3. Damage Control
Damn.
Loki looked over the tall, blond man hovering next to him. Thor was perched on the edge of his seat, as if he was about to take off. Thor's tunic was a little ruffled from sleep, and he looked tired, worn, and… overjoyed.
"You are awake", Thor repeated, and smiled like a maniac, at a loss for anything more intelligent to add. No big surprise there. Thor had never had much in the way of discretion, or an ability to make circumspect remarks. What was surprising, and frankly a bit worrisome, was that Loki couldn't easily think of a decent counter-accusation.
A couple witty replies sprang to mind, but Loki had a feeling the situation called for something more substantial. He just didn't know how to condense his every conflicting emotion and thought into a single, eloquent, sensible-sounding sentence. Such an unarguable truth even Thor would understand him.
'I'm a monster', was the only one that immediately came to mind, but it sounded pathetic, not to mention whiny, even inside Loki's head. No way was he saying that.
Instead of answering the question immediately, Loki let his eyes wander around the room, trying to buy himself time to go through his options. Appearing disoriented was the same as appearing weak, but Loki knew a much greater weakness would be to speak before he had a watertight plan of action.
Bedridden, and with next to no magic, Loki was inherently at a disadvantage. However, even when cornered, Loki wasn't entirely without means to defend himself. He still had his number one weapon of choice: his words. That was something Loki should not squander.
Loki had already played his hand, and he had played it poorly. But, perhaps, he could salvage what little dignity he had left if he chose his next words carefully. Loki might even be able to turn the situation partly into something not so awful. It wouldn't be an actual victory, but Loki had always been better at damage control, anyway. He left winning almost exclusively to Thor.
"We are at the healing rooms", Thor suddenly felt the need to point out.
"I'm suicidal, not blind", Loki stated in a quiet voice, hiding expertly any confusion he felt.
It wasn't the wittiest thing Loki had ever come up with, but it served its purpose of shocking Thor well enough. Loki wasn't proud of the fact that he had tried to end his life. But, since it was pointless to deny it had happened, Loki could try to take some of the edge away from everyone else's accusations by appearing unashamed, and unapologetic, of his cowardly attempt.
People often complained that they had no idea what went through the younger prince's head. This was true, mostly, because Loki's thoughts and preferences were fundamentally different from those of other Asgardians'. In part, it was because Loki often purposefully threw people off-balance with unexpected, and even disturbing remarks.
Although having no one understand his thoughts got lonely, Loki had long ago given up on trying to be more apprehensible. These days, he preferred being an enigma over trying to (desperately) make people see, how he really felt.
When people didn't understand Loki, they couldn't use Loki's weaknesses effectively against him, because they had no idea what he held in high value. This had, of course, led many in Asgard to believe the younger prince cared for nothing, save his own well-being.
To be perfectly honest, Loki had already lost everything he had ever held in value, but there was no reason, why anyone else should know that. Hence, damage control.
Thor frowned, and stammered: "Don't say that."
Loki almost smiled, before he remembered the strategy was to remain passive and aloof. That was just... such a Thor thing to say. It wasn't a very good argument, but it reminded Loki of easier times, when Loki would have gladly made fun of Thor's lack of argumentation skills, and Thor would've laughed right along with him.
However, it had been a long time since Thor had taken Loki's remarks in good humor.
As they both grew up, Thor became more and more aware of his duties as the crown prince. After a while, appearing perfect in everything, and living up to their father's expectations, became so important to Thor that the older brother could no longer stand it, when Loki pointed out his shortcomings. Thus, Loki had learned to choose his words very carefully in Thor's presence.
Well, Loki chose his words carefully in everyone's presence, these days. There were people in Asgard, even people who claimed to be Loki's friends, who would waste no opportunity to ridicule the younger prince's talents and achievements, so Loki had to constantly take precautions.
Why does everyone hate me so much? Do they know? Did they always know, like Heimdall; even before I did?
