7. Testing the Ice

Although Loki's bed was luxurious in size and quite comfortable, Loki felt tense all over. It had been twenty minutes since Frigga had left the room, leaving Thor and Loki alone, but with the uncomfortable silence and Thor restlessly squirming in his seat the whole time, the minutes felt like hours.

Loki couldn't focus on anything. He glanced out the window, estimated that it was about midmorning, sighed and gave up on pretending he was reading. Loki put the book away, opting to stare at Thor instead.

So far, Loki had ignored Thor, hoping that that would make the Thunderer leave. No such luck; Thor had never been good at taking a hint. Now Loki changed his tactics; if Thor would not leave before he had Loki's attention, then he would have it.

In a matter of seconds Thor looked up and asked: "What?"

Loki lifted his eyebrows innocently: "What do you mean?"

Thor hesitated, perhaps sensing a trap, but went on anyway: "Loki, why are you staring at me?"

"I might ask you the same thing," Loki retorted airily.

Thor frowned, confused, so Loki decided to be more direct: "Whatever it is that you came here to say to me, say it already, and then leave me be."

Thor blinked. "You... want me to leave?"

Loki squinted his eyes, trying to decide whether Thor was being serious. "Yes," Loki said slowly. "I want you to leave."

Thor didn't look surprised, but he did look disappointed. "Why?"

Loki considered his own motivations. His longstanding goal was, of course, to be strong and brave, and make everyone proud of him. That would not happen now that everyone knew just how weak he was, so what did he really have to loose by letting Thor stay?

Well, just because Loki couldn't make his family and Asgard proud of him didn't mean that their opinion of him couldn't sink even lower, and that was something Loki would rather avoid. Considering the vexing day he had so far had, it was possible that he might have another humiliating emotional breakdown before long. Perhaps it could not be prevented, but at least Loki could make sure that Thor wouldn't be present to witness it.

The Thunderer already thought Loki was made of glass. Thor kept glancing Loki's way every two seconds, expecting him to fall apart any moment. If that was how badly Thor thought of him now, Loki couldn't perhaps make things worse, but he still disliked the idea of proving Thor right.

I still care about what Thor thinks of me, Loki realized, but he wouldn't say that out loud. Saying that would give Thor even more power over him.

Although... hadn't Loki decided just that morning that he wanted his side of the story to be heard? How would he ever accomplish that if he was too afraid to tell even Thor what was really going on, or how he really felt inside?

Loki had told mother, but he wasn't convinced that she had heard him.

Perhaps Thor would... But no. Believing that Thor would be actually interested in how I feel is wishful thinking.

Thor wasn't usually interested in how other people felt, nor would he believe a single bad word about Odin. Hence there was no point for Loki to confide in Thor about his feelings and worries.

Loki decided to dodge Thor's question for now, and so he answered: "I want to get some reading done, so that the whole day won't be a waste. However, I can't read when you are moving around all the time," Loki said. He picked up the book again, for emphasis, but did not open it.

Thor looked a bit guilty, but also thoughtful. Finally, he asked: "So, if I was quiet and didn't bother you, then you would be okay with me staying?"

Loki turned his head to the side. "Quiet and not bothering anyone? You?"

Thor frowned. "I can be quiet and... Well, I could be if I had something to do, so... How about you read out loud?"

Loki stared numbly at Thor. "Read... out loud?"

"Yes," Thor said, sounding determined. "We used to do that, didn't we? Read out loud to one another."

Loki put his finger on his chin, pretended to be thoughtful, and then stated brightly: "Oh yes. Now I remember. You speak of the time when we were little older than babes, and were just learning how to read."

Thor rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "We have read together on many occasions since then."

Loki lifted one eyebrow. "Name one time when we have read out loud to one another after we were no older than children."

Thor opened his mouth, but no words came. Eventually, he huffed and said: "Okay, so it's been a while since we've read together, but... Wait! We've at least studied together. We used to read to exams together, so why couldn't we do something similar now? I mean, no one is going to test us on it, but we could read for fun. You know; just two brothers, doing an activity together, enjoying each others company."

Loki rolled his eyes.

"What? We used to do a lot of things together," Thor said, attempting to sound confident and sure, but managing to sound mostly nervous. Loki was a bit pleased to see Thor so upset, while he himself managed to appear perfectly calm.

Loki answered in an almost playful tone: "I am not sure whose childhood you're trying to remember, but we didn't read to exams together. Actually, I doubt you read to them at all."

Now Thor looked truly bothered, and a bit worried. "Yes, we did. Don't you remember?"

Loki stared at Thor calmly, silently daring him to name one such occasion.

Thor stuttered: "There was... there was that history exam, right? We read to that together! Hel, I would never have passed it if it weren't for your help."

Loki was a bit disappointed. Thor was right; there had been a few occasions when the brothers had read together, but Loki hadn't expected Thor to be able to name any specifically.

Loki, too, remembered the time Thor was talking about. They had both been in their early teens, and although Thor was a few years older than Loki, Loki had done so well in his studies that their private tutors had decided to put them on the same level of courses.

Loki remembered reading to the History of The Realms exam with Thor. However, he didn't remember Thor being particularly grateful or nice to him at the time.

ooo

Thor huffed loudly for the fourth time within a minute, and Loki could no longer pretend that they were both focused on reading. The younger boy looked up from his lecture notes and asked: "What is it, Thor?"

