Destiny Begins

by Milui Elenath

For centuries Merlin thought himself the sole remaining wielder of magic but he'd forgotten the Great Dragon's words of long ago, that Merlin's future was joined forever with the powerful sorceress Morgana Pendragon. Merlin believed her death by his hand had brought that destiny to a close. He was wrong; it was only the beginning. Albion's fate would rest once more on his shoulders

16. Chapter 16

Destiny Begins

by Milui Elenath

Chapter Sixteen

Morgause crumbled the herbs she'd dried into a small pouch and looked around the cave she currently resided in. It was not home; she had never had a home to speak of. She had allies, castles to retreat to, and secret places in other kingdoms that were safehavens known to the high priestesses but never something as permanent or as certain as a home. For the most part, it didn't bother her, she was kept busy enough seeking knowledge and skills throughout the lands always with the goal of rising in power until such time as she felt confident that revenge upon Uther could be exacted for all the lives he'd taken. The time was at hand - she hoped. Her third attempt. The first, telling Arthur of the truth of his magical conception to spur the prince to take action against his father had failed, the second had been interrupted by a visitation of a being insisting itself as Morgana from the future.

That was still a strange thing to think about, the way the future being had inserted herself into that day and event, giving warnings and advice with such familiarity. Morgause had been uneasy about the person who called herself Morgana, not entirely trusting of her words or ways but as she had come to know her present sister Morgause felt more inclined to take the future being seriously. However, whatever cautions were given, Morgause did not find it occupied her every decision nor would she allow it to hamper her from forging her own destiny. She lay the pouch of herbs on the table and heard the quiet whistlings of birds beyond, in the darkling forest.

She had sent the bloodguard back to their various duties in their own estates knowing that she could call them forth again should she need to but for now it was safer if she was the only one hidden in the forests of Camelot. She had put charms in the nearby trees to alert her if there were intruders. She startled slightly as she felt one now, a tiny pulse of magic. Her sharp eyes darted to the only entrance, a narrow passage of rock that let in a small amount of light. Her hand went immediately to her sword but the rest of her remained immobile. Her brows furrowed together as she strained to listen. Was it a creature of the woods or something more? The question was answered as she heard footsteps. Perhaps an individual or a small group.

She had no need to flee the cave, her position was defendable. The width of the passage made sure her opponents could only come single file and one blast of her magic would send them hurtling back into one another . . . provided there was more than one. If needed she could make escape via a teleportation spell.

"Morgause?" Morgana's tentative voice called into her head.

Morgause's raised hand did not drop, instead, she steadied itself. "Morgana? Is that you? Are you alone? Is something wrong?" Morgause held her ground while she waited for answer but she did not disguise the worry in her telepathic tone.

"I'm alone," Morgana entered the passage and Morgause could see that it appeared to be true but Morgana looked wearied and anxious.

Morgause relaxed her stance, crossed the floor of the cave and took her sister's hands. "What has happened? Is it Merlin? Has he betrayed you?"

Morgana shook her head. "No. Not at all. In fact, Merlin seems to have left Camelot."

"Ah," Morgause breathed an inward sigh, she was very disturbed by Morgana's attachment to the servant but if this sudden visit was about him having scarpered off then Morgause would be best to keep those thoughts to herself and offer sympathy. . . and hope that was the end of the matter.

"But that is not why I have come," Morgana looked grim and Morgause began to sense that there was bad news . . . or could it be that Uther had died and Morgana felt more than she expected? Some grief? Some regret?

"I," Morgana moistened her lips, "couldn't go through with it Morgause. I'm sorry."

Morgause heard her sister but she felt as if she'd missed something. "I don't understand, what do you mean you couldn't go through with it?"

"I told Gaius what I had done to Uther, he removed the enchantment. Uther will likely recover."

There was a moment of shock but Morgause was used to thinking on her feet. She sorted through the many concerns this revelation raised with little external reaction. She had learnt that emotional outbursts were not usually helpful in times of crisis and so her tone was almost flat as she sought more information. "You have revealed yourself?"

"Only to Gaius," Morgana stated. "Don't you want to know why I did it? Are you very angry?"