Loki quickly returned his thoughts to more pressing concerns, like answering Thor, but, he eventually decided Thor's comment required no reply.
Thor fidgeted for a while, obviously trying to decide, what to say next. Loki only stared, as unhelpful as ever. Eventually, some of Thor's usual determination returned to his features.
"I should send someone to get mother. She has barely left your bedside as it is, and she made me swear I would let her know the minute you came to", Thor said. He sounded surprisingly serious, but then added, on a brighter note: "She will be so happy to hear you are finally awake. Both our parents will be."
"I doubt it", Loki stated, deadpanning at his not-brother.
In truth, Loki was more surprised and conflicted by Thor's words than he let on. Loki did seriously doubt Odin had much interest in seeing him, but Frigga… Loki hadn't once stopped to consider, how his actions would affect his mother. And, somehow, Frigga was still his mother, and always would be.
In his hurry to end his life, Loki had completely overlooked the one person, who had, if not exactly loved and accepted him for who he was, at least not treated Loki as merely the lesser, worthless younger prince. That probably spoke more of Frigga's goodness than any admirable quality on Loki's part, but the fact still remained that his mother had never turned on him.
You owe them everything. Your life (abandoned), your very being, and this is how you repay her for her kindness (pity)? A hateful voice sneered inside Loki's head. You just don't know how to not bite the hand that feeds you. You ungrateful runt.
Loki flashed his eyes to Thor, who appeared to still be waiting for an answer. The Thunderer looked nervous, but, also, disgustingly hopeful.
He doesn't understand that there is nothing even the Mighty Thor can do to make everything alright again. He doesn't know me. (He doesn't know the truth. Not yet.)
Thor's earlier words implied Loki had been unconscious for a good while now, but Loki knew better than to take the bate and ask Thor about it. It was a trap, an obvious attempt to steer the conversation, and Loki had never been keen on relinquishing control.
When Loki said nothing more, Thor got up. He didn't move far, though. Loki was just starting to get suspicious of what Thor really wanted, when his not-brother asked: "Will you be okay if I step outside? I will only be gone a moment."
Loki scowled.
This was far worse than he had expected. Loki had been extremely surprised at how not-angry Thor appeared to be at him, all things considered. Now, however, Loki was seriously considering coaxing Thor into a fit of rage at the first opportunity. At least rage might distract the Thunderer from how defeated, pitiful, and beneath Thor's notice Loki was.
Loki knew his expression was far from neutral now, but he still said nothing. Thor, on the other hand, appeared to be between staying and going, which, in practice, meant standing still, while looking increasingly nervous and impatient.
Suddenly, Thor called out in his loud, booming voice. Loki was startled by the sudden sound. It was extremely bad manners to holler in the healing rooms, but, then again, Thor had always been above such trivial things as rules.
A servant came in almost immediately. In a more quiet voice, Thor told the man to go get the king and queen. The servant bowed, and made his exit. During the exchange, the servant glanced Loki's way only once. When his eyes met Loki's, the nervous man looked away and left with haste.
Loki felt like calling after him that crazy wasn't contagious, but, then thought better of it. Who knew, perhaps crazy was contagious, for it certainly appeared to be running in a family Loki wasn't born into.
The younger prince didn't want to face Odin or Frigga right now, but he didn't voice his wish. Partly, because Loki didn't want to ask Thor for a favor, but, mostly, because he knew the Thunderer would ignore his wishes anyway, no matter how much Loki argued and pleaded his case. Thor had obviously already made up his mind, and, for some reason, Thor's opinion was always more important than Loki's.
Loki decided he would hurt less if he appeared indifferent to the matter. He preferred not getting his way, because his preferences were unknown, any day over voicing his wishes, only to have them mocked, laughed at, and stomped to the ground.
So, Loki remained quiet. However, as he observed his not-brother walking back to the chair, and seating himself, Loki realized it wasn't just anger and annoyance he felt toward the Thunderer.
