around, candles scattered about, a TV and armchair set up, and a fridge in the corner. This is definitely his place. Willow assured herself. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw movement to her right, that suddenly stopped ahead of her.
"Oh, Willow." Spike realized stepping out from the pillar he was concealed behind. "What're you two doing here?"
"Looking for you." Willow stated plainly.
Spike looked confused. "Why couldn't I smell ya? Didn't know it was you birds until I saw ya?"
"Using a protection spell." She shrugged, then took a deep breath and released the spell. "Thalia depart. We've never actually been to your crypt, so I wasn't 100% which one was yours and I didn't know if we'd be walking in on any other demons."
Didn't realize protection spells could do that... "So what'cha need ladies?" He asked relaxing slightly as the witches scent and presence returned to his vampire senses.
"Had a chat with Dawn, realized I havn't been keeping good on my promise to you... about the aura reading?"
Spike puffed out an unneeded breath, shrugging off her lack of focus as a non-issue. "Deal was when the slayer was up to snuff again, she'll get there soon enough. Sides, we've had a few more demons and such to contend with as of late."
"I know..." Willow started, "It's just, with the recent musicality, plus... a few things have seemed to develope... Do... Do you know?"
"Know a lot, wanna give me a little more to go on there Sunshine?"
"When Buffy ran from you last night, she kind of ran into..."
"Soldier boy. Buffy told you…" Spike looked between them. "She actually filled you in on what we...?"
"Yeah..." Tara confirmed.
Spike tried to ponder what that could mean. Her telling her mates about it mean she's buggared about it or… But he decided better of it for the moment and instead asked, "Meathead know he wasn't really talkin to pint size at her mum's grave?"
"No, I don't think they told him about the switch." She hadn't thought that information was shared before she had left. "Didn't seem like there was a reason to bring it up." Spike walked past the ladies to the fridge grabbing his bottle of human out. Not much left... but for whatever bullshit the birds have come calling on me about... He changed his face and gulped down the remaining liquid. "Riley came by the house this morning..." Willow paused, suddenly not too sure she wanted to further aggravate the demon with fresh blood on his lips. "He and Buffy sang..."
"That could mean a few things there pet."
Willow sat on the arm of his arm chair and raked her fingers through her hair. "She sang that; she missed him, she forgives him, and she loves him." Spike couldn't help but snarl, making Tara jump a little. What the hell was our diddy about then... just lust…? Nothing more…?
"Buffy did explain pretty explicitly to us what you guys sang last night too." Tara added, which made Spike's expression soften.
"Didn't figure the slayer for sharing that crumb she tossed me..." Spike managed to shake his demon away and set the empty bottle on the sarcophagus.
"Well she shared that, and more…" Spike cocked an eyebrow, hoping she'd expand on that point. "Anyway, the thing is, with Buffy and Riley... Their relationship has never really been what it should be..." Willow stood up and walked toward him. "And Dawn, Tara, and myself have all noticed, that since you let Glory torture you defending Dawn's secret, everything you've done has been for Buffy."
"Good to know my efforts havn't gone un-bloody-noticed." he huffed, but the girl in question's words etched in his head… But I can't have you. We're bound to break and my hands are tied… "But you and I both know it ain't enough to convince her. Especially with Private Pillock back in the picture."
"I'll admit, there was a time when I really wanted things to work out with them. I mean I kind of got them together." Spike raised a brow to the witch, a little disappointed in her tastes. "But I've come to see that as for ideal boyfriend material as Riley seemed, he's really rather..." A bloody pillock, wanker, cowardly ponce, ungrateful sodding piece of shit... "Selfish... and the more a part of her life he became, the less he knew what she really needed." Willow was standing right in front of him now, staring straight into his eyes. "Verses you... you know exactly what she needs before she does. You knew she needed to get back on her feet to start feeling better. You knew she was ready to leave her calling… But that time she spent in Dawn's body… That was what really pulled her back to us."
Bloody right, now get the sodding slayer to see all that... "Got a point there Red?"
"My point is:'' Willow raised her finger, poking his chest. "You sir need to pick yourself up by your big clonky bootstraps and intervene if you want her."
Spike was taken back. "Come again?"
"Buffy is falling for you Spike." She crossed her arms and took a step back, but her face was resolved in what she was telling him. Her best mate is telling me... "But if you sit back and 'give her space' right now, you will lose her to Riley."