Thor closed the book he'd been reading, and pushed it away. "This is impossible," Thor stated rather loudly.

Loki suppressed a smirk, and looked around himself, half-expecting annoyed shushes directed their way. The library had strict rules, and no one was allowed to raise their voice here; not even the Mighty Thor.

However, at this late hour, there was no one else in the library, or at least not near enough to hear them.

Loki found Thor's martyr-like attitude towards reading to an exam funny, but he was careful not to let his amusement show. Thor would not take well to being made fun of.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Thor did not mind being mocked when the joke was about something that he was actually, in all honesty, quite good at, and Thor was good at most things expected of a youth his age. However, Thor could not stand being made fun of when it was about something he was actually pretty bad at, like sitting down and reading to an exam.

After Loki was sure his expression looked neutral, he got up and walked over to Thor's side of the table. Loki peered over Thor's shoulder to take a closer look at what Thor was reading. The book was titled The Complete History of Alfheim.

Loki shook his head. Thor really had no idea what he was doing when it came to prioritizing his readings. Although Loki was the younger of the two, he took his academic studies more seriously than his brother, and was thus more experienced in reading to exams.

Thor was only studying the minimum number of academic courses expected of someone with his title. Loki knew that Thor would disagree, but in Loki's opinion, the level of education required of a prince of Asgard wasn't all that extensive. For example, they were only required to pass two courses in history; one for the history of Asgard, and one for the history of the nine realms. They could choose to study more, but they didn't have to, and Thor most certainly hadn't taken any extra history lessons.

Thor liked subjects that were concrete. Of all the academic subjects, history was by no means Thor's least favorite; history was, after all, about concrete things and events that had happened in the past. Thor would have probably enjoyed studying history, as long as it was synonymous to intriguing stories of great voyages and battles.

Unfortunate for him, their history teacher saw the subject quite differently, and she always emphasized point of views such as culture, economics and politics. That was why Thor did not take extra history classes, and was now struggling to pass the exam.

Their teacher had given the princes two weeks off, so that they could do independent reading before the exam. The break had actually been Loki's idea; he had subtly over time manipulated their teacher into thinking that it was hers.

The reading break meant that Loki had a valid excuse to hoard Thor all to himself for two weeks, and none of Thor's annoying friends would want to accompany them to the library, so it would be just Loki and Thor, and no one else. Or so Loki had hoped, at first.

However, before tonight, the plan hadn't really worked. Any time Loki tried to subtly remind his brother of the upcoming exam, Thor brushed him aside, saying that he had better things to do.

Loki tried not to take the constant dismissal personally; Loki liked to think that Thor simply cared little for things like history, science and magic. However, before long Loki was convinced that what Thor really meant was: 'Anything is better than reading to that exam, because anything beats having to hang out with my annoying little brother.'

Loki had all but given up on the idea that the brothers would read together, but tonight, on the last evening before the test, Thor had suddenly approached him about it. Thor hadn't used the word 'study group', but he had mentioned the upcoming history exam, and had implied that he really wanted to pass it on the first try.

In other words, Thor had all but asked his younger brother to help him read to an exam, and Loki had been more than eager to agree.

Now, Thor huffed, and picked up a new book. Loki put his hand on Thor's shoulder and did his best to sound encouraging, not condescending: "Passing history of the realms is possible. Reading to an exam like this just requires strategy."

Thor looked at him darkly: "Easy for you to say. You have probably read every book in this library, and know them by heart. For anyone else, this is impossible. The teacher didn't even give us any tips on what time period or event she was going to ask us about, so the questions could be about anything that has happened during any time period in any of the nine realms."

Loki's amusement was slowly replaced by sympathy.

Thor must be in agony to admit defeat and ask for my help.

So, Loki pulled out a chair next to Thor's, and sat down.

I should do my best to help him pass History of the Realms. (And then Thor will be grateful, and he will proudly call me his brother.)

Loki looked at Thor carefully, trying to decipher what mood the older boy was in. Thor wasn't angry. Not yet, anyway, but he was very frustrated, and frustration could quickly lead to anger. Luckily, Loki had a great deal of experience in reading Thor's moods, and reacting accordingly.

When Loki spoke up, it was in a soothing, conciliatory tone: "Brother, no one can remember everything. I, too, have to study for tomorrow's exam."

Thor looked up and turned to face Loki: "How is that supposed to be comforting? And besides, you do. You know everything."

"No, I don't."

"Then how come you are so good at every subject?" Thor huffed.

Thor's words surprised Loki. Before he had time to think better of it, Loki smiled teasingly and asked: "Could it be that the Mighty Thor is jealous of his bookish younger brother?"

The words were out before Loki had time to truly consider them, and realize that antagonizing Thor, even in the form of a jest, was always a bad idea. If Thor got angry at his brother, the older boy could pay back in kind by reminding Loki of his own, numerous shortcomings.

Loki winced, but it was too late to take the words back. He would have to wait and see how Thor reacted.

Thor perked up in his chair. "Nonsense. What I meant was that reading to an exam such as this is stupid, and I can't understand why our teacher wishes to torture us in this way. With ancient history, of all things! No one could ever need to know all these things."