A part of Loki did not object to Thor being here. At all. Loki had always enjoyed attention, after all. Good more than bad, but Loki wasn't particular. He couldn't afford to be.
Even after everything that had happened during the past few days, or, to be more accurate, the past few centuries, a part of Loki was shamefully pleased to have so much of Thor's attention directed at him. Thinking back on the beginning of this conversation, Loki realized he couldn't remember the last time Thor had looked so happy to see him, or had considered him so intensely. Like Loki mattered. Like Thor really cared about him.
Loki quickly suppressed that thought. It was a lie; one Loki had told himself time and time again. Whenever Thor mocked Loki for his interest in 'womanly arts', or was especially angry at him over some prank Loki had played, or, worst of all, ignored Loki altogether, younger man remained calm by reminding himself that his brother was a jerk, but a jerk who, deep down, cared for him.
It is a comforting lie, but a lie, nonetheless, and although lies have their uses, nothing good ever came of believing in your own imaginings. Thor doesn't care about me. He only cares about being perfect.
The thought weighed a ton, squashing any feelings of hope that had kindled inside Loki at the first sight of the delighted look on Thor's face. Loki felt crushed, inside and out, but tried not to let it show. If Thor knew, how Loki really felt, it would only make things worse.
"Loki… please say something."
Loki's eyes narrowed. Begging was… unexpected. Out of character, even. Thor ordered, talked people into, and occasionally asked for favors, but he never begged. Not from Loki.
The irony was that Loki hadn't consciously chosen silent treatment as a means of unnerving Thor. Mostly, because it had never worked in the past; Thor would barge into Loki's rooms, ignorant and uncaring of what had caused Loki's foul mood in the first place, and would pester him until Loki finally gave in, and acknowledged Thor's presence.
Now, with the blond man fidgeting in his seat, Thor looked almost vulnerable. A bit like he had looked back on Midgard, when Loki had gone to tell him lies laced with truths. Loki found that he almost felt sorry for the anxious man before him.
Maybe, Thor's time on Midgard has changed him, Loki considered, but he discarded the notion quickly.
No one learns true humility in a few days. Thor has just gotten lucky, and completed Odin's task already, or Odin has changed Thor's sentence upon being abruptly reminded that he needs to have a reliable heir at hand. 'So what if Thor started a few wars; at least he is Aesir.'
Perhaps, a combination of both. But Thor has not changed. He is still the reckless, callous, and temperamental man I know him to be.
Actually, taking into consideration said temperament, it should not be too taxing for Loki to manipulate his not-brother into playing right into Loki's hand. All Loki had to do, to get under Thor's skin this time, was to tell the truth.
Thor will be outraged. He will leave. He might even attack me, since he owes me a beating for all the trouble I have caused him, and, since we are no longer brothers, he will have no reason to hold back.
Loki sighed internally. Better to get it over with, then.
If Loki waited any longer, he knew he would hurt even more when the truth finally came out, and Thor would hate him, as much as he hated himself. A desperate smile found its way on Loki's lips at the irony of the situation.
If I play my hand right, I might still get my wish.
ooo
Thor had no idea, what he should say next. A part of him wished their parents would already get here, though, another part was grateful for this opportunity to talk to Loki in private.
The problem was that Thor had always been better at doing things than talking about them. He didn't know how to show his brother how deeply he cared for him, or prove to Loki that he would be missed if anything happened to him. Not knowing what to do made Thor feel even more powerless than loosing his godly powers a few days back had.
First, when Loki had woken up, Thor had simply been happy that Loki was getting better, and then relieved that he himself got to be present, when his brother finally came to. Thor had promised their mother that he would help Loki, and had barely left Loki's bedside during the last four days, but the Thunderer had still feared that his brother would choose one of the moments Thor wasn't present to regain consciousness.
Consequently, Thor had had a lot of time to consider, what he would say to Loki, when the time came. Actually, Thor had put more forethought into this conversation than any other before in his life, but, so far, the talk had gone very differently from what Thor had expected. More precisely, in Thor's presumption, there had been an actual talk.