"And why the bloody hell you two feel the need to toddle on over here and tell me this?" He growled softly.
"Look Mr. Cranky-pire. I've been Buffy's best friend for over 5 years." She started, "I've been with her through all her guy troubles, from the big Angel drama to stinky use and lose her Parker." He turned away from them and placed his hands on the sarcophagus, but he was clearly still listening. "And you, by far…!" The vampire tensed. "Have done the most for her." Spike started laughing , not believing the witch. "I'm serious Spike!" She nearly yelled, interrupting his hysterical cackle. "You helped her learn about her calling, making her stronger. You somehow knew how to help when her mom got sick. Gave her strength to be there for Dawn and her mom." She told Red about that night on the porch… "And you've protected us all, without hesitation. All without expecting any part of what you felt would ever be reciprocated."
"Not until yesterday at least..." Tara chimed in.
"Slayer won't choose the soulless monster over Mr. Perfect..." He looked back to the red head as she cut him off, almost yelling.
"Riley's not perfect Spike! He hurt her worse than anybody, she opened herself up to him, then not only did he leave her, but what he did behind her back..."
"I know what the sodding wanker did," Spike growled, "I'm the bloke that sniffed him out." Spike turned and propped himself up on the stone to sit and face them.
"I know," She raised her hands in defense. "And she may have never said it, but Buffy's grateful you showed her. She never would have believed you otherwise, and she needed to know." Willow lowered her hands. "I just wish he hadn't split on her like that, left all these unresolved feelings. And now she's so close to something that could be great for her..." That quickly softened his features. Great for her... "...But she's so hung up on how Riley's the kind of guy she should be with, that she can't see that the exact kind of guy she needs has been here, by her side, the whole time..." Spike had no retort, he was still baffled. Great for her… They sat in silence, unsure of what to say next, until Willow finally blurted. "Okay, so I know you're being all: 'Why am I telling you all this?', and 'When the hell did I get on team Spike?'. " Tara giggled a little and Spike gave her a small nod. "See, well, the thing is, two things have pretty much redeemed you, for me at least."
I'm a soulless monster… I can't be redeemed…"What might those be Red?"
"Well for starters," Willow sat down on the arm of the chair again. "She trusts you. Everytime she asked you to look after Dawn and Joyce. She would never risk her family if she didn't trust you."
"That was just about being the strong body around."
"Then why'd she invite you into her home?"
"Which time?" Spike managed a cocky smirk.
"My point exactly." She flashed him back her own arrogant smile.
"Whatever, what's your number two then?"
"Well, the girl's got abandonment issues," She explained frankly, knowing full well he had already put that together. "And you're the only guy that hasn't added to that complex by bolting when things got real."
"Never understood how the other gits could just leave her."
"There were circumstances..." Willow started, then quizzed him. "Like for example, what's your solution for your whole immortality compared to her short brutal life issue?"
Spike didn't even hesitate. "Keep her the longest lived Slayer there's been. Stick with her as long as she'll have me or till I'm dust, whatever bloody comes first."
"Suppose that's the best answer I could expect." Tara chimed in pleasantly, then seemed to notice something about him. "You still have doubts?"
Spike looked to the women and softly sang, "Am I forever unredeemable?" Not again… "Can I ever overcome… all the wrongs I'm running from?" He slid off his seat and stepped away from them as invisible instruments joined in. "Can my worst be left behind? And do I deserve to find, there's a soul who could see any good in me?" The man looked back to his companions with a sad look on his face. "Or will I only ever be… Unredeemable?" He looked away again, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, thinking on his life.
Willow… Tara was able to reach out to her mentally as the music continued. Have you ever seen him so… sad?
Once… When Joyce died…
The vampire suddenly walked toward them again, singing stronger "Spent every waking minute taking all that I could take. Never stopped to reckon with the ruin in my wake." He stared down at his hands. "With all the bridges that I burned. All the wounds I didn't mend. All the worth I thought I earned…" He clenched his fists. "It turned worthless in the end." Spike stared back up at the ladies, now standing and staring back at him. "What was it for?"
He does want to change… Willow emitted to Tara, A vampire with empathy…
Hard to change your life's purpose on your own…
"Well is it possible I was meant for something more?"
Yes! They both wanted to yell, but could only say it silently to each other.
