Title: The DiNozzo Diaries 3: L.A. Confidential
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance; humor; angst
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: From final two eps. of Season 6
Summary: Sequel to "The DiNozzo Diaries 1 & 2." Special Agent Tony DiNozzo's most private thoughts and desires revealed, chapter by chapter. TIVA. Warning: Intense sexual content in some chapters. No slash.

-------------------- The DiNozzo Diaries 3: L.A. Confidential ---------------------

Nothing like getting a three a.m. wake-up call from Abs to cure a hangover. Or make it worse. Got the latest breaking news from the ole home office back in D.C. and it sounds like all hell's breaking loose there.

Lemme break it down:

-- The Boss went ballistic after Vance OKed my month-long - *ahem* - "medical leave" so he demanded a straight swap. Naturally, the L.A. bunch got the call at the trade deadline. This time it's Callen who's moved from the Playpen to the Bullpen. Welcome to the MAJORS, rookie! Ha HAH! We don't play that West Coast offense in GibbsTown!

-- Callen's been taking my GHM back issues to where he's staying (with Gibbs... GIBBS!) and God only knows what's happening to my girls down in that basement where the boats are birthed and the bourbon flows free. Hang in there, my lovelies. Sugar Lips is coming home. In a month.

-- Oh wait... took notes when Abby started talking REALLY fast about Gibbs losing it for the SECOND time in the Director's office. Heh... wish I'd been there to see that. Or hear it. Nobody ever really gets to see Vance's office much. Which is good. He's scary. Anyway, she said... ah! here we go: "Gibbs screamed something... super... oh... super-DUPER big-time loud and the walls shook." Hang on... can't read my writing... Well, it WAS three a.m. Shouldn't have had that second bottle of wine. Or I should've at least shared it with someone. Hmmm... OK, OK... "He told Vance to get ... helping a feel ... helping a FEEL? ... no ... that's not it ... ohhh... OHHHH! ... heh ... HELP IN THE FIELD ... because we are all working our I can't say the word because the nuns would kick me out of bowling league-blanking blankety-blanks off since Tony is playing grabass in the desert again." Ehhhh... Thanks. Thanks for that, Boss. You too, Abs.

-- Probie is thrilled because that chick from L.A. is coming with Callen to temporarily take Ziva's place. What the hell is her name? Kandy? McKenzie? Kudzu? Something weird that no man trying to send flowers after that special first night should ever have to try remembering. Or spelling. That's just Fatal Error territory right there -- OHHHHH YEAAAHHH! Note to self: Ask McSpellCheck if she's at least hot. Or as hot as the ICE Princess was. Shee-YEAH, we all know how THAT one worked out for Probie-Wan. As in, it DIDN'T. Heh heh heh...

-- Abby? Is not thrilled.

Damn. I'm gonna miss this catfight. McHorny better YouTube this. Plus make personal copies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

YAWWWWNNNNNN... *smack* ... *smack* ... Yeah, I needed that nap. To sleep off oversleeping this morning after that crazy call from Abs. Now to find Sweet Cheeks for a little afternooner... Heh...

Hold it -- getting a text. That's probably Ziva now. She can't get enough of me.

"It's... KENSI ... you ... jack... ass... Screwwww... yoooouuu..."

Definitely not Ziva. She signs off with little ninja smileys. Hmmm...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meeting with Big D in three. Time to sober up. Maybe I'll just try acting that way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mossad's mission is a simple one, Tony. We identify enemies of Israel, we track enemies of Israel and we ... handle ... enemies of Israel."

"Sure sounds simple enough. Did you leave out the part where you KILL enemies of Israel?"

"As I say... our enemies are handled. However we must finish the job."

"So, Eli -- who's Ziva trying to ... 'handle' right now? And you need me for...?"

"Information. We have fine intelligence on Kort and Hadar -- both of whom we have been watching for months now."

"You KNEW Kort and Hadar were dirty?"

"Tony... One does not remain in my business for so many decades without picking up a few tricks and treats in the trade."

"I think you mean... uhhh... never mind. Well, thing is, I can't help you with either YOUR traitor, Hadar, or OUR traitor, Kort. Not that I wouldn't love to do anything to put Where's Baldo six feet UNDER the lockup. But I got nothing on him. Or whatever he and Hadar had going on."

"That is not the information I seek. You do have... intimate knowledge of Jeanne Benoit, however."

"Yeah. Thanks for the reminder."

"And she remains a key Mossad foe."

"To be handled."

"Naturally."

"Then I'm your guy."