Thor had thought that, when Loki woke, the hardest part would be convincing him that it didn't matter that they weren't brothers by blood. It was, after all, the reason Loki had done what he had done. Thor wanted to help to correct Loki's misguided thoughts, but he needed to first get his brother to voice them.
Thor had expected Loki to be either very sad, very angry, or that Loki would use his clever words to deny the whole thing had ever happened. Thor wasn't sure if he knew how to console or calm Loki, especially a Loki, who pretended like nothing was wrong, but something Thor had most certainly not been prepared to handle was silence. Thor hadn't expected Loki to be this quiet, hurt, and angry husk of his usual self.
Loki was known for choosing his words carefully, but no one in Asgard would have called him quiet by any stretch of the word. Now the young man was silent to the point of terrifying.
Loki was never this quiet, and, although under different circumstances, Thor may not have noticed any change in behavior, today, it unnerved the brave Thunderer. Thor had looked forward to having Loki back, but this spiteful being was a far-cry from the brother he remembered.
Mother said Loki might be difficult about this, Thor reminded himself. He is hurt, and lost, and I need to be patient with him.
Thor looked at the man lying on the bed. For a few moments, Loki looked as though his mind was a million miles away, but then he focused on Thor again, smiling. Thor would have been very happy to see Loki smile if the expression wasn't so forced, bitter, and, worst of all, desperate.
Oh yeah, this will be a lot harder than I thought.
"Come to gloat, have you?" Loki's voice was still quiet, but also a tad too bitter to pass as nonchalant. Thor was surprised by the unexpected words, though, at this point, of course, any words from Loki were unexpected.
Thor wasn't entirely sure how to answer, so he decided to go with honesty. "Brother, I have no idea what you are referring to."
Loki's eyes narrowing in disbelief wasn't an unusual reaction from his brother, but it still made Thor feel like he was at a test, and had just failed.
The analogy is accurate, indeed, Thor mused.
The Warriors Four had always thought Thor blind to his brother's misdeeds, but that wasn't really the case. Thor knew Loki could be very difficult, when he wanted to be. However, Thor also knew that more than half of Loki's pranks were more about testing things than about making mischief. Loki tested his own limits, people's patiences, and their trust in him.
It was actually sort of strange that Loki felt such a strong need to test same things over and over again. It was almost like Loki expected such things as love and trust to be easily swayed, and that his family would tell him they didn't love him anymore, if he played one prank too many. It was kind off... worrisome, really.
"Forgiven already, I see", Loki changed the subject, still attempting to sound conversational. "I have to admit, I am surprised this banishment of yours lasted even as long as it did. A day would have been more than sufficient, in most people's opinion, I dare wager."
"I still have reckoning left to do for my mistakes", Thor replied solemnly. "But you are correct in presuming that I am no longer banished, and, for that, I am grateful. I was able to return home, where I am needed the most."
On the last words, Thor smiled encouragingly at his brother, wanting Loki to know there was nowhere in the Nine Realms he would rather be, than at home, with Loki. Somehow, though, his words had a completely opposite effect on the younger man. Loki's expression was one of barely contained anger.
"Of course", his brother spit out, sarcastic. "Of course you are needed here. What would Asgard do, without her golden prince? Fall apart, surely, in the hands of that good-for-nothing brother of his. Gods forbid, there should be any trust placed in his capabilities."
Loki's expressive eyebrows shot up in fake concern. "I, for one, am glad Odin finally came to his senses, and forgave you for all your misgivings. Surely,the golden prince has so many honorable and manly qualities that all his faults deserve to be overlooked."
"Loki, that is not what I meant. Just let me..."
"The rightful heir had to return." Loki hissed, eyes narrowing. "Because Odin could not risk leaving a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"
"Brother, if you would just..."
"I am not your brother! I never was! I am the monster parents tell their children about at night! You, Thor Odinson, are a fool to have ever believed any other!"
