6. Sharp Edges

Loki's personal chambers had changed since the last time he had set foot in them, and no, this was not just his mind playing tricks on him. It took the Prince a while to pin down what exactly had changed, though.

Loki's personal rooms were quite moderate by Asgardian royalty's standards, so they were ridiculously lavish by anyone else's standards. In Asgard, more was always more.

When Loki and Thor were young, they had shared a room, but after Thor was old enough to have his own rooms, Loki had moved to a larger accommodation as well. He had been excited at first, but had soon grown to hate his new rooms. They were big, surely, but they also felt cold and empty. As a child, Loki was convinced that the rooms were full of monsters, hiding behind the pillars and in the shadows by the window sill.

If things got really scary, Loki would tip toe to Thor's room, and although the older boy mocked his little brother, Thor would always also comfort him, and promise to fight off the monsters, should they find him.

Loki had lived in many different rooms while growing up, though he had been calling these particular chambers his for most of his youth and adult life. Even so, for a fleeting, irrational moment, Loki wished his mother would have taken him to his and Thor's old room instead.

Loki didn't hate these rooms, not by any stretch of the word. Over the years, they had grown to be his sanctuary. He certainly spent a lot of time in them, but perhaps that was the problem; the rooms reminded Loki of what his life in Asgard was actually like.

The chambers consisted of three rooms; an entrance hall for entertaining guests, Loki's bedchamber, and a private bathroom. The entrance hall had sofas, divans and a few tables scattered around a small fireplace. It was meant for entertaining close friends, but since Loki never used it, the room looked bare, and even a tad deserted.

Loki moved past the first room as quickly as he could without causing himself any unnecessary discomfort. He sometimes used the room for practicing a new spell or a fighting move, but mostly he stayed away. Apart from the furniture and an occasional fruit bowl, in this room there were none of the small, everyday items that showed someone lived there.

When Loki entered his bed chamber, he immediately noticed that something was out of place, but couldn't put his finger on it right away. His bed was the same; at the back of the room, covered in green linens. His clothes were still neatly packed in his walk-in wardrobe. Curtains with intricate patterns in different shades of green, black and gold were drawn to the sides of the room to let in some natural light. His books and other small objects were cluttered on shelves, on his desk and on top of almost every available surface.

No knives.

Someone had removed all the knives and other weapons from his room. Almost all of his ingredients for potions were also unaccounted for. Even the large mirror decorating one of the walls had been removed, though Loki was not sorry to see that particular item go. He felt relieved at not having to see his reflection just yet.

On a closer look, quite an imaginative range of objects was missing, from candlesticks to quills. Even jewelry.

Loki knew this "redecoration" had to be Frigga's doing. A servant would not have dared to move his things, and Thor could easily identify as weapons only things that were originally designed for that purpose. Even if Thor had wanted to clear Loki's rooms of all dangerous items, Loki doubted it would have occurred to his not-brother to remove all of his hairpins, for one. (Although Thor really ought to have known better than to underestimate the "hairpins"; the Thunderer had witnessed them in action, after all.)

Loki made a mental note to check if all his hidden knives had been discovered as well. And, as an afterthought, to see if his horned helmet was still around.

The image of a green-caped figure trying to stab himself with a horned, decorative helmet almost made Loki laugh out loud, but he refrained from it. Perhaps he was a little tired, after all, because he felt a bit hysterical.

Loki's smirk died down when he caught Frigga looking at him, frowning in worry. The Prince schooled his expression into an indifferent mask.

How desperate do they think I am? Loki wondered, and turned away from Frigga, namely to examine a pile of books. Do they really think that I would play the same trick on them twice in a row? They really ought to know me better.

Loki had a feeling he ought to take offense. His rooms had been cleared of all things even least bit dangerous, like he were a mere toddler, and may accidentally injure himself on a sharp edge. As if Loki had cut himself out of clumsiness to begin with. And yet, instead of overwhelming irritation, Loki felt confusion, above all else. The real question was why they had bothered to do this.

Why go through the trouble? They must realize that if I still want to end my life, I will find a way to do so, even after all sharp objects have been removed from my immediate line of sight.

Loki looked around one more time, and could not help but feel a little... touched. Loki had never been one to easily trust words, his own or others', but this was something concrete; something the meaning of which even he could not misinterpret. Futile as the efforts were, they still served as concrete proof that at least some members of Loki's family wanted to keep him safe.

