9. My Friends

Thor stood in the hallway outside Loki's chambers, and wondered if he had made a huge mistake in trusting Loki. Thor and mother had agreed not to leave the younger brother alone for any length of time, but Loki had sworn that he would do nothing unseemly while Thor briefly stepped outside to greet the Warriors Three and Lady Sif.

Thor had simply had no way of refusing Loki's request without outright admitting that he trusted Loki not at all, and the younger man had made some valid points about the need to freshen up a bit.

Thor stopped pacing, closed his eyes and sighed. Maybe this was a mistake, but how was he ever to win back Loki's trust, if Thor didn't show that he trusted Loki back? Building trust one tiny step at a time.

Thor was about to go back inside when four familiars figures emerged from behind the corner, walking briskly to meet him.

"Right," Thor said, and smiled. "First, I want to thank you all for coming here so soon."

"Of course we did," Sif said, a bit out of breath. "Now tell us: what's the matter? What has happened? Are you alright?"

Thor frowned. "What do you mean? Did you think I was in trouble?"

Sif glanced at the warriors standing behind her, and then back to Thor. "You send a guard to tell us that you wanted us to meet you outside Loki's chambers at once. What else were we to presume?"

Thor lifted one finger, but then hesitated, trying to remember his exact phrasing of that order. "Well yes, I did tell the guard to hurry with it, but I most certainly did not tell him to get you 'at once'. Or, in fact, within any specific time limit."

Sif huffed and rolled her eyes. "Well, we are here now, so will you finally tell us what's going on? Why did you ask us to meet you here?"

Thor frowned for the second time within a minute. "Did the guard not tell you why I wanted you to come here? I really should have that man whipped for doing such a bad job delivering a message..."

"Thor!" Sif pressed, seemingly annoyed, though there was a small smile tucking at her lips.

Thor smiled at his friends, and began: "I have good news. I've spoken with my brother, and I'm happy to tell you that he's feeling much better. In fact, we both think he's ready for visitors, and he's requested to see you four."

Sif's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and she glanced again at the other warriors. They, too, looked mostly surprised, except of course Hogun, who always appeared stoic. The warriors nodded politely, and Fandral commented: "Well, that is good news. And when would this meeting take place?"

"Well, right away, if you have the time and feel up for it," Thor stated and smiled at his friends. "It's not a bad time for you, is it?"

"No," Hogun stated. "Now is fine. However, was there a reason for why we had to hurry to get here?"

"Nope. None," Thor commented, not wanting to elaborate on his worries about leaving Loki unattended. However, his feelings must have shown on his face, because the warriors frowned.

Sif commented: "I thought you said he was much better already."

"Oh, he is", Thor quickly assured them. "I just don't want to take any unnecessary risks, because, well... because Loki is Loki."

Thor was happy to see that he didn't have to elaborate on that point; his friends nodded in understanding.

Thor looked around. "Well, I'd hate to keep Loki waiting, so let us move inside."

"Of course," Fandral said, though his tone of voice made it clear he had something more to add. "Just a quick question: is there anything we should know before going in there?"

A guilty look crossed Thor's face. It was like his friends could see right through him, and immediately knew he hadn't told them everything. Thor didn't want to lie to his friends, but nor did he intend to go down on his word, and he had promised Loki not to tell them about his brother's Jotun heritage.

"I mean," Fandral elaborated, "Can you give us any tips about what to talk about, and what topics to avoid, or some such?"

Thor's face brightened. "Of course. Well... I think any normal topic will do, though you might want to be gentle on him. The really important thing to do when talking to Loki right now is to be honest and patient. Especially patient."

"...meaning?" Volstagg asked.

"Well..." Thor considered how to explain the situation. "I'm sure you all know what Loki can be like when he is really angry about something, but none of us have any idea what, and he won't tell us if we ask."

The Warriors Three and Sif nodded. Thor smiled at them, and said. "Well, he is a bit like that, except more difficult and annoyed."

Thor still smiled at his friends, but they obviously did not share his mood; the warriors exchanged worried glances.

"It'll go fine," Thor assured them. "Just don't let Loki get to you. Right now, he might try to test your patience, and be unkind on purpose, but I think he'll calm down once you've proven that you won't be faced by his efforts. Once you get behind his facade, my brother can be really nice and honest. I think I've had more meaningful conversations with him today than during the whole year before."

Fandral opened his mouth, about to ask something else, but then simply smiled and stated: "Well, I guess that answers that. And, to be honest, patience has always been a quality required of a person about to have a conversation with Loki."

Thor smiled halfheartedly at Fandral's attempt to lighten the mood; his mind was already on other, more serious matters.

Thor was almost sure that this was the right thing to do, but he still worried that the meeting might not go as hoped. Thor and Loki's first talk had been nothing short of disastrous, but at the time, Thor had had no idea what the real issue even was. With Thor's guidance, the Warriors Four should do just fine. Or so he hoped.

Thor smiled one last time at his friends, and then turned around, and opened the door to Loki's chambers. They walked through the entrance hall in a somewhat nervous silence, and arrived at the door to Loki's bedroom. Thor knocked on it once.

"Come in," called Loki's voice from inside.

Thor pushed the door open and entered the room, the warriors right behind him.

