Author's Notes: Thanks again to everyone who has supported this little nugget. I've become attached to her so it's nice that others have as well. And just a reminder she's never a specific age. In this one she's older than the first, in the third she'll be younger than the first two. It's more whatever mood strikes! Enjoy and I'd love to know what you think!
Also thank you so much to sometimesitseasiertolie for the gorgeous cover art!
Chapter 2: There Are Places I Remember
The dry earth crunches beneath their feet; broken branches and remnants of snow, dead flowers that have wilted and fallen off of graves. She weaves through a familiar path, stones she's come to memorize over the years.
Miranda King, born 1909, Died 2009.Passed away one day before her hundredth birthday.Loving wife and mother. Joseph Keene. Born 1951. Died 1998.One year before her own mother.
Ava is beside her, quiet and pensive, and it's the first year she really gets it. She's been coming with Kate for years now, a somber little girl who knew of heaven what she wanted to believe. White clouds and a million flavors of ice cream, happiness and horses, a writer's version that she'd made up with Castle while Kate listened in with a wistful smile. Ava's still too young to know the details of how, of deserted alleyways and prominent men with too much power, but she had crawled into their bed that morning, her voice nothing but a whisper as she curled around Kate. Happy Birthday, Grandma.
They stop in front of Johanna's grave and Ava places a bouquet irises on the top. The tints of blue and purple shine brighter in the mid morning sun, and it's warm today, warmer than it's been, the snow soon to be a memory. Her daughter takes her hand and she's grateful for this, so much more grateful than she ever could have believed.
"What's that mean?" Ava asks, and while on most occasions she's loud and vibrant and so much her father's daughter, she also has the softness and sense of compassion Kate fell in love with ages ago. "Vincit Omnia Veritas." She falters on the pronunciation, a roll of her tongue she hasn't quite gotten down.
"Truth conquers all. Your grandmother was a believer in the truth. It was one of her favorite sayings." Ava nods, but she knows that look. Her daughter loves to learn, but she doesn't like not understanding. She's this strange mix of both Castle and herself, needing to be right, not wanting to give in to defeat, but wanting to be better, more aware. "You know you can ask me anything, Ave. What do you want to know?"
Ava shivers, burrowing in closer to Kate. Her long hair is down, billowing around her face, and she pushes it out of the way before lifting her eyes. She looks exactly like Kate did as a child, long lashes and lithe frame, and Kate feels the longing deep within her. It never goes away even though it lies dormant most of the time and she bites her lip because her mother would have loved this girl, would have done anything for her.
"How do you believe in the truth? I mean, you believe in people. But the truth is the truth. Like it's just, you know, there."
She doesn't know how to explain that it's so much more complex than that, that there are layers to honesty, that people lie to save themselves all the time. She brushes her hand through Ava's hair, nodding. "She believed that there was good in everyone. Even if someone had done something bad, she thought she could find out the reason why. She thought that everything had a reason to it."
"But like you're a cop and you arrest bad people. So do you think there's good in everyone? Even the ones who hurt people and you put them in jail?"
No. If I did, we wouldn't be standing here. If I did, you might not be there.
"I think the world is a really big place and it's not up to us to understand all of it."
Her daughter accepts his as an answer, nodding her head in silence. It rests between them, this moment of mourning. The sun is starting to lower, the winds becoming fiercer and she wishes Castle was here with them instead of stuck in meetings. He'd know what to say in this moment, know how to make the mood lighter without making a joke of it, would calm them both like only he knows how.
It's not only her mother, but the memories of cemeteries; shots fired and love declared, bullet scars that have faded but never disappeared. She touches her chest where her mother's ring is under her collar, fingers brushing over the wound, and then Ava is looking at her, squeezing her hand harder.
"I don't want you to die when I'm young."
Oh God. She wasn't expecting that, the raw quiet emotion in her daughter's voice, the response at all. Kate wraps her in her arms, kissing her head, and she's not going to breakdown, she's not. She can do it later with Castle if she still needs to, but she won't let her daughter believe -
even if it's possible, even if anything is possible, she won't let her daughter think about this, not now.
She pulls back and kneels in front of her daughter, jeans dirty with the ground, and tames the girl's hair with her hands so she's staring at Ava. "You are stuck me, Ava. You're stuck with me and Dad and Gram and Grandpa and Alexis and Scott. Baby, I'm not going anywhere."
It's a promise she can't make, shouldn't make, but she does for the sake of her child, for the smile that blossoms on Ava's lips in return.
"Do you think Grandma would have liked Dad?"
"Is there anyone who doesn't like your dad?"
"He's pretty cool. I mean, he's kinda the worst driver in the entire world and he sings really off key sometimes when we're playing music, but he is fun."
"He's the worst driver in the world?"
"Oh my God, Mom, he hits the brakes all the time. You weren't with us when we drove to the Hamptons at Christmas for that book party thing but he totally like made me wanna throw up. He wouldn't win any awards for driving."
Kate laughs and Ava does have that magic her father does where she can make even the saddest times somehow bearable. "I think your grandmother would have loved your dad. She used to read his books."
"Really? But she didn't know him?"
"No. I didn't meet your dad until years later. But grandma read his books before I did. She thought he was talented and really good at what he did. She's the one who told me to read his stuff."
"That's so cool. I bet she would have thought it was awesome you married him."
"You're right, I bet she would think that."
She can feel another shiver slice down Ava's spine and they should go. Castle will be home soon with the promise of ordering in dinner; glasses of wine and a warm fire, movie night in his office. She lets go of her daughter and takes a step closer, wiping the remains of snow off the stone. Her fingers brush over her maiden name, the one her husband still calls her on more occasions than not, and she takes in the cold air, letting it bruise her lungs in remembrance.
She misses her mother, but she can't regret the roads she's taken to get here: to her daughter, to Castle, to a life she never could have imagined, even before her mother had died. She presses her hand to the name one last time before reaching for Ava's hand.
"Ready?"
"Yeah, it's cold." Ava kisses her hand before pressing it onto Johanna's name. "I love you, Grandma." They begin to walk away, hands swinging. "Do you think they have birthday parties in heaven?"
"What do you think?"
"I bet they do. Grandpa always tells me that Grandma loved ice cream cake even though her birthday was in winter. So I bet that there are all these balloons and she gets ice cream cake and it's warm up there cause there are no seasons, it's just like really nice weather-"
"But what if you love snow?"
"Oh." Ava thinks about it for a second, opening the car door. "Like maybe there sections? If you love the cold you have the cold area and if you love the warm you go over there. So I bet that Grandma is really loving her ice cream cake and even if she did love the cold, in heaven it doesn't really matter because everything is sort of all perfect you know?"
She wishes. She hopes.
"What else is Grandma doing today?"
Her daughter weaves up another story off the top of her head, excitement and fantasies that somehow make it seem magical and okay. She turns on the car, letting the heat filter in. Her phone beeps and she grabs it, an incoming text from Castle.
You okay?
She types back quickly, still listening to Ava's every word. I've never been so happy to have a mini you. You both help make it okay. See you soon. Love you.