And that they did not trust him at all, of course, but that rather went without saying.

Loki felt a bit exposed with all his weapons taken from him, but he was a sorcerer, and someone with his level of skills in the arcane arts was never entirely without means to defend himself.

Loki took one more turn around the room, aware that Frigga was watching his every step, and decided he would not throw a fit over the redecoration. Loki did not make a single remark about it, but simply headed for his bed and sat down.

Frigga pulled out an armchair, the one Loki usually kept near the window, where the light was brightest, and she brought it next to the bed.

Come to think of it, Loki was a little surprised that he had been allowed to keep his books, but he did not dare ask Frigga about it directly, in case she changed her mind and removed them as well. Some of Loki's tomes had potential to be far more dangerous than knives in the hands of a skilled magic user.

Then again, perhaps Frigga had presumed Loki would have memorized or invented many enough spells that could be used to harm a person, and would have no need to look for one in a book. Correctly, of course, though the spells Loki could remember of the top of his head would need a great deal of adjusting to work on oneself. Most spells, especially dangerous ones, were specifically designed not to harm the person who cast them.

Although people seemed to sometimes presume that Loki used magic for everything, especially when the Prince excelled in something, magic really did not hold an answer to every obstacle. Using magic was often taxing, and rarely the simplest or easiest solution available. It was not Loki's magic that set him apart from others, but rather his skill to estimate situations and think up creative solutions to them.

With enough time, effort and energy, magic could be used to do just about anything, but not everything. Loki had learned years ago that there were far easier ways to kill a man than using a spell. A knife would usually suffice.

Loki felt much calmer now, but also more tired. He did not lay down, though, but merely leaned against the pillows.

Loki was grateful to be back in the privacy of his chambers. The walk from the healing rooms had not only been painful (as Loki had refused anyone giving him support), but also quite nerve-wrecking.

Everyone he and Frigga had come across on the way (servants, mostly, at such an early hour) had greeted them both with all due respect. However, behind those greetings had been hidden glances of curiosity, confusion and disdain. Loki could almost hear the wheels turning in people's heads.

There had probably been no official announcement about the nature or circumstance of Loki's injuries, but it stood to presume that the whole palace had heard some rumors. And really, there were only so many situations in which Loki could have been hurt so severely and in such a manner.

Now, if there was an on-going manhunt for an assailant, things might have appeared different, but the situation being what it was, the number of possible explanations was limited. Which meant that most of the residents of the palace had probably by now guessed the exact nature of the misfortune that had befallen the younger prince.

They knew of Loki's shame, then.

Frigga was still there, sitting in the armchair. Unsurprisingly. It was quite evident that his so-called family intended to keep a baby-sitter around him at all times.

Loki didn't mind. Much. If someone had to be around him right now, Frigga was on the short list of people he could accept. The last things he wanted was another emotional outburst, while he had no power to back up his words.

ooo

Thor was already up and about, despite the early hour. The older prince was not known for sleeplessness, but tonight, he had been unable to rest properly after the conversation he had had with Loki. Too many things were left unresolved.

As Thor walked down a winding corridor, he tried to move in his usual pace, but he caught himself from time to time walking very briskly. Thor reminded himself that there was no hurry, and that walking faster would not help Loki, but whenever his thoughts wandered off, his pace increased again.

Thor did not want to look like something was the matter, or to cause alarm in the people he passed by. Thor was also a little worried about what his mother would say when he arrived at the healing rooms so early in the morning. Not to mention what Loki would have to say about that.

Thor and his parents had agreed that one of them should constantly keep an eye on Loki until they were sure he was out of the danger zone, but mother had also made Thor swear that they would take turns. Thor did not intend to go down on his word, of course, but since he was awake anyway, he figured he might as well do something about all his worries.

"Thor", a voice greeted him, and Lady Sif walked up to meet him. "What troubles you so, my friend?"

Thor rolled his eyes. "Nothing. Truly, cannot a man walk in his own home any way he pleases without constantly having people think something terrible must be going on?"

Sif smiled and started to walk by him. "Someone else might, but not you. When your look worried, it always means that something bad has happened."

As opposed to Loki, was left unsaid, but that time, Thor did hear it there.

