AN: I really need another laptop as I do most of my writing in bed or by hand because of my health. I write a lot by hand because it's more portable with my babysitting my 4yr old godson. I have had this chapter written 3 times now and lost it the first two because my laptop A: overheated or B: Decided to restart. Hopefully I can finish this one up so I can work on another fic other than Sanity and this one.

I try to contain my excitement as my mother talks with Brittany's. It was a process my parents went through before letting me or my brother stay over at anyone's house. I quietly pick up the other line. "Oh my Britt-Britt, is gushing about her your daughter. I was just happy she made a friend so quick. Is there anything I should know to keep this sleep-over amazing for the girls. Is she allergic to anything or have any night-time habits I should know about. Brittany has to sleep with a nightlight and her stuffie but other than that she's pretty normal." I smile. I wasn't surprised that Brittany slept with her stuffed animals and a night light. I found it adorable even-though, I slept with a stuffed bunny since before I could remember. There was nothing wrong with that, but I still didn't want anyone else to know.

"Sanny, sleeps with a stuffie too and she won't mind the night-light. She is very allergic to bees though so I will be sending her emergency pen just in case. She also is allergic to shrimp but it's not life threating." I cringe at the memory of the time I was stung by a bee on the playground in 3rd grade.

"Stop being a sissy, Puckerman" I say as he was nursing the arm I slugged with the ball. We were playing four square at recess and I hit him a little too hard. I had apalogized but he was acting like a broke it. We finally got the game started again and I felt a slight sting a little above my elbow. I feel my throat began to tighten. I had to fight to get a breath. My vision began to blur. I barely notice I had fallen to the ground, or that the prettiest girl in the class, Quinn, ran to get a teacher. I don't hear Puck's worried concern, or Finn paniclly yelling my name. I just saw blurs before I blacked out.I woke up in the hospital with my mother and brother next to me. I had a tube under my nose and a hospital gown on. I still felt dizzy. From that day on I was terrified of bees and other flying stinging bugs. I now carried the emergency pen everywhere just in case one of them yellow and black monsters attack me again.

It scared me how excited I was to stay over with her. What was wrong with me? I was fantasized about another girl, not as bad as Puck but hell. Hell is where I'm heading if I keep this up. I carefully put the phone down, and go back to my room. I look at my crucifix and wonder. Did Jesus really hate those who liked the same gender? Would he say it was a sin still for me to love another girl the way Mama loves Daddy? It scared me. I'm not quite there yet, I like Brittany, in a more than a friend kind of way. That I was sure of but was it a sin to have these feelings or act on them. I prayed really hard for clarity on the matter hoping that he'd be alright with my feelings for the other girl. When no clear answer came, I put the worries aside and started to try to decide on my pajamas I would take.

I wanted something cool. Being mid January, most likely I would pick pants instead of shorts. I start to look through my comfy pairs. One was pink plaid with darker pink trim, it would be easy to match a t-shirt with. Another had polar bears all over with Christmas phases all over them; I liked them they were cute and comfy and I were them all the time even in April and September. I didn't want her to think I was a dweeb wearing Christmas pants after Christmas. I pick another pair I liked. This pair was a very soft cotton; they were light green with peace signs in pink, blue, white and darker green flowers and other hippie like things. I finally decided on the peace signs. Now I had to pick a cute top. The top that came with it was long sleeved and rode a little high on my neck so I got rid of it at the beginning of the school year. After some debate, I picked out a solid. white t-shirt with a large pink flower on the bottom right. It did fit just a little snug, but that was the point. I wanted her to notice me. I feel myself blush at the thought of my stomach hanging out just a bit. Then I wondered what hers looked like and felt my face get hotter. Maybe I was reading too much into that drawing of hers.

I pull out the note book again. I start to read the sad attempts for notes. I study her handwriting like some kind of creeper. Despite being mostly nonsense of confused vocabulary words, and teachers names that must of been from her old school. I found the handwriting to be pretty. It had almost no angle and her letters were cute and cubby. She dotted her 'i's with a opened circle and brought her drop letters (J,Y,G) under most of the word. In the margins were more interesting. Something about Lord Tubbington's diet plan. It wasn't until a few pages later that I saw a picture of a chubby kitten labeled Lord Tubbington. Underneath the fat feline was a list of crimes a cat really couldn't do.

-Read my diary
-Smokes
-Ate my Halloween candy (Okay that one I can believe)
-Trolled the internet

I laughed at her imagination and fell even further into my obsession with her. It even creeped me out. I started to think back on other signs that I discounted before, because I didn't think it was an option. A girl liking a girl seemed like a such a crazy idea before. It's not that I didn't think other girls were pretty before but I didn't think it could be in this way. I struggled with my thoughts the rest of the night, wondering if it was normal. It scared me, the way Brittany made me feel inside. However, it was a feeling I didn't want to abandon. I've been faking my confusion at why other Quinn and the other girls in my class fantasized over famous pop stars they didn't have a chance with, or thought that Puck and Finn were suddenly more than stupid boys. Maybe there was something wrong with me. I still wanted to be her friend but I couldn't have these feelings. They weren't right.
xxxxx

AN: Alright I'm not too happy with this chapter and I'm sick as a dog when I proofed it, so here it is.