Loki had said he would get washed and changed, and otherwise prepare for the meeting, and although Thor had been hesitant to agree, he was glad to notice that Loki had kept his word. Thor's brother was neatly dressed in a green and black tunic (simple by Loki's standards), and his hair was pulled back in its usual style.

It was a unnerving how little Loki had changed on the outside, considering the turmoil he was going through within. It got Thor wondering about all the other times Loki had appeared perfectly composed and unfazed, but had still acted aggressively, seemingly for no reason.

Loki's mask is unmatched.

Thor focused on the situation at hand, and broke the silence: "Hello brother. Sif, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg have come to see you."

Loki humphed, but also smiled a bit. "Yes, I can see that. Welcome. Do take a seat."

Loki was sitting in his chair; the same one their mother had carried closer to the bed. Thor sat back down to the same chair he'd been sitting on most of the day. The others hesitated at first, perhaps because there wasn't enough chairs for everyone, but in the end Volstagg and Hogun took the third and the fourth chair that Thor had brought in from the entrance hall, and Fandral and Sif sat on Loki's large bed.

"So, how are you doing?" Fandral asked, obviously uncomfortable with the silence.

Thor looked at his brother to see if Loki was nervous, but the young man looked calm and perhaps a bit amused.

"Well, I am not terrible, all things considered. The healers did a marvelous job fixing me up."

"That's good to hear," Fandral said, and looked around for another conversation topic.

"We've been really worried for you," Volstagg said in earnest.

Loki raised one eyebrow, but he still looked amused. "Have you now?"

"Yes. We've also missed you," Volstagg went on.

Loki studied the redheaded man's face carefully, and then nodded, apparently accepting his words for now.

"Well," Loki said, and smiled a bit. "How have all you been? All recovered?" The last words were directed mostly at Fandral.

"Ah, yes," Fandral answered, and subconsciously reached for his shoulder. "I'm quite well. Not like a little scratch could keep Fandral the Dashing down for long."

Thor realized that he hadn't asked after Fandral or Volstagg's health after his return to Asgard. On the other hand, Fandral was obviously fine, so there was no need to shame him by mentioning his misfortune on Jotunheim. However, come to think of it, Thor should perhaps say something about it to Fandral once they were alone. It was in a way Thor's fault that Fandral had been hurt, so maybe he should apologize.

Thor had already made a general apology to all his friends for having dragged them with him to Jotunheim, since, like Thor's father had pointed out, he had put their lives in mortal danger. The Warriors Four had, however, been good sports about the whole thing, and it was obvious they held no grudge. They had laughed it off, and even thanked him for giving them such epic tales to recount.

Loki smiled brightly at Fandral. "Of course. I assumed you were all right. I mean, you were well enough to travel to Midgard only a few days after the injury. Then again, perhaps Midgard doesn't count as a quest, being such a harmless realm and all. Really, what's the worst that could happen there?"

Thor smiled, and interjected: "Actually, Midgard is much more interesting a realm than we've given it credit for. Nor is it as primitive or harmless as I used to think. Thankfully, most of the people there are kind and helpful."

Loki lifted his eyebrows, smiling. "Truly? Then we should definitely go there the next time we feel like going on a quest. Or a picnic."

"I vote for the latter," Volstagg said good-humoredly. Everybody smiled (except of course Hogun, who was not so easily amused).

"Yes, Midgard is probably more interesting than you've ever considered," Loki stated ot Thor. "What else have I missed? How is Asgard?"

"Still here," Sif said. Her tone was mild and kind, but she did not look Loki in the eye. To Thor, her behavior seemed odd. Sif wasn't shy, nor was she afraid to speak her mind. Perhaps Thor had made his friends more nervous than he'd intended.

Loki nodded, apparently oblivious to any unease in the air. "Good to hear. I do feel a bit out of the loop at the moment, so thank you for keeping me informed on matters."

"I could've told you that much, brother," Thor scolded playfully.

Loki turned to Thor, and smiled at him. "True. Then perhaps you could give me a more detailed account on the comings and goings of the realm. For example, tell me of the war. I mean, the Jotun stand no actual chance of winning, but I cannot imagine the war is going particularly well for Asgard at the moment, with Odin still recovering, Thor powerless, and Heimdall imprisoned."

Thor's mouth hanged open.

Loki looked at him with innocent curiosity. "Brother, what's the matter? Have I made you unwell?"

"Heimdall is not imprisoned," Fandrall said, frowning. "Where on Asgard did you get the impression he was?"

Loki turned his mildly surprised look to Fandrall. "He is not? Well that must be an enormous relief, although I doubt Heimdall himself is feeling particularly grateful. I mean, loosing his position must've been a terrible blow on him. That job was his life."

Most of the people in the room still looked dumbfounded, but Sif appeared to be getting the hang of the conversation. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and stated evenly: "Heimdall has not been removed from his position. He still guards the realm, and keeps a watch on us all, and we are grateful to him."

Now it was Loki's turn to look bewildered, as if the fact that things had already returned to status quo was a great surprise to him. "Really? Imagine that. So, was there any punishment for him? I mean, he did blatantly disobey the King's orders not once but twice in a span of a few days."

Thor gritted his teeth, but held his tongue. He had known that Loki might want to to stir trouble during this visit, but that didn't mean Thor didn't feel a bit betrayed when it happened.