Thor sighed. "I am on my way to see my brother."

"Again?" Sif sounded surprised.

Thor stopped mid-step, and turned to look at Sif. "What? Is it really so hard to believe that I would care enough about my only brother to visit him twice in the healing rooms?"

Sif lifted her hands. "That is not what I meant. I merely questioned whether going to see him right now was a good idea, considering how your talk went last night. Perhaps you should give Loki more time to calm down."

Thor began walking again, but also considered what Sif had said. Eventually, he stated: "You could be right, and Loki might not want to see me right now, but there is only one way to know for sure. Assuming I know what Loki would want me to do hasn't gone too well in the past."

Sif, still in step with him, added: "Then you should know that I have just talked with the healers, and they tell me that Loki is no longer in the healing rooms. He has gone to his own chambers this morning."

Thor was happy to hear that Loki was well enough to leave the healing rooms, but he also feared that it was only Loki's body that was healing fast.

Then, a thought occurred to him, and Thor frowned as he turned to look at his friend. "You... tried to go see my brother in the healing rooms?"

Sif's lip twitched, and she looked a bit guilty. "I know that we agreed that warriors and I would not go see Loki without his and your consent, but I was not trying to sneak behind your back or anything. I merely wanted to ask the healers how he was doing."

To Thor, that made perfect sense. "So, what did the healers tell you?"

Sif smiled lopsidedly. "Nothing. I had not realized what a secretive lot they can be. Keeping secrets seems so highly un-Asgardian."

Thor was worried, but said nothing. In fact, he wanted to change the subject: "Anyway, I would have you know that my brother is not the reason why I look so worried this fine morn."

Sif raised one of her eyebrows, obviously dubious, but went along anyway, mimicking Thor's overly formal wording. "Then what might it be that is troubling you, my liege?"

"There are many things to be anxious over", Thor commented nonchalantly, and it was true. "There are my new friends on Midgard, for one. Sir Eric and Ladies Jane and Darcy must be worried by now."

Thor had not given his Midgardian friends a proper explanation upon his unexpected departure. Thor had promised to the Lady Jane that he would return, but that was all he had promised, and now he was not sure when he would get a chance to go back.

"You could go see them. Right now, if you so wished," Sif pointed out.

"Nay. Right now, my place is on Asgard", Thor reasoned back. Talking about his worries seemed to ease them a bit, so Thor went on. This next part he was a little bit embarrassed about, since it made him sound like a shallow person, but this was Sif he was talking to. She would not think ill of him.

"Then there is Mjölnir", Thor confessed.

Thor had been forced to leave the hammer behind. It may be immature of him to think of his weapon at such a time, but Thor would have felt better facing everything the next few days would bring with his trusted hammer by his side. He would certainly have felt more confident about what he was doing if he had been deemed Worthy already.

Sif put her hand on Thor's shoulder, and nodded. She did not make fun of his unusual attachment to his hammer. She seemed to understand how Thor felt, and did not judge him for it.

That was one major difference between Loki and Sif. Loki, too, would have understood how Thor felt, and would not have judged him for it, but Loki would never have let an opportunity to mock his brother slide by without a double entendre.

Thor sighed. Thinking about Loki was painful.

"Tell me", Sif said in a more serious tone.

Of course Thor's topmost concern was Loki. Thor knew his brother was in pain, and needed help, but he wasn't sure what he could do to help.

This plan to have their friends visit Loki seemed to hold some merit, but, in order for the visit to go well, Thor would have to tell the Warriors Three and Sif the truth about Loki's heritage. That was one conversation Thor was really not looking forward to; he had no idea how their friends would take the news.

However, Thor did not have a choice. If he did not tell them, and Loki chose to bring up the subject, the warriors could be shocked and might say something inconsiderate, or they might think Loki was lying. Neither of those outcomes would be helpful.

"I want to help my brother, and I am going to see him, because that is the only thing I can think to do. Yet, I am not sure my presence will be of any help, because to be of actual use, I would need to know what is going on inside my brother's head."

"It is not your fault", Sif said in a calm tone, but Thor shook her away.

"I do not know Loki as well as I should, and I have no one else to blame for that", Thor went on. "Which is silly! Loki and I were raised together! Hardly a day has gone by without us seeing each other. Wherever I went, Loki would follow. Surely I, if anyone, should know my brother inside out."

