Chapter 4: Hero Worship
"There are these bones and they live in the - the place where Aunt Lanie works, what's that called again, Daddy?"
Castle places a strand of hair behind Ava's ear and she grunts, pushing his hand out of the way. She's curled up on top of him on one of the leather chairs in his office, her tiny feet dipping into the side of the cushion.
"The morgue."
"Right, the morgue. The bones lives there and at night when Aunt Lanie isn't there, when she's not working in the morgue room, the bones come alive! There are so many, and from all over the body like the feet and the arms and over here." She lifts up her shirt, pointing to her ribs, fingers tracing the indentations on the side of her stomach. "Those are the - they're ribs, right?"
He nods, tickling her until she giggles and squirms, kicking her legs out. She nearly gets him in the face but he's quick, blocking the move, and he knows Kate would say it's his own fault if he did get hurt; something about knowing how extremely ticklish their daughter is and that she thrashes like a fish on dry land and other things that he doesn't always listen to because he loves the sound of Ava's laughter more.
"Let me finish! So the bones, they go together at night when no one is there. They make new people! Then they sneaked out of the morgue and they hunt the streets of New York! They stomp real loud-"
"Wouldn't that get everyone's attention?"
"Daddy, you're ruining my story with truth things, this is make believe."
It's ridiculous how much she sounds like him, how the world inside her head is so much more vibrant than the one she's living in. "Sorry, baby. Go ahead."
Ava shifts in his lap, his chin hitting the top of her head. She lifts her legs over the arm, kicking them back and forth, and she's all energy and excitement, near jittery with it. "K, so they are stomping real loud and doing bad things cause they have all these bones but from different people and they don't know who they are. Then Mommy comes and she's a superhero like Wonder Woman and Elektra and she says 'Freeze, you're under arrest for walking real loud and for doing bad things!' and then she arrests them but when she puts them in jail all the bones fall down and it's just bones and not people! Then Mommy has to clean up bones and she doesn't like that."
Castle laughs. "Does Mommy have a superpower aside from arresting people? Does she wear a cape?"
"A purple one! And duh of course she has a superpower. She kicks them with her heels and they turn to dust and disappear! But sometimes she likes to use her cuffs instead."
Castle nearly chokes, his eyes gravitating towards the red marks covered by the sleeves of his sweatshirt. His daughter is right; Kate does sometimes like to use her cuffs instead. He clears his throat, suddenly grateful that Ava's about to go out with her grandfather so he can have his wife to himself. "What happens next in the story?"
"It continues! The next night the bones come back to life and turn into new people and like, oh, so it's one man's arm and another man's leg and a lady's rib and um, I don't know about the hair cause I don't know what the face looks like, but can it be an animal head, Daddy? Like, oh, oh, you know how Alexis and Scott got a puppy? It can be the dog head but with people body parts. And when Mommy comes along the dog barks, but it can also talk cause it has a person mouth. Mommy is smarter than them and she figures it out and she calls you up and you fight together and um, the bones don't - they don't - the dog person stays like it is cause you and Mommy together defeat them!" She turns over in his arms so she's between him and the cushion, hazel eyes burning with golden light. "Can I write books when I'm older?"
He's so in love with his daughter, all three feet, nine inches of her; creative brain and loving heart.
He hugs her against him, lips grazing the crown of her head. He has flashes of her in five years, ten, twenty. The exact replica of her mother, the fierce devotion to everything that she loves. Alexis grew up in ways he never could have imagined and he sees that in Ava, knows no matter what he envisions she'll be so much more than that, more than even his writer's mind can dream of.
"You can be anything you want to be, AJ. You can save the world like Mommy does or you can write like I do or you can be like Grandpa and Grandma Johanna and become a lawyer and use your words in a different way. Did you know Mom wanted to be a lawyer?"
"No, but I think I just wanna do books. Mommy works too much and you get to stay home and staying home seems like so much fun cause then I can play video games and watch TV and no one has to tell me what to do. Does anyone tell you what to do?"
Well...
"Do you remember Gina?"
"She has nice shoes. Sometimes her shoes are nicer than Mommy's." Ava lifts her head, glancing out the door. "But don't tell Mommy I told you that cause it'll hurt her feelings and I don't wanna do that. Gina tells you what to do?"
If only his daughter knew. "If I haven't given her my book when it's due she gets mad and doesn't leave me alone until I finish it."
Ava shrugs, losing interest. She plops her head back down, feet up in the air. She hasn't taken classes in quite a few months but she still arches her feet like a dancer, pointed and rounded and some other things that he paid attention to at the time and now can't recall. "Patty said I can write with him one day and I really wanna cause Patty is my favorite."
"You don't wanna write books with me?"
"No, just Patty."
It hits him quickly, a punch in the gut given to him by his youngest daughter. It's not that he thinks about it a lot; just once in a while when they're on the couch or in Ava's rocking chair, creating stories from scratch, righting all the wrongs. He's often envisioned them at the same table in an unnamed bookstore, pens poised in their hands as fans come up to them. Alexis is smart, driven, but writing was never what she wanted. She's into science and women's rights, things to be proud of but not what he's spent his life doing. The first time AJ concocted a story out of nothing, he felt that clench in his heart, hope and excitement and so much pride.