Loki was relieved that Thor had not retaliated. Even so, the younger brother found himself compelled to continue the argument: "I can think of many reasons why someone would want to learn more about history. It's fascinating, for one."

Thor humphed, disbelieving. Loki didn't press the matter. Unsure what to say next, Loki went back to looking at his notes.

After a moment of silence, Thor spoke up again: "Studying to this exam is pointless. This", Thor gestured at the pile of tomes still waiting to be read, "requires no talent, and there is no sense of achievement. In warrior training, we learn valuable skills that we will need in everyday life. Our fighting tutors always push us to do our best, while doing well in a history exam is a matter of luck; you either happen to remember the right answer, or you don't."

Loki rolled his eyes, growing more and more irritated. Thor seemed to always belittle the things Loki happened to be good at. The older boy might as well have said that Loki had no talent, and he was simply "lucky."

Loki was annoyed, but he didn't say anything, because he didn't want Thor to become too angry and leave. Even if reading to an exam was "pointless", it was apparently the only thing Thor still needed his little brother for, and Loki could not afford to pass up the opportunity.

"For your information, knowledge doesn't magically appear in anyone's head," Loki pointed out. "Studying requires a lot of hard work. However, you can also save yourself some trouble by being smart about it. I mean, reading everything and memorizing every detail? That really is pointless, but there are better ways to study."

Most Asgardians seemed to assume that Loki knew as much as he did because he remembered everything he heard or read, but that wasn't true. Although Loki spent a ridiculous amount of time pouring over books and attending lessons, the true key to his success was that Loki knew how to prioritize his time.

"An exam such as this isn't about knowing everything; it is about knowing what to know, " Loki summarized his thoughts.

"I am in no mood for riddles," Thor replied solemnly, although he looked like he was really considering Loki's words.

Loki decided to seize the moment. "Here, let me show you."

Thor didn't like asking for help, and he was usually very bad at accepting advice. However, Thor did like concrete things, and so Loki would need to prove his point in some concrete manner.

Loki looked at the history books on the table, and picked out two of them; one was a collection book on the history of all the nine realms, and one was a book on Asgard's recent history. Thor would not have time to even glance through more than two books before next morning, anyway.

"These are the books you are going to want to look at", Loki said, and handed the books to Thor. "Our teacher mentioned the authors of these books during class, so although there are many different point of views and opinions present in the literature, our teacher likes the way these scholars argue their points. So she is likely to use these books as a reference material when deciding on what questions she'll ask."

Thor looked a bit taken aback. Loki smiled, and went on: "Also, I happen to know what questions our teacher is going to ask in the exam, and I'm pretty sure the answers to those questions lie within these pages."

Thor looked shocked, and then frowned disapprovingly. "Loki. You shouldn't spy on our teacher!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Of course I haven't spied on her. I don't need to cheat to do well in an exam. I didn't mean that I know for sure what questions will be on the exam, but I have some pretty decent guesses."

Thor frowned. "If you haven't seen the actual questions, how is your guess better than mine?"

"I have had this same teacher on three history courses before this one, so I know what kind of questions she asks on exams," Loki explained. "By combining that information with knowledge of what historical events she emphasized in class, and what historical events are considered important information for all Asgardians to know, we get some pretty solid guesses on what tomorrow's test looks like."

To Loki's relief, Thor no longer looked doubtful, but instead he looked quite impressed by Loki's reasoning.

Thor took another look at the two books Loki had places before him, and frowned slightly. "I understand why you would choose The Comprehensive History of the Nine Realms, but why did you pick A Look into the History of Asgard? I thought this exam was supposed to be on the other realms."

Loki shook his head. "The test is on all the nine realms, and that includes Asgard. Now, we know there will be three essay questions on the test. If I were our teacher, knowing that we have already taken a separate course on Asgard's history, I wouldn't waste a single question on Asgard. However, knowing our teacher, I am fairly sure she will want to emphasize historical events relevant to our own lives, and so one of the three questions will almost certainly be on some event from Asgard's recent history.

"Also, no matter what realms the other two questions are about, the answers to them will be from books written from an Asgardian point of view. In other words, she will only ask about such foreign events that had a significance effect on Asgard, and have thus been studied and written about by Asgardian scholars."

Thor looked a bit dubious, but nodded. "And the other two questions? What realms will those be about?"

"Let's see..." Loki took a moment to think about it. He himself had read up on a wide variety of topics, just in case, but Thor wouldn't have time to focus on as many, so Loki's guesses would have to be more exact.

"Well, there will be no question on Alfheim, that's for sure. The history of the nine realms is a story of conflict, war and conquest, and Alfheim has never been active enough in international relations to be very interesting from an Asgardian point of view. Nor is Midgard, so you can pretty much rule out those two.

"I'd say that one of the questions is about Vanaheim, and most likely about the peace negotiations after the Aesir-Vanir war. It could also be about the war itself, but after such a long peace between the two peoples, scholars don't like to reminisce about the unfortunate war. The successful peace that followed is a less controversial topic. Also, not all the questions can be directly about war."

Thor appeared to be making mental notes of Loki's every word. Loki couldn't even remember when was the last time Thor had appeared to be so proud of him, and so he really wanted to get his guesses right.

Loki thought hard before finishing his theory: "The third question will be on one of the other seven realms. There is a small chance she'll ask about the Dark Elves, but sources on that topic vary a lot, in quality and conclusions, and she barely mentioned any peoples from Svartalheim in class, so probably not.