"Am I forever unredeemable?" Spike ran up standing on the sarcophagus, belting to the roof of the crypt. "Can I be the man who breaks, from a lifetime of mistakes?" He looked to his companions for an answer, knowing they couldn't. "Can my worst be left behind?" He fell to his knees. "And do I deserve to find, the kind of love that I could lean on every day?" He leaned back, laying on the stone with his legs hanging over the edge. "Or will I learn I have to stay… Unredeemable? Unredeemable!"
"We have to believe inside the worst of us, there is some decency there." Tara and Willow harmonized walking up on either side of him. "Decency there." They each placed a hands over his, pulling him upright."You know that you can achieve something miraculous, if you'd only dare!"
"If you dare." Tara echoed.
Then Willow did. "If you dare."
"I have to go! I have to try!" He gripped their hand and popped himself off the slab, then released them and practically ran across his crypt toward the door. "That's how I'll know, know if I…" He spun to face the women. "...Am forever unredeemable."
"Unredeemable." The ladies sang running up to him.
"If I'll ever be someone who makes up for all they've done." He reached out an arm to either side, clasping each woman's hand. "Or is all I am unlovable?"
"Unloveable."
"Am I someone someone can forgive? Can I take the leap and live?"
He pulled Willow close and spun her out as she echoed his verse. "Leap and live!"
"There's a lot I'd leave behind," He looked to Tara, pulling her in and spinning her out the same way.
"Leave behind." She sang as she spun away.
"But I've got to go and find." His stance widened and stood firm.
"Go and find!" The ladies resounded, staring back at him, smiles widening on their faces.
"If it's true that there is truly good in me." He scrunched a hand over his own chest.
"Truly, good!" The women harmonized.
"And maybe see that I won't always be…" His face finally looked hopeful. "Unredeemable."
"Unredeemable."
"Am I unredeemable?"
"We can redeem the unredeemable." The women nodded to him assuringly, each placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Unredeemable!" He belted just as the music faded, then looked back down. "Balls…"
"It's fine Spike." Willow assured him. "Not like we don't know your whole life story and that you want to change." She squeezed the hand on his shoulder before releasing him and stepping back. "Now if you blurted all that Infront of Xander… we'll his ears might've started steaming."
Tara gave him a sweet smile as she pulled her own hand back. "But it's nice to know you're not lying about any of it."
"What's that now?" Spike questioned.
"Oh, um, nothing," She started, not sure if they were suppose to tell him about the truthful piece of the songs. She looked to Willow who shrugged, We were gonna tell him at some point anyway. Tara nodded back to her then directed her attention back to Spike. "It's just, in what we've researched about these songs, it would seem whatever's sung is truthful. And typically they bring out truths someone may be hesitant to admit."
"I could've told you that without the sodding books." He huffed, then looked to Willow. "So all this mean you approve of me now?"
"I suppose it does." She agreed. "But fair warning, you hurt her in any way, I'll hunt you down, and ship you out to sea."
"To sea?" Spike snickered.
"Knock you out with some spell, maybe let Xander beat the shit out of you, then set you a drift in a dingy just too far out to make the swim back before the sun comes up. But then if you survive you'll have a pissed slayer to run from." Willow smirked confidently and reached out a hand to seemingly shake on it. "Vague disclaimer is nobody's friend."
"Points for creativity on that Red." Spike nodded, then clasped her hand but quickly recoiled yelping and grabbed his head.
"What was that?" Willow asked urgently after he took a moment. "You didn't hurt me..."
"But the sodding chip lit my arse up like I just sucker punched you..."
"Umm, that's not good..." Tara stepped toward him. "It ever mis-read like that before?"
"Nope." Spike tried to shake it off, then looked to the empty bottle on the sarcophagus. "I just need some blood, helps the sodding headaches go away."
"Right, well we could...?"
"No, no, you toddle on. I can take care of myself." Spike looked to the window wincing at the light that didn't help his migrain. Must have been a bit past noon, too much daylight left for his taste.
"Okay, well meet us as the Magic Box, after sunset." Willow informed him. "We're having a scoobie meeting outta the house per Dawn's request." Spike snickered, suppose the nibblit hasn't actually been outta the sodding house yet. "Xander's picking her up after work, giving the littlest creature of the night some time to rest. Then maybe we can put our heads together to address that weirdness..."