As Loki shouted, he pushed himself on his elbows, crouching closer to Thor. He breathed laboriously, staring at Thor with such intensity that it was hard for the Thunderer not to pull back, but Thor managed to hold his ground.
Loki's expression morphed; first into a look of irate confusion, but, eventually, his face settled into a confused glare. "You already knew."
"I… Yes. Mother told me after… After I got back from Midgard."
"Well, it all makes sense now, doesn't it?" Loki's tone took another sharp twist. "This explains, why I was always so different. Why I never fitted in. You must be so relieved. Having a weak, unworthy failure for a brother must have been such a burden on you, a source of shame on all of Asgard. You must have felt such relief upon learning the truth behind Odin's deceit."
"No, Loki, it's nothing like that. This doesn't change anything…"
"Liar!" Loki hissed, somehow managing to shout without raising his voice. Tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes, but Loki's voice still held true. "You are lying."
Thor smiled weakly. "You know better than anyone, how terrible I am at deceit, brother."
Loki shook his head, biting his lip angrily. "You lie to yourself, when you say things haven't changed, because they have. I am not your brother, and the sooner you get that through to your thick skull, the sooner we can end this ridiculous charade."
The conversation wasn't going very well, but Thor had never been one to give up easily. He just needed to get Loki to listen to him, to get Loki to understand.
Thor took a deep breath. "Loki, I know you are upset, but the truth of the matter is that, even if we share no blood, you are still my brother. I care about you, and so do our parents, and our friends. There is no reason for you to feel this way."
Loki's eyebrows pulled together, and he frowned in disbelief, shaking his head. Then his expression turned into something between hate and grief, like Loki couldn't quite decide whether to yell or weep. When Loki spoke, he stuttered a bit, like he couldn't quite find the right words to represent his thoughts, and that was when Thor knew Loki was extremely upset still. Loki never stumbled with words.
"Oh, so it is I, who am mistaken? Well, thank Gods, I have you to tell me just how wrong I am. I suppose poor, irrational little Loki is just confused, and needs a strong, wise man, such as yourself, to guide him away from these wrongheaded, foolish feelings of betrayal he has gotten into his pretty little head."
Loki's stare intensified. Either he didn't notice the single tear escaping his eyes, or he just didn't care anymore. "That is what you meant, yes? Since there is no reason for me to feel betrayed, the fault is all mine for feeling that way. You know, Thor, you have finally learned how to sound as patronizing as Odin. Was that, perhaps, the lesson your father wanted you to learn on Midgard? If so, you have done a remarkable job."
"Loki, brother, I didn't mean it like that."
"True. You didn't mean to say it like that, but you still meant it", Loki snarled back. "You think that my feelings don't matter, because there is no reason, why I should feel them. Don't even try to deny it, I can see right through you. You think that, since you are superior in every way, it is your duty to remind your wayward little brother of his place."
It seemed that, no matter what Thor said, Loki turned his words against him. Arguing with Loki was an improvement over the intense silence earlier, but not by much. Thor remembered that he had originally intended to talk to his brother to make Loki feel better about himself. To make Loki see that death wasn't the answer.
Looks like I've achieved exactly the opposite.
"You are angry at me", Thor stated. It wasn't a question, but Thor still took the following silence as a 'yes'.
Thor looked Loki in the eye. "I know not, what I have done to offend you, but I am sorry."
Despite the stray tears running down Loki's face, the young man was able to pull together a wide smile. "What makes you think I need a reason to feel anything? Perhaps, resentment and unfairness are simply a part of my monstrous nature, the one I am only now revealing."
Thor frowned. "You are not a monster."
"I let the Jotun into Asgard, on the day of your coronation." The words fell from Loki's lips smoothly, without any emotion or hesitation. After saying them, Loki fell quiet, staring at Thor with an expecting look, as if he already knew, how Thor would react.
"Why?" Thor asked, frustrated and sad. He hated to hear his brother speak of such a serious matter so coolly.