"If I'd have to give it a guess, I would say that the third question is on Jotunheim. If the teacher is in a kind mood, it will be about the Great War, but if she wants to ask something more difficult, it will be about ancient history; Jotunheim is, after all, the oldest of all the realms.

"However, I think the Great War is a more likely topic, if for no other reason than because that way she can also include Midgard's history into the question. That is pretty much the only possible way Midgard might come up in the exam; the Great War between Jotunheim and Asgard was pretty much the only time period in the history of Midgard that is of any interest to an Asgardian audience."

Loki shrugged his shoulders. "That's all I have to say about that. It is possible that I am wrong, but these guesses should at least give you some idea of what to expect.

Thor looked excited. "That doesn't sound too bad. And I was so sure the questions would be on something I had never heard of. Now, if your guesses are right, I'm going to nail at least the queation about the Great War; I remember everything our father has told us about how he defeated the evil Jotun King."

Loki smiled sympathetically. "True. Though I fear you might need to also know about the economic and political reasons that lead to the war, and the consequences the fall of Jotunheim had on the trade between all the nine realms."

"What 'economic' reasons?" Thor said, and waved his hands in the air. "The way I remember it, the evil Jotun people attacked the poor, helpless Midgardians because they were more powerful, and thought it was their right."

Loki smiled at Thor's sudden enthusiasm. "You know what? You can probably write that as the reason for the war on the exam, since sources vary on that topic, too. I'm sure there are many historians who share your view on the events that lead to the Great War, and so long as you can reference back to their works, rather than the 'bedtime stories our father told us', you should be in the clear."

ooo

Loki had been right about two out of three questions: the first had been on recent history of Asgard and the second on the Great War, but the third one had been on the isolationistic international relations of Nornheim. That hardly mattered, though, since Loki and Thor had both passed the test with flying colors.

Perhaps Thor, too, was reminiscing the day they had read for a history exam together, because his face suddenly looked a bit pale. He looked sorry to have picked that direction for this conversation.

Loki almost laughed. Thor was so clueless. Did he really think that the part about that memory that offended Loki the most was that the Jotun were described as irredeemable bad guys in a couple of text books? As if Loki hadn't known that without looking it up in a book.

No, the part that bothered Loki the most was how dismissive Thor had been about Loki's talents in academic studies, before and after that incident. Also, Loki felt a little sick now, when he thought back to how desperate he had been for Thor's attention and approval as a child. What would have Loki not given then to have Thor all to himself the way Loki had him right now? Sitting by his bedside and practically begging for Loki to read with him?

Maybe, a quite voice whispered inside Loki's head, maybe Thor has really changed.

Or maybe, another voice continued, maybe he is just feeling particularly guilty today and trying to soothe his conscience by granting his 'brother' a few moments of his time. Either way, this won't last. It won't be long before he grows tired of me again.

When Loki was younger, he had worked hard in all his studies because he had yearned to be acknowledged; to be seen as worthy, and an equal to Thor.

However, no amount of hard work could make Loki as good as Thor in sword fighting, combat training or horse riding. So, although academic education wasn't as highly valued on Asgard as all those other skills, since it happened to be something Loki was good at, he had always given his academic studies his all.

Eventually, of course, Loki had gotten tired of being the second best. He grew to hate the looks his peers gave him every time he failed to immediately grasp some skill they clearly thought was invaluable. Loki knew they must have been wondering why he wasn't more like Thor, the Golden Son of Asgard, who had always been a natural talent in anything that involved succeeding in unbelievable physical feats.

Loki had tried to get better, he really had, but the hard work he put into fighting practice didn't show. When Loki finally mastered a new fighting move, Thor had in the meanwhile learned three.

Books were a different matter. And magic. Those were things Loki could get better at by working hard. Well, magic also required intuition and innate talent, but since Loki happened to have what it took, there was no way he would ever give up his magic studies; no matter how many times his peers mentioned how dishonorable, womanly and unfitting said studies were for a Prince of Asgard.

Loki was aware that he had made no friends by excelling in all his academic studies; his good grades were just another thing that set him apart from most kids his age. Still, Loki was too competitive to do things halfway.

Even when in order to do well Loki had to first spend an embarrassing amount of time studying. Well, unlike Thor, Loki really had nothing better to do with his free time.

Looking back on it, Loki really hated his teenage years. At least today, even if people disliked Loki and his odd habits, they couldn't deny that he was smart, and even powerful, in his own way. These days they knew better than to underestimate him.

One day, they may even learn to see Loki as someone quite formidable.

ooo

Thor wasn't sure what to say. The silence was getting uncomfortable again, but Thor really didn't want to just say the first thing that came to mind, because that might easily make the situation worse.

Talking with Loki was like treading on thin ice; on every step, you heard a worrisome crackling noise under your foot, but you could never be sure if the ice would actually cave in or not.

Thor had steered the conversation to their childhood, because he wanted to force Loki to remember the good times. Also,Thor was now, perhaps for the first time in a long while, truly curious to hear Loki's side of the story. Those two goals were hard to balance, though.

Thor wanted to prove to Loki that there had been many happy days in his life, but at the same time, Thor didn't want to sound like he didn't believe Loki when the younger man said that he had often been miserable. Thor needed to make Loki see the truth, but belittling Loki's memory of how things went would surely lead to another shouting match.