"Angry?" Morgause said perplexed. What was there to be angry about? Another foiled attempt on Uther. In all their planning, success was never guaranteed. "No, sister. Concerned about the aftermath. Perhaps we should leave here and discuss this in safer territory."

"No," Morgana shook her head, "there is no need. We're not in danger. Not for now in any case."

That did surprise Morgause. "Are you certain?"

Morgana nodded.

Morgause had spent the last year teaching Morgana and so she trusted her sister's ability to determine this.

"Come then," Morgause needed to sit down even if Morgana didn't. There was a log rolled into the cave that worked as a makeshift seat. Morgause stretched out her hand and spoke magic to the fire. It lit carefully. She kept it small in the enclosed space, enough to keep them warm not enough to choke them or alert the outside world.

Morgana still looked troubled. Morgause had always found herself feeling protective of her young sister even though it had never been in her nature to coddle anyone. Morgana seemed to exhibit some manner of vulnerability that must surely compel even the hardest of hearts to care about her welfare, or so Morgause believed. "Tell me everything Morgana," she urged, "hold nothing back. We are kin in blood and in magic and that will not change."

Morgana suddenly had tears in her eyes though they did not fall. "I don't deserve such loyalty. I've failed you sister. I've failed our kind and yet I couldn't do it. I feared Arthur would turn against us all. I felt I was betraying Gorlois and myself. I had to decide which was worse." Morgana continued to explain what had transpired, all her doubts and to and fros, all her guilts and recriminations. Morgause listened carefully

"And now," Morgana finished woefully, Gaius says I must stay but I do not know how I could bear to. I can not keep up the pretence of caring about Uther now."

"But you must," Morgause urged her immediately.

"What? Why?" Morgana was clearly taken aback.

"You are still in a unique position Morgana, one privy to the comings and goings of Camelot and to Uther's directions. It may yet prove to be very important. Plus you must keep your eye on the young Pendragon. I wish to learn all there is about his undertakings."

"You want me to remain? To spy on them all?" Her tone was alarmed but her frown was thoughtful.

"Not spy, observe." Morgause corrected. "Have you changed your mind about our cause? About ensuring that magic returns to Camelot?"

"No. I haven't." Morgana said firmly.

"Good then use this opportunity Morgana while we have it." Morgause saw the way Morgana's brow wrinkled, she still needed convincing. "As long as you can bear it," Morgause persuaded. "And I will remain here for a time, in case you need me."

"Here?"

"For now," Morgause said.

"You are too good to me Morgause, when you must be disappointed in me."

"No, I am not." Morgause did not say it but she should have expected this outcome. Morgana's connections with the people in Camelot were strong and her heart was dedicated to protecting those whom she considered her own. Morgana still saw them as innocents.

They spoke a little more, determining that Morgana would come report on the doings of Camelot and the Pendragons and agreeing that she would bear Camelot as long as she could. The time came that they must part and Morgause rose to see Morgana out. Morgana paused at the exit, she smiled as if to bid goodbye but then her eyes glazed, she reached out and gripped Morgause's wrist.

"The pyre," Morgana intoned vaguely, "the funeral pyre that holds the sun. Seek the sun," Morgana's tone heightened. "For Albion's need."

"The sun?" Morgause whispered instantly recognising that Morgana was in a seer's trance.

"By the third moon," the instruction came.

"The third moon," Morgause repeated committing it to memory.

"What's that?" Morgana shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry I must have fazed out for a moment."

"Nothing," Morgause forced her mouth into a benign smile, "be safe sister."

Morgana nodded.

Morgause watched her, the pleasant smile pasted to her face until Morgana was out of sight. Morgause let out a breath she was holding as she considered the last moments. A seer's trance was uncommon even among the greats and Morgana seemed unaware she was having them. She had two in the last year in Morgause's presence. Morgause had been startled the first time. Morgana had simply said 'they are coming.' Morgause had not listened but in another day or so she and Morgana had been forced to flee when Mercia's kingdom had sent a patrol to the abandoned fort they'd been inhabiting. They'd only just escaped in time. The second time Morgana had given a similar warning. "It will soon be here." Morgause heeded the vague warning immediately. It had proven to be the right decision. The area they were in had erupted into war the next day.

