Alright everyone, here's the next chapter! Most of the reviews I got pretty much said wtf xD I know, it's confusing, as I said, they like to do everything on their own. Also, it came to my awareness that for some reason I've been putting Thy'la and it's actually T'hy'la. So, my bad, sorry y'all!
Thank you to sargent-titan, fire dragonheart, Lawlady562 and GuardianAthens for your reviews!
This chapter is being dedicated to Lawlady562 (for calling Spock a pissy, jealous quitter, you made my day xD) and to GuardianAthens (I know, the feels hurt, I cried while writing it, but thank you so much, you are the most awesome person in the world). You both made me feel great about writing it, I'm glad you like it 3
The song for this chapter is Die of a Broken Heart by Carolyn Dawn Johnson
... Seriously? Again? I don't own em!
Chapter Fourteen – Die of a broken heart
I downed another gulp of whiskey and stared at the wall of my room. I had no shirt on, my body somehow still toned and slightly more golden than usual. I was back in the farm house, had been for several months. I lost count, but I think we were in the three month range. Either way, I flew back the moment Bones left, and I've been drunk ever since I got here. No one had come to visit, I never gave them an address to find me at. I didn't even bother to replace my comm yet, no need to. Just endless hours of drinking and sleeping.
"You're going to make yourself ill." Khan said beside me. I glared at him and rolled my eyes, flipping him the bird. Why couldn't he just die? He was so annoying.
"Why the fuck do you care, this is all your fucking fault. First with that stupid dream, then kissing me." I slurred, taking another gulp.
"I know." He whispered, I must be really in the bottle, I could have sworn he sounded like he gave a rat's ass!
"Go the hell away." I grumbled.
"Captain, I have come to realize now that you are broken that I do not want that." He said quietly. I snorted, looking over at him. He was staring at the floor, fiddling with a loose strand on the carpet. He had a thoughtful look on his face, like he was contemplating the life of that tiny loos strand. I wonder if there were Whos on it...
"What, realizing that I'm not all that entertaining when I'm broken and destroyed?" I snorted, trying not to laugh at the image of Khan talking to a little Who on that carpet strand. Another shot down the hatch, a faint shutting of a door.
"No, I realized…. That for some reason, you being broken… hurts me…" He whispered.
"Bullshit." He looked up for a moment and then he was gone. I shook my head, starting to chug down more than a shot. Soon I'd need to get a new bottle, dammit... I didn't want to move.
Suddenly the bottle was gone and I yelled in protest. I paled when I looked up, I possibly even sobered slightly.
"Hey Mom." I whispered, scratching the back of my head. I would always be a screw up to her. A constant reminder of my dead father.
"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly, setting the bottle down on the end table. I gulped, watching as she slid down the wall and in to the spot where Khan was sitting only a moment before.
"I had nowhere else to go." I whispered, looking down.
"Starfleet gives apartments to officers, and certainly captains." She said. Wow, don't sound like you want me here or nothing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
"I'm going to quit Starfleet, I just haven't done the paper work yet. Too painful." I choked back a sob. She didn't need to see me like this.
"James, tell me what happened." She whispered. I looked up in to her eyes and broke all over again. I collapsed on her as though I were ten years old and had just come home from being tossed around by other kids yelling how my father was dead. I cried, clinging to her as she whispered that it was going to be okay.
"No, it won't be. He was the only person I ever loved, and now he's gone." I wailed, clinging to her with all my strength. Her grip around me tightened and she kissed the top of my head.
"Tell me everything." She whispered. And I did, I told her everything. About how I realized I loved him. How he cried when I died, which made her stiffen slightly. I told her about Kahn, though I left out the murders. I poured my heart out to her, crying the entire time.
"It sounds like he loves you just as much." She whispered. "He did what your father did, he sacrificed himself to try and make your life better."