Thor had wanted to get Loki talking, but he also didn't want to risk offending him, and so Thor had started of with some menial but generally positive memories. However, it turned out that finding a neutral, "safe" topic could be harder than Thor had anticipated.

Loki didn't look particularly offended, but Thor if anyone should know better than to assume Loki wasn't upset just because he didn't look upset. And it wasn't like Loki looked happy or at peace, either. On the contrary: Thor's brother looked distracted, like his thought were miles away.

"Loki, I'm sorry." Well, that really was the first thing that came to Thor's mind, but how much worse could the situation get?

Loki looked startled for a moment, but he composed his features quickly, and asked quietly: "What for?"

"I don't know..." Thor said, but then he noticed an irritated frown creeping up on Loki's face, and quickly went on: "No! I mean, I do know what I'm sorry for, but there are just so many different things that it's hard to put them to words."

Loki looked at Thor intently, but he did appear to accept Thor's explanation as a sincere one. That was a good start.

Thor wanted to apologize for the horrible things that Loki and he had been taught about the Jotun when they were kids, but on second thought, that wasn't really either of their fault. Thor decided that he should focus on apologizing for things that he could name, and that were directly his own fault.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been a very good brother to you," Thor admitted. Saying the words out loud was almost a relief. He wasn't entirely sure when or how it had happened, but somehow Thor had failed his brother, and for that he was genuinely sorry.

Loki rolled his eyes.

"What? I really am!" Thor insisted.

Loki looked at him levelly. "No, you're not. You're sorry now, because it has recently occurred to you that others might think that you haven't been a good enough brother to me, but that just means that your worried for your reputation, not that you are worried for our lost brotherly bond."

Loki's words felt like a physical slap to Thor's face. Thor could hardly believe his brother had just said that.

Loki had always had a sharp tongue, but this was different, because there was not a hint of humor or irony present in Loki's tone. Loki never used to say such hurtful things, and mean every word. Or, at least he never said them to Thor's face.

"But... you... I've changed," Thor said.

He still couldn't find the right words, but he hoped that Loki would understand him anyway. Loki had always been perceptive, and good at interpreting what Thor was trying to say. And right now, more than anything else, Thor wanted to will Loki to see that he really had changed during his banishment to Midgard.

Loki laughed.

Thor started to get annoyed. He was saying the right things, and he meant them, but somehow it still wasn't enough. The words still weren't getting through.

Thor had never before realized how difficult it was to convince someone of his good intentions when there was little trust between them.

Thor took a deep breath, and tried to be more verbal about his feelings. "Loki, I can now see that I've made many mistakes in the past, but I promise I will do better in the future. We can still work this all out. I care about you; I always have and always will."

"Well, you could have fooled me," Loki said and shrugged casually.

Thor frowned. "But I do care about you. You're my brother."

Loki sighed, and explained: "Look, even if that was true, if that caring never manifested itself in your actions, what use have I for it?"

Loki raised one eyebrow and looked at Thor, calm and curious like they were arguing about some meaningless theoretical point.

Thor had had enough. "Look, I'm trying really hard here to make things better between us. Why couldn't you just for a moment stop arguing back and just listen to what I'm trying to say here?!"

Without paying mind to it, Thor had raised his voice. His tone must have caught Loki off guard, since for a split second, Loki's entire demeanor changed; he pulled back an inch and sat up straight, his shoulders stiff, looking like he was ready to bolt out of the bed. And there was a flash of something in Loki's eyes, behind the carefully maintained mask. It was fear.

The change lasted less than a second, but Thor saw it anyway.

"I'm sorry," Thor said, his voice quiet. He was aware that just constantly saying he was sorry wasn't good enough, but he didn't know what else to say.

My brother is afraid of me.

Suddenly, it occurred to Thor that he wasn't the only one walking on thin ice here; the difference between him and Loki was that Loki wasn't trying to stay above water. Loki was purposefully stomping around to test the ice that was Thor's patience.

Why does everyone suddenly think that I am the sort of man who might attack his own brother? And Loki isn't just a bit startled: he believes that I might physically attack him at the slightest provocation. Since when has he started to be so afraid of me?

Thor tried to remember any occasions where Loki had been timid in his presence, but he couldn't remember any. Loki always spoke his mind. He was bold and witty, sometimes even to the point of being a bit mean. Loki wasn't afraid of anyone, and he most certainly was not afraid of his own brother. Why should be be? Had Thor not always defended Loki against his enemies? In a fight, Thor had Loki's back.

There was a new, jaded look in Loki's eyes, and Thor realized that he had to say something right now if he wanted to save what little trust they had managed to build between them during this brief conversation.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound threatening. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. Also, I want you to know that shouting is as far as it was ever going to go. I would never hit you." Thor felt a little silly about having to say this out loud, but at least he had now gotten it out there that he wasn't a threat to his loved ones.

Loki frowned, looking slightly offended. A bit too fast he replied: "I am not afraid of you."

Which was probably as close as Loki would ever come to admitting that he was. Thor hoped that this same reverse logic about saying one thing and meaning the opposite also applied to 'I'm not your brother' and 'I don't care what you think of me'.

