Everyone and anything familiar belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine. I felt Steph could use a little Miami time with Ranger, so I added another chapter. Warnings for some mild bedroom fun.
"I was kidding, and you probably were too, but maybe we were onto something," I told Ranger, though he may not have heard me since I had my head stuck halfway out of his Miami Porsche's window trying to soak up as much sun and beach air as I could.
"I wasn't kidding, Babe. If you want to stay here and kiss Trenton goodbye, I can make the arrangements. Julie may be able to come up with a few reasons why I shouldn't move to Miami, but I can't find fault with living in the same city as my daughter."
"It's been hard for you, hasn't it? Having so much distance between the two of you?"
"It was necessary for a time."
"But not anymore," I said, reaching over to squeeze his leg.
His hand slid over mine to prolong the contact. "No, not anymore."
"Can I ask you something? It's a little personal, so I'll understand if you don't want to answer."
He allowed a streetlight to turn red just so he could aim a wolf grin at me. "I'd say we've already gone a few steps beyond personal."
I ordered the flush I felt rush into my face to get the heck out. "I'm talking naked emotion type of personal, not the naked bodies kind."
"Too bad. One is definitely more fun and leads to better memories," he said, mentally flicking the light back to green so he could continue to drive.
"Are you trying to flirt me away from my question?"
"No. I know there's no sidetracking you if there's something you need to know. Go ahead."
"I didn't know you were a father until we became actual friends. But the moment you admitted that you have Julie and that she lives with Rachel here, I could feel how much she meant to you even without you saying more than that. You let Ron adopt her, yet you obviously love Julie, are really proud of her, and would be happy to move closer to her. I guess my question is ... how?"
"How can I love my daughter?"
"When you put it like that, it sounds bad ..."
"But you're trying to figure out how I can love a child I had limited contact with for most of her life, while you grew up with your mother only feet away from you and still don't feel like she loves or understands you?"
"That sounds bad too. But yeah."
"I want you to think about it this way. Your mother's issues with you are solely about her insecurities. You're perfect just the way you are, more than perfect. Not being able to see that exposes her flaws ... not yours. Julie and I may not always see eye-to-eye, but that doesn't alter the fact that I'm her father and it's my job to love and protect her, so she'll grow up and be able to do that for herself. That you still try to punish yourself for not meeting your mother's expectations proves your parents fucked-up their job as the first line of defense between you and the world."
"DO NOT ask me to marry you right now, because I'd say yes just because you said that."
"I'll file that one away for a more ... spontaneous ... time."
Again, I don't know if he's joking to make me feel better or if he's dead serious about revisiting the idea of marrying me someday.
Not knowing how long I had left in the car before we reached Rangeman Miami, I refocused my attention back on the scenery and amused myself by counting palm trees, which is something I'll never do in Trenton. It was only a matter of minutes, and seventeen palm trees, before we went from ocean views to business buildings, but it was enough for me.
Ranger parked in the garage and got my door for me before getting our 'overnight' bags out of the trunk of the Turbo that'd been waiting for him when we landed. This building looks similar to the one in Jersey except the bricks have been switched out for sand-colored stucco.
"Are the Miami guys like the Trenton Merry Men?" I asked, feeling weird about walking into a place Ranger owns and not knowing anyone or where anything is.
"Yes, but they are a bit more relaxed than what you'd expect Tank to be."
I glanced over at him. "Tank can relax?"
"No. That's my point."
He introduced me to Shep, who was manning the front desk and then he escorted me into the elevator. I'm pretty sure in about ten minutes, every guy affiliated with this branch of Rangeman will know who I am and who they'll be required to watch out for. Ranger fobbed the penthouse door open for me and put our things in what I assumed is the bedroom until I followed him and saw that he clearly expects us to be sharing the master bedroom. That thought caused goosebumps to form over my entire body because I guess it's now my room too.
He saw the expression on my face and pressed a quick kiss to my head before calling Julie. I didn't want to intrude on their time or their conversation, so I wandered back out to the living room to look out the window. I can see Biscayne Bay from here, which had the last of my bad mood lifting. Nothing bothered me here. My mother, Vinnie, the void my Dad's created in my life, and Val's confusion when I try to explain my feelings when it comes to our parents, have been killed by direct exposure to Miami sunlight.
"I'm here early, and I brought Stephanie with me like you suggested," I heard in the background of my own thoughts. "We'll see you at four."
I was brought further into the present moment when Ranger's arms came around me and pulled me back into the heat and safety of his big body. "I can hear your gears grinding, Babe. What are you thinking now?" He asked as soon as he said goodbye to Julie and apparently disconnected without me noting the end of their call.
"You know when you're depressed or get hit with a crippling wave of anxiety?"
"I don't get anxious."
I rolled my eyes. "Of course, you don't."
"I see what needs to be done and just do it. Why waste time worrying? It doesn't accomplish anything."
I rested my hands on the muscles of his forearms. "So, you weren't at all worried that I'd say no to coming here with you?"