Morgana's forewarnings until now had been simple but not so this time. Morgause frowned. Perhaps she should have made Morgana aware of this habit. She'd kept quiet since Morgana had rejected exploring her dreams or seers abilities. Morgana had been so traumatised by the last dream – the dragon's destruction of Camelot that Morgause did not push. Besides, the seer's visions were not in her field of expertise. Morgause could conjure only the present using tools such as the crystal and she had enough warnings of the future without courting more. But now she worried that Morgana might have a seer's trance within the castle and in the presence of the wrong person. Morgana's words would be unlikely to be thought of as anything more than a strange sentence unless it came true but still, she had best inform Morgana when she next saw her.

For now Morgause had Morgana's words to ponder over and only three moons to understand its meaning about funeral pyres and ashes.

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Merlin yawned and half stumbled through the woods, the sun was already setting. After parting from Kilgharrah he had tried to cover as much ground as he could before briefly giving in to the urge to sleep. He'd balanced himself uncomfortably on a tree root, assured that falling off it would wake him before he fell into a deep sleep. He knew that any more than one day away from Camelot was unwise both for Arthur's safety and for his own. As it was Arthur would not be happy to have had his manservant missing at a time like this, facing Uther's death and the unrest of the kingdom internally and externally.

Merlin hoped that Gaius had been able to keep his eye on Arthur. He also hoped Gaius wasn't too worried about his disappearance. Gaius would probably guess it was some sort of magical business but it wouldn't have stopped him worrying. Why hadn't Merlin thought to tell Gaius something – why had he run off to Kilgharrah without at least telling Gaius he was seeking some . . . well information and would be back in a day? Merlin supposed it had all seemed so urgent and sneaking back in and then out again wasn't ideal. Merlin felt suddenly amused to discover that his youthful propensity to be impulsive was lessening. That's what he got for being an apprentice to Gaius and servant in a royal kingdom he supposed.

The grin that spread across his face didn't last as he recalled that his main concern now was telling Morgana of his powers in order to stop her from killing Uther. Revealing all – it was a sobering thought. He had determined that the best way to approach this was to find her immediately. He suspected Gaius would want to talk him out of it and if Arthur intercepted him, he would want to chide or punish Merlin for his absence with chores. Time was of the essence where Uther was concerned, Merlin could not afford to be delayed or deterred. Merlin had tried to give up thinking of all the ways that Morgana might respond. There was no telling but Merlin had no choice, he had to risk it and hope she not only took it well but agreed to keep his secret.

Finally, the lights of Camelot were visible and grew as he approached until they were recognisable as window shapes and hanging lanterns. Merlin took the appropriate precautions as he weaved through the lower town and into the castle's side entrance. That was the easy part. The more difficult part was Morgana's chambers. He reached the stairs that lead to her alcove but he heard voices. It was Gaius. He must be speaking with Morgana.

Merlin shrunk himself into a darkened corner as he heard the door open and Gaius bid Morgana good night. Merlin held his breath as the old physician passed by. He took a deep breath and lifted his gaze to the stairwell. This was it. There was no going back once he'd done this. How would she react?

Merlin squared his shoulders. Nothing mattered except getting through to her. He scaled the stairs and knocked.

"Is there something more Gai-." Morgana opened the door and halted her words. "Merlin! You're back." Her amazement was obvious but then puzzlement washed her features. "You can't have gone far."

"No, um, I just . . ." Merlin hadn't expected to explain his absence so quickly. Perhaps he should just be completely upfront. He opened his mouth but Morgana was already shaking her head.

"You don't have to explain," she shrugged.

He didn't know why she was suddenly backing away from answers but he couldn't let this go. "I think I should."

"No, I put you in a terrible position" Morgana spoke softly, "I understand why you left."

"You really don't," Merlin said firmly.

Her face fell. "I suppose I deserve that. I want you to know Merlin that I am sorry."

Merlin nodded, "I know but your really don't understand." Merlin took a deep breath, "I've got to tell you something. It's not easy."

"I'd rather you didn't. Can't we just pretend none of this happened?"