Thor was tired of all the insults, but at the same time, he knew that he and Loki would never be able to have an honest conversation if Loki was afraid to speak his mind in Thor's presence. That meant that Thor would have to just suck it up, and keep his cool even when Loki was being nasty to him.

Thor looked Loki in the eye, and decided to try another approach. Instead of guessing what it was that Loki wanted to hear, Thor decided to just go ahead and ask: "Okay. I know that this apology isn't going very well, but I really am sorry. And I'm also sorry for not being sorry for the right reasons. I know I really shouldn't have to ask this, but I want to know: what is the right answer here? What is it that you think I should be apologizing for?"

Loki looked suspicious, but also a bit amused, and that was a great improvement over scared and in denial.

"Since when do you care about how I feel about anything?" Loki asked spitefully.

"Since very recently?" Thor pleaded. "Look, Loki, I am serious when I say that I want to change, but I need your help with this. In order to be a better man, I need to know what it is that I'm doing wrong. I should probably already know, but since I obviously don't, please, help me out here. I really want to hear how you feel about this whole thing, and I promise not to shout at you, or interrupt you, or shoot down your ideas. I just really want to know, okay?"

Loki lifted his eyebrows, but the gesture wasn't dismissive or cynical. Instead he looked hesitant, even nervous; like he was really considering Thor. His expression morphed into a silent question, asking: do you really mean it?

Thor nodded and tried to smile encouragingly.

For a moment, Loki was quiet. Thor hoped that Loki was just taking his time considering his answer. Not wanting to say anything to interrupt Loki's train of thought, Thor instead just focused on trying to look like nothing would make him happier than to hear Loki tell about his troubles.

After sizing Thor up with his gaze one last time, slowly, Loki began to speak: "Well... for what it's worth, I do believe you. I believe you're sorry. Now. For the way things ended, and for the way things have been going for a while now. And any fool can see that you've changed. This conversation alone serves as proof of it. And I am glad to hear that you want to change things between us, and that you aspire to do better in the future. I really am. That said, I'm not sure I trust your vague definition of 'better' to entail all the things I would want it to. Also, even if it does, I don't think this change of heart will last."

Loki didn't look Thor in the eye when he spoke. Perhaps he would've gotten cold feet if he had seen the shocked expression on Thor's face, and would've said something nicer instead. Or maybe it was a sign of trust: Loki wasn't constantly looking at Thor to make sure he wouldn't get too angry and attack.

Loki went on: "Perhaps even more importantly, I don't like the idea that just because you are a better person now, past discretions no longer matter. I'm afraid that you think that I have no right to begrudge you for the mistakes made by the 'old Thor'. Somehow, it seems that if I don't right away forgive you, but instead hold on to my anger, I don't deserve the new and improved you."

Thor wanted to say something; he wanted to say something bad, but since Loki was clearly not done speaking, Thor had to hold his tongue. He had promised Loki that he would, and the only way to build trust was to keep his promises.

After a short pause, Loki kept going: "Good intentions do count, of course, but they don't erase the past. And I know we've all done things that we are not proud of; things that we would like to take back, but can't. But I don't want the only alternative to be that everything that happened in the past stays in the past, and we never speak of it again."

Gradually finding a rhythm to his speech, Loki went on. "I want to... I want to be allowed to be angry at you, and I want you to be angry at me right back. I don't want you to treat me with kiddy gloves, because I sure as hel won't be gentle on you. I want... no, need to talk about things, and not just about all the happy times, but about the good, the bad and the ugly. All of it. I want to be heard and believed.

"Before I can move on, I need closure. Real closure. I will stop being angry when I no longer feel angry; not sooner, not later, and most certainly not because somebody thinks that I no longer have reason to be angry. I need to do things in my own time."

When Loki finally looked up, Thor knew for sure that his brother wasn't playing him, but that he really meant every word. Loki looked more vulnerable and exposed than Thor had seen him in years.

Thor felt stunned. Just like that, Loki had let him into his little world, and the situation seemedn to make sense again. Thor felt like he was on the verge of an epiphany.

Earlier, Thor had thought that Loki was being mean and unreasonable; that Loki was stubbornly refusing to believe him, although the truth was right before his eyes. Now that Thor saw the situation from Loki's point of view, he could understand why Loki got angry any time Thor tried to convince him that everything would be okay.

It wasn't enough that Thor apologized and promised to be a better brother in the future; Loki wanted Thor to act like a better brother.

Thor nodded and spoke up: "Okay. Thank you for telling me that. Really. I feel like I have a much better idea of what I should do now. Thank you for trusting I me, and for giving me a second chance."

Loki looked a bit dubious. "So, you understand what I want now?"

"I think so, yes. Before you can forgive me, you want me to concretely prove that I've changed for the better. I need to earn your trust. Now, is there anything else you could think, of the top of your head, that you would want me to do differently?"

"Well..." Loki drawled, looking contemplative. "Of the top of my head? I want you to stop dismissing my talents and interests like they were less valuable than your own skills."

Thor blinked. "What do you mean?

Loki lifted his eyebrows and mimicked Thor's voice: "'Some do battle, others just do tricks'."

"I.. I meant nothing by that," Thor explained.

"Well, call me sensitive, but I still took offense, so could you not say thing like that again? Okay? Because whenever you dismiss me, others follow your example. In case you haven't noticed, you have that effect on people. So maybe we could agree that from here on out, even if you think that what I do is worthless, you keep it to yourself, at least when other people are around."