Thor knew that Heimdall's actions had little to do with why Loki was unhappy, and still the younger prince had to take his bad mood out on someone. Why couldn't Loki just this once not be difficult, especially when everyone else was making an effort? Why did Loki have to always pick a fight?

If this was a day like any other, Thor would've already told his brother to shut up, and that his teasing had gone far enough. Heimdall was a loyal citizen and a great warrior, who had devoted his life in service of Asgard. It wasn't okay to speak such slander about the Guardian, not even in jest, and Thor had a feeling that Loki was more serious than not, anyway.

However, earlier today, Thor had promised Loki that he would be allowed to speak his mind, and so Thor stayed quiet. Hopefully, their friends could take a bit of teasing in good humor.

Thor looked to his friends to see what they were thinking. They were all looking either at him or at Loki, expecting one of them to say something next.

When Thor didn't say anything, and Loki merely looked around, waiting for a response, it was Hogun who spoke up: "Heimdall wasn't punished, because he has done nothing worthy of punishment."

Loki nodded, looking thoughtful. Thor really hoped that someone would change the topic, and not let Loki walk over them like this.

"I see," Loki stated. "It does make one wonder: how many treasons must a man commit for there to be actual repercussions?"

Sif's hand twitched, and she spoke up: "You would know, wouldn't you?"

Loki smiled, and this time, the smile appeared genuine, although there was a predatory edge to it. "True. Though, if memory serves, everyone in this room has committed treason one way or another of late, so I guess we could all compare our personal experiences on the matter."

For a moment, Sif looked like she wanted to get up, but then she took a deep breath, and composed herself. "I've never betrayed Asgard."

"Ah. So am I to take that good intention outweighs illegal deed? Then remind me: what good goal were you pursuing when you went against Odin's explicit orders?"

Sif's eyes did not leave Loki's when she stated: "This is not a matter for joking, but if you really want to compare our crimes and the motivations behind them, I am more than willing to go down that road."

Loki frowned. "Would you? Wonderful, because it's just... it was left quite unclear to me how your treason served the best interest of Asgard. Or how it served any purpose at all, really. I mean, I guess Thor gained from your efforts, at least if we assume that Odin was foolish and incompetent enough to have originally banished him without any actual plan for Thor's return, and your treason didn't meddle with said plan. Also, I guess it did provide you an unprecedented opportunity to let all of Asgard know how little you respect Odin. Or was it me you were trying to undermine?"

Sif got up, but so did Fandral, and turned to partially block Sif's way. Sif looked at her friend, and gave him a brief, strained smile to assure Fandral she wasn't going to do anything stupid. However, neither of them sat back down.

Loki lifted a finger. "Oh wait, now I get it. If an honorable warrior goes against the King's orders, everyone naturally assumes that he or she did so because the orders went against his or her conscience, and therefore all the warrior's crimes should be forgiven. Actually, Asgard's laws are more suggestions than rules, except of course when it is Loki who is breaking them, because Loki always does so for evil and selfish reasons. Therefore Loki should always be punished in the harshest possible terms, even when he didn't technically break any laws, but managed to skirt around them, because intentions count, and Loki's are always malicious, even if he claims otherwise. In fact, there is no point in asking Loki for his side of the story, because he will just lie, and..."

"Loki. Behave," Thor warned, interrupting Loki's tirade.

Loki lifted one eyebrow. "I thought you wanted me to be honest. Which is it?"

Volstagg spoke up hastily: "We didn't go get Thor because we were trying to offend anyone. We were just..."

"Worried for Thor?" Loki asked.

"Yes," Volstagg agreed.

"And you didn't mean to hurt anyone in the process," Loki continued in a serious tone.

"Exactly!" Volstagg exclaimed. "We meant no offense to you, or to the King!"

"So... you thought about me, in the difficult position where I had to choose between my love for my brother and upholding my father's last command, and you decided that I would not be hurt if you went against me behind my back."

Volstagg grasped for something to say. "We're sorry. We didn't think..."

"About me? At all? That I can believe. Clearly, you thought that loosing my brother and father in a span of few days meant nothing to me, and having the responsibilities of the realm suddenly fall upon me wasn't stressful in the least. You thought about me, and decided that what I really needed from my friends was a knife in my back, and not, say, some help and support."

Volstagg looked very sad, and opened his mouth, but Sif beat him to the punch. Her tone was calm, but not apologetic.

"When you told us Thor wasn't allowed to come home, you weren't doing so to uphold Odin's command," Sif argued. "You had made up your mind about Thor long before you got the throne, and once you got it, you were following nobody's whims but your own. The Allfather's rules happened to coincide with your plans, and you took advantage of this, but the truth of the matter is that you have always been envious of Thor, and that's why you never intended to let Thor come home!"

In the face of Sif's accusations, Thor was speechless, but Loki was far from it. The younger brother leaned closer in his chair, and hissed: "Thor's banishment was never my design, nor my desire! Odin is the one who chose to banish Thor, for reasons only Odin knows, and it is Odin and no one else who has the power to pardon him. Mother told me explicitly that Thor had a way to come back, but only when he was worthy. It was not my place to question father or mother's judgement. I had no reason to think Odin wouldn't fix his own damn mess when he woke up, that is assuming Thor hadn't gotten his act together by then."