Merlin was astounded. "I think that it would be impossible once Uther dies."

"But," Morgana protested, eyes wide, "Gaius just told me he would recover!"

Merlin was taken aback. "He did? Gaius did but how? Why? When?"

"Just now," Morgana said.

"Oh," Merlin's thoughts raced. Had Gaius found the mandrake on his own? Was Morgana angry? Did she think he'd told the physician?

"You . . . you didn't know?" Morgana stammered, "Didn't Gaius tell you?"

Merlin shook his head. "I haven't seen him yet." He wished he had now since Gaius would have been able to give some clarity about what was going on.

"I told Gaius everything," Morgana explained, "He destroyed the mandrake for me. The enchantment was broken. I told Morgause what I'd done too. She was very understanding." She added as an aside. "I thought you knew, I thought that was why you came back."

"Yes, no, um," Merlin faltered. Merlin's thoughts were racing trying to put all the pieces together. Morgana had broken the enchantment of Uther on her own which meant there was no reason now to tell her about his magic but he still had to answer for where he'd been. "I just needed to think things through outside of Camelot's walls." It wasn't a lie.

Morgana fiddled with her hair brush, "oh." There was a tremor in her tone, an unasked question of what that meant.

Merlin could guess where her doubts lay, "I would have kept my promise."

"And will you still?" She queried softly. "I know it's a lot to ask and if you want me to leave Camelot. I will."

Her eyes shot to his convincing him that she meant the offer. Merlin felt wretched for considering it but he did. Things were simpler with her at arm's length but if she was important to Albion then it was better if she remained close to Arthur. "No, I want you to stay. Your place is here. I'll keep your secret for as long as you need."

She look relieved and Merlin wondered whether it was more about his promise to keep her secret or about staying in Camelot. He couldn't tell.

Morgana let her eyes gently rest on his, "Thank you." She sighed. "These last few days, it's been so hard lying to you all. I'm glad that there are no secrets between you and me now. . . and Gaius," she added quickly.

Merlin only managed to nod. She was looking at him with such open trust. No secrets, except his greatest one. He'd come so close to telling her, finally relieving himself of some of the secrecy that plagued him and the moment wasn't gone. He could tell her now, now when she was feeling contrite and understanding over her deceit. He opened his mouth, "you did the right thing," he said instead, sounding flat and inane.

"I hope so," she said.

"Well," Merlin shuffled his feet slightly, "I better go tell Gaius I'm back."

"He'll be very relieved," Morgana said properly, her demeanour taking on a more formal manner.

Merlin gave a slight bow with his head of acknowledgement and farewell as she saw him to the door. The door closed behind him. Morgana had done the right thing, Uther would live, Arthur wouldn't turn against Morgana or magic because of Uther's death and Merlin's secret was safe. All was well, why then did Merlin feel his stomach still churning? Why did he feel as if he'd just made an awful decision?

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The castle was quiet despite the hour being well into the morning, it surprised Morgana to see so few servants and knights as she walked purposefully into the parlour. She thought surely everyone would be back to normal by now. It had been well over a week since Uther had started his road to recovery and the King had been back at his duties yesterday. Morgana was as relieved as anyone – but only because it had freed her from the confines of watching over him. Gaius had given her the responsibility of calling for him whenever Uther stirred so that the physician could administer a sedative. Gaius had insisted that it would be more convincing that her enchantment was exhaustion if they'd kept Uther bedridden for just that little bit longer. Morgana suspected Gaius thought keeping her by Uther was a just punishment for what she had tried to do.

She did not. She wondered at Gaius' trust, she could easily have changed her mind, smothered or stabbed Uther and probably escaped. She'd considered it. Arthur turning against magic had been one of her primary deterrents in going through with her original plan but while neither of those methods of murder required it, her escape would and Uther's vulnerable state was also a result. Perhaps it had been a test – to see if she could refrain from killing Uther, to see if she could be trusted if so Gaius had played with the king's life. Morgana wasn't sure how she felt about that – either his trust in her was great or his loyalty to the king was less than it appeared. She wondered if it was Uther that brought this secrecy and duplicity out in people but then even good Kings had subjects who would conspire against them. She shook her head, such thoughts were not helping her headache but then she was certain that very little would. There was but one outcome to a headache like this – a nightmare.