"I don't think you're worthless!" Thor responded, shocked by the accusation.

Loki looked dubious. "Oh. So, you think that magic is equally valuable to battle skills, then?"

"Well of course... I mean, you can't compare them like that. They are not the same. Magic isn't a fighting style; it can be used for all sorts of things," Thor clarified.

"Okay. Still, as you know, I use magic in battles. The question is: do you think it is better to win a battle by using a sword or a hammer than by using magic?"

Thor bit his lip and tried to think how to best phrase his answer. "Of course we all respect you for your unique talents, and no one is going to deny that your magic hasn't been very useful on many occasions."

"But?" Loki's voice was clipped.

Thor sighed. "But. I have for years now wondered: why do you even use magic in battles? I mean, you aren't half bad in hand-to-hand, and you could get out of most situations by just using your knives, so why don't you?"

Loki crossed his arms, his glare turning venomous.

Thor tried to hastily correct his statement: "I mean... You know that people would respect you more if you won your fights fair and square, without relying on tricks. Would it really kill you to do things the usual way?"

Loki smiled humorlessly. "Oh yeah? And who are you to say? Don't try to tell me that you have never used excessive force just to show off." Loki gaze had turn to stare angrily at an ornament on the wall behind Thor. "And now that we are on the topic of 'things I have always wondered': how come using a magical hammer that enables you to fly and summon lighting doesn't count as cheating or 'relying on tricks'?"

Thor started to get defensive. "Well... This isn't just about your magic. Why do you have to also lie to people all the time? Why can't you just be honest like everyone else?"

Loki laughed. His tone was becoming less reasonable by the minute. "Do you really think that no one else in Asgard lies to you? Also, here's some food for thought: maybe I lie, because people aren't ready to hear the truth. Maybe, even if I tried to tell you the truth, you would just dismiss it as a lie because it would be too different from what you've always believed in."

"Is this about dad again?" Thor asked.

Loki looked caught a bit off guard. His eyes flashed, and for a moment Thor really expected him to start talking about their father's 'hidden crimes' again, but in the end Loki merely shook his head.

"No. This is about you." Loki pointed a finger at Thor's chest. "And about Asgard, and about why you and most of Asgard believe that the most honorable way to resolve a conflict is to face it head-on. Well, it just so happens that I believe that the most honorable way to handle a situation is to pick the path of least resistance. Okay, obviously that doesn't work every time. Sometimes you have to be tough and uncompromising, or otherwise people will think you're weak and try to walk over you. However, by avoiding conflict, we could solve most situations with minimum damage to us, them and the surrounding area. Ever thought it that way?"

"I... I think my friends on Midgard would agree with you," Thor admitted. He hadn't really thought much about the values of his new Midgardian friends, but as the words came out of his mouth, he knew them to be true.

"They would?" Loki asked, sounding honestly surprised.

"Yeah. Sir Eric told me that he did not approve of my decision to confront the SHILED agents the way I did, but he still lied to the same agents to get me out of trouble afterwards," Thor stated. "And Jane. She hates the SHIELD, and even she said that it was stupid of me to fight my way into the their base. Although I was able to retrieve her journal, and she was happy to have it back, Jane still made me swear I wouldn't do something like that ever again, so I think it's safe to say she wasn't impressed by my unyielding courage."

"Huh," Loki said, and looked thoughtful. "Well, if that is the kind of company you were keeping in your banishment, I would almost say Midgard has done you a world of good, brother."

Thor's eyes widened and a smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth. "'Brother?'"

Loki looked annoyed. "Shut up."

Thor smiled, but since that seemed to make Loki even more irritated, he attempted to reign in his delight.

"I've missed this," Thor stated earnestly.

First it looked like Loki wasn't going to take the bait, but then he sighed and asked: "Missed what?"

"Talking with you. Having a really good conversation like this one."

Loki looked annoyed. "That's odd, considering that you and I have never before had a 'really good conversation' such as this."

"Well, maybe I've just missed bickering with you," Thor replied.

Loki tried to look serious, but there was a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "So, you've missed my presence, have you?"

Thor laughed. "Everyone has missed it."

Loki's face grew serious again. "No, I'm pretty sure you're the only one."

Thor frowned. Loki's sullen mood made him worry. He sighed, and asked: "Why is it so hard for you to believe that there are people who like you, and that they have been very worried for you?"

Loki smiled bitterly. "You know what? I was pretty upset after you got banished, too, and I don't remember people lining up to come and console me then."

Thor blinked. "You were very upset because I got banished?"

Loki frowned, surprised. Then he just stared at Thor, and said: "Arguably, I had a lot on my plate that day, but yes, it's safe to I was pretty upset."

Loki rolled his eyes and added: "Had I known then that your banishment would only last two days, and you would only meet kind and helpful people on Midgard, I wouldn't have bothered."

"You have a point," Thor agreed solemnly. "Looking back on it, my banishment wasn't very harsh, and although I didn't know it at the time, and thought that I was exiled for good, I still had friends to console me. Was there really no one there for you?"

Loki humphed. "I guess that's one main difference between you and me; you make friends wherever you go, while I only know how to make enemies."