"You could have told us that," Hogun spoke up, his tone cold.

"I was your king! I had no need to justify my decisions to you, or to anyone. You should not have questioned my orders, no matter how much you didn't like them."

"That's enough!" Thor bellowed, although even he wasn't sure which side he was scolding. Probably both.

"You want me to stop, brother? I will, but only after they admit that, although no punishment befell them, they all committed treason against Asgard and its king, and they did so out of petty grudge."

Sif took a step back, and spoke surprisingly calmly: "Even if you were king only for a few days, that doesn't mean you couldn't have caused a lot of damage to this realm in that time. You let the Jotun into Asgard, putting everyone's lives at risk. You started this whole mess. Even worse, after Odin fell into the Odinsleep, you were still conspiring with the Jotun King. How can you sit there and judge us, when you are the one who should be held accountable for your crimes?"

Thor wasn't sure where Sif had learned of Loki's part in letting the Jotun into Asgard. Heimdall had assumed Loki had been the one to do it, and had told to Sif and him as much, but at the time that had not been enough to convince Thor.

Perhaps no one had told Sif, but she had merely assumed that, since no one else had been arrested or punished for that crime, Heimdall must have been right.

"It is true that I broke the laws of Asgard when I let the Jotun into the realm, and in the process I did risk Asgardian live, and since my intentions do not count, that is indeed all one me," Loki spoke softly. "My later visit to Jotunheim, however, was me trying to salvage a bad situation. I went there as the acting king of Asgard to see if anything could be done to clean up Thor's mess and neutralize the threat to Asgard."

Before anyone had time to respond, Loki went on: "Also, I would like to point out that you knew none of this at the time when you committed your own crimes against the realm, so don't try to justify your actions with new reasons and evidence that you've only gained after the fact."

Sif smiled viciously. "We did the right thing when we went against you, since you are guilty of all the things we suspected you of, so don't pretend like you're innocent now, when we all know for a fact that you're not."

Thor felt like he was at his wit's end. This was not how the conversation was supposed to go! Unfortunately words had never been Thor's strongest suit, and he had no idea what to say to steer the conversation away from it's current road to disaster.

Loki got up with feline like grace, and took one step toward Sif and Fandral. "You know that for a fact, do you? How? Has Heimdall been telling you more fairy tales to help you sleep at night? And even if he has, I do not see the relevance. My crimes and mistakes do not undo yours; just because I'm guilty doesn't mean you are not.

"Admit it: you had no good reason to betray Asgard, and undermine her leadership when she was already in a state of crisis, and needed to appear strong and unified before her enemies. And what did you do? You sew seeds of dissent in the court. And why did you do it? Because the only proof you needed of my guilt was your undying prejudice against me."

"You want proof?" Sif spat. "I'll give you proof: innocent men don't run."

Loki opened his mouth, but no words came. For a moment, Loki looked completely lost.

Thor took advantage of the moment of silence, and stepped in. Literally, since he stepped between Loki and Fandral. (Thor didn't remember at which point he had gotten up from his seat.)

"That. Is. Enough! Stop at once!" Thor yelled, and then took a deep breath, and elaborated: "This kind of talk serves no one."

Thor turned to glare at Sif. He couldn't find strong enough words to describe his devastation, anger, and disappointment at his friend for saying such a thing, so he tried to emit all those things with his presence.

Sif's face fell, and she looked like she just realized what she had said. She shut her mouth, and looked down at her boots.

Thor was still far from forgiving, but at least Sif appeared repentant and thoroughly ashamed, and that would have to be enough for now.

Thor turned his attention to Loki, only to meet his brother's burning gaze.

"Loki, this is..." Thor warned him, but didn't get a chance to finish that statement when Loki cut in.

Loki, ignoring Thor altogether, spoke directly at Sif: "By 'run', you mean 'try to kill myself', right? Since my guilt was the only logical reason I had for trying to end my life. The fact that I was alone; that I'd been betrayed by everyone I'd ever known; had been lied to all my life by the people I trusted the most! Those things surely held no weight!"

"We are sorry," Fanral spoke up, his voice a bit desperate.

Volstagg, too, cut in. "We really are. We had no idea what terrible consequences our actions would have, and if we'd known how you felt, we wouldn't have done it!"

Loki laughed. "My feelings have never meant anything to any of you! Your treasonous actions were surprising only because I expected you to have more respect for Odin's dying wish; not because I thought I had earned your loyalty by staying by your side and saving your lives countless times. After knowing you all these years, I knew better than to delude myself into thinking that you would start treating me kindly or fairly, just because I was going through a particularly hard time. You have never cared about how I felt about anything, except when you tried to make me more miserable."

Thor lifted his hands, ready to console Loki, or hold him back. When Thor spoke, his voice came out much quieter than he'd expected. "Brother, just because you're angry, doesn't give you the right..."

"You are not my friends!" Loki shouted, nearly frantic. "I'm not even sure you're friends of Thor, because if you were his friends, and cared about Thor's best interest, you wouldn't still try to protect his ego at every turn! Thor is flawed, just like the rest of us, and if you cared about him, you would want him to change. I may have fucked up royally, but at least I tried to change things before it was too late, and Thor would..."