Morgause had told her that they were likely seer's visions and that in a kingdom with magic, would have helped put someone on a better path or a better solution and that Morgana would have known whom to tell. That really hadn't been any comfort to the terrible things she'd seen.

In many ways it was worse to know this, it left her truly helpless if she couldn't even do anything with them. The last dream had been of a dragon destroying Camelot. Morgana had removed her bracelet to better understand her powers and woken screaming, trembling and terrified for those in Camelot. She could still the faces of torment and horror among the citizens and Merlin's face of anguish. Fragmented though they were Morgana felt more meaning in them than they showed, something she didn't quite consciously understand, an added grief hidden in shadow. Morgause had told her that in time the seer's ability would give more clarity but Morgana had kept her healing bracelet on ever since. She did not want to encourage that magic. The dreams had disappeared and she'd had very few headaches in her time away from Camelot that had even hinted that she was suppressing them but now the pressure was building. She had a stray thought that something about Camelot triggered them more frequently or even gave them or her magic strength. It was certainly the case that this vision was putting up more of a fight than usual. It seemed quite determined.

Morgana pulled out the chair at the writing desk and sat down. There was a tournament soon and her duties required her to ensure the kitchen had enough food for the knights' stay, the seating arrangements of the nobles were properly arranged and that the castle servants were adequately spread to assist in maintaining rooms. She'd taken up the role for many years and heard that poor Sir Geoffrey had been given most of the task in her absence while Uther did only the more sensitive arrangements. Uther would not have trusted another member of the court. Morgana knew that for certain.

He had never sent Morgana to other houses to be hosted or trained by other ladies of the court, nor had he allowed Morgana to host or train girls or young women of other noble houses when she became of age. Neither had he allowed Arthur to retain a squire, not when it might be someone from a rival lord and there was no purpose in teaching a peasant (in Uther's mind). Uther had given excuses to her and told Arthur to focus on his own training and those already knighted. The truth was Uther did not trust the other houses despite their sworn allegiance. It was why he had chosen Gwen as her maid and jumped at the chance at giving Merlin a household position. They were no threat. They had no power. They could spread no gossip . . . or none that mattered to anyone of consequence.

Morgana sighed and leant on her chin as her quill hovered over yet another list. She had seen nothing of Merlin since his return although she'd come across Arthur outside of her vigil. She'd seen little of Gwen because of the situation with Uther but even this morning Gwen had been so efficient in gathering her laundry and departing that it was clear the distance between them had not resolved. It hadn't had a chance to what with one thing and another and now this headache.

Morgana felt lonely and irritated and she had a dinner with Uther tonight, the first since his recovery. It was bound to be a struggle. She longed to see Morgause, to feel free to be herself, to be honest, to see someone look back at her without suspicion or demand.

A gentle knock broke her from her reveries.

"Milady?"

Morgana looked up, it was Gwen the sight of which seemed to instantly make her headache start to thrum a little more incessantly. "Gwen?" Morgana acknowledged forcing her tone to sound normal. "I thought you be finished with your morning tasks and would be in the lower town by now."

"I just finished," Gwen confirmed and at Morgana's slightly raised brow added. "I was waylaid by one of the laundry maids who needed an ear," Guinevere shrugged diffidently.

Morgana had seen this happen before, servants in the castle frequently thought that if they could just get the ear of Gwen she would then entreat their plight to Morgana who would do something about it. If only it were that simple. Morgana had helped the townsfolk in the past, sometimes a new well or extra guards at a particularly thief-prone spot at the markets but Uther was only so flexible and it fell on Gwen when things didn't change. "Poor Gwen," Morgana responded with a sympathetic smile, "back to being the go between, you must hate it."

"No milady," Gwen said, "not at all. It's my duty."

Morgana smiled indulgently, only Gwen could put it that way. "Was it something I can help with?"

"No, nothing you need be bothered with," Gwen rolled her eyes. "It was too ridiculous."