"How, mom? That is really not what it sounded like to me." I sniffled. She grabbed my chin, making me look up at her. She had wet streaks down her cheeks and she rested her forehead against mine, like she used to when I was just a little boy.
"It sounds like Khan was making you suffer because you were with Spock. What Spock didn't realize was that leaving you only made everything so much worse. Does that sound logical?" she asked. A sob wrenched its way out of my chest at the word, but I nodded. She helped me up, practically dragging me over to the bed and tucking me in. She kissed my forehead, telling me to rest while she made food. She grabbed the bottle of whiskey, closed the curtains and left.
I thought about what she said, how Spock thought that leaving me would give me a better life. I closed my eyes, imagining his face, his lips, and cried myself to sleep for probably the millionth time.
"Jimmy, it's time for supper." Mom whispered, shaking me slightly. "Get dressed and come on down."
I nodded, listening until the door was closed. I sighed, I felt like shit. My face was red and splotchy from crying so much. My head spun and my stomach ached at the sound of food. With another sigh, I grabbed a clean, black shirt from the dresser and slipped it on before heading down the stairs. I was coming around the corner and in to the small dining area/kitchen that we had when I ran in to someone's back.
"Sorry, Mom." I whispered, rubbing my eye and looking down. Then I noticed the shoes, then I noticed my mother looking at me from the table where she was setting stuff down warily.
"James, don't freak out." She said, raising her hands like I was a sputtering cat that needed coaxing. I turned slowly, looking up as the person turned just as slowly around. And then I was off, running out the front door with my mother screaming for me to come back. That brought back memories of living with her.
I had no idea where I was going, just that I needed to get away before my heart imploded. Before I could get hurt somehow even more. I ran and ran and ran until finally I was through the trees behind my house and in the clearing I used to go with Sam to. The water looked completely calm and soothing despite how I truly felt inside. I felt like a squirrel running from a predator. Its heart beating so fast it feels like it's going to explode. I fell to my knees at the edge of the shallow pond, staring at my reflection. My eyes were wide and I was panting heavily, trying not to cry any more than I have. Another reflection appeared behind me and I inhaled sharply, closing my eyes and grimacing.
"Are you here to finish the job?" I whispered. There was an intake of breath behind me. "Because the only thing I think there is left that you could do to me is kill me. Though it already feels like I'm dying."
"I didn't come to cause you pain. I came because your mother asked me to." Spock said quietly.
"And why would you come just because my mother asked you to?" I whispered.
"Because she had a point. What she said seemed only logical." He replied. I laughed at that, not truly feeling it.
"Logic is illogical Spock." I grumbled, rubbing the bridge of my nose.
"What is it you would have me say to you James?" He whispered. I sighed, shaking my head and leaning forward. Alarm sprang through me and my eyes shot open right as I started falling in to the pond, Spock yelled my name and grabbed on to me, only to fall in as well.
The water was ice cold but it felt invigorating, as well as the alarm that rang through me. The alarm wasn't mine, Spock hadn't broken the bond! I broke the surface and gasped in air, finally getting my feet to grip on the bottom as I turned to look at Spock. He was soaked, his eyes completely wide as he shivered slightly.
"You fucking idiot, your temperature! Why the hell did you grab on to me, you're going to freeze!" I yelled, ignoring the protests of my heart aching when I grabbed on to him. He looked so pitiful, his lip quivering as I dragged him out of the water and on to the shore. He curled up in to a ball almost instantly but I stayed hooked on his arm, trying to pull him up.
"I – I – I – I'll b – be fine." He managed to say. I rolled my eyes and dragged him to his feet, not even looking at him as I threw his arm around my shoulders and started toward the house. It felt like I had run for hours when it had been only a short jog from the house.
"Don't be a hero." I grumbled.
"Y – y – you're one t – t – to talk." He said, chuckling slightly.
"I'll drop you right here." I threatened, trying not to smile.
"N – n – no you won't."
