(A/N: I finally finished this chapter. It took me FOREVER to come up with something to write for this and when I did, I had no access to a computer. Sucks for me...Ah well.)
Disclaimer: The only things I own here are Zim's OCD (mainly the syllable counting which is a pain to write), Dib's emo-ness and poetry as well as his Irken form (though I am not the first one to come up with this idea), Zim and Dib's PAK ID#s, the name Tri Lan Sette, other Zim, the phonetic Irken, and the plot. The rest I stole from Viacom (with the exception of a few words) and I'm not giving it back! They don't deserve Zim! (I kid...about the stealing part).
Chapter Four: A Taste of What You Paid for
[[F'tits'arulliieerryaz meyaz toritsam'etsu h'arusetsu calthokem'etsu/]](1)
Dib woke to a difficulty breathing and the dull, throbbing pain in his arm. Well, that and his alarm blaring, telling him to get up NOW. He sighed and rolled out of bed, collapsing to his knees. "What the—! Ow well that's just great. Fan-flipping-tastic! Anything else you want to throw at me God, huh? Maybe acne, or bad hair, or shaving? Y'wanna make me have to shave for the first time in eighteen years? Do you?" Dib shakily got to his feet and growled something unintelligible under his breath at the deity whom he was cursing. Walking to the bathroom—which was empty seeing as Gaz doesn't get up until five thirty—Dib dropped his boxers and relieved himself. Once finished, he turned to the mirror and ran his hand through his hair, blearily glaring at his reflection. When his hands didn't touch the thick, black mop he was used to, he woke up and finally registered what he was seeing in the mirror. Then he screamed.
In the mirror was an Irken, a Taller Irken, with amber eyes and avocado skin, who's antennae curved back in proud "7" shapes. The Irken in the mirror screamed as well and leapt backwards when he did. It finally registered that that this Irken was HIM. Then something else hit him: the lack of air and his rapidly slowing heartbeat.
Irkens need their PAK to live, to breathe, to keep their heart beating! I don't have a PAK! I'm gonna-wait! Dib suddenly remembered the PAK Zim gave him and he staggered, dragging his weak limbs towards his bedroom. He reached it and found his backpack, opening it and removing the Irken technology from within. Remembering where it sat on Zim, Dib place the PAK in the center of his back and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain he knew would come. The was a sharp, shooting pain in Dib's back and he screamed in pain as the PAK attached itself to him, rebooting his system.
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION STARTING! PERSONALITY DOWNLOAD AT 25%...30%...37%...IRKEN CEASED FUNCTIONING! RESET HEART TO BEAT AT COMA STATE! BREATHING SET AT 10% TO CONSERVE ENERGY! HEALING ALL SUPERFICIAL AND INTERNAL INJURIES!
The pain. Dib couldn't think through the pain, even if he could think at all. He could vaguely remember screaming, loud and at a pitch that humans couldn't hear, let alone produce with their measly vocal cords. He was thrashing and scrambling along the floor with limbs that wouldn't listen to simple commands. They flailed as though electricity flowed through them, thousands of volts of it. He had never felt this much pain in his life and, where the cutting pain was release, this was a build up of pain he couldn't handle. He was almost to the point of ripping apart, molecule by molecule.
PERSONALITY DOWNLOAD AT 78%...93%...100% COMPLETE! REINITIALIZE HEARTBEAT TO 120BPM! BREATHING RAISED TO 100%! WOUNDS FINISHED HEALING! OCULAR NERVES REPAIRED! REINITIALIZE LIFE IN IRKEN DIB (PAK ID#26913-20189-12114-19520205 (2)) FUNCTIONS BACK TO 100%! PAK FULLY OPERATIONAL! INITIALIZE REVIVAL SEQUENCE!
Dib shrieked one last time, this time at a decibel just low enough for a human to hear but still high enough to shatter his glasses. Then, miraculously, the pain stopped and Dib finally had control of his body again. He stood up shakily and stared at his claws sadly. "What AM I?"
There was the sound of the door creaking open and Gaz stepped into his room, face scrunched up in anger, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. "Dib, what are you screaming about? You interrupted my sleep so you better pray to God that when I'm done with you that your insides won't be on the outside. I'm gonna-" She paused and stared at Dib, IRKEN Dib, with a strange expression on her face. "Hey," she shouted, "Who're you and where's my brother?"
Unable to say anything, unable to THINK of anything to say, Dib jumped up and staggered to the window with inhuman speed. Then he leapt out of it and hut the ground running. ZIM, he thought, Zim did this to me so he's gonna fix it. To Zim's base he would go.