"Because you are an arrogant fool, and I wanted all the realm to see you for what you really are."
Thor nodded in resign. "I have been a fool, haven't I? You may have let the Jotun in, but the rest of this mess is on me. My fault. I can see that now. What I was really asking, or trying to confirm, is that you weren't trying to commit treason, by returning the Casket of Ancient Winters to the Jotun, were you?"
Loki looked outraged, barely holding back more tears: "Is that what the Idiots Four told you I was doing?!"
After a few deep breaths, Loki schooled his emotions, and continued in a more conversational tone: "Though really, I shouldn't be so surprised. You and your lot did always expect the absolute worse out of me, no matter how many times I saved you all."
Thor did feel a pang of guilt at the truth in Loki's words. Thor had, perhaps, taken Loki for granted more often than was fair. Even so, Thor hadn't, for a moment, truly believed his brother was a traitor.
Even if Loki had done treasonous things, surely that had not been his intention. Loki was always getting into trouble, but deliberately betraying Asgard was a different matter. Loki would not have done that. He just couldn't have. And yet, Thor needed to hear it from Loki.
"But, Loki, you weren't conspiring with the Jotun against Asgard, right? Tell me you weren't."
There was fire (thankfully, only metaphorical) burning in Loki's eyes.
"What power, in all the Nine Realms, could possess me to want to ally myself with those despicable monsters?! I let three Jotun into Asgard, because I knew they never stood an actual change of getting to the Casket. And, if Heimdall has told you that I am plotting Asgard's demise with the king of the Frost Giants, tell the Guardian that he would do well to keep his ignorant and biased guesses to himself."
Loki turned his head, looking away from Thor. "The world would be a better place, with all the Frost Giants dead."
Thor only barely caught Loki's last sentence, no louder than a whisper, but as the implications of what his brother was saying hit home, Thor's eyes widened in horror.
"NO! Don't say that. Frost Giants aren't monsters. Not all of them, at least. And they don't all deserve to die just for being what they are."
Loki closed his eyes, a sad smile playing on his lips. "Ah, but the Frost Giant in question has done plenty to prove his monstrosity. He came very close to killing the heir to the throne of Asgard, through deceit and lies, no less."
Thor's forehead wrinkled. "I know not, what you are talking about. The way I remember it, you tried to help me at every turn. You tried to talk me out of going to Jotunheim, and tried to talk the Jotun into letting us leave unharmed. When that didn't work, because of my desire for battle, you fought by my side, and even defended me to our father, when I was too angry and arrogant to realize, how thin the ice under my feet was. Where, in all that, did you do me harm?"
Thor was very pleased with his argument. It wasn't often he was able to use logic and evidence to prove his point.
Loki looked mildly annoyed, but was still determined to prove his own point: "You were banished, and made mortal, as a direct consequence of my malicious and deliberate actions against you. I may not have killed you, but I sharpened the executioner's knife, and passed it along."
Thor smiled confidently: "You would never hurt me, brother."
Loki's anger flared.: "Don't count on it, Odinson! You don't know me, and you have no idea what I am capable of!"
There appeared to be nothing that could anger Loki more than Thor saying something nice about him. Why was Loki so determined to fill the role of the villain in all this?
Loki had, again, risen from his bed as he spoke. Now, he winced, and lay back down. Thor, upon being reminded Loki was still recovering, tried to help him down gently, but was stopped by Loki's glare.
Thor felt sadness seep into his voice. "Brother, I wish you wouldn't say things like that. I love you, and, as I already told you, it doesn't matter to me, what species you were born into."
Loki shook his head, but wouldn't meet Thor's eyes. "What is this new-found love for the Frost Giants? You could have killed them all with your bare hands only days ago", Loki challenged.
"I've changed", Thor answered solemnly.
"So have I", Loki whispered, looking up to meet his eyes, and then snarled: "Why haven't you attacked me yet?!"