Sif hesitated, perhaps sensing that any counterargument would be futile. After seeing the defeated look on Thor's face, she went on anyway: "Do not be so hard on yourself. Even if you do not know Loki, it does not mean that you have not tried to get to know him. It just takes two. Also, none of us know Loki as well as we thought. Although the warriors and I feared that Loki would do something irresponsible once on the throne, none of us guessed that he would think to lie to you about your father's death. My point is that, obviously, none of us know Loki as well as we thought we did, but I think that it is Loki's doing. Loki does not want us to know what he is really like, deep down."

Thor frowned. He had not thought of the situation from that point of view, and although Sif probably had a point about Loki hiding his feelings, at the same time, it could not be that simple. Loki may have lied about how he felt, but Thor did not care enough to find out.

The conversation Thor had had with Loki at the SHIELD base was still a very painful memory, but not for the reasons Sif assumed. At the time, the overwhelming sadness that came with the news of their father's demise, and his own exile, had clouded Thor's mind to any other considerations. At the time, Thor had not known that it might be the last conversation he ever had with his brother. Thor could not help to think that if, on that moment, he had realized to say the right things, all this could have been avoided.

I should have told him that what he is does not matter to me, and that we will always be brothers. I did not know to say that, but I still could have told him that I loved him, and would always be there for him.

Thor had been upset, but so was Loki. Their father was dying, Thor was gone, and Loki had just found out that he was a Frost Giant, after all. However, Thor had not noticed anything unexpected about Loki's behavior, and that was what made Thor a bad brother.

Thor still did not know why Loki had lied to him about their father's death. If he asked Loki now, his brother would probably answer something stupid like 'because I am evil'. That did not mean that Thor did not have his own theories about the matter.

"I think I know why Loki lied about our father's death", Thor finally stated. Sif looked curious, but did not press the matter.

Thor took a deep breath. "I think he wanted to see me. Loki wanted to visit, but his pride would not let him to come to me for help, so he made up a reason instead. I know that it does not make any sense, nor does it excuse what he did, but Loki has always had his own logic to things, and you have to admit that it sounds like something Loki just might do."

Sif looked a bit doubtful, but her tone of voice was warm. "You are right; it does sound like something Loki, and only Loki would think to do. Perhaps you know him quite well, after all."

Thor could barely get the next sentence out: "I think Loki wanted to say goodbye."

Sif obviously wanted to say something more, but eventually, she just sighed and shook her head. At least she put her hand on Thor's shoulder, and walked by his side, and that gave Thor some comfort.

There had been a time when Thor knew his little brother well, but Loki had changed. He was no longer the kind, sensitive and playful kid he used to be. He was different.

As they both grew up, Loki had become more and more solitary. Although Thor still saw his brother practically daily, they no longer talked to each other the way they used to.

Now it turned out that Loki had a very different interpretation of how their lives had gone. Loki was convinced that his friends did not care for his company, and that their parents had always favored Thor, and loved him more than their youngest son.

Where would Loki have gotten such an idea? Could it be true?

Loki was convinced that he had been wronged, and Thor, too, was starting to believe his brother's problems, whatever they may be, were not small nor imagined.

Whatever others thought his brother capable of, Thor knew Loki would never have tried to kill himself on a whim. Something must have been bothering the younger prince for a long time; long before the coronation and the mess that followed. If Loki had felt that such drastic measures were called for, his brother must have been convinced that the situation was broken beyond repair.

Thor tried to remember any occasions of favoritism. He supposed that, looking back on it, Odin had spent more time with his eldest... but that was to be expected, was it not? Thor and his father shared many interests, while Loki's interests had always had always been unconventional, to say the least. Thor was also the firstborn and heir to the throne.

A little voice at the back of Thor's head reminded him that, for a really long time, it had been unclear whether he actually was the heir or not. Thor had worried about it, time to time, wondering why it was not obvious that he, the elder, would be the rightful successor.

Since the Aesir lived long lives, and changes in leadership were rare, the laws defining how the next king should be chosen were very high-handed. They left much leeway for the previous king, and their father had interpreted the laws to mean that he could choose between his two sons, and decide which would make a better king. Which of them was more worthy.