"No," Thor stated. "That's not true. You have many friends. You have me, and the Warriors Three and Lady Sif, and they have been really worried about you. While you were still recovering, they asked after you many times, and they told me that they intend to visit you as soon as you felt better."

Loki frowned. "They... asked that? And what did you tell them?"

"I..." Thor realized a moment too late that he and mother had agreed not to mention this topic to Loki quiet yet. What should he say now?

Well, he and Loki had made huge headway today; Loki was no longer unreasonable or spiteful, although looking back on it, maybe he had never been those things, but Thor himself had just been stubborn and pushy, and hadn't really listened to his brother. Maybe they were both at fault for why their first talk had gone so splendidly wrong.

However, now Loki had asked to be treated as normally as possible, and denying him visitors didn't sound normal at all. Besides, Thor had a hunch that it was a good idea to get that meeting out of the way as soon as possible while Loki was still feeling this unusually honest.

There seemed to be a new rift between his friends and his brother, and Thor wanted to get that fixed before it had time to get worse. If they wanted until Loki was really back to normal, the meeting might go easier, but it might be less productive.

It'll be good for Loki to hear from his friends, and know that they haven't forgotten about him, and it will be good for my friends to have an honest heart-to-heart with Loki, and see that Loki really is a kind and sensitive young man under all the teasing and bravado.

Thor finished his talk, hoping that Loki hadn't noticed the long pause in between: "So, they asked if they could come and see you, and I told them that it sounded like a good idea, but of course we'd have to wait until you were feeling better. And I of course intended to ask for your permission first."

First Thor thought that Loki wasn't going to say anything at all, but then the younger man looked up and asked: "When? When would they be coming?"

"I don't know. Tomorrow, maybe?" Thor suggested.

Loki lifted one eyebrow. "Why not today?"

Thor frowned. "Would you like them to come today?"

"Sure. Why wait?" was all Loki said. His tone of voice was hard to interpret, but his sudden display of enthusiasm alone made Thor wary.

Thor had a feeling that Loki would not make this meeting easy on their friends, but at the same time Thor believed that Warriors Three and Lady Sif could take whatever Loki was planning. They had all known each other for years: they'd practically been raised together. Surely, they had all seen each other at their worst before, and faced more frightening things than an upset Loki.

Thor hesitated for a moment, but went on: "Well, then I guess it's settled. However, there is one other thing... I was thinking... I mean, with your permission, I thought it would be a good idea to tell the Warriors Three and Sif about your, um... heritage."

Loki's face sobered, and his mouth was suddenly a tight line. Thor wished he could take the words back. He should've trusted their mother's advice and not brought up the meeting yet.

"They would be sworn to secrecy, of course", Thor added. What he really wanted to say was that they could still cancel the whole thing, but he feared that Loki would take it as a dare, and agree to the meeting no matter what.

Eventually, Loki answered: "I'd rather you didn't tell them."

"Are you sure? I mean, of course I won't, if that's what you want but..." Thor was hesitant again. "I just thought you might want to talk about things as honestly as possible."

"I'll tell them myself if the honesty of the conversation should demand it", Loki's voice was a mix of sarcasm and seriousness.

Thor nodded. He could see Loki's point.

After their first meeting, Thor had assumed that it would be impossible for Loki to have a conversation where he didn't bring up his Jotun heritage. However, after this talk, that precaution appeared unnecessary. Loki was more than able to have an ordinary conversation that didn't involve any earth shattering revelations. Hel, Loki seemed to prefer it that way.

"When will they be coming over?" Loki asked casually.

"I haven't talked about any exact time with them yet, but... Shall I ask them to come after dinner?"

Loki nodded. "After dinner sounds fine. Not that I have anything else on my schedule, to be honest."

Suddenly, Thor remembered that there was one more thing he'd forgot to ask."I was thinking that I would be here with you throughout the whole visit. Would that be alright?"

Thor had naturally assumed that he would be present when Loki met with their friends, but he now realized that it would be polite to ask Loki's permission.

To Thor's relief, Loki, too, looked like he hadn't even considered the possibility that Thor would not be present. The young man smiled and stated: "Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Despite Loki's calm and kind tone, Thor was hit with a sense of foreboding.

On one hand, Loki hadn't expressed this much interest in other people since he had awoken. On the other hand, after all Loki had been through, meeting his friends might be very taxing on him.

Perhaps the meeting wouldn't get easier over time, anyway.

Thor smiled back at Loki and nodded. Then another thought occurred to him: "Loki, now that we are talking about my banishment... You do know that I still haven't been entirely forgiven, right?"

"...?"

"Father changed my punishment so that I am no longer banished, and was thus allowed to come home, but I still have to prove my worth before I get my hammer and my powers back."

Loki blinked. "Wait, really?"

Thor nodded. It was a good thing he had realized to tell Loki this; if his brother had only found out about it a great deal later, Loki might have thought Thor was keeping secrets from him. Also, now Loki might be less angry about Thor getting away with all his crimes so easily.

Thor would have to go back to Midgard eventually, and although he didn't want Loki to worry about that, it was perhaps best he knew.

Loki was awfully quiet.

"Everything alright?" Thor asked.

Loki looked up. "What were you thinking, charging back to Asgard without any of your powers back?"

"I was worried about you!"

Loki's face became an unreadable mask.

"Loki?" Thor asked carefully.

"You're an idiot," Loki stated coldly, and picked up his book again.