[[T'halkit'setsu lieraruse'tor nakeitsagosuhalktor okef't pr'etsuarucalthetsuf'tumelier setsuli'eettssuupreth DIB wel'okeumederu h'aruvekr'etsu-]](3)
Dib dashed up to the Irken's base door and kicked it down with a ear-shattering scream. "ZIM!" The enraged teenager dashed in and came face-to-face with GIR.
OHAI U LOOK LIEK MASTA! The deranged SIR waved and grinned wildly, not recognizing Dib as an Irken.
"Go fetch your 'Master' GIR," Dib snarled, "I'd like him to look like a corpse in a few moments..."
K! BRB! GIR dashed off and, not a few minutes later, Zim appeared in front of Dib with a smug smile on his face.
"ZIM!" The teen-turned-Irken howled and lunged for the smirking Invader. Zim sidestepped the raging Dib and grabbed ahold of his head with one hand by the antennae, his claws digging into Dib's head.
As Dib shrieked in pain and flailed his arms as Zim threw him against the wall and snarled, "What is it you want you Irken scum? How dare you invade Zim's base on Earth? Are you here to steal my important mission from the Tallest? Tell Zim NOW!" He held an ungloved hand in front of Dib's face and grimaced as his claws began to drip a vivid green poison.
"Nonononono! Zim! It's me! It's Dib!" Zim pulled his claws away and wiped them on his uniform, a slowly-widening grin spread across his face.
"It actually worked!" Zim giggled with glee as he put his glove back on, "I cannot believe it actually worked! Prisoner 777 was right for once in his miserable life!" He pulled back and laughed and laughed and laughed, holding his squeedlyspooch and shaking with mirth.
"What did you do to me? Reverse it! REVERSE IT!" Dib lunged at Zim again, his claws dripping poison this time.
Zim sidestepped and smirked at Dib as he pinned him to the wall and stroked his antennae, eliciting a suppressed shudder from the once-human. "Do you know," Zim asked calmly, very unlike him, "The human saying, 'If you can't beat them, join them'?"
"You'd force me to join you?" Dib hissed in anger and then shuddered again as Zim's gloved fingers ran across the feathery tips of his antennae.
"You cannot beat me, why not join me?" Zim pulled his hand away from Dib's throat and turned him around, "I see you utilized the PAK that I gave you, do you like it?" He stroked the blue interface and grinned as it began to glow.
INPUT PASSWORD NEEDED TO ACCESS CONTROL SYSTEM!
Zim smiled, "Three."
PASSWORD ACCEPTED! CONTROL SYSTEM MAIN MENUE; ORDERS?
"Lockdown of all extraneous functions not needed to live. Leave hologram projector and universal translator as well as atmospheric regulator. Establish a link between PAK ID#2228008222(4) and host PAK for transfer of data. Oh," Zim smiled again, leering almost, "Allow for Galexweb browsing of subjects non-lethal to host or any other Irken and scramble the password."
ORDERS ACCEPTED. CODE SCRAMBLED. LEAVE ACCESS TO INSTRUCTIONS MANUAL?
"Affirmative. Allow limited access to instructions manual for host. Omit all weapons procedures, voice-control re-configuration procedures, battle training procedures, and lethal procedures of any sort. Highlight and emphasize Irken behavioral patterns, syntax, history, and hierarchy." Zim was on a roll and Dib had no chirfugging(5) clue as to what he was doing.
When Zim finally pulled away, Dib glared at him. "What did you just do? Change it back! Change ME back!"
"It is impossible! Zim has made you Irken and Irken you will stay!" Zim had reverted back to syllable-counting, his moment of clarity gone.
"Then I'll just expose you!" Zim's sneer widened and suddenly it hit Dib like a ton of bricks, "I can't expose you without exposing myself...can I?"
Zim, shuddering at the twos, clapped his hands together, "Congratulations! Give the boy a prize. What has he won now?" Zim swung his hands around in a dramatic fashion, "A whole new life as a loyal servant of the amazing Elite Invader Zim!"
Dib swung his hands out and growled, "What makes you think I'll serve you?"
"I have compete control of your PAK via a remote link. I can shut off anything I want at a moments notice; your hologram, your atmospheric regulator, your brain. Whatever I want to stop working will stop working. So either you work for me, or you never reemerge into human society alive again."
Dib paused and locked eyes with Zim, staring him down. Brown ocular implants stared down red ocular implants in a battle of wills. Then, after a long amount of time—with no blinking, Dib noticed—Dib looked down and sighed, "Okay...I'll work for you. But I won't help you try and take over the Earth! I'll do small things like robot-sit GIR and Minimoose and the Computer or even clean up your base."