Even so, ever since they had reached adulthood, there had been no doubt about the line of succession; everyone knew that Thor, 'the true son of Asgard', would be the next king.

'The true son of Asgard.' Thor tried not to think too much into it. Surely, Loki's heritage had not been a problem for Odin. If Loki never stood a chance, their father would have told them as much. Surely.

Thor had never tried to outshine his younger brother, but at the same time, Loki wasn't the only one in their family with a need to prove himself. Thor could be very competitive. Often, second place was not an option for him.

Thor had a way of demanding attention wherever he went. The God of Thunder enjoyed receiving admiration for his skills. Thor was by no means shy when it came to recounting his accomplishments, and once or twice, he may have even embellished his own part in the stories of their mutual adventures. Still, stories of mighty battles were far more entertaining than ones that ended with Loki using his magic to help them run for their lives.

Thor had not meant to belittle his brother's talents or achievements. Not intentionally. Yet, that must have been how it had appeared to Loki.

But was there more to it? Were the brothers treated fundamentally differently?

Yes, Thor supposed that they were, but again, Thor and Loki had always been very different. Thor had never thought much of it.

Thor was loud and made friends easily, while it took time for Loki to warm up to new people. Thor enjoyed the excitement of battles, while Loki preferred diplomacy and even trickery as means of resolving a conflict. They both had their own special talents, though, admittedly, Thor's were more often of the nature the Aesir held in high regard.

Thor had always wanted to prove that he would make a good king, but not at the expense of his brother. Thor had not meant the attention people gave him to be away from Loki. Especially not their parents' attention.

But now Loki was a Frost Giant, and it was all different. Thor could not help but wonder if the reason Loki had always been so different from most Asgardians was because he was from a different race. On the other hand, that assumption really didn't add up with what Thor knew of the Frost Giants.

Thor supposed that talent for magic must be common among the Jotun, for all the ones he had met during his brief foray to Jotunheim had known some ice magic. Still, Thor had not heard tales describing the Jotun otherwise much like his brother. As far as he knew, the Jotun were a brutish people with little taste for books, diplomacy, or the subtle art of deception.

Then again, Thor could no honestly claim to know any other Frost Giant than his brother, and perhaps that was part of the problem.

Thor was so deep in thought that it was only after he heard his own name mentioned that he even realized Sif and he were not alone in the hallway. Thor stopped and looked around himself to identify the unfamiliar speaker. Sif raised a questioning eyebrow, but Thor gestured for her to be quiet.

Thor still saw no one, but he could hear a conversation taking place in one of the adjacent halls. Thor moved a little closer to the doorway to better make out what was being said.

"...I don't know about that, but everyone I have spoken to... I mean, people who were present that night, they seem to agree that Prince Thor was the one who did it."

Another unfamiliar voice pitched in: "I would love to say that I cannot believe that, I really would, but... I mean, not Thor, not to his own brother. But no one can say that the older prince does not have a temper. Perhaps this was a long time coming..."

Thor could almost hear something snapping in his head. They could not possibly be suggesting that...

"I did not try to kill my brother!" Thor bellowed at the two courtiers, who looked a bit like what Thor must have looked like right after having his first encounter with the Midgardian carriage known as car. Thor gave the pair one more glare, and stormed away before he would do something he would regret.

"Thor!" Sif yelled after him.

I did not kill my brother! I did not do this to him.

If this was what people thought of him, Thor would need to set the record straight, and soon. But how was he supposed to convince everyone of his innocence when he could not even convince himself of it?

ooo

When there was a knock on the door, Frigga was fairly sure she knew who it was, but she made sure to ask Loki's permission before going to get the door.

Loki gave a disinterested nod, without even lifting his gaze from the book he was reading, but Frigga did not expect a more pronounced response, anyway. Loki had been very quiet since their conversation at the healing rooms, and as much as Frigga yearned to help him, she had decided to give Loki some time to come to terms with all he had learned this morning.

When Frigga opened the door, she found Thor fidgeting behind it, looking guilty. Frigga was not surprised to see him there; she knew it was a small miracle her eldest had been able to stay away this long. Frigga stepped aside, and smiled at Thor encouragingly.

"Good morning, mother. Good morning, Loki", Thor greeted them as he entered the bed chamber.

Loki lifted his eyebrows in an expression that was probably meant to question what was so good about the morning.