"No." The vampire looked up from nursing his headache. "Not yet, Slayer's got enough on her plate."
"But Spike, if the chip's malfunctioning..."
"You keep your trap shut Red." He looked to her seriously. "Buffy's still injured, her ex waltzed back in her life like nothin's wrong and she's got two demons stirring up trouble. No need to worry her with my mental health. It ain't hurting no one but me."
"Fine, I'll keep it to myself for now, but if it keeps happening I'm checking your chip." Willow proclaimed as they were escorted to the door.
"And I'm sure we'll have a merry ol' time with that, but for now go on back to your mates." He opened the inner door for them. Tara made her way out, then as Willow started though she heard a quiet, "Thanks Red."
Across town Riley and Buffy had found themselves sitting beside a tree outside Wrigley field, not too far off from where they had one of their first dates. Buffy had filled him in on just about everything that had happened since he left. She decided to keep her trip as a vampire to herself for now, being as the whole gang had yet to learn about the swap yet. She also specifically left out any details with Spike's once doomed obsession and the robot he had commissioned. Riley might just murder Spike for any of that, regardless of my wishes...
"So Glory had a human host?" Riley felt the need to clarify after Buffy finished telling her version of the battle with Glory.
"Yeah. Turned out to be Ben, that intern from the hospital."
"I remember him." Riley nodded. "So if you knew he was connected, why not ya know… take him out before…"
"We didn't know until after Dawn was taken." Buffy inserted. "And besides, he was technically an innocent human in all of it…" She trailed off, remembering the dead body Spike and her had found at the base of the tower. "Yet somehow in fighting Glory I killed him anyway…"
"So when you threw Glory off the tower...?"
"I fell of the tower, it banged me up pretty good, but it didn't kill me. But we found a dead Ben at the base of the tower." Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, still not comfortable with the notion that she killed a human. "Spike's theory is that Glory changed into Ben then hit the pavement."
"So Ben was weaker than a slayer then."
"Seemed so. Just a human I guess." There was an awkward pause, even Riley could tell she didn't want to be talking about the casualties of saving the world. "So, that about everything I missed out on?"
"Pretty much…" Buffy thought to herself if there was anything she skipped that she could share with the man. "Oh, I'm back in good with the council."
"Thought you were done with them when they tried to kill you?"
"I did, but then they came to do this review thing to see if I was worthy or capable to handle the info they had for me on Glory."
"So did you pass their review?"
"Not in the way they maybe wanted." Buffy shrugged. "I kinda called um out on how pompous they were being, and that they needed me more than I needed them. Told them they needed to pay Giles and let me do my bloody job." What the hell did I just say…?
"What did you just say?" Riley asked, clearly catching the phrasing.
The blonde ran her fingers through her hair. Damnit… another Spike thing… "Yeah, so Dawn's been hanging with Spike a lot, and starting to talk like him, we're calling it her Spike level." Buffy explained. "And apparently it's contagious…"
"I see…" He didn't entirely believe her, but he also wasn't ready to discuss the peroxided pest with her, especially before he said what he really came to say. For the moment he steered the conversation back to the council. "Well, that's good for you about the council." Riley reached a hand over and gripped her shoulder. "So what info were they holding hostage?"
"Oh, um, that Glory was a hell god, and a whole lot of info about the ritual she needed to use Dawn for to go home."
"So that's how you knew Spike turning her would work?"
"That wasn't even a plan C, but yeah…" Suppose the platinum pinhead is smarter than he looks to have come up with that solution… "The ritual was all about her blood. Stupid demon threw me off the tower and started the ritual, and the portal opened... but when her blood stopped flowing the portal would close." Riley loosened his grip on her shoulder and started to graze his hand up and down her arm. "She was ready to jump and kill herself to close it." She was willing to give up her life... to save the world... monks really did make her from me... "But Spike stopped her, and came up with the theory to turn her."
"So it was his idea." Riley confirmed with a glare.
"Dawn agreed in a second." Buffy blurted turning to face Riley. She hoped that if she continued her explanation, hearing how helpful the vampire had been, it would mean Riley would start to become a bit more accepting of his actions. "And she did most of the damage to herself. She knew the consequences, and she's learning how to keep moving forward with her new life." Buffy faced forward again. "Something she's adjusting to a lot better than me, but I've had some help dealing..."