Loki swallowed, but quickly went on: "The Allfather was blind to Thor's flaws much longer than can be forgiven, but at least he loves Thor, in his own way. In the end, Odin cared enough about Thor to want him to become worthy of the title of king, instead of just an arrogant..."

Thor had heard enough. He moved forward, grabbed Loki, and pushed him to the wall.

Thor couldn't shake sense into his brother, but a part of him felt like trying anyway, and another part was too frustrated to care. Before this conversation began, Thor had hope. Thor had hoped that for once, Loki would not act like Loki; that his brother would try to be honest and constructive, instead of hurtful and accusative.

Loki had made Thor a promise; he had promised to try to make peace with the others. Loki had lied; he never had intentions of making peace. Loki didn't make peace; he only wrought chaos wherever he went.

Sometimes, Thor wished that Loki wasn't like this. He wished Loki wasn't Loki at all. Sometimes he even wished that Loki wasn't his brother.

"Thor." The surprised gasp belonged to Sif. She sounded worried, but Thor didn't turn around to look.

Loki didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything, because Thor's hands were around his throat.

Thor was about to let go, but Loki beat him to the punch; the younger man pushed Thor off of him with such force that Thor flew across the room, and hit the opposite wall. Some of the shelves on the wall broke, and books and other small objects cluttered on top of him.

Thor looked up from the ground, bewildered. At first, he couldn't understand how this turn of events was even possible. Then Thor remembered that, although Loki was somewhat weakened by his injuries, Thor himself was a mortal.

The anger on Loki's face made room for surprise, and Thor guessed that his brother had forgotten that detail as well.

Loki took a step forward, but Hogun moved to intercept him. In fact all the warriors were in motion, trying to get to Loki.

Hogun was the first to reach the younger prince, and tried to grab Loki by the arm, and possible lock his hands behind his back. Loki, however, took a step to the side, and out of Hogun's reach.

By moving to the side Loki had effectively cornered himself between Fandral, Hogun, and the frame of his own bed. A trapped look crossed his face.

"Loki, just take it easy," Fandral said, but right after saying so, the dashing warrior proceeded to charge at Loki.

Fandral, the fastest of the Warriors Three, reached Loki before the trapped man had time to get out of the way.

"Ha!" Fandral exclaimed, but prematurely, as his hand fell right through the unmoving form of Thor's brother.

This trick was so typical of Loki that it really shouldn't have given them any pause, and still, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg all began to look around themselves aimlessly.

Sif, who was the only one in the room still standing in place, was the closest to the door. Realizing this, she now unfroze, and quickly moved to block the only exit to the room.

Thor was still lying on the ground in a heap of books and broken shelves. He wanted to get up and put an end to this nonsense. He wanted to shout, and tell everyone that Loki clearly hadn't meant to attack him, and that everyone needed to behave better.

But Thor's head was still spinning, and he couldn't find a sure enough footing to scramble up. Air had been knocked out of his lungs, and he couldn't get out the words he needed to say.

"Loki." Sif's word was a question and a warning all at once.

Suddenly, as of its own volition, the door to the room flew open. Sif turned on her heels to grab at the air. She managed to get a hold of Loki's tunic, which caused the illusion of invisibility to break.

Loki moved his right hand in a quick horizontal motion, breaking Sif's hold on him. Before Sif had time to get another hold, Loki used a spell to push Sif back. There wasn't much force behind the spell, but it still caused Sif to loose her balance for a few crucial moments.

In that time, Loki turned around, and ran through the open door. The moment he was out, he waved his hand behind him, which caused the door to slam shut in his wake.

Fandral got hold of Sif, and helped her to stay upright. Volstagg came by Sif's side, and pulled at the door handle, but the door wouldn't budge.

Volstagg tried again, this time clearly putting some force into it, but nothing happened. Loki must have locked the door.

Thor managed to finally get on his knees. "Go after him," he ordered, hating how his voice still sounded out of breath, and lacked its usual authority.

Volstagg and Hogun exchanged a glance, and without further encouragement, Volstagg unsheathed his axe, and hit it into the thick, mahogany door with such girth that several splinters fractured immediately. He needed to swing at the door several more times before the wood around the lock was entirely chopped off, and they could open the door.

Sif offered Thor a hand to help him on his feet, but Thor ignored it. He climbed to his feet on his own, and rushed out of the room.

The entrance hall looked untouched, except for the door to the corridor, which hung wide open. There was a small chance that Loki was playing a trick on them, and was still hiding somewhere nearby, but it seemed unlikely that even Loki would be that crafty while he was so upset. Therefore Thor ran out of the second door and into the corridor.

The corridor was empty. There was no one in sight, and not even the sound of retrieving footsteps could be heard.

Loki was gone.

A cold chill went up Thor's spine as it finally hit him how badly he had screwed everything up. He was supposed to help Loki, and gain his trust, not assault him.

Now the image of Loki lying dead in a pool of blood flashed across Thor's mind, and he whispered: "What have I done?"

ooo

Sif knew she had been of no use in stopping Loki. It was actually quite embarrassing that the younger Prince had been able to get past all of them with such ease, even if Loki didn't fight fair.

Now they were all standing in the corridor, but Loki was nowhere in sight.

Next to Sif, Thor whispered: "What have I done?"

Sif unconsciously nodded, agreeing with the sentiment. What have we done?