Morgana had never pressed Gwen before over these decisions. She'd put it down to being as simple as trusting Gwen's judgement but suddenly Morgana realised there was a lot more going on in these situations than she had ever considered. Morgana knew that in the past she had been so drained from the nightmares that there were times she was barely functioning, other times she'd become so inward looking, so fearful of Uther that outside concerns didn't matter. Any burden and certainly one as complex as who to help and who not to had naturally been given over to anyone that would take it.

Gwen had taken up the responsibility, not just taken but never balked at making such choices . . . in fact Gwen relished it. Morgana could see it in the flippant dismissal of the laundry maid. Morgana could now remember past times and the calculated look in Gwen's eyes when servants approached. It was in Gwen's tone, firm and sure. It was a shock.

Gwen, kind and fairminded Gwen, enjoyed power.

For a moment Morgana felt horrified, as if discovering something awful but as she looked at Gwen, standing dutifully in the doorway it became clear she was the same Gwen she'd always been. Morgana didn't doubt Gwen's judgement and if she liked a little power in deciding what was good for the townspeople and what wasn't then they should be so lucky as to have someone so levelheaded. Yet Morgana wondered what else she had failed to notice in Camelot. She determined that she should be more outward looking.

Gwen didn't move from the doorway, "I just came by to see whether you needed anything before I left. I know you were not feeling the best this morning. Are you sure you don't want to rest before tonight?"

Morgana smiled genuinely at Gwen gratified that she'd come all the way here to check on her even if the maid did look a little awkward. Morgana hoped that meant that Gwen wanted the easiness back between them. "That's very kind of you Gwen but I'm afraid I have too much to do here," Morgana lifted the papers slightly in gesture but the sleeve of her gown tipped the inkwell. Gwen ran forward as Morgana sighed exasperatedly as they both reached to rescue the papers.

Morgana was sure only a moment had passed as a slight dizziness washed over her but Gwen was not where she remembered, instead she was a step back from the table, looking at Morgana in a mix of fear and disgust and rubbing at the ink that had somehow been smudged across her hand. "It's just ink Gwen," Morgana said disconcerted before noticing that her own position seemed altered and that her left hand had smudges of its own. She stared at it a second, "how did I do that? And why are you looking at me like that Gwen?" The maid had not stopped staring.

"It's nothing," Gwen said then after a moment she blurted, "You don't remember what you said?"

"About the ink?"

Gwen shook her head eyes wide. "I think I'll fetch Gaius, he'll know what to do."

"I don't need Gaius Gwen," Morgana said but it was clear Gwen had no intention of staying in the same room as her. "Gwen!" Morgana called but she knew it was no good.

Morgana turned back to the mess of papers and ink. She had a terrible feeling it was a metaphor for her life. Gwen had looked frightened out of her mind, what had Morgana done that she couldn't remember? What had she said?

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Merlin rinsed the plates that Gaius and he had eaten from in the basin. Gaius had finished before him and headed out warning him not to be too long. Indeed Arthur would be expecting him back, lunch in hand very soon. Merlin was not tempted to delay, Arthur had been in a good mood since Uther's recovery and he had no reason to upset the apple cart. Things were going rather pleasantly and dare he say it uneventfully . . . for Camelot. Merlin allowed a little smile to grace his lips as his mind wandered into scenarios where Arthur was King and peace was an everyday occurrence.

"Gaius?" The door banged open and Gwen rushed in, her face was flushed.

Merlin jumped at the sudden sound and then tensed as he took in her expression. "He's not here. What is it, Gwen? What has happened?"

"It's Morgana," Gwen said desperately, then her lips pressed together, "I really should speak to Gaius about it." Gwen was being strangely reticent.

"Has something happened to Morgana? I can fetch him, he's with Uther if I interrupt Uther will understand if it's about Morgana."

Gwen's eyes opened wider than Merlin had ever seen them. "No, no don't involve Uther."

"Why not? If Morgana needs help-."

"She doesn't," Gwen interrupted, "I mean, not right away. She had a headache that's all and I thought Gaius should look at her."

Merlin frowned, "she's had headaches before." He knew they were related to her magic, he'd thought between learning control and her bracelet that Morgana was free of them. Was she developing a new power? Or was this instead a ruse by Morgana to get Gaius to her chambers in order to tell him something in private? Was something going on that they should know? Either way, he better find out. "I'll take her a tonic," he said decidedly.