He wasn't expecting this to be a part of it.
Through the haze of thoughts, he can hear Ava telling him more about the story and he should listen, this shouldn't hurt so damn much because she's young, but he's a bit sensitive when it comes to his kids and -
"Hey, Ave. Grandpa is five minutes away. Go put your shoes on."
Castle snaps back to reality the moment his daughter jumps off of him and he blinks. Kate's standing in the doorway to his office, her hip against the frame.
"You okay?"
No. He's not.
"Ava doesn't want to write books with me when she's older." God, it sounds pathetic the moment it's out of his mouth, childlike and immature, but he can't stop, not when it's a vice around his heart. "She wants to write with Patty. I mean, the man has taken my number one spot on the bestseller list more times than I can count but to steal my daughter." He crosses his arms, lips turned down in a frown and Kate will never take this shit from him but stupid stupid Patterson with his four million books and his houses in every state and the love and devotion of his daughter.
"Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?" Kate asks, walking over to him. She turns the other chair so it's facing him and sits down. He lifts his eyes to her and she's staring at him, eyebrow raised. Her hair is pulled up, she's wearing little makeup, but she's beautiful and this should be enough.
He shakes his head. "No."
Kate rolls her eyes, but she rests a hand on his thigh. "Castle, she's almost six. Last month she wanted to be a doctor until she cut open her knee and thought blood was disgusting. Before that she wanted to be a ballerina. Today she wants to be a writer and she wants to do it with someone who has not only sold millions but has also taught you a thing or two. You should be happy that she loves James. That he can teach her new words and help her be creative. You should be happy that she loves what you love."
"Still."
He can tell she's getting annoyed by the way her hand tightens over his leg, the almost unnoticeable clench of her teeth. She's dealt with his petulant behavior before and he knows he's pushing it but he wants one minute more of this, one minute more to wish he could be everything to his kid.
"You're acting more like a child than our daughter at the moment. What is this really about?"
And that's what he was waiting for; the question that really matters, the one she asked because she knows him so well.
Castle glances at his desk. There's a framed photo of Ava and Alexis on the night of his oldest daughter's engagement, both his girls unaware that the photo was being taken. Alexis' hands frame her sister's face and they're laughing, some inside joke shared between sisters and as much as he loves the photo it reminds him how old they're getting, that time never stands still, that it's all constant and in motion and never ending. He turns back to Kate and her eyes are widened - not in surprise but because she's waiting, wanting to know.
"She's growing up too fast. When Alexis graduated from college, she moved to London to start her own life. Soon enough, AJ is going to decide to go across the country to school or move to Europe to be with her sister or write books withPatterson and she's not going to need me."
Kate lets out a breath on an exhale, pushing closer to him. Her feet bracket the outside of his legs and she touches his face gently. He leans into her touch, takes in the comfort she's offering. "Castle. Alexis moved to London because you taught her that she can do whatever she wanted in this world. She's not afraid to live because you showed her how to. You know what I see at Ava when I look at her?"
He can't help the smile that crosses his lips. "A pint sized version of you?"
Kate narrows her eyes, but he can see the upturn of her lips, the laughter in her eyes. "I see drive and determination and so much imagination that I'm in awe. I see a little girl that is so loved by everyone in her life that if she ever needed anything there's at least thirty people she can call who would be there in a second. She doesn't know the difference between your writing or James' writing, Castle. She's not choosing his talent over yours. She just knows that you're her father and you're always going to be there and James is someone she has fun with on poker nights or parties. If Ava does decide to write with someone someday then maybe it'll be with you, maybe it'll be with James, maybe it'll be with another person entirely. But she's always going to love and respect you more than anyone else in her life."
He bites his tongue because if he says one more self-deprecating comment Kate is going to kill him. But he's him and it comes out, laced with more humor than he would have thought and that's good because maybe his wife will take it as a joke instead of slapping him upside the head. "Until her husband comes along."
"You mean if you actually let a man within three feet of her? I'm surprised you're not locking her in a bell tower after this."
"Do you think I can get a chastity belt made for when she's a little older?"
"If you do I will tell her to run." She leans forward, presses her mouth to his. He tastes the chocolate on her lips from the brownies he had made with his daughter last night and he wraps his hand around the back of her head pulling her closer. He rests his forehead on hers, his heart easing. "Your daughter worships you, Castle. Both of them."
"I'm the cool dad."
She laughs. "Whatever you say."
The whirlwind that is their daughter rushes back into the room, one arm out of her sweater. She's wearing only one sparkly Ugg, the other in her hand and as she wiggles into the other sleeve, she drops the shoe jumping onto Castle. "Daddy, can we finish our story when I get back from the movies with Grandpa?"
"Sure, honey."
She wraps her arms around him, smacking a kiss to his cheek. "You're the bestest. I love making up stories with you."
There's a knock on the door and Kate stands, brushing her hand over Ava's hair. She's looking at him with those eyes, the ones that state very clearly I told you so and then she's out of the room, opening the door to her father. He can hear their muffled voices as he grabs the shoe, holding it out to Ava. She finishes getting dressed quickly and stands up on his thighs, the bottoms of her shoes on his jeans. She bends down kissing his head like he's done to her so many times before. "Love you, Daddy."
Yeah. He's good. More than.
"Love you too, AJ."