She would probably never forget the look of hurt and betrayal on Loki's face, when she had used Loki's attempted suicide as evidence of his cowardice. That had been a low blow. Sif should never have said it.

Sif didn't even mean the words. She hadn't realized what she was saying before the words were already out, and could not be taken back.

Sif bit her lip. The look of sorrow in Loki's eyes had been much more effective in silencing her than all Loki's insults combined. Mostly, because it was so surprising to see Loki so... vulnerable. Loki virtually never let his emotions, let alone his vulnerability, show. Not in Sif's presence, anyway.

Her conversation with Loki had been eye-opening in many respects. Sif had always known that Loki was an untrustworthy troublemaker, but now she could no longer bring herself to see him as completely evil, nor the source of all their troubles.

Now that Sif had seen with her own eyes that Loki was a human being, with flaws and sorrows, it was impossible for her to keep blindly believing that Loki had all this time been scheming to usurp the throne of Asgard. Even if that was a part of the picture, there had to be more to it. Lust for power and enjoyment of chaos could not be the only motivations behind Loki's actions; they did not account for everything that had happened.

In her mind, Sif had created an image of Loki as someone without a heart. She had held on to that image up until now, because Sif needed to believe that Loki was only playing a game. Sif needed to believe that someone she had known all her life hadn't tried to take his own life as a direct consequence of something she had put in motion.

Before today, Loki's suicide attempt had not felt real to Sif. She had been there; had seen him bleeding on the ground, but the moment had been too surprising. The situation had been surreal, and in such stark contrast to what Sif had expected that she had been unable to really process what had happened.

The bloody heap on the ground hadn't even looked like Loki; it certainly didn't resemble the proud and menacing Loki who had sat on the throne earlier that day.

At first Sif couldn't, and then she didn't want to believe that it had really happened. Now Sif realized that she had been a fool to bury her head in the sand, and pretend like nothing bad had happened, or that if it had, anyone who got hurt had definitely had it coming.

If I want to keep Asgard and Thor safe, I need to know what is really going on, and the only way I can find out is by keeping an open mind. Instead of believing whatever I want to believe, I need to figure out what actually happened, and why. Lying to myself will help no one.

Right now, what Sif really needed to do was find Loki before the man did something that could not be undone.

They needed to find Loki before it was too late. If Loki tried to... It wouldn't be Sif's fault. Except that it would be.

On the first time, Loki's dramatic decision to try to take his own life had come as a total surprise to all of them. As they couldn't have seen it coming, it wasn't their fault that they didn't prevent it. However, if Loki now tried again, none of them could hide behind the fact that it was unforeseeable. Such whimsey excuses wouldn't help her sleep at night.

"Loki! Where are you? Please come back!" Thor bellowed, startling the warriors.

Although it was unlikely that Loki was still close enough to hear them, or would come back just because Thor asked him to, Sif still stretched her hearing. She looked around, waiting, hoping that Loki would come back, but he didn't.

Sif turned to Thor, and stated seriously: "We have to find him."

Thor nodded, but his expression still looked lost.

"Does anyone have any idea where he might have gone?" Fandral asked.

"We could check all his favorite places around the palace," Volstagg suggested.

"We can cover more ground if we split up," Hogun stated.

Thor nodded again, and finally, his face morphed into one of determination. "Yes. We will find him."

"But..." Fanral hesitated. "You do realize that Loki probably doesn't want to be found."

Thor shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Loki is too... I will not just wait around to see what happens next. I will find him, no matter where he's gone, regardless of whether he wants to see me."

Thor started walking, and all the warriors moved to follow.

"I could check the library, in case..." Sif began, but was cut off by Thor.

"No, Lady Sif. You will not participate in this search."

Sif halted mid step. Thor stopped as well, and turned to look at her.

There wasn't an ounce of sympathy in Thor's eyes as he said: "Lady Sif, your skills and help are usually appreciated, but even if you were to find my brother now, I doubt that would help the situation."

Sif drew in a breath. For a moment, she felt like pointing out that, on this moment, Loki probably didn't want to see Thor, either. Eventually, however, she decided to keep quiet, and merely nodded stiffly.

Thor gave her a final look, nodded, and continued to walk down the corridor.

The other warriors glanced at Sif, but soon hurried after Thor, and they all disappeared around the corner.

Sif sighed. This mess wasn't her fault alone, maybe not even primarily, but to say so now would wound Thor deeply.

She had let enough hurtful remarks out of her mouth for one day already.

And to be fair, Sif was't blameless, either. Thor might have been the one who let the situation escalate to physical violence, but before that moment Sif had been the driving engine behind the argument. This mess was probably her doing more than anyone else's. Hers and Loki's.

For a moment, Sif considered just leaving, and letting the situation be. Then she shook her head. Giving up wasn't in her nature, and she didn't intend to let others fix her mess. She would help set things right, even if it meant going against Thor's orders.

There were other ways to find Loki than just running around the palace looking for him. Ways that almost never occurred to Thor, because they involved asking others for help, and Thor rarely needed help from anyone.

Her mind made up, Sif turned around, and began walking to the opposite direction.

There were two people on Asgard who might know where Loki was. The first one was Heimdall, but Sif was fairly sure that one of the Warriors Three was already on his way to consult the Gatekeeper.

