I'm Missing You
Everything seems to be falling apart for the guy formerly known as Desarm, when his love decides to focus on running her father's company and leaves Japan for America. But is that all that's keeping Hitomiko Kira there? Meanwhile Saginuma is breaking down. Hitomiko/Saginuma-centric.
Disclaimer: I don't own Inazuma Eleven or any of the characters. They are solely the property of Level 5.
Italics- for thoughts, emphasis or letters/emails.
Decision
"What the hell are you doing here, Osamu?" Hitomiko (Yay, he broke the habit!) hissed after a hurried apology to her friend. The other woman just winked at Saginuma, not fazed at all by the situation. Saginuma would have apologized as well but Hitomiko had already pulled him- with surprising strength- to the alley behind the café. Then she whirled around to face him, their bodies so close they were almost touching but not quite. The closeness made it seem as if they had never been apart for 5 months.
Saginuma knew he should be happy now that he has found her. He would never tell of how he agonized for the past months, wanting to get over her if that was what Hitomiko wanted. But it had hurt so much, loving her yet knowing that she may never again encourage him or swear at him, or that he may never see the secret glimmer of a smile that sometimes broke through her brisk, business-like demeanor. He knew there was no one else but that knowledge didn't make things easier. The worse part may be that he felt more alone than anything. Not even soccer could take his mind off her.
He used to think that Hitomiko's training (a.k.a sadism) with Neo Japan had been hell on Earth, but true hell was what he went through those long months. He loved her too much. Even now as he studied her face, taking in the faint shadows under her eyes, the ashen pallor, and how thin she seemed, how tired she looked. The woman before him seemed like a different person to the healthier Hitomiko who had left him 5 months ago.
The fierce, angry gaze she was giving him was the same though.
"What are you doing here?" Hitomiko asked again, her tone impatient. She has always hated having to repeat herself; perhaps it's not a good time to tell her how he, in the grips of insanity, decided to drop everything to follow her all the way to Washington…
Saginuma could not answer immediately for the reason that he was unexpectedly responsive of her; she stood so close to him he could smell. His mind, at that moment of complete out-of-characterness, went as blank as a sheet of paper. Clearing his throat and averting his eyes gave Saginuma a chance to back away from her to an arm's length distance, but it hurt; it actually physically hurt. He cursed at himself. Stop thinking like that! Just answer her damn question already… hang on, what was it again?
Hitomiko was not even taken aback at his hasty withdraw. She merely frowned, folded her arms and tapped her foot; never good signs.
This was not how he had wanted to meet her nor did he want to talk in an alley of all places! Why did he have to go up to her in that café?
It had been a surprise to see her sitting at the little table outside the coffee shop directly across the street from his hotel. He had been so happy to finally find her after searching for so long (Kira Industries is surprising hard to find). He wasn't even thinking when he raced over to the nearest pedestrian crossing and then over to the café. He hadn't really planned to walk up to her or anything. Just seeing her should have been enough, but suddenly it wasn't; he wanted her to see him. It was completely irrational, but then that's how much she affected him. It was always hard to think straight around her though he usually did a convincing act of it.
He tried to begin with "Uh, well -" but before he could even finish this small line Hitomiko grabbed his hand as if she had suddenly realized something. Her face went from ashen to white.
"Oh god, don't tell me… is Father alright? Did something happen to him? Or did something happen to Sun Garden?"
Alarmed, Suginuma realized that his sudden presence and silence must have given her the wrong impression of why he was here. But better that she doesn't know what a weak fool I really am. "No! No, no everyone's fine. There's no trouble back home," he paused. So what is he going to say for himself?
She was holding his hand, a little absentmindedly. It felt… amazing, her skin on his. He missed that and could barely keep from sighing when she took back her hand, already missing the contact.
Hitomiko however was relieved by his assurance. "Oh," was all she said. Then her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, "So then why are you here?"
The instant she said it complete comprehension came to her; Saginuma saw her reaction, watching with a sinking heart as she slowly backed away and putting more distance between them. So much for not telling her the truth; of course she would figure it out she is a smart woman.
She kept shaking her head and at this moment Saginuma ached for her. He reached for her. Just holding her hand would be enough for him.
"Don't!" She whispered, so quietly that Saginuma preferred it if she'd shouted. Then she looked up and the anguish in her eyes stunned Saginuma. "Why? Didn't you understand why I… we… We can't, Osamu."
"I love you," his words were soft. She tried to back away some more but he caught her and held her. Saginuma gazed down at her face, almost surprised to find that he had gotten so much taller than her within the 5 months.
"I love you. What's wrong with that?"
"Because you're younger than me, don't you get it?"
"I do understand! Didn't mean I have to like it."
"I don't like it either but it's more than just you and me!"
"What else is there!" Saginuma demanded. "The company? Is that it?" Hitomiko didn't grace him with a reply, just gazed up at him.
"I do get it," he paused. "It didn't bother you back home so why the difference here?"
Saginuma immediately wanted to take back the words but he couldn't. So they hung there, clearly stating that he is definitely too childish, unworthy of Hitomiko. She shoved him away and glared angrily, but for a split second Saginuma was sure he saw her face soften, as if she understood what he really meant, and then the look was gone. She brushed the tears away and rubbed her temples.
He felt the familiar bands tighten around his heart; he knew what was coming next.
"I made my choice."
She sounded so cold but he could see the pain she had been hiding the whole time. For some perverse reason Saginuma wanted her in his arms again. God, why did everything have to be so complicated?
"Hito- "
"I don't want to see you again. Go back to Japan, please."
"Please, don't-"
"Just leave! Stop making this so hard, dammit!"
When he made no move to leave Hitomiko did. Saginuma just stood still, like a statue, dumbly watching her walk away and out of the alley. For some reason he didn't feel angry, depressed, frustrated, or even remotely anguished. The closest he could get to describe what he was actually feeling right now was probably… disappointment. He was disappointed that he fucked up big time with Hitomiko; he should've handled this better. He played the scene over again, and again, and once more. But he still didn't feel angry, depressed, etc,etc…
It was a while before he figured it out. A small smile came to his lips. He recalled how Hitomiko tried to pretend she wasn't hurt, especially her affirmation that this was as hard for her as it was for him. The smile became a grin (very Desarm-like actually); she definitely still loved him too.
So Saginuma Osamu vowed, as the rain began pouring and practically flooding the alley, to make her see that.
He will not give up on their (albeit strange) relationship.
Yay! Finally finished chapter 3. I had a very bad case of writers block on this particular fanfic; chapter stories are really hard… Dear reader, you probably have noticed the style is a tinny, tiny bit different; aside from being longer it's also gotten a little sappy and when I get sappy I get crappy. Argh, sappiness XP
Anywho, please let me know if you like this chapter or if there were some crap parts. All reviews are welcome