Chapter 40
I don't own Criminal minds. Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I didn't have time to finish this chapter yesterday and also I couldn't think of what to write for this chapter. Sorry if what I write in this chapter isn't 100% accurate to what happens in real life (you will understand it if you read till the end of the chapter).
I was alone in the dining room (my little place of solace) sipping my coffee for what seemed like forever before anyone disturbed my thoughts. The door opened slowly but I could hear it opening. It made a creaking sound. I turned around to see Garcia in the doorway. "Oh, I am sorry if I disturbed you Reid. I just came down here to get some tea. When I woke up without you… Don't worry about it. It's only 7:45; Breakfast isn't made until 8:30. So, why are you down here?"
"Garcia, don't worry. If I tell you it might scare you a little…" I said sadly. If I told her about the dream and the voice, she might think I was crazy. Just like my mum.
She replied "If you don't tell me I am going to be very scared. So, just tell me straight. Why are you down here so early?" I didn't want to tell her the truth but I didn't want to lie to her so I sighed and said "I had a bad headache. Probably from all that wine we drank last night…"
Garcia interrupted "You didn't have any wine last night. You didn't have any alcohol last night, from what I can tell. Me and Rossi left you in my room last night because you didn't want to go to a local bar last night. We left you at about ten o'clock because you wanted to stay here. We didn't come back until about 1:30 in the morning. You were fast asleep when we got back. Rossi gave me a bottle of expensive wine but I didn't drink it. Instead I hid it in my go bag with my tech in it. When I came in the room I saw no bottles on the floor or even a glass. You were not drinking wine in my room last night and we were definitely not drinking together last night."
"But I could swear we were." I said. I couldn't believe it. First the dream, then the voice and now the delusions. This really couldn't be happening!
"Garcia please tell me you are joking." I said anxiously.
"I am not joking Reid. Why?" I looked down and couldn't believe what was happening. Well I could believe it. I had been expecting it to happen but was not expecting it to happen yet. I was scared and didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell anyone this was happening, especially now. I had less than 3 days before I would be in Italy. I couldn't make Garcia worried. I couldn't tell her. It might hurt the last bit of Morgan she had left. I knew what was happening but I didn't know how to deal with it. I was turning into a schizophrenic, just like my mum.
"Tell me Reid. Why do you wish I was joking? You are making me really scared now, just tell me. Please! I beg you please!" Garcia cried. I didn't answer, I just cried. It was a long ten minutes before I could even put what was happening into words and stop crying. "Reid, just tell me. I can get it sorted out if you just tell me what is wrong?" Garcia pleaded with me.
"I can't. It will just worry you. I can't tell you because I can't believe it. I can't put it into words." I sobbed. She shook her head, came over, pulled one of the chairs from next to me and sat on it. She faced me and put her arms around me. She looked at me and whispered "Don't worry Reid. Your mum's funeral will be over by the end of the day and by Friday we will be in Italy. This will all be sorted soon. I promise! This doesn't worry me. But I understand this will hurt emotionally. I had to go through worse when both my parents died. You shouldn't be so silly, this is completely normal to go through pain and worry that others around you will be worried about you. We are human beings, we understand when someone is sad or worried. We will have left this country by Friday! Trust me!" Her words and hug made the situation slightly better but I still felt so scared and angry.
How could my brain do this to me now? Why would it do it now? I was angry at my brain. Angry at myself. Angry at my dead mother. Angry at everything that could cause me to have schizophrenia. But I was so scared about this. This would definitely eat me up from the inside. No question. But I had to deal with it on my own. If I didn't, I could end up like my mum or worse. I didn't want that sort of life. I didn't want to end up in a state run mental facility. I managed to pay for my mum's care in a private mental facility but if I was schizophrenic, I couldn't pay for my own care for too long. No-one would fund a crazy person to stay in a posh, nice place. I would end up like so many people with a mental illness. Sedated for eternity, be a prisoner and alone. No- one wants to know a crazy person especially one who had a high IQ but heard imaginary voices and saw things that weren't there. I might as well be locked up in jail. Schizophrenia was going to make me end up in a jail like place anyway. A few thugs beating me up wouldn't change a thing.