Heimdall could probably locate Loki the fastest, but it was also possible that Loki had used a spell to prevent Heimdall from seeing him. How Loki was able to do that was still a mystery to everyone on the realm, but Heimdall was certain that he could.

The other person was Frigga. The Queen did not possess supernatural sight or hearing, but she was perhaps the only one on Asgard who might know where Loki usually went after he stormed out of a room.

Because the rest of us never ran after him, Sif thought, but then drowned out the guilty voice in her head. She might have to reconsider her opinion of Loki, and by extension, the way she had been treating him all these years, but later. Now was time for action.

Telling the Queen what had happened was far from a pleasant task, but it was the most effective thing Sif could do to help. Frigga would not be happy, but she might know where Loki was, and that was what counted.

It had been less than a day since Sif had been scolded by the Queen for not coming to her with her troubles, and there was no valid reason to repeat that mistake.

Sif found the Queen terrifying, but Sif was also a warrior; she needed to be brave, on the battle field as well as off it.

Frigga really was an obvious choice, and even so, Sif doubted it would occur to Thor to ask his mother for help. For some reason, although Thor knew that Frigga was a skilled shield maiden, he still saw his mother as some kind of damsel, who might become too upset to function if her sons were in danger. Perhaps Thor simply could not imagine his own mother, a kind and loving woman, to be anything but a damsel.

Sif shook her head. That kind of thinking really had to go.

We really are at our blindest when it comes to the people closest to us.

Not that Thor was the only one on Asgard guilty of that quality.

Sif had been blind. She had been blind to Loki's anguish, which, it turned out, was not only real but at least in part her fault. Actually, now that she was really thinking about it, Sif couldn't think of many other relevant explanations for Loki's suicide attempt.

Sif knew Loki. Loki could take a lot, and performed well under pressure. She had seen her handle expertly far worse situations than being left alone on the throne. Which pretty much meant that Volstagg had probably been right in saying that there had to be a connection between what she and the Warriors Three had done and what Loki had ended up doing.

So it was her fault. She hadn't wanted to see Loki as a person with feelings, because then she would have to feel at least a bit guilty whenever she hurt said feelings.

Sif kept on walking and tried to focus on the task at hand, but her thoughts kept wondering back to everything that had been said when she and Loki had been arguing.

Loki's words today had stunned Sif, and made her angry, but not because they were all lies; a part of her could recognize the truth in them.

A dry smile crossed Sif's face as she admitted to herself that truths almost always hurt more than lies, anyways. That might well have something to do with why she disliked Loki so much; the man really had a knack for bringing up inconvenient truths.

As it was, Loki had been right at least about one thing; Sif had been a terrible friend to Thor.

Sif had been blind to Loki's feelings, but she had also allowed herself to grow blind to Thor's flaws.

Thor was a good man. Whenever Thor saw injustice around him, he got involved, and defended those weaker than himself. These were the qualities about Thor that Sif had learned to focus on, in favor of Thor's less admirable qualities, like his short temper and inability to handle disappointment.

Of all of Thor's friends, it was Sif who was supposed to be critical of the Thunderer's actions, and keep him grounded. Sif, and maybe Loki, because they could get away with it; Loki by being discreet, indirect, and yet unarguable reasonable in his critique, and Sif because Thor respected her too much to hurt or silence her.

When Thor grabbed Loki by the throat, Sif had seen herself in that situation, but not in Thor's place. In that moment Sif had known, that if any of them went directly against Thor, they would not be able to escape Thor's wrath unscathed.

Loki and Sif had both failed when they let Thor get away with too much for far too long.

They had let their own rivalry get in the way of helping Thor become more considerate towards others. When Sif and Loki started to compete for Thor's attention and love, they became less and less vocal about Thor's flaws. It had gotten to the point where even Loki could criticize his brother only by disguising the comment as a joke.

Sif had grown to hate Loki for that; for obviously disapproving of Thor's actions, but doing nothing to stop him. If Loki truly cared about his brother, he would either genuinely support Thor in his endeavors, or talk him out of them.

Over the past few years, Sif had become convinced that Loki was passive-aggressively trying to sabotage Thor's every move. She had become convinced that it was because Loki was jealous of Thor, and all of that had somehow justified her always siding with Thor on everything, even win situations where Loki was probably in the right.

Sif thought she had to keep an eye out for Loki in order to protect Thor from his brother's deceit and hate, when she should've been trying to protect Thor from the man's own stubbornness. Somehow, it had all been Loki's fault, and none of it hers or Thor's.

A part of Sif also hated Thor for not seeing right through Loki's lies. Although Sif tried to time and time again make Thor see the truth, the Thunderer was convinced that Loki would never betray him.

It didn't feel right that Thor loved Loki so much, although Loki clearly did not return the feeling. Loki wasn't loyal, and Sif was, but somehow Thor couldn't see that. Not until three days ago, when the Warriors Three and Sif had traveled to Midgard, and once and for all exposed Loki's lies to Thor.

When Thor realized that Loki had lied to him about their father's death, Sif had briefly thought that she had won. She had been brave, and loyal, and she had taken great personal risks, and in the end, it had all paid off; Thor could finally see Loki for what he really was. Sif had won.