"Fucking pointy eared hobgoblin." I whispered, dragging him in to the house.
"Did you find him?" Mom called out, coming around the corner. She took one look at us and disappeared as I took off my shoes, reappearing moments later with towels. I hooked my arm around him while putting a towel over his head.
"Screw it, I'm putting you in a hot bath." I grumbled.
"Is he okay?" Mom asked, looking between us, unsure who to focus on.
"He's Vulcan Mom, and that pond was extremely cold." I muttered. "I'll be right back and then we need to have a talk."
"James-." I silenced her with a look and dragged the silent Spock up the stairs. If it weren't for the shivering, I would have thought he was unconscious. I set him down gently on the floor before turning on the water, feeling it to make sure it wasn't scalding before putting the plug in and turning around to get him out of his wet clothing.
"You don't have to." He whispered, his eyes half shut.
"You've done this too many times for me, now shut up and let me help you." I grumbled, rolling his shirt up so I could get it off easier.
"Jim." He whispered. I looked in to those eyes for a mere second before I turned away and threw the shirt in to the corner. I clenched my jaw, focusing on the wall as I undid his pants.
"You didn't break the bond, I felt you when we were falling in the pond, why?" I asked quietly. I tugged his pants off as gently as I could while also trying not to look. I knew he wasn't wearing underwear. When he was silent for a while, I reluctantly met his eyes, which were just staring at me.
"Couldn't bring myself to hurt you even more." He said quietly, closing his eyes and grimacing. I sighed, grabbing on to him and lifting him up.
"Come on, stay awake." I muttered, turning off the water and attempting to put him in the tub. His hands gripped on to my sleeves though, his cheek pressed tightly against my shoulder.
"You have to work with me here, Spock, I need to get you in the water or you're going to get really sick." I whispered, sighing.
"Get in with me?" He muttered, so quietly I almost didn't hear him. I froze, stiffening completely.
"You broke up with me." I said calmly, though I felt anything but calm. I wanted to be saying yes. Hell yes. But the rational part of my brain told me that if I were to hold him naked, it would only hurt even more when he left again.
"I was so very stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing." He was getting quieter and I started to panic a little.
"Spock, please! Get in the damn tub!" I almost yelled. He flinched, but slowly let me go and let me slip him in the warm water. He hissed slightly, then his face flattened to a look of content before one of his eyes opened. He suddenly smirked before his hand lifted and completely soaked my face in water. I sputtered, grabbing my towel and backing out of his reach. I felt his laughter inside my mind and something inside me snapped. The laughter went completely quiet and it took me a moment to realize that I was crying in to the towel.
"Come here, T'hy'la?" Spock said.
"No Spock, no! I can't keep doing this we're together, we're not together bullshit. It's killing me." I groaned through my tears. "I know that most of the time it's my fault that we break up, but really, I just can't." I finally stopped and wiped my face before looking over at him. He was staring at me, tears silently running down his face. I was struck so suddenly with the memory of his face outside the glass, crying as my hand slowly fell from his, that we both had identical expressions of pain. Him from seeing me dying, me from seeing me causing him pain and sadness.
Spock suddenly leaned out of the tub, grabbing hold of me and pulling me over. I had no more fight left in me so I just let him pull me in to his arms. It would kill me when he left again, but I guess for another moment it was nice just to be in his arms.
"T'hy'la… If you would have me..." He whispered, drawing my face to his. "I promise I will never leave you again."
I swear, he just love the whole leaving you, loving you bullshit. Okay, first two times were Kirk's fault. Last night, funny but random story here. Me and my boyfriend were talking and he said something and then said it was only logical and I was gaping and then he added "and stuff like that" and I'm like, "You ruined it! You sounded like Spock!". To which I explained that by him losing his train of thought he was nothing like Spock... then I thought about it and I would like fan opinions! Do you think that Spock would lose all his careful logic if Kirk started stripping in front of him? Let me know!