"No Merlin don't!" Gwen said shaking her head several times.

"Why not?" Merlin uttered again, "Gwen you're not making much sense."

"I know," Gwen wailed, "I don't know if I should say something."

Gwen was biting her lip and wringing the material on her dress. Merlin realised Gwen couldn't possibly be this distressed over a simple headache. He swallowed hard as the thought occurred. Could it be that Gwen had discovered Morgana's magic? "I'm Morgana's friend, Gwen, I'm your friend. I can't help if I don't know what's going on."

Gwen seemed to focus on him more clearly and after a moment nodded. "I went to see Morgana, to see if she wanted something before I left. I knew she had a headache this morning. She did something, said something and she didn't remember doing it."

"Oh," Merlin said simply, "if she had a headache perhaps she just forgot or was mumbling to herself."

"No," Gwen cried indignantly, "that's not it at all! What she said couldn't. . ." Gwen trailed and then visibly reigned herself in. "No, maybe you're right Merlin. I was just overreacting. Headaches can do strange things I suppose."

Gwen managed a small smile but Merlin couldn't return it. He'd never known Gwen to lie before and she wasn't very convincing. Something was going on but she didn't feel she could tell him about it. "You can wait here for Gaius if you want," he offered, "I'm sure he won't be too long."

Gwen had a distant look in her eyes. "No, no need. Morgana didn't want Gaius and I was just being overprotective. I think I'll return to my home. I have some errands. Everything's fine Merlin, really."

Merlin nodded slowly. It clearly wasn't but Gwen was best to let go. Merlin would get his answers with Morgana.

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Merlin did not waste time, as soon as Gwen left he headed for Morgana's chambers only she wasn't there. He rubbed his forehead in thought. Arthur would be getting impatient for his meal by now and Merlin couldn't afford to delay much further. He had no idea where else to look, perhaps the throne room? There were no meetings in there today and Uther was not holding court so it didn't seem very likely. Sometimes he'd seen her walking the grounds or the halls but she did that with Gwen by her side. Where else would a lady of the court spend her time? Merlin had no answer, he knew only where knights and royal prats spent their hours.

He was just concluding that he would have to leave this until later when the lady in question appeared. Her eyes met his and she hurried in his direction.

"Merlin," she said in a hushed urgent tone, "I think I've done something awful." She opened her chamber door and pulled him in with her. She closed the door, shutting them in.

Merlin's throat constricted in panic. It was ridiculous, he was a powerful sorcerer with no need to fear Morgana or what she had done but she did unnerve him looking at him with those green eyes so full of woe and pleading while claiming she'd done something awful . . . again. "to Gwen?" He assumed.

"Yes!" Morgana exclaimed, "How did you know?"

"She came to Gaius, I was there."

"What did she tell him?"

"Nothing, he wasn't there. He'd gone to see Uther."

"So she told you," Morgana confirmed with a small nod of acceptance.

"Not really. She said something about you forgetting what you'd said."

Morgana sagged, "She didn't actually tell you what it was I said?"

"No, what did you say?"

"I don't know," Morgana admitted.

Merlin frowned, he didn't have time for this conversation to take the same fruitless course as Gwen's had. "What do you know What awful thing do you think you did?"

Morgana put her hand over her mouth, her delicate brows pulled downward as she thought. "I don't know what happened exactly. One minute I was knocking the ink bottle the next Gwen is staring at me like I'd told her bad news and ink is all over her arm and my hands. I have a terrible feeling," Morgana paused and lowered her voice, "that I've used my seer powers."

"Oh," Merlin said seriously. "Don't you usually have dreams?"

"Yes and I used to get headaches when I avoided them and I had a terrible headache this morning but after being with Gwen it's gone. I think I grabbed her arm, I must have said something to her that was awful. The look on her face Merlin . . ." Morgana blinked a few times.