Loki's suicide attempt had completely pulled the carpet out from under Sif's feet. Somehow, Loki had still managed to turn the tables on her. All her heroic and brave actions suddenly looked rash and meaningless.

That was perhaps why Sif couldn't believe it had happened. Before today, when she had to actually face Loki, she couldn't believe that Loki had really tried to take his own life. The Loki she believed she knew would never have done such a thing, and therefore it couldn't have happened.

But it had happened, and that changed things.

No small part of Sif still wanted to hold onto her conviction that she had been in the right all along, and that there were no shades of grey involved, but doing so was becoming increasingly difficult as the evidence kept piling up.

It was real; Loki had tried to end his own life. Sif's conviction was faltering, and she was loosing her certainty that this was all Loki's fault.

Were Loki's passive-aggressive actions worse than Sif's silence? She had known that going to Jotunheim was a bad idea from the start, but she had agreed to it anyway, because Thor had asked her to go with him. Sif had hoped that Loki would talk Thor out of it, or at the very least say something to make Thor angry at him and in the process loose focus, but the younger brother had also gone along without great protests.

Which one of them was to blame? Loki may have started the whole mess, but he had also taken precautions by sending word to Odin. The only precaution Sif took was her sword.

Now, Sif found herself wishing that Loki and the Warriors Four had had an honest conversation at least once before today, although she knew that it could've never happened. Even if Loki and Sif had been able to burry the hatchet for long in enough to actually hear each other out, Thor would not have tolerated a conversation such as the one they had today. Thor was many things, but dangerous was definitely one of them.

If Thor doesn't want to hear something, it is wise to shut up about it.

All Thor's friends knew that, and Loki now more than ever.

Sif finally reached the door to Frigga's rooms. The King and Queen had shared rooms, but they also had their own, private quarters, and during this time of the day, Frigga could usually be found in her private study.

Sif thought through what she was going to say, and it occurred to her that there might be another reason why Thor never went to the Queen for help; if Frigga learned of all that had happened, Thor could get into trouble.

Thor was already angry at Sif, and if she went behind his back, and ratted on him to his mother, Thor might never forgive her.

Sif knocked on the door. She might have lost Thor's good opinion of her, but that didn't mean she didn't still care about him; that she wouldn't do whatever she could to help. If Frigga could find Loki before the younger Prince did anything stupid, Thor would be happy, and that was what mattered.

Even if Frigga could not help them, this was the right thing to do, and maybe one day, once his temper had cooled down a bit, Thor would see it that way, and he would forgive Sif.

If not... That didn't matter. This was no longer about winning popularity points.

()()()

A/N

I do apologize for the cliffhanger. I'll try to update soon, though I won't make any promises. It's the end of the academic year, which means exams and papers.

I'd like to mention that just because I gave Sif a huge moment of revelation in this chapter doesn't mean that she is suddenly redeemed (in case you were worried about her getting off too easy).

I'm not sure it is plausible that she would change her mind so fast, but for the sake of the plot moving on, in this fic, all characters are more introspective than they appeared to be in the movie. My excuse is that Loki's suicide attempt has made everyone reconsider their motivations, lives and values, and that is why they are suddenly growing as persons.

Also: Some of you will probably hate me for making Thor the bad guy in this chapter, but I have my reasons for this: at the beginning of Thor movie, Thor comes across as a violent, self-centered prat, and I find it implausible that he could permanently change his entire personality over night.

So far in this story, Thor has been extremely nice and patient, but not because he has changed tremendously during his brief stay on Midgard, but because Loki's suicide attempt has made Thor unusually considerate towards others.

However, Thor is also under a lot of stress (getting banished, nearly loosing Loki, not being considered worthy), and has had no way to vent out his frustration (by beating up the Destroyer, getting to be the hero and save the day). In the movie, Thor doesn't change all that much; he is deemed worthy because he is brave and self-sacrificing, although he already was those things. At the end, Thor is suddenly humbler, presumably because so many people got hurt because of something he started, and he is now capable of seeing that.

I don't think Thor's change of heart was permanent, and it would be very easy for him to fall back to old habits, especially if everything else in his life goes back to business as usual. When people hang out with their old friends, they tend to revert back to the person they used to be. Familiar faces, familiar situations, familiar patterns.

There is evidence to support my theory in the later movies as well. In the Avengers, although Thor is "one of the good guys", he still treats Loki like a possession. Granted, In The Avengers and Thor: The Dark World, Loki deserves to be punished for his crimes, but that doesn't excuse the casual way in which Thor exhibits violence toward his brother, even when they are not fighting each other.

Whenever Loki says something Thor doesn't want hear, Thor grabs Loki by the throat. This happens about twice per movie. I assume that old habits die hard.

Grabbing somebody by the throat is a nice gesture, telling us that Thor is still not open to criticism, and certainly doesn't want to hear Loki's side of the story.

In this story, I assume Loki was bullied as a kid and as an adult, and it would not have been possible in such an extent if Thor was dead set against it. If Thor was as good and caring a brother as he likes to think himself to be, the children of Asgard could exclude Loki, but not extensively bully him. Through the dismissive way in which Thor treats his little brother, the Thunderer has been giving everyone a silent go-ahead to mock and bully Loki.

Loki and Thor love each other dearly, but sometimes they also hate each other, and I don't think it's just Loki who sometimes wants to hurt Thor.