The look he gave me when I tilted my face up to see his, had my blood warming faster than the Florida heat. "I was ready to actively persuade you to join me if you tried to turn me down."
I have a feeling his lips would've played a big part in his attempt to persuade me. And now I'm sorry I didn't put up more of a fight. Verbally flipping my mother off felt good, but nothing feels better than Ranger when his magic turns sexy.
"Humor me here," I told him to distract myself from remembering our last time 'bedtime' together.
"Go on."
"What I was trying to explain, is when depression's got you by the throat there's that voice in your head telling you that you suck, nothing you do matters, and everybody hates you. Tack on the anxiety screaming that you can't do anything, something awful is gonna happen if you try, and you're going to get yourself and everybody else killed by doing something stupid again ..."
"Is there a point to this aside from making me angry? Nothing you said is correct when applied to you."
"I know. Well, now I know my inner voice is a lying little jerk. But what I was getting at is I just realized that's what my mother is ... the walking, talking, human version of all of those negative thought bubbles that drown out everything else when I'm stuck in a low point. I put up with it for so long because on some level or at certain times, I believed her."
"But you know the truth now," he stated.
"I'm here, so I don't think I see myself the same way I did even a few hours ago. It just struck me how I'd probably be put on medication if I went to a psychiatrist and spilled just how critical I am of myself. Meanwhile, the woman who should love me more than anybody else says even worse things about me and calls it love."
"Love isn't supposed to hurt, Steph. It may get complicated at times, but you shouldn't feel miserable more than you do happy around a person you supposedly love."
"Does that mean I make you happy?"
"You frustrate me, make me angry like no one else has the power to, and happier in a way I've never felt before. I enjoy the finer things in life now that I can afford them, but I'd make your shithole apartment my home base if that was the only way I'd be able to have you."
He didn't even have to say he loves me again. Anyone who would choose my apartment just to be with me shows a devotion that borders on insane. Before I knew I was moving, I turned around, got my arms around his neck, and lifted my face up to meet his kiss. He knows the effect he has on me and likely anticipated my attack. Though the way he took over the kiss as soon as my lips touched his had me thinking he wasn't feeling at all threatened ... only wanted.
His hands cupped my face, then slid down my back, and settled on my ass when I tried to get closer to him than I already was. He lifted me up and my legs immediately locked around his waist. Thankfully, I know the basic layout of this penthouse, so I knew I didn't have long to wait before he walked us into the bedroom. When I felt the mattress under me, I thought it was safe to release my hold on him. But he didn't follow me down onto his bed like I was expecting him to.
"Are you sure?" He asked, not moving anything except his mouth to say those three words.
He's done so much for me ... personally, professionally, and emotionally, he deserves an answer that I didn't spend three days editing through a 'I'm fucking scared' filter.
"I think I've been sure about this for weeks now, that's why I didn't hesitate in leaving Trenton with you." I leaned up on my elbows so I'd get a better view of his face and its reaction to what I'm about to say. "But more than that, I'm ready for a complete overhaul of my life. This city, and getting to be with you like this in it, is what I want to wake up to everyday. I understand if you need more time ..."
That was as far as I got before Batman pulled a superhero move and went from standing beside the bed to pressing my back into it with his body. His mouth was back on mine, and his lips and tongue were effective in not letting me think about anything except him. He drew back only to ditch his T-shirt and peel my shirt off my body. Bras are uncomfortable on a good day, when mine's acting as a barrier between my skin and his, it has to go. Good thing Ranger agreed, and that and the rest of my clothes were quickly discarded.
He was still half-dressed when he rejoined me on the bed. "Uh-uh. You're wearing too much," I complained.
"Babe, if I get naked right now, I'm not going to be able to draw this moment out as long as I plan to."
I can find at least three things wrong with his 'plan'. "We have until four," I pointed out, skimming my fingertips along his face, down to his shoulders and arms, and my hands came back together to slide down his chest and rest on the button of his cargo pants. "We can do things as slow as you want next time. If you act fast, that could be in a couple minutes. That's how much I want you."
Ranger has always done things for my sake while back-burnering his own needs. But for the first time since we've known each other, we're working to meet the same goal.
"You're serious about staying?" He asked, while letting me unbutton and unzip his pants and start pushing them off his hips.
"I know I haven't always been clear, but I'm going for complete transparency from here on in. I love you, I want you, I even want to live with you ... here, in Jersey, or wherever you need to be."
"I'm going to hold you to that," he warned.
After he ditched his boots, socks, and cargoes, he kissed his way up my body from my ankle to my inner thigh. My belly button got a solid acknowledgement, and he wasn't about to bypass my breasts since they're his first love. He eventually left them and my nipples to run his tongue over the pulse in my neck to see how fast he got my heart pumping.
"I know where I need to be right now," he whispered against my mouth, getting back to what I was saying before we both got distracted. He made a space for his body between my thighs and found out for himself just how ready I've been for him.
My legs got him in a stranglehold, and I let all the feelings he created wash over me while cementing my place in his bed, in his head, and here in his Sunshine State building.