"I… I would never hurt you, broth…"
"Don't lie to me! You have hurt me many times in the past, for lesser crimes, so don't claim ignorance now! What the hel did you expect to happen, anyway, when you burst back from your banishment, without father's consent, and challenged my right to the throne?! "
Thor was taken aback by Loki's words. Had Loki truly thought Thor had come back to Asgard to fight his brother?
It was, of course, true that Loki and Thor had fought in the past; they had been raised as brothers, after all. But Thor had never seriously injured Loki. There were times, when Thor had been very angry at his younger brother, but never so angry as to bring Loki true suffering.
As soon as Loki yielded, and apologized for his misdeeds, Thor had always let him go.
In this moment, Thor felt many strong emotions, but anger wasn't even among the most potent. Thor supposed that, under different circumstances, he would have taken offense to Loki's cruel words, but, right now, he felt too much pity for the young man to become angry him.
There was real hate in Loki's eyes, true, but it didn't take someone with great people skills to see that most of that hate was directed at himself. Now that Thor was thinking about it, disowning his family was, perhaps, just another way Loki was punishing himself for something that really wasn't Loki's fault.
Loki was still trying to hurt himself, just this time without a knife. Thor wished desperately there was more he could do to help. All Thor really wanted to do, was scoop his brother into his arms, and never let go.
Why does Loki have to make things so hard on himself? Why can't he just accept that his family loves him, and be happy?
Thor had never been good with words, so he decided to stop trying. Instead, he leaned forward, wanting to show Loki how much he cared for him with his actions, rather than with words.
ooo
Loki blamed it on his current physical weakness that it took him longer than usual to realize what Thor was trying to do. When the situation finally registered, however, the Trickster God was swift to react accordingly.
Shoving Thor's arms away with a quick movement of his hand, Loki nearly shrieked: "What do you think you are doing? Don't touch me!"
"Loki", Thor sighed, visibly disappointed in the misguided creature before him. Loki looked away. He couldn't handle any more disappointment directed at him just now.
"What is the meaning of this?"
Loki and Thor's attention snapped simultaneously toward the newcomer. They had been so busy fighting that neither had noticed the door open.
Loki scowled as well as he could, and discreetly wiped his tears in the sheets.
Perfect.
If there was such a thing as Lokisleep, now would be an ideal moment to fall into it. Not, because Loki was tired, or needed to escape from the situation, but because it would serve him right to get a taste of his own medicine.
TBC
()()()
A/N
In this chapter, Loki is being difficult, childish, and whiny. Sorry about that.
I do think Loki is a better, more mature person than he comes across in this. However, considering how irrational and paranoid Loki's speeches and actions were toward the end of the movie, I think he needs a bit more time to get his act together. Right now, Loki is questioning himself, and has lost faith in everyone around him. Loki will get more sensible soon, though he'll still be pretty damaged.
Thor needs to be less self-righteous if he wants to get through to Loki (read: past Loki's massive inferiority complex). I don't see those two talking over all their issues in one sitting, because Loki and Thor's problems run much deeper than one botched up coronation, one hidden adoption, and a generous portion of lies.
In the movie, when the brothers fight at the end, they aren't even having the same conversation, because they have had such fundamentally different story arcs until that point that neither is able to see things from the other's point of view. Also, I don't believe Loki ever, during the film, really wanted to kill Thor. Loki snapped, and tried to kill everyone, but, before that, Loki took great pains to keep his big brother, and everyone else, alive on Jotunheim.
In my mind, this whole tragedy wasn't caused by an unfortunate misunderstanding on Loki's part, either. Did Loki overreact? Yes. But, no one, who doesn't doubt they are loved, would immediately jump to all the worst conclusions upon hearing he is adopted. Or do such desperate, mad things to earn his parents' acceptance. I think Loki has had, much prior to the events of the movie, concrete reasons to doubt his parents' love for him. We will get to those in later chapters. Especially Odin has much to answer for.
Disclaimer: I don't own any places, characters or events taken from Thor movie.