"Oh, Zim doesn't need you for menial tasks like that. Zim needs...information. You will scour your brain and the human interwebs for information pertaining on whatever Zim feels like at the time."
Dib bowed up, "No! I'm not gonna give you any information! Any at all!"
"Computer! Seize the Dib!" Zim shrieked.
[YOU DO REALIZE THAT'S BOT THE DIB. IT IS AN IRKEN. DO YOU STILL WISH TO CAPTURE THE INTRUDER?]
"Oh for Setsuhalkitsa's sake, yes, capture the intruder!" Zim's antennae flicked up and down rapidly, a movement that Dib's PAK informed him was similar to rolling ones eyes.
Large tendrils burst from the ceiling and wrapped Dib up, suspending him a foot above the floor. "What? Put me down!"
Zim shuddered, four, a bad number. Two twos. "Not until you defect to Zim's side. Zim can keep the Dib suspended here for a week before the Dib's health begins to wane. Human food and drink would be worthless and Zim would not provide the Dib with any of his amazing Irken delicacies. The Dib would be weak. The Dib would then agree. And then the Dib would go home only to find his paternal-unit never noticed he left and the Defective Gaz-beast only missed her punching bag."
Dib flinched and tensed up, his fingers itching for a blade. There was a soft whirring noise and then the feeling went away, replaced with hard rage. "You seriously think I'd defect to your side? You seriously are so deluded Zim, I don't care if I STARVE and DIE! There's your problem, Zim; I stopped caring if I lived a long time ago. I stopped TRYING to live a long time ago. And this PAK, I don't need it! I'm not Irken! Even if my body needs it, I'm not dependent on this piece of metal. My BRAIN reminds me to breathe, my BRAIN reminds my heart to beat, my BRAIN keeps my thoughts in order, not this hunk of scrap. I don't need it, I don't need life, and I don't need YOU—nor will I EVER provide you with information! So suck on that, DEFECTIVE, OUTCAST, FOOD-SERVICE-DRONE ZIM!"
Zim's face screwed up and suddenly there was nothing left of the egotistical Invader that Dib recognized, all that was left of him was pure PAK-induced rage and animalistic fury. Dib suddenly became very afraid, his adrenaline spiking even as his PAK tried to suppress the fear. This Zim was to be afraid of.
Zim's mouth opened and from it came a deep, growling, mechanical voice, LOGIC-CORE MALFUNCTION! EMOTIONAL FILTER FAILURE! RELOADING BACKUP PERSONALITY WHILE REPAIR AND COOLDOWN TIME! Then the Irken shuddered and looked at Dib with cold and calculating ocular implants. "Hello DIB. There is something I have to tell you that I have been unable to vocalize properly due to some...malfunctions in my base personality." His voice was soft and sweet, undertones with dangerous malice. "You are filth, this is true, but I respect you as an adversary. However, if you continue to fratch(6) me, you and your whole race, starting with your familial-units, will be annihilated in the most horrific of ways; DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"
Dib was horrified, this was a Zim he had only seen once, a long time ago when he had put on Zim's PAK. Back then it had been just a whisper coming from the deepest parts of the PAK, hissing about the atrocities of human nature and cursing Dib for tainting Zim's PAK with human filth. Now it was Zim and it was scary, so much that Dib was paralyzed with fear. When his PAK finally cleared away that emotion, Dib cleared his throat, "U-understood..."
"Then you will gather information for me, won't you Dibblet?" Zim hissed, "Won't you?" it was all Dib could do just to nod. "Good...Computer! Release the Dib."
[FOR THE FINAL TIME, THIS IS NOT THE DIB! IT IS AN IRKEN!]
Zim whipped around to face the speaker, "Irk help me you useless piece of technology, DO NOT FRATCH ME! This is the Dib, regardless of species, if I say it is! So RELEASE THE DIB NOW!"
The computer silently complied and Zim grinned, baring his teeth. Then his eyes glazed over and the mechanical voice issued from his mouth again, COOLDOWN AND REPAIRS COMPLETE! REENITIALIZATION OF BASE PERSONALITY! Zim blinked and stared at Dib, a slight look of confusion flitting across his face at the fact that he was released from the computer's hold. "Computer! When did Zim give you the permission to release the Dib?"
[ONLY A MOMENT AGO, MASTER]
ZIM was surprised by both the computer's compliance, and the answer he was given. "Really?"
"Yes," Dib interjected, "And I've decided to help you. Gather information, that is."
"Buwah?" Zim made an interesting noise of confusion, then smirked. "Ha! Zim wins! Now bow before the might of Zim; me!"
One of Dib's antennae flicked up while the other remained level, "Not happening. Now tell me how to work this hologram projector!"