Merlin felt a sharp jolt of cold rush through his body though outwardly he remained frozen. What Morgana had said about grabbing Gwen's arm stirred a memory. She'd done it to him once, taken his arm just after he'd saved Arthur from the questing beast, Morgana had warned him to beware, that it was only the beginning. He'd been disturbed at the time by her piercing eyes, her strange words that seemed to know something she shouldn't, he'd shrugged her away but later he learned his mother had fallen deathly ill due to the bargain with Nimueh, Gaius had tried to exchange his life for hers and ultimately Merlin had sought out and murdered Nimueh . . .yes murdered. He didn't shy away from the acknowledgement. There were reasons, Gaius' life and his own but still, he wondered if he could have done things differently. He hadn't reacted out of protection, he'd been angry. Despite her evilness, he felt guilt, even some remorse and a whole lot of horror that his powers could be so destructive, so easily. Morgana's warning though, had not crossed his mind again, considering everything, and Morgana had never mentioned it again herself. Was it possible she didn't remember it? If she'd done the same to Gwen what did that mean? Was she warning Gwen? Gwen couldn't possibly be on a dangerous path anything like his – could she?

"Are you sure you can't remember what you said?" Merlin asked.

"No, not a thing but I'm worried Merlin. Why Gwen? I knew the headache was building, it wouldn't go. I thought I'd end up dreaming. I didn't know I could do this." Morgana was starting to tremble, she rubbed her arms. "Maybe you can get Gwen to tell you what I said or maybe she'll tell Gaius. Try Merlin, try she might need help."

Merlin kept his face impassive, "I'll try."

"Thank you, Merlin," Morgana said appearing relieved.

She opened the door, Merlin stepped out right into the way of Arthur Pendragon.

"Merlin, what are you doing here?" Arthur demanded.

"Er . . ." Merlin dithered.

"Delivering me a tonic," Morgana cut in quickly, "I have a dreadful headache. I sent Gwen to Gaius but he was attending elsewhere. Merlin offered to bring it to me."

"Right. That was good of him," Arthur shot Merlin a look that spoke of suspicion only Merlin did not know what it was Arthur was suspecting him of. "And Gwen."

"Yes, Gwen is very good to me."

Arthur nodded his head suddenly lost for words.

Merlin did nothing to hide his amused smile. Gwen's name was all it took to fluster Arthur these days.

"Did you come here for a reason?"

"Yes, I had word from Lord Nestod that they'll be attending the tournament. A bit late on the response I know."

"I'll add it to the numbers."

"Anything else?"

"No, I just thought I would walk up here while I was waiting for my lunch to arrive," Arthur's comment was pointed.

"I usually walk after my meals," Morgana quipped, "but then I suppose you need all the exercise you can get before the tournament."

Arthur pulled a face at her.

Merlin grinned again.

Arthur caught sight of it. "She's right. I do have a tournament coming up. We need to brush up on your skills Merlin, an extra hour of mace work this evening will sort you out."

"Arthur," Morgana began to protest.

Merlin shook his head at her. "It's fine milady. I'm honoured that Arthur is willing to give up his stratagem practice with Sir Leon just to help out a servant."

"Is that this evening? Right, we'll put the mace off until tomorrow evening. Morgana," Arthur nodded farewell.

"Arthur," she returned, "Merlin," she added.

"Milady," Merlin nodded.

Sorry, she mouthed.

Worth it, he mouthed back with a mischievous grin, they held their gaze just long enough for their amusement to disappear as they remembered Gwen. Morgana's face fell just as his own smile slipped. Gwen, he mouthed again conveying with his expression what he hoped was reassurance.

She gave the slightest of acknowledgements as he turned back and followed Arthur.

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Author's notes: Sorry! I had a weird combo of burnout and writers block and I had to take a break. There were a few things I needed to work out that are coming up in regards to the plot and how and why and where it was going but I've got some way with that and am feeling excited about this again. In truth, when I began this story a year ago I intended it to be much shorter and end once they'd returned to the past with a summary but early into the first few chapters I knew that I was going to want to do the characters more justice than that. I did feel guilty for leaving it so long and wrote most of the latter half in one sitting working through the night and into the morning (night owl and never needed much sleep) Thankyou for all the comments and reviews – I know I don't respond much but I do read them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that a few hints as to where we're gong have sparked your curiosity. Have a blessed day/night!