Frigga hoped Loki did not intend to start a fight. His youngest had been on the edge the whole morning, and might want to take his mood out on his brother. She tried to remember when Loki, her little boy, had grown to be so quiet and bitter, but she couldn't. Seeing him like this made her heart ache.

Thor went on to address Loki: "Are you feeling better, brother?"

Loki nodded briefly, his eyes back on the pages of his book, though they did not move in the way they should have if he was actually reading.

"Well, I am glad to hear it." Thor smiled, and then turned to Frigga. "Mother, may I have a word with you?"

Frigga nodded and got up from the armchair. Thor turned to Loki again. "We will be back in a moment."

"I know", Loki said, still feigning disinterest.

Frigga and Thor moved to the entrance hall of Loki's chambers, neither of them willing to go further.

"Mother", Thor began in a voice far quieter than his usual boom, "I have talked with the Warriors Three and Lady Sif last night. They have expressed a desire to come visit Loki. I think it would be a good idea to remind Loki that he has people who care about him, but I thought I should ask you and Loki about it first."

Frigga paused to think over her son's proposal. She did not think it an outright bad idea, though the conversation she had had with Loki earlier that morning made her hesitate.

"I do not have friends."

Something about those words broke Frigga's heart, but she still liked to think that Loki had been exaggerating. Frigga knew her son had not always gotten along with the Warriors Three and Sif, but they had been close for such a long time that, surely, they had worked out their differences years ago.

Frigga would have to look into that, but for now, she would trust Thor's estimation of the situation, and assume Loki was simply angry at his friends, just like Loki was angry at his family. Not that his family didn't deserve it.

Frigga's instinct told her that Loki was not ready for visitors. On the other hand, seeing friendly faces could be exactly what Loki needed right now.

What alternative did they have? She could not let her son hide away in his rooms forever.

Thor went on: "I also thought that if we do have them come over, we should tell them about, you know... Loki's reasons. I cannot ask Loki not to bring it up, or to lie about it. If he doesn't want to, that is."

Frigga sighed. "I can see you have put a lot of thought into this, and I trust your friends to keep a secret, but now is too early. I fear a visit would not go well, when Loki is so upset, and his mood swings so volatile."

Frigga felt a bit guilty for making this decision without consulting Loki, but she wanted to protect him, and Loki had a bad habit of choosing things that were not good for him.

Thor tried to hide his disappointment, but also nodded.

Thor and Frigga moved back to the bed chamber. She hated the way his younger son was avoiding Thor's gaze.

"Loki, you won't mind my staying here, will you?" Thor asked cautiously.

Loki stared at Thor for a moment, but then he shrugged and turned back to his book.

Thor dragged one of Loki's chairs from the entrance hall to the bedroom, apparently as close to Loki's bed as he dared, and then seated himself.

The silence stretched on. Frigga wished to spent time with her sons, but she also wondered if it would be easier for Thor and Loki to talk to each other without her there. She was aware that she was a mellowing factor to Loki's moods. At the moment that was perhaps needed, but she also wanted her sons to learn to get along without a mediator.

Thor fidgeted in his seat, and finally broke the silence. "So, um, what are you reading, Loki?"

"Nothing you would be interested in", was Loki's only reply.

"Try me."

Loki glared at Thor for a brief moment, and then stated: "Elvish calligraphy."

Frigga shook her head. She was rather sure she had seen Loki pick up a book on foreign policy and strategic thinking.

Frigga decided to excuse herself soon to give his sons a chance to talk. She, too, needed time to think through all the things she had discussed with Loki, starting with his relationship to his friends, but with special attention to the accusations made against Odin.

Yes, there was much Frigga could do and needed to do. For Loki, and for herself. She would leave soon, but not quite yet, so that Loki would not think she was eager to leave, or that this was a change of guards.

()()()

A/N

I apologize for the long wait. The good news is that I have several other chapters more or less finished, as well. Sorry that I have been sitting on them this long.

Please keep in mind that Loki's views on his situation, his family, and how other people think about him may not be entirely justified, fair or realistic. Loki tends to presume the worst until proven otherwise.

Thor, too, is unusually conscious of what people think of him, but also biased by his own feelings of guilt. I don't think that all of the palace actually thinks ill of one or both of the brothers.