Zim scoffed, mad that Dib wouldn't acknowledge his greatness and slightly put off by the fact that he couldn't remember what happened earlier, "The instructions should be in your PAK. just do a data-search for 'tools' and look for the phrase 'disguise projector'; it should be rather easy to find."
Dib facepalmed, "Of course it would be in my PAK, it's not like they're the chirfugging second brain that comes with an instruction manual." He closed his eyes and concentrated slightly.
Surfing through his PAK was a lot like surfing through the web; he had tons of applications (most of them blocked) and information as well as a sort of Internet application. Dib finally found the memory banks and searched until he found the hologram projector instructions. When he finished reading them, he mentally commanded the PAK to produce a holographic disguise that looked like him when he was human. There was a slight fizzing noise and then he was cloaked in a hologram of his own human skin. "This is neat!" Dib grinned and moved his hands back and forth, watching the projection flex as he did, "How come you don't use one of these?"
Zim stuck his nose (had he a nose) in the air and sniffed, "Zim is far too amazing to cover up with a hologram. Then no one would see his Zimness. Now begone puny Dib-thing! Zim has to leave for Skool and does not wish to be seen with you, his mortal enemy!" Zim made a 'shoo' motion with his hand and turned away, stepping into the toilet in the kitchen. Then, with a flushing sound, Zim was gone.
Dib sighed and turned away, not particularly happy with the situation, but too scared of the other Zim to do anything about it. Just as he was about to leave, GIR glomped him and squealed.
OHAI MARY! HOWRE U? DIDJA JUST GET HERE? I DIDNT CU COME IN! U LEAVIN ALREADY? SADFACE! DONT GO MARY, DON'T GOOOO!
Dib managed to pry the SIR off his head and sighed, "Go 'way GIR, I'm not in the mood..."
OK! IMMA MUNKEY! WOOOOOOOOO! GIR ran off and jumped into the trashcan, zipping down to where Zim was. Then Dib left, ready to deal with his sister.
[[ITSA WELOARUSETSU F'TR'EETTSSUU JEXUMASE'TOR ARU MEOKEM'ETSUNAKETOR-MEARUYAZB'ETSU ITSA C'ARUNAKE GOSUE'TOR MEOKER'ETSU F'TR'EETTSSU HALKETSU F'TREARUTORCALTORHALKET'SETSU M'ETSU-MEARUB'ETSU ITSA C'ARUNAKE F'TITSAN'ARULLIIEERR B'ETSU TO'RENUMAETSU ITSANAKEVEKREARUD'ETSUREN-]](7)
Translation Notes:
(1) F'tits'arulliieerryaz meyaz toritsam'etsu h'arusetsu calthokem'etsu/ Phonetic Irken: Finally my time has come!
(2) PAK ID#26913-20189-12114-19520205: If you look for the letters that go to the numbers it spells ZIM-TRI-LAN-SETTE, the people who built (or came up with the blueprints for) Dib's PAK. Tri lan Sette is prisoner 777's Vortian name.
(3) T'halkit'setsu lieraruse'tor nakeitsagosuhalktor okef't pr'etsuarucalthetsuf'tumelier setsuli'eettssuupreth DIB wel'okeumederu h'aruvekr'etsu- Phonetic Irken: This [would be the] last night of peaceful sleep DIB would have.
(4) PAK ID#2228008222: Zim's PAK ID number spells out ?BOOB? which is a bit of an allusion to the fact that Zim's PAK is Defective and he's a bit of a boob.
(5) chrifugging: a word I like; taken from the stories "Fly by Night" and "Fly Trap". Like "f_" but it's a euphemism.
(6) fratch: this one I took from Karen Miller's "Kingmaker, Kingbreaker" and "Fisherman's Children" sets of books. It means to make extremely angry, or (in the case of being fratched) being extremely angry. Synonymous with "p_(ed) off".
(7) ITSA WELOARUSETSU F'TR'EETTSSUU JEXUMASE'TOR ARU MEOKEM'ETSUNAKETOR-MEARUYAZB'ETSU ITSA C'ARUNAKE GOSUE'TOR MEOKER'ETSU F'TR'EETTSSU HALKETSU F'TREARUTORCALTORHALKET'SETSU M'ETSU-MEARUB'ETSU ITSA C'ARUNAKE F'TITSAN'ARULLIIEERR B'ETSU TO'RENUMAETSU ITSANAKEVEKREARUD'ETSUREN- Phonetic Irken: I WAS FREE [FOR] JUST A MOMENT...MAYBE I CAN GET MORE FREE [IF] HE FRATCHES ME...MAYBE I CAN FINALLY BE [A] TRUE INVADER...