"Spike?" He questioned, with almost a growl in his voice. He was starting to notice a theme he didn't like.
Is he getting jealous? "No, well, yes, but not just him." Riley shifted a little uneasy. "I know you won't believe me without any proof, but he's changed, or at least is starting to." Riley didn't seem too convinced but Buffy couldn't seem to help but ramble. "I don't know, maybe something about siring Dawn. Bringing out all his big brother qualities, or is it father qualities? So weird to think of Spike as a dad, but technically he's old enough to be a great great grandpa…"
"Buffy." Riley managed to interrupt her. "What's your point?"
"I don't know…" She shrugged then managed a meek explanation. "I guess I just want you to get that he seems to be trying to redeem himself. Don't really get why or how, but I trust him now."
"Well that's certainly a change of pace…" The man was thrown and Buffy didn't dare start talking again for fear of ranting even more upsetting information she didn't want to share yet. Finally Riley broke the silence, "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I know I haven't been here, and clearly you've needed his help for all of this. The guy just gets under my skin."
"He gets under everyone's skin, kinda just what he does." Buffy chuckled. "That and never freaking leaving…" They both laughed a little at the truth of that. Even when I tried to make him leave… he still stayed… for me…
Riley ceased his chuckle and quickly shifted his tone. "I'm sorry I left."
"Riley… We already talked about this. I forgive you for leaving."
"I know. But I just need you to know that I thought about calling you so many times."
Buffy nodded, understanding the sentiment. "I would have called too, if I knew remotely where to call."
"So many times, I'd just think to myself..." They both heard a soft guitar start. Shit...not again… Buffy thought to herself before the boy started to sing. "Suppose I called you up tonight, and told you that I love you. And suppose I said I want to come back home," Riley seemed weirdly comfortable with the fact he was singing again. "And suppose I cried and said: 'I think I finally learned my lesson, and I'm tired of spending all my time alone'."
Riley stood up and took a couple steps away then continued singing. "If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted and it's killing me to be so far away." Riley turned back to a seemingly bashful Buffy. "Would you tell me that you love me too? And would we cry together?" Then he stepped closer to her. "Or would you simply laugh at me and say… I told you so..." The tall man practically belted, "Oh, I told you so…" His words softened. "I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in."
"I told you so," Buffy stood up and joined him, understanding his regret. "But you had to go."
"And now you'll find somebody new, so I will never break your heart in two again." Riley shrugged as he lowered himself to one knee. "If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever, would you get down on yours too and take my hand?" He grasped her hand in his.
"Would we get that old-time feeling?" Buffy chimed in, almost cheerful. "Would we laugh and talk for hours?
"The way we did when our love first began." They sang together.
Riley stood up, still holding her hand in his. "Would you tell me that you've missed me too, and that you've been so lonely? And you've waited for the day that I'd return."
"And we'd live and love forever, and that I'm your one and only..." They harmonized. "Or would you say the table's finally turned?!"
"Would you say I told you so? Oh I told you so..." Riley placed his other hand on her cheek.
"I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in. I told you so!" Buffy belted as she sidestepped the man in front of her, grabbing at her sides. "But you had to go... and now I've found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again." Found…
"And now you've found somebody new." Riley was confused and taken back.
"And you will never break my heart in two again..." Buffy finished out their song quietly... Shit... what confession was that now… Before she could reply or even think of a response, Riley had grabbed her by the hand and spun her back to face him.
"Who?" he asked quietly, fairly certain of the answer, but he needed to hear it.
"Who what Riley?" She bluffed.
"You found someone new?" He looked so hurt.
"No, no one. It's just how the song was going… I don't have control over these dam songs."
"Oh," Riley looked relieved. "So your not dating anyone, or looking to?"
"No, I mean I'm a bit confused. But that'll tend to happen when an ex arrives out of the blue and there's magical music about.." There… not a complete lie… but I'm so not ready to have the whole maybe I have feelings for Spike conversation with Riley… I don't even want to have that conversation with Spike…
"I suppose, but I'm ready to change." He took her other hand in his. "I'm ready to be what you need. It's why I came back. I need to ask you something."
Song Credits:
"Unredeemable" from the movie: Spirited, Written by Benj Pasek Justin Paul - /EQN3gvu9oZo
"I Told You So" By Randy Travis